Facilis Descensus Averno
by ThusSpokeRaven
Summary: What if 'Game Change' was the beginning of a war between Alex and Nikita? Can Amanda hold on to Alex? This is an on-going AU fiction. It is Alexandra Udinov centric, but includes OC, Nikita, Micheal, Sean, Birkhoff, Sonia and Amanda. (Mentions of other characters from the series as well.) Although it is not exclusively Fem Slash, I consider this story primarily in that category.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ****I've had this story formulating in my mind since season one. The idea came with episode 1X15 Alexandra and 1X16 Echoes. This fic was not beta'd. This is my very first fiction, so please be gentle. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

The rain poured against the tinted windows of the SUV. The brunette leaned forward sighing as she checked her watch. Alexandra had been waiting for over an hour for him to show. He was late and she was growing irritated. She slammed the door, walking briskly toward the club entrance.

"Jackson better be inside," Alex fumed, swinging open the door.

The throngs packed the small dingy club. The assassin surveyed her surroundings before she shoved her hands into her jacket pockets and walked into the swarm. The music thumped in her ears as she elbowed her way through the dance floor and past the bar. He didn't do business inside the club, but she was tired of waiting. She had leads to follow and calls to return.

As Alex entered the hall she thought of all of the times she went chasing a bag. Her entire life revolved around the ritual. Like Vlad, It owned her for years even after she escaped him. But, Alexandra was different now. She could control the cravings.

Alex stepped into the dimly lit room from the hallway. It was after midnight and Jackson's office was empty. The familiarity of the scene reminded her of the past. She had been here before. This wasn't full circle though, and this sure as hell wasn't rock bottom 2.0. Alex wasn't certain just how she got back to buying junk like this, but she was sure that she needed a better connection for future ease. After all, she was Alexandra Udinov not some scared little junkie anymore. She could taste the forbidden pleasures, but she didn't need to walk in places like this to have them. Money was no longer an issue; the only issue was Division and Nikita. She was sure that no one would understand that she needed this right now. No one would understand that she had full control over the needle. That she knew when to stop herself from going over the edge and back into full blown addiction.

"Don't you knock," The short greasy haired man glared up at her from the entry way as he walked into the room.

''If you didn't want me to come to your office you should have been on time."

"Take it easy baby. I got what you need."

Alex tossed the hundred on the desk and snatched the baggie from Jackson's stubby little fingers.

"Don't call me baby," She glared, turning for the door.

Alexandra had been at the mercy of her dealers' before. She wouldn't be again.

"You're welcome, bitch."

"What did you call me," she gritted, stopping dead in her tracks.

The assassin's Glock slid under the drug dealer's chin before he could reply. She glared at him as the gun inched toward his lips.

"What did you call me, asshole?"

The day to day torture of Ronnie and his friends played in her head. Alex thought back on every time he hit her and used her just because he could. The feeling of powerlessness she felt and the complete lack of control that was forced upon her for years created in Alex the need to always keep the upper hand.

"I could make you disappear."

"I-I'm sorry. Take it easy, girl."

"You have no idea who I am," Alex smirked, shoving the gun passed his lips and into his mouth. Her mind slipped between her past and present. Alex felt a venomous rage rising, and the black out that always accompanies the flashbacks.

"Do you wanna gag on this, fucker?"

Time stood still as she glared into him considering her options. She could blow his brains all over the walls of his grungy little office and send for Roan to clean him. Alex reminded herself that she was the one in control. She had the power and he was just the worthless fat fuck with her Glock in his mouth. Alex took in a deep breath and exhaled. She tried to center herself, but the rage inside only grew. He was every man that ever hurt her in an instant. Everything Nikita taught her about balance and righting wrongs was suddenly a million miles away from her as she thumbed the hammer back.

"P-please, don't," he begged, gagging on the barrel of her Division issued weapon.

Seconds passed as Alex stood staring through him. The past and the present blurred into a nightmare unfolding inside the young agent. Jackson trembled as the assassin violently pushed the barrel as far into his mouth as she could. Alex recalled the nights Nikita held her when she woke up screaming. She remembered the flashbacks that Nikita taught her how to center and pull back away from when the panic struck. Alex sighed; tears pooling in her haunted blue eyes. She forced herself back into the present moment.

"You watch your fucking mouth little man," she whispered, inches from his face.

She took a deep ragged breath; pulled the weapon from his mouth, and pushed the hammer forward with her thumb.

"You're fucking crazy - ya know that," he muttered.

_They never know when to shut up_. The butt of the gun connected with his jaw before he could speak another word.

"Maybe next time you'll learn some manners," she scolded, snapping a kick to his face.

* * *

**The** blacked out SUV made it easy to get high without anyone noticing.

"I'm free to do whatever I want... whenever I want and to hell with Nikita," Alex mumbled, staring at the syringe.

Alexandra couldn't lie to herself. She missed the ritual of getting high. The spoon, the flame, even the smell became her life. The anticipation of bliss was almost as good as the act itself. Almost.

_I just need a little bit and I'll be ready to finish this mission. _

Alex rationalized her addictive nature with the pain still lingering in her thigh where Nikita had shot her. The real pain of her fall out with Nikita was not something she was ready to face. Nikita had killed her father and kept it from her. She had to pay for it all.

"Amanda was right about everything." Alex whispered to herself, loosening the belt from her arm.

"I don't need Nikita. I don't need anyone," she frowned.

The brunette slipped back into the seat, a stray tear falling down her cheek betraying her cool exterior. She felt the bliss that only came with the sting of the needle. She didn't care about the consequences. She knew the expectations that Amanda held. She knew that she had to find Nikita and the black box in order to get the resources she needed to take her revenge. But for the moment, an escape from the pain is what Alex desired most.

"Love is a weakness," Alex slurred, beginning to nod. "Nikita," she muttered, her voice distorting around the word.

"Nikita... is my weakness."

The rush caught her like a tidal wave pulling her under. All of her chaotic thoughts, like her misery, evaporated with the chemical relief rushing through her veins. Alex began to float away into a quiet blissful place inside her mind. Somewhere between reality and wonderland, the tension melted away. She looked up as she heard the passenger door close shut.

"Amanda?"

"Alex, relapse is not an option."

"It was j-just this one time," she stuttered, pushing herself up on her elbows.

"That is not acceptable for you." Amanda's stern gaze threatened her happy drug induced fantasy. The older woman's cold and calculating eyes didn't match her monotone voice.

"Why do you care?"

"Alexandra Udinov is not a junkie. She is the potential I showed you."

"Funny, Alexandra Udinov has always felt like someone else...like a cover."

"Oh, but she is you, Alex. We have so much work to do...after tonight you will become your full potential."

* * *

**Nikita** sat on the white sandy beach listening to the motion of the tide. The waves that normally lulled her failed miserably. She ran her fingers through her wind blown hair. The battle in her mind for once didn't involve Percy and Division. It was all about Alex and their last encounter. She replayed the events behind the club over and over in her mind ad nauseum.

Although Nikita had regretted shooting Alex that fateful night; she knew that she had to do something to slow the girl down and get her to think about her actions. But, Alex just couldn't see that her lover was trying to help her. That first and foremost, she needed to be her mentor. She could only see that Nikita had killed her father, kept that truth hidden and ultimately betrayed her. The thought left Nikita brushing at tear stained eyes.

_I'm sorry, Alex._

Nikita realized that Alex had given her every ounce of trust and control. But, like everyone else in Nikita's life; she kept the Russian girl at a comfortable distance. _I should have trusted you completely._

"I was too hard on her, Micheal. Now she is out there alone."

"Did you forget that she is working with Division now?"

"If only I had told her the truth about her father. Now Amanda has her claws in so deep -"

"Alex is smarter than that, Nikita," Micheal interrupted.

"I wasn't," Nikita paused, gazing up at him. "Amanda knows how to get under your skin and live there. She will use all of this to get to her. I should have told her everything... I should have -"

"Second guessing yourself now won't help matters. Nikita, its not your fault. You are not responsible for-"

"Micheal, I am responsible for Alex...for as long as I live."

Micheal reached out to Nikita placing his hand on her shoulder. He knew that no matter how much Nikita let him into her heart that Alexandra would always be between them.

"No matter what happens, Nikita. You are not alone in this," Micheal soothed, wrapping her in a tight embrace. "We will get Alex back... no matter what it takes. We never leave our friends behind."


	2. Chapter 2

**Division: One year later.**

* * *

Time slips away so fast, we don't even see it coming. It had been more than four years since Alexandra Udinov met Nikita Mears in Ronnie's drug den. She almost couldn't believe how the time had chased away her doubts and hardened her heart into a woman she barely recognized in the mirror. Amanda would say this was simply realizing your potential; and the past twelve months had made Alex a true believer.

Alexandra's revenge had been slow, and painstakingly brilliant. Nikita had fought her every step of the journey; neither of them escaping entirely unscathed. Percy and Oversight we're all dead or neutralized as a threat. Anton Kochenko and Sergei Semak had met their end at her very own hands. Zetrov was hers for the taking; her father's empire reclaimed. She smirked at the thought of it all.

The war between Alex and Nikita raged onward. Neither conceding defeat in the battle between them. Despite it all, Alex still remembered that it was Nikita's birthday. The brunette pondered if Micheal and Birkhoff had also remembered and made plans for her special day. She thought about what they may be doing to celebrate; remembering the birthday she spent with Nikita in the loft. It was the first night they kissed. It seemed a lifetime ago to her now. She still missed Nikita more than she liked. The brunette's emotions betraying her. Pacing back and forth, Alex scolded herself. How could she let her emotions rule her?

Alexandra looked around at her office. It had been a gift from Amanda to celebrate her new position at Division.

The sophisticated dark cherry desk accentuated the executive motif of her colossal office. She ran her fingers over the leather headrest of the obscenely comfortable chair. The brunette smiled to think of the many plots that had risen from it since her rise at Division. Her office.. Her sanctuary. Womb of decadence where dwelled a roman flax and leather sofa filling the air with subtle aromas of power. It rivaled the office Percy once had at Division. It was the constant reminder of how far the assassin had come, and of the necessary sacrifices that she had made becoming Amanda's business partner and co-equal at Division.

Sliding into her chair she picked up her stylus from her desk checking her messages.

Division was eerily quiet, however, there was always a stack of papers to finish, calls to Russia to be returned, or a recruit to lecture. Her time with Nikita had taught her how to switch hats effortlessly.

"Happy birthday, Nikita," Alex whispered.

* * *

**Birkhoff** shot around the corner. "Nikki, we have a situation. Get your ass in there," he huffed out.

Nikita's brow knit as she rounded the corner. Michael was standing there with Ryan. He blew a noisemaker. "Surprise," he offered chuckling.

Birkhoff came up behind her. "Cake cake cake cake."

"Presents?" Michael responded with a smile.

"Unknown items in small wrapped up boxes. Yeah, that is always the first choice. Get the candles." Birkhoff drew off to the side and got the cake with a smile. Michael planted a few candles and lit them. They looked at one another before beginning a badly off key round of Happy Birthday to You.

Nikita laughed heartily before closing her eyes. She thought about all she had and there was just one wish as she blew out the candles. '_I wish Alex were here. I miss her._' threaded through her mind as she exhaled mightily on the little flames with a smile.

Laughter filled the safe house. Birkhoff popped the cork on the champagne and filled the crystal flutes.

"Happy birthday, Nikki," Birkhoff smiled brightly. The clinking sound of the glasses and simultaneous birthday wishes from her friends elicited another smile from the assassin.

"What did you wish for when you blew them out," Ryan asked.

"Now Ryan, if I told you that it wouldn't come true," she smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

Alexandra unlocked the door and quietly slipped inside. She was determined to give the new recruit the scare of her young life. The brunette stood over the small bed thinking about her first night inside Division.

"Good evening, Rachel," Alex shouted, kicking the side of the metal bed.

Startled, the new recruit fell forward and onto the concrete floor. Her long tousled black hair covering her eyes.

"What the hell," she grimaced, looking up at Alex.

"Where am I? How did I get here?" Rachel squinted her crystal blue eyes; her head spinning like a merry-go-round.

"That's a very good question, Rachel. How did you get here," Alex asked sardonically.

"I will tell you where you're not. You're not in prison."

"I ...don't understand." Struggling to her feet, Rachel bolted toward the door.

"You may want to sit back down. It takes a while for the drugs to work their way out of your system," Alex chuckled, shoving the recruit back onto the bed.

"Don't touch me," Rachel raged, swinging wildly.

"Oh, you wanna play?"

Alex laughed at the dark haired girl; blocking her fist, and bringing her to her knees in seconds.

"Rachel Thorne is dead," Alex paused allowing the announcement to burn into the young woman's mind. "Officially, Your death was ruled a suicide. You were cremated and your ashes were stored at Wood-lawn cemetery until your funeral. Would you like to see the pictures?" Rachel froze. Her horrified eyes followed the older woman with suspicion.

"What?" Rachel studied the brunette amazed at how effortlessly she had brought her to her knees. Her head spun at the revelation. She rocked back and forth trying desperately to wrap her mind around the other woman's words.

"Everyone in your life thinks that you are dead. They have held your funeral and spread your ashes. That is if anyone bothered to attend your funeral," she remarked, sitting on the edge of the bed. "My name is Alex. I've been assigned to you."

"Assigned to me?"

"That's right. Every recruit is assigned to someone upon arrival. I work for the Government. We've decided to give you a second chance," Alex continued, thinking back on her own arrival at Division.

"I didn't do anything wrong. Why pick me?"

"Isn't that what we all say, Rachel? Consider yourself lucky. You are a young attractive white female with very little paper trail and few personal ties. Those are a rare commodity...and after looking at your file...I can see why Amanda chose you," Alex frowned, thumbing through the pages of the thick black folder.

"You managed to take Police on a high speed chase across two states... disarm a Sheriff's deputy and kill a law enforcement officer at point blank range without so much as a scratch. Impressive... You also managed to allude capture for more than two months after your little spree," Alex stated, narrowing her eyes.

"There must be some kind of mistake. I didn't do it. I'm innocent!"

Alex locked her gaze on pale blue eyes.

"Cut the innocent act, Rachel. Stop lying... The sooner you realize your life is over...the better things will be for you here. I'm here to offer you a new life, but you need to be willing to earn it, " she glowered, standing to her feet.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to learn."

"Learn...what?"

"I want you to learn how to walk right, how to talk right, and how to stand up straight. Learn how to serve your country, and not just yourself," Alex stated, her voice stiff and formal.

"Welcome to Division."

"Is t-that all," Rachel stuttered, twirling her fingers through her hair.

"For starters..yes...and stop doing...that thing with your hair," Alex ordered. Then she turned and left, closing the door behind her. Rachel heard the steel door bolt; thinking how unnecessary it was because of the guards lingering in the corridor.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex stepped from the canned air of the plane to the old oil and hot aluminum smell of the rolling stairs to the tarmac. "Swell," she muttered looking around. She pasted on a smile and waved at a gentleman holding up a sign with Smith printed in large looping letters.

"I'm Smith."

The gentleman in a light tropical shirt bobbed his head. "I'm from Jones. I have a cab. Is there a bag?"

Alex's lips curled on one side. "There is but its already at the hotel."

"Very good." He turned and led the way to the battered Datsun pick up that appeared to be the national vehicle in the dust ball country she now found herself in.

"Did Mr. Jones tell you anything about my visit?"

The driver shook his head as he tried to keep the truck in the permanent ruts in the over heated road. "Just that I was to see you to your hotel and inform you that he had secured the conference room at the hotel for your discussion." He pointed.

Alex's eyes widened. "That's my hotel?"

"The exterior is nothing. The interior is very modern. There is TV and toilets in nearly every room."

Alex groaned. She was so going to kick someone's ass when she finished her theft of the highly sophisticated satellite hijacking system. She pasted the smile back on. "Tell Mr. Jones I look forward to this evening." She pushed the creaky door open and stepped out into the wavering heat.

She was finally enjoying a cold drink when a hand landed on her shoulder. She barely restrained herself. She swiveled to look up. "Hello. Mr. Jones?"

"Yes," he pushed through a heavy Middle Eastern accent.

"A pleasure Mr. Jones." she waved at the other chair.

"Conference room."

She smiled and looked longingly at her iced tea before joining her host. He led the way past a pair of very tall oversized sententials into a room. Jones popped open a case. A computer and a black box were nestled with in. Alex plugged in her palmtop to the port. She opened a file and used the device to locate a pair of satellites for the location part of the test. She smiled and disconnected. She turned to face Jones. "Real deal."

"Very expensive real deal." He handed over a slip of paper with two numbers on it. One a price the other a bank account. Alex tapped her nail on one number. "Is that a four or a nine?" He leaned in a little. She swiveled back and swung the edge of her hand hard against his carotid. He dropped loudly. She rolled her eyes before grabbing his gun and aiming at the door. She heard the burly guards and fired at just above the door knob as it began to turn. The scream indicated that she had at least nailed guard number one's hand. She slammed the case shut and looked out a picture window. "Nice view," she muttered before shooting the second guard on his way in and slamming the case into the glass shattering it. She landed in the awning above the front door sliding down the side. "Now for a taxi," she murmured as she attempted to look casual. She quickened her pace, as her fingers pressed against the comm in her ear.

"Amanda, it's done."


	5. Chapter 5

Alex sat at her desk thumbing through the pages of Rachel's file. Her eyes widened as a frown rolled across her face.

Four recommendations for cancellation. _How can she have four this soon?_ Alex sighed as she read through the recommendations.

_**Recruit despondent at times. Refusing to complete assignments. Without immediate change in over all behavior, I must recommend cancellation.**_

_**Recruit is possibly more intelligent than our average, but refuses to comply with simple instructions. Recommendation cancellation.**_

_**The other recruits dislike being paired with her for any reason. They know that she will either refuse to complete the assignment or run her mouth at the instructors. Rachel has already made a couple of enemies among her peers. Recommendation cancellation.**_

_**Recruit was involved in an altercation with Maria during class. Recruit stated Rachel was responsible for an incomplete she received earlier in the day. Rachel refuses to complete assignments. She is not a team player. Appears to also suffer from depression. If recruit fails to show change within the next two weeks, my recommendation would be cancellation.**_

The raven haired girl's noncompliance caught the eye of Alexandra Udinov who remembered her own early days at Division. Alex knew that she was edging ever closer to termination. The brunette wanted to help the girl, she thought. If only to save her life.

Alex leaned back in her chair slamming her hand against the top of Rachel's file. _What am I going to do with you?_

* * *

**The** sweltering gym was brimming with the newest round of young recruits. Each with a criminal past that landed them behind the walls of Division. Most eagerly awaiting instruction.

Alex stared up at them from her clipboard impassively. She knew that half of them would be canceled before their first engagement. The heiress had been reluctant to agree to reinstate the order for new recruits, but as Amanda explained; they needed to increase their reach around the globe with Nikita activity attacking at every opportunity. They had lost a couple of good agents on a botched mission to Team Nikita. The stakes were high and losses could no longer be afforded.

Rachel stood in her gray issued Division sweats leaning against the wall of the gym. Unease lined her features. She caught Maria's glare from across the gym floor. Maria had already attacked her once, and for a reason Rachel couldn't understand. The nineteen year old stood 5'6 weighing in at one hundred and thirty pounds. Rumor had it, the Hispanic girl caught the eye of Division with the brutality of her crimes. Maria was an above average looking girl, and a sociopath without a doubt. Division had plucked her from death row more than two months back. Rachel twirled her fingers anxiously through her hair; contemplating the taller girl.

"Okay listen up, I need the first two volunteers to square off." Instructor Mason stepped forward glaring at his new recruits. Mason was an imposing figure. His hairless head perched above his dark and menacing brow. The sleeves of his shirt fit too tight over his muscular arms. The twenty eight year old body builder towered over his young recruits, as they lowered their gaze.

"No volunteers?" His face contorted in fury.

"Rachel your up," Alex ordered, a stern look crossing her face. Rachel looked up at Alex; her eyes pleading with the older woman. The brunette tilted her head, her eyes blinking slowly.

"Move."

"I'll volunteer sir," Maria smirked.

"Seven minutes. You stop when the timer goes off."

"What are the rules, sir?" Maria asked looking up at him.

"No holds barred."

Rachel frowned as she saw Maria take the mat. Maria was still angry at her over the incomplete, and she was going to make this fight count.

"Begin!"

Rachel sighed. The grief that overwhelmed her held her tighter than any choke hold ever could. When the instructor said begin she just stood there as Maria circled around her smiling; fists at the ready. Alex watched as Maria took the first punch landing a quick jab to the smaller recruit's jaw. "Come on bitch... fight back." Another swing connected with her mouth. The raven haired girl dabbed at the blood on her lip. Rachel stared at the blood on her fingers, feeling nothing.

"Stop," Alex ordered, walking toward the mat.

"Rachel, what the hell is your major malfunction?"

"She's mental, Ma'am," Maria chuckled.

"Keep your trap shut, Maria," Alex warned her.

Alex tugged the recruit from the mat and through the door to the empty corridor. She glared at the recruit, her lips pursed in a thin line. Rachel felt as if she were analyzing her, breaking her down into parts, trying to decide whether she was a waste of her time or not.

"Do you want to get canceled?"

"That depends. Will you be the one doing it?" Rachel looked into Alex's blue eyes. They were mesmerizing, intriguing, capturing her gaze, even though they were narrowing intensely right then.

"Rachel, If you don't show marked improvement over the next two weeks they are going to put a bullet in that pretty little head of yours. Do I make myself clear?"

"You think I'm pretty. Check."

"This is not a game. I'm assigned to you remember? You are not making me look good in there."

"People say that you're some kind of super spy." It was more of a statement than a question.

Alex smiled, like she was privy to some big secret. It was disconcerting to Rachel; who wanted to unravel the mystery before her. Some people oozed pure confidence, the ability to command and conquer the universe, and Alexandra Udinov had that in spades. She'd have given her soul for just a piece of her winning attitude and unyielding faith in herself.

"Look, I know the first few months are difficult. I've been there."

"I doubt that," Rachel muttered, rolling her eyes.

"I'd like to see you succeed."

"You're the only one."

"Fine, then consider me your cheerleader. Show me something in there."

"I'm just a prisoner here. Why should I do anything you say? I want out!"

"The only way out is cancellation."

"Kill me then."

"You know, I was wrong about you, Rachel. You are just a weak little girl. I hope Maria kicks your ass," Alex gritted, shoving Rachel back toward the gym.

"Start over. Seven minutes on the timer. This time don't stop," Alex ordered, glowering at the young recruit.

Maria giggled as she stepped into Rachel's space. She was confident that it would be over in the first two minutes. "Come on Chica. I'm gonna kick your skinny little ass," she laughed, baiting Rachel with her words.

Maria circled the smaller girl, jumping up and down. She was ready for some serious payback. Rachel stood perfectly still; her eyes impassive.

"Come on... put your hands up," she yelled, slapping Rachel across the face. The cat was toying with the mouse. Maria's next punch aiming for the bridge of her nose. Rachel side stepped; grabbing Maria's wrist, and pushing her forward. Maria lost her balance and fell forward into the mat. She never saw the move coming.

"I'm gonna kill you bitch," Maria spat, jumping to her feet.

Rachel's only chance was to stay out of her reach and wear her to the point where her superior stamina could do some good. A running fight was not ideal in the smaller space represented by the gym mats but there really wasn't a lot of other options.

_Stay out her ape armed reach and run her in circles til she tires_. _That's what I'll do!_

Circling would not wear Maria down fast enough. She needed her pissed and ready to take her head off anyway she could. Rachel would only have a chance of avoiding medical if she stayed fast and far away from the other recruit, she thought.

Maria swung wildly at Rachel as she stepped left and right avoiding each impact. The smaller girl never raising her hands in a fighting stance. Her quick movements appearing effortless.

Alex looked up from her clipboard. A devious little grin on her face.

"Your dead, bitch," Maria muttered.

Rachel caught Alex's smile out of the corner of her eye. Her stomach abruptly clenching as she looked at the older woman. There was something about the brunette that intrigued her. Rachel suddenly found herself wanting to impress Alex. It was the first emotion she'd felt that wasn't anguish since she woke up in Division. A spark. Something to grab a hold of, a reason to survive.

She slapped her hands together and bowed; staring in the eyes of the taller girl.

"What is that some Asian shit you picked up from a movie?"

"Shit? You know Bruce Lee always preferred a formless form. He said the classical mess was a needless distraction."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Moving quickly, Rachel performed a center split, and with her hands pushed herself back up.

"Sorry... didn't have time to stretch before our date."

Maria lunged at her again. Missing. She swung around kicking at Rachel who stepped backwards with every failed attempt. Maria raged. She was breathless and getting sloppy with every new move.

"Mason, Stop the timer. Let's see where this goes," Alex ordered. Her eyes narrowing as her eyebrow arched.

Maria ran toward Rachel who swiftly jumped doing several back flips. It was gymnastics 101 as Alex recalled from childhood. She was artistic in her eye-catching movements stunning the recruits and her opponent who continued to curse her as she chased her across the gym floor.

Alexandra's fingers steadily drummed the back of her clipboard. She chewed her bottom lip as she watched. A warm smile crossed her face the moment Rachel glanced her way. Rachel lost herself for seconds in the brunette. An uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach gripped her.

The distraction was just enough for Maria to move in tackling the smaller girl. She straddled Rachel punching her repeatedly in the face before moving to her ribs. Rachel felt her lip split and bleed as she arched herself trying to move the weight of her opponent.

"Enough!"

Maria continued her assault; pounding Rachel until Alex ran toward them, dragging Maria off the smaller girl.

"I said enough!" Alex glared at Maria as she backed away.

Rachel clutched her ribs; each shallow breath inducing a sharp pain. She was sure that her ribs were broken. Alex grazed her fingers gently over the bruise forming on her jaw. The throbbing pain competed with the warm digits that traced lightly over swollen flesh.

"Let's get you to medical," The warmth in Alex's voice felt like a reward for her efforts.

"Rachel, some of those moves were impressive. I'm proud of you, but girl ya gotta do more than jump. Learn to hit back."

Rachel nodded.

"Okay." The willingness in her voice elicited another smile from Alex who reached out gripping her shoulder.

* * *

**A/N: Rachel is an original character. Do not confuse her with the Rachel from Season Three of Nikita. :) **

**NikAlex: Thank you for the review. There will be more Nikita/Alex in this fic. **


	6. Chapter 6

** A/N: I hope you enjoy the little bit of humor in this one. **

**Nikalex: Thank you for the review. It means a lot!**

**Ayushi95: Thank you for your review and suggestion! Buckle up! We're just getting started! :) **

**Thanks to everyone who has taken an interest in this fic. I am also working on a couple of fics besides this one. One is strictly Alex/Nikita. The other is Alex/Nikita/Amanda. ;) Amanda is such wicked fun. **

**Rating will change as we get further into the fic. **

* * *

Nikita followed the strangled cat sound of Birkhoff singing through the house.

"So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,  
How amazingly unlikely is your birth;  
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,  
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!"

She leaned in the doorway with raised eyebrows. "Seriously?"

Birkhoff jumped in his chair. "Would you two super-spy people quit being stealthy while I'm working?" He groused as he pulled up another screen.

"That was working?" she asked with a grin.

"That was a classic Monty Python tune about keeping shit in perspective I'll have you know," he retorted with a raised finger. "Ahhhhh, and here is where keeping things real makes things fun and interesting."

Nikita leaned over his shoulder. "What is this, Nerd?"

"For all you technologically challenged super spy types, . .this-is-a-com-pu-ter ... OW!" He cried out as she slapped the back of his head. He rubbed it a moment. "Fine. I have been tracking deployment of Division assets. Most are basically where you would expect, trouble hot spots, hanging around big names with targets on their backs. Not all of them. Two of them are in a really odd place. It may be small, but it throws up a huge flag."

"How odd are we talking?"

"Would you believe that Alex and Devi (after your time) are hanging out at a toilet museum in New Delhi?" He smiled and turned toward the puzzled woman. "I did a little digging. Apparently one of the larger contributors to the museum used to be a cog in the production of some of the nastier poisons used by Division. You know, the kind they use when the kill order ended with 'and make it hurt'? Anyway, when he left suddenly they worked out his new identity and learned that he hid some very incriminating evidence to use against them should they try to retire him. Apparently, someone decided he was flushing more than a toke."

"And that's why they're stalking toilets that he helped pay for?" Nikita was warming to this. Amanda did not waste time. There was something in this toilet museum and it had nothing to do with flush-ability.

Alex's arms crossed and her brows knit. "A toilet museum," she groused. "We have been searching a toilet museum every night for a week." She paced back and forth as Devi watched.

"Could be worse. I hear a team was deployed in the Arctic Circle." The Indian woman smiled and went to get another bottle of water.

"I'm Russian. I can take cold. It's the toilets."

"A problem with proper sanitation?" Devi smiled and raised her brow.

"Very funny." Alex grabbed her gun and checked it. "They can get people to spill the beans on where Hoffa's body is but we are sitting here on our thumbs til sunset every night so we can do a bowl by bowl search."

"Hoffa's killers had a lot less reason to fight telling interrogators about a lil thing like a dead body. Harrison still had hopes of wiggling loose and getting to his stash up until he died." Devi answered the satellite phone as it rang. She frowned as the conversation went on. "Understood."

Alex's eyes narrowed. "They're pulling you?"

Devi nodded. "It looks like its just you and the porcelain this evening Alex."

"Son of a bitch!" She pushed in the magazine on her gun. "Maybe I should just shoot the toilets until one of them gives up the drive." She frowned darkly and angrily drew on her jacket before sliding out the door.

Nikita lowered herself into the stall. Hiding in the bathroom was a classic that would never really go out of style. She smiled as she heard the stealthy sound of someone sneaking out of the women's lavatory across the hall. She slid through the doorway just in time to see Alexandra turn a corner. Looking around Nikita saw no signs of another agent. She smiled. She would keep an eye out but part of her was very much looking forward to a little one-on-one time.

Alex knelt at the toilet and slid her fingers around the rim trying to feel for something. Nikita leaned in a nearby doorway. The younger woman reached an arm in to see the drive was just out of sight. She pulled her fingers back to the cool smooth surface of the bowl. She looked up at the tank. "Where is it you bastard?" she whispered. Pulling off the lid she checked the water tank. Pulling her arm back it brushed the ball. It had a slight rattle.

"Bingo," Alex whispered. She pulled the ball up and after a moment unscrewed it. Inside was a small drive and a tiny vial. Alex froze as she heard a sound behind her.

"Amazing the things you can find in a john," Nikita offered quietly as she stood upright and circled to between Alex and the nearest exit.

"Nikita." Alex nodded. "You know, I really really don't have time for the whole 'please let us help you with a broken bone so you see the evil that is your boss in Division' shit this evening."

Nikita chuckled. "How about we skip all of that and just get to the part where I kick your sexy little ass and take what you just found?"

"Counteroffer." Alex drew her gun and fired a warning shot that shattered a gold painted bowl.

Nikita moved toward the right. "A perfectly good toilet down the crapper. Alex? Just leave it. Amanda is just using you." She kicked a plunger at Alex who folded herself to the right to avoid it. "You are way behind Nikita. I run Division now. Amanda is just my partner. Why not accompany me back and we can discussion this on the inside of Division?"

Nikita fired off a pair of light kicks that connected sending Alex off balance to the ground. Alex kicked at Nikita's ankle forcing her back enough that the younger woman could climb to her feet. Alex dropped her gun and ran at Nikita grabbing her around the waist. Nikita didn't have the leverage to pull her off so she dropped her fists on Alex on either side of her neck. The younger woman slammed her foot into Nikita's knee and pulled her off balance.

Nikita's graceful cat like moves had little chance of showing to best effect in the down on the ground slug fest but eventually she got her knee up under the angry woman on top and leveraged her off. They rolled trading blows. Alex rolled on top of Nikita and their eyes met for seconds before Nikita grabbed the younger woman and kissed her. "Come in from the cold, Alex." The brunette leaned in kissing Nikita again. "It's 90 degrees, Nikki." "You know what I mean, Alex. Come home. Let's work this out." "Division is my home," Alex smirked. "I still love you...and I'm not giving up. I know Amanda did something to you.'' Nikita kissed Alex passionately before rolling her toward the wall. "Next time, baby girl." Nikita ran for the window with the drive in her hand. "Nikita, fuck," Alex screamed, realizing her hand was cuffed to the pipe.

"Ops, This is Alex. Small problem."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I hope you all enjoy the next couple of chapters. Thanks again for taking an interest in this fic.**

**Itsmepeterpan: Thank you! :)**

**Nikalex: I am hoping to post daily, especialy while on vaca. Thank you so much for reviewing. There will be more Nikita and Alex a head. ;)**

* * *

Rachel wove her fingers behind her head leaning back in the chair. Her eyes focused on the brunette as she walked around the room assisting the other recruits with the assignment. It wasn't every day that the assassin would instruct a class at Division, but each time she did Rachel found herself paying more attention to Alex than her assignment.

Thoughts of Alexandra often danced through her head. Alex was the definition of perfection, she thought. Not only was she beautiful, but she also had an aura of quiet strength. Rachel had heard the rumors about Alex among the other recruits; never quite sure which were true. What a mystery Alexandra Udinov was to her.

Alex abruptly stopped; bending to point at the computer screen before her. Rachel's eyes widened as she stared at the agent's incredibly gorgeous ass. She bit down on the pen dangling carelessly from her mouth. Rachel fixated on Alex lustfully as she leaned further back in the chair. She wasn't sure when she started having these feelings, but she was certain that she didn't want them to end. A familiar knot twisted itself into her stomach. Rachel gazed ferally at the modelesque brunette before her triumph faded in the slip of the supporting legs, crashing to the floor below.

Quick thinking sent her leaping to her feet; hands entering a fighting stance.

"Just practicing my mad ninja skills," Rachel blushed, the class breaking out into laughter.

"Get back to work!" Alex glared sternly at the recruits.

"Yes, Ma'am," Rachel winked, easing back into her chair.

The brunette sauntered toward her picking up the pen from the floor. "You dropped this." Their fingers brushed very briefly, a current flowing through Rachel like an exposed electrical wire. "Tt-hank you," Rachel stuttered. She flushed looking away from the brunette who desperately tried to stifle her own laughter.

Alex couldn't help thinking about how much Rachel eerily reminded her of Irina. The same piercing light eyes, the long jet black hair and the beautiful pale skin. The resemblance was uncanny.

Rachel hid her embarrassment with a wink and a smile, but she felt her face burning. She tried to pry her eyes from Alex only to drift right back. They made quick eye contact several times as the brunette continued her rounds across the room. In her defense, Alexandra's sexual allure didn't make it any easier, Rachel argued internally.

"What?" Alex shrugged, placing her hands on her hips. "What are you looking at?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you have wicked fashion sense, super spy?"

"You know, Rachel... I think you have far too much free time on your hands. Meet me in the gym after class."

* * *

**Alexandra's** muscles burned as she finished off her grueling workout. Nikita always told her that working out was good for the body and the psyche. Alex felt a clarity after her work outs, and a serenity that otherwise escaped her. She hated to admit that her old mentor was correct about anything, but credit where credit was due, she thought. Sweat dripped into her eyes, as she mopped the back of her hand across her forehead. She twisted the cap off the bottled water and chugged it down.

_Shower time._

Alex stiffened at the buzzing sound of the door bell. She wasn't expecting any visitors today. She furrowed her brow as she moved toward the kitchen. Reaching above the stove top, she pulled her Glock from it's concealed location, her post workout serenity vanishing. Alex gripped the weapon as she pressed her finger against the button. The screen flashed from the empty lobby downstairs to a fuzzy screen and then to a live shot of Birkhoff smiling at her.

"Good morning. Good work out?" Birkhoff asked, biting into his confetti colored pastry.

"You can see me?"

"Duh, That new security system of yours wasn't just to keep out the bad guys. How do you think Division spies on you? Amanda wants to cop a look and make sure you're not getting busy with.. I don't know... Nikki for example."

"What do you want, Birkhoff?"

"Nikki wants to meet with you. She asked me to set a time and a place," he replied, taking another nibble from his doughnut.

"Why doesn't she ask me herself?"

"Ask her that when you see her. When and where?"

"Not interested."

"Come on, Alex. She feels terrible about the past. It's been more than a year. Can't you two kiss and make up already?"

"She killed my father, Birkhoff. Then she played savior, gained my trust, made me think she loved me. But that was only the beginning...wasn't it? She fucked me, trained me, and put me inside Division as her mole...and never once told me what she had done to my father...and to top it all off...she put a bullet in me... Tell Nikita to go to hell."

Alex slammed her fist against the button below the screen. "Guess it's time to move again."


	8. Chapter 8

She stepped up to the line. Looking at the target she thought about the range even as her fingers automatically smoothed the hearing protection over the ends of her safety glasses.

The selfsame fingers slid effortlessly to the gun laying on the small counter and she slid into position without thought. Muscle memories put the gun in her two hands, muscle memory eased the trigger. Heartbeat, breathe, squeeze. The shots echoed one after another but all she heard was the whisper of her heart in her ears and all she saw was center mass. Her fingers betrayed her eyes and sent hot metal tearing here and there on the target. Her focus wavered as she began to register the hits. A thousand times she practiced. A thousand rounds she sent hurtling toward every face that ever hurt her. Her hands betrayed her. Closer though she thought as she drew the target to her. With every piece of armor she threw on her heart she drew closer to that perfect shot. She hardly noticed when Alex walked in taking the booth next to her. Instead, she proceeded with the next target while she occasionally stole a glance at the brunette.

Alex ignored Rachel, popping her loaded magazine into her glock; she fired off several rounds hitting center mass. Many times she had come to the range at Division to let off steam. Many hours she spent imagining her target was Kochenko and Semak. She looked at Rachel wondering who she was imagining when she pulled the trigger.

She watched her recruit as she fired round after round. She could see the simple mistakes a new recruit makes. Sitting down her glock; she walked slowly behind her. She stood motionless as she observed the recruit's movements. Rachel fired off several more rounds.

"Here, let me show you," she offered, moving in to touch her waist. Alex moved her boot toward the inside of Rachel's leg; carefully moving them further apart. Rachel tried for nonchalant as her breath caught the moment Alex touched her. She concentrated hard on not falling over; her legs suddenly feeling the consistency of Jell-O.

"Bend your knees a little more and loosen your grip slightly," she instructed, leaning in further. Alex placed her hands over Rachel's own; raising their hands slightly around the weapon.

"Now, try," Alex whispered, breathing close to her ear.

Rachel fired off a single shot hitting center mass. It was her best shot yet.

"You see, good job," she praised, tightening the grip on her waist. The smell of the brunette's hair was intoxicating, and the touch of her skin sent shock waves through Rachel's body. They stood in uneasy silence while she slid her hand under Rachel's tank top, and slowly over her taut abdomen. Alexandra could feel the desire rising between them, as Rachel's breathing became noticeably more pronounced.

"Keep practicing," Alex breathed, breaking their contact, and stepping away.

* * *

**Nikita **sat on the edge of the matress, her eyes glued to the teal carpeting beneath her feet. She wanted to let Alex go. It had been more than a year, and she was still unwilling to sit down and talk things out. Birkhoff had relayed the message._ "Tell Nikita to go to hell."_ If Nikita hadn't been given new Intel from Sonia, Intel that proved Amanda had done 'something' to Alex, she figured that she would have let go by now. She would have just said, enough is enough, but Alex wasn't behaving like Alex. No, Alex was becoming more like Amanda every day. Nikita clinched her fists. _I will never give up on you, Alex. _

Nikita hurt for the younger woman. Always so angry. Those brief moments when Alex could put away everything that weighed her down were a blessing. She smiled to remember one such moment.

It had began with Alex, facing a window in the loft._ Hands fists and jaw tight._ _Nikita placed her hand on the tense shoulder._

_Alex whirled. "What?" She snapped out. Nikita was always there, always trying to be the voice of calm and reason. Well there was no reason in the universe._

_The older woman saw the flash of fury in her eye and stepped in, chest to chest. Her head dipped forward to brush a cheek against Alex's as her hand rested lightly on the other woman's hip._

_"What do you want from me?" Alex whispered in an almost desperate tone._

_Drawing her cheek back Nikita slid her lips to Alex's. Her teeth came together on Alex's lower lip before her tongue soothed the wound. Alex broke, her arms pulling the other woman tight to her as her mouth opened under Nikitas. The older woman pressed her against the window frame and moved her teeth and tongue along that jaw that had been so tight earlier. Teeth tugged and soothed her earlobe._

"_Not from you," whispered Nikita, "Just you." She smiled at the small whimper and the further melting of Alex's body against hers._

"Nikita?" Micheal repeated for the third time.

Nikita sighed, pulled out of her silent reverie. "What is it, Micheal?" she glared. "You've been in here for over an hour. Are you okay?" Micheal eased into the chair across from her. He knew without a word uttered that Nikita's mind was on Alex.

"I am fine, Micheal... I'll be even better when my hands wrap around Amanda's neck."

Micheal smiled reassuringly. "We will get her, Nikita."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I really appreciated the reviews and PMs. :)**

**Nikalex: This will be a very long fic. There will always be more Nikita/Alex. ;) **

* * *

The vacant computer lab was silent. The silence only broken by sporadic intervals of rapid clicking against the keyboard. The raven haired girl sat staring at the screen in the dimly lit room. She smiled up from the computer when the brunette sauntered in. Rachel ran her finger's through her hair and sighed.

"I'm never going to get this."

"I said that myself once. Let me take a look."

Alex dragged the black metal stool beside the young recruit. Hoisting herself onto the stool, she began to hone in on the problem. "You did it right, Rachel. You just forgot a line of code. Go over it again," Alex pointed toward the screen, their hands brushing against the desk top.

Rachel swallowed hard before summoning the courage to slip her finger toward the assassin. _It's now or never, _she thought. The younger woman slowly trailed her index finger over Alex's hand; drawing patterns over her appendage.

Alexandra's eyes darted between their hands and Rachel's pale blue orbs. Rachel's fingers were playing along her wrist, tracing circles and patterns with the pads of her fingers around the inside, not quite tickling. The recruit's hand flattened over the top of the brunette's to intertwine their fingers. Their eyes met for seconds before Alex slipped her hand out of Rachel's grasp, and boldly scratched her nails across Rachel's knee. Alex moved from her knee to her inner thigh in a flash. She smirked the moment Rachel's breath caught. The recruit felt her heart hammering inside her chest as she gazed into the hypnotic eyes of the assassin. The gleam in Alex blue eyes, a shine somewhere in between hunger, lust and amusement, made Rachel's head reel. The brunette roughly gripped at her inner thigh; forcing her legs further apart. She dug her finger into her trembling thigh as she studied her expression.

Alexandra leaned into the girl as her hand brazenly proceeded upward. "Is this what you want?" Alex whispered, licking her bottom lip.

Rachel flushed eight shades of vermilion. What she wanted was for Alex to keep touching her. Just her hands on hers, or on her knees would be fine. A little higher up her legs, maybe? Who was she kidding? She was on fire for the older girl. Heat gathered between Rachel's legs; parts of her suddenly coming to life under Alex's dark scrutiny.

"Alex, Amanda would like a word. She's in operations waiting for you." The guard interrupted.

Alex tensed her muscles and pulled her hand away. She gazed into Rachel before walking toward Operations.

* * *

**Her** glassy blue eyes fluttered open. She squinted at the overhead lighting above the chair. It reminded her of a medical examination. The surgical light, the deeply reclining chair, all to clinical. She preferred Amanda's serene office and soothing tea to the cold sterile feeling of her lab. She dug her nails into the black leather arm rest of the chair. She hated waking up in this damn chair. She was never quite sure why, but the chair itself frightened her. Maybe it was the headaches, or the vulnerability of the reclined position. She wasn't entirely certain, but she thought about it a lot. She rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers. She felt so far away. Alex forced her focus on the older woman standing above her. She shifted uncomfortably, a wince escaping her mouth, as she pressed the back of her hand against her aching forehead.

Amanda's fingers feathered through the brunette's hair. "Did I fall asleep again?"

"Yes, Alex." Amanda smiled down at her.

"I'm sorry." Alex squinted at her father's watch. _Where did the morning go?_

"Don't be. I told you that it was perfectly acceptable during our sessions... How do you feel, Alexandra?"

"Oddly, well rested. Just a slight headache."

"Our sessions can be intense, Alex. Headaches are to be expected."

"Are we finished here? I have a recruit to train."

"Rachel Thorne?" Amanda raised an eyebrow studying the assassin.

"That's right," Alex nodded.

"Her instructors say that she has made incredible strides since you began your one on ones."

"I'm pleased to hear it," Alex replied formally.

"Keep me posted on her progress, will you?"

"Certainly."

* * *

**Alex's** leg swept out in perfect form, connecting with Rachel's ankles, throwing her off balance. Without realizing what was happening; Rachel found herself flat on her back, with the assassin's fist locked in a punch less than an inch from her face.

"Next time keep your feet further apart. I easily knocked you off balance in that stance."

"Thanks for the lesson, but I could have taken you," Rachel chuckled.

"More of your mad ninja skills," Alex giggled.

Alexandra enjoyed her light hearted humor, and she seemed surprisingly easy to talk to. She tenderly swept the hair out of Rachel's eyes tucking it behind her delicate ear. "In the few weeks that I've been training you one on one you have made tremendous progress, Rachel. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you... So, can I see you tonight?"

"You're seeing me now."

"I was thinking -"

"Don't. Leave that to me," Alex interrupted.

"Don't treat me like I'm just a recruit."

"You are a recruit," Alex smirked, sweeping her ankle, and pinning her to the mat.

Alex peered into bright angelic eyes. A dark desire building inside of her. She dipped her head bringing their lips together in a soft lingering kiss. An explosion of emotion overwhelmed Rachel. In one kiss, she saw her future. In one kiss, she knew exactly what she wanted.

Alex's penetrating stare and gentle lips left her speechless. Their first kiss left an awkward uncertainty as they gazed into each other for seconds. Rachel squirmed to free a hand so that she could touch Alex. The assassin gripped at her wrists tighter. She opened her mouth to speak and the brunette captured her lips again.

Alexandra's head spun thinking about all of the reasons her actions were wrong. She refused to let herself fall in love again after Nikita. Choosing instead the anonymity of one night stands. Amanda continually warning her that love and relationships were to high a price for the heir to Zetrov. Amanda's words screamed inside her head until it hurt.

Releasing Rachel's wrists, Alex sprung to her feet.

"Hit the shower! We're done for the day."

"Alex-" Rachel gazed at her confused. Her heart pounding like a drum.

"Just go." Alex ordered.

* * *

** The** sound of loud moaning filled the small apartment bedroom. Alex groaned above him; her perfectly manicured nails scratching down his chest. She closed her blue eyes, drifting away. The sound of her name on his lips irritating her instantly. Alex's fingers crawled over his mouth to silence. He peered up at her just as she closed her eyes again. _Where is she? Because she's clearly not here with m_e. He wondered where her mind was drifting._ Another guy? Maybe a girl?_ They had been doing this for months now. What 'this' was he didn't exactly know. All he knew was that he wanted her, and that meant playing her games of on again off again. He didn't understand her mood swings, and the more he wanted, the less she gave. He surmised that somewhere, somehow, someone did her horribly wrong, and this was the end result.

Alex moaned softly, arching her back, her body exploding above him. Her stormy blue eyes sprung open to meet his steady gaze. Catching her breath, Alexandra rolled off of the Navy Seal. She sat on the edge of the mattress running her fingers through her tousled brunette hair.

He turned to watch her slip into her dark linen shirt. His palm sliding delicately over her back before she jerked and stood to her feet.

"I need a shower. Lock the door on your way out."

"I thought maybe I could stay for a change?" Alex strolled toward the bathroom door; her fiery eyes glaring into him.

"Goodnight, Sean."


	10. Chapter 10

******A/N: I love Ksenia Solo. Enough said. lol**

******Nikalex: It's not Nikita and Alex this round, but I'm updating early just for you. Thank you for your reviews and PMs!**

**Ayushi95: I'm still smiling at your last PM. :D Enjoy!**

**_"You know that thing Amanda says about the real us being hidden from everyone?"_**

**_"There are two Alex's."_**

**_Nikita and Alex from 'Reunion." 3X13 ;)_**

* * *

**Rachel** sat in the silence of the vacant training room. Thoughts of her life before Division creeping through her mind. Sadness turned to full on grief, and grief gave way to anger. Unwrapping her hands, she stood to her feet and lifted her arms; pale legs stretching elegantly. Had Rachel known there was someone watching it would have looked like she was floating through her dance. The illusion that she created with each weightless leap and turn and plie' was worth every second that made her feel free. The dance was her silent resistance and a memory of what Division had stolen. She danced unaware of her audience.

Alexandra gazed at Rachel as she danced; lost in the beauty of her artful movements. The brunette was fascinated by her performance, a wealth of emotion flowing through her. It was almost as if she could feel everything Rachel conveyed through her graceful motion. Alex let herself feel the desperation and the fragile nature of her recruit for the first time. She stood silently until Rachel finished and turned toward the doorway.

"You know, if you only put half as much into your classes here at Division you would be the next big star." Alex stood in the door way unfolding her arms, a warm smile lighting up her face.

"I thought I was alone."

"You're ...really good," she marveled, reaching out to touch the recruit's shoulder.

"It was my life before Division," she sighed.

"Rachel, don't hold on to the past. It will only hurt more. If it doesn't benefit your future cover... its unnecessary baggage. Take my advise, Live the lie, until it becomes your life."

"Is that all you are, Alex? The lie."

The words were armor piercing, but she wasn't entirely sure why. Rachel's boldness caught her off guard. Alex was speechless. No one had dared question her at Division other than Amanda. They stared at each other in awkward silence before Rachel walked toward the door; leaving Alex stunned in her wake.

* * *

**The** night exploded into a kaleidoscope of colored lights. Each ride brightening the magnificent horizon. Rachel looked left to right automatically picking out. "Hey," she yelped as Alex smacked the back of her head. The brunette looked at her steadily. "We are here to have fun quit looking for fights to pick."

"Fine, fine. Can I help that the place which we cannot name has made me naturally a little jumpy. So what is this fun of which you speak?" Rachel responded with a grin.

"Such a geek," Alex muttered before leading the way to the cotton candy machine. "Sugar rush time." She passed a blue mountain of hyperactivity to her companion for the night. "Eat that and it will be impossible for you to focus for at least an hour. She pulled off a wisp stuffing it into her own mouth.

"Ooo OO. That one!" She then led the way to a game. There were clowns waiting with open mouths for the water in the guns held by various folks old and young. Alex and Rachel smiled at each other as they raised weapons and tried to out soak their clown competitors. The alarm wooped and a carny pulled down a stuffed pig and held it out to Alex who took it and spun laughing before shoving it in the younger woman's arms.

Rachel looked down with open mouth. "Why?"

"Cause you're my date doofus." Alex laughed and grabbed her by the spare arm, dragging her down the midway.

They ran the course of games; laughed through the fun house mirrors, Rachel even managed to get the brunette into the photo booth. As the evening grew late they settled on the Ferris wheel for a spin. Laughing like carefree children; lost in the things that fate had denied them.

"I think..I'm gonna vom," she gagged, pointing toward the pink and blue sugary treat.

"No doubt, you had two sticks. How the hell do you eat like that?" Alex chuckled.

"It's one of the perks of no longer being a dancer."

"You miss it, don't you?"

"Sometimes," Rachel whispered, gazing down at her hands.

Alex tilted her head. The more she studied the girl, the less she understood her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's just really hard for me to see you as a killer, Rachel."

"I told you Alex... I didn't do it."

"You never need to lie to me, Rachel. We all have a past that we're not entirely proud of."

"Let's just drop it okay? I'm not a cop killer. I'm not a dancer. I'm whatever Division tells me I am," Rachel argued, her eyes shining bright with tears.

"I think you're beautiful...that's what you are."

Alex smiled softly. She could see the tears pooling in the young recruits eyes. She reached out a hand intertwining their fingers. Rachel's cheeks grew warm from the thought that Alex found her attractive. She sighed contently, unable to think of anything to say in reply.

"I don't remember the last time I had this much fun."

"Me too.'' Alex leaned in pressing their foreheads together. Rachel could feel her warm breath against her cheek. Alex was lingering dangerously close to her lips. The brunette's fingers grazed her chin before her mouth found the younger woman's lips. Their delicate kisses becoming a raging inferno in seconds, as Alex simultaneously trailed deft fingers up her inner thigh. The brunette's mouth explored hers ravenously. Rachel's fingers tangled into the ends of Alex's hair. She felt overwhelmed by the sweet taste of her lips, and the the faint smell of lilacs in her hair. She wanted to stay lost in her kiss forever.

"I better get you back to Division before the dragon lady has a fit."

"If you don't mind me asking? How did you manage to pull me from Division today without Amanda bitching?" she paused. "I mean...why did you?"

"I wanted you to know that there is more to me than the lie, Rachel. It took you to remind me of that... Thank you." Alexandra's smile reached all the way up to her warm blue eyes.

"No, thank you, Alex. For the perfect evening." Rachel's hand trembled as it explored Alex's cheek. Her stomach clinching as she looked up into the assassin's sparkling blue eyes.

"Remember, if the other recruits ask questions. It's classified."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Rating changed to M. I removed some of the content of this chapter. There will definitely be an MA version of this fic elsewhere. It was after all written that way. (I will need to redraft a little for this site.) If you are interested in the MA version, I will link you. Just contact me. :) The MA version of this fic is actually how it was intended to be read. A big thank you to everyone who took the time to review and PM. ;)**

* * *

**Rachel** settled on the empty metallic bench with her food tray. Her fingers trailing over the fresh fruit on the metal receptacle. Butterflies danced in her stomach, as she thought about Alex and their first date. Alexandra went through a lot of trouble just to take her to the county fair in New Jersey. It had been the best date she'd ever recalled going on with anyone. She held the memories of the night fondly in her mind. Rachel's heart pounded in her chest from the thought of every romance novel she had ever read. She was certain that the night was better than all of them put together. Food was the last thing on her mind, but spotting Maria walking toward her made it look even less appetizing. The taller girl slammed her tray across from Rachel; sitting down.

"So, who did you blow to get out of here yesterday?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Everyone saw you leave with Alex. A little early for your first mission isn't it? Where did you go?"

"That's classified."

"I bet they had you turning tricks somewhere."

Rachel chuckled. "Yeah, that's it."

"Maybe, I should wipe that smile off your face, bitch."

"Try it," Rachel snapped, springing to her feet.

Maria stood, her fists at the ready. "Right here, right now, Maria gritted. Rachel gripped at the metal tray in her hand. She had finally had enough of Maria's constant harassment. The taller girl leaned across the bench, yanking at her top. "You're dead." Maria yelled, as Rachel's food tray suddenly crashed into her face. The guards rushed toward them.

"Rachel, my office, now!" Alex ordered from the doorway.

* * *

**Rachel** closed the office door behind her. She could see the fire in Alex's eyes as she stared at her.

"Well, Rachel?" Rachel thought about ways to defuse the situation. She hated knowing that Alex was angry and disappointed with her. Rachel dropped to her knees; crawling to Alex's side. Her semi-mocking submission coming as a surprise to the brunette. Rachel steepled her hands together. "I'm sorry. Maria makes it impossible around here."

Alex raised an eyebrow as she gazed into the younger woman. Wanton desire replacing any hint of anger in her expression. She whirled her chair toward the younger girl; her fingers slipping into long onyx hair. "Puppy dog eyes... makes me want to put a collar around your neck, Rachel." Alex tugged lightly on her hair, smiling.

"Does that mean I'm forgiven or what," Rachel giggled.

"It means exactly what I said. Sometimes, I think you assume I'm joking. I couldn't be any more serious right now...Do you realize that when you're on your knees like that ...it holds a very different meaning to me than it might to most?"

"I thought you would find it endearing?"

"I find it submissive and enticing."

"Sorry, I-"

"Don't be sorry. On the contrary, I enjoy you on your knees...but be aware that it makes me want to do terrible things to you."

"What sort of things?"

"Things that would make that sweet little face of yours blush."

"Maybe you should tell me more?"

"I will think about it. Go to class...and avoid Maria."

* * *

_**Nikita** chuckled as she chased Alex through the loft. "Getting slow Sensei. I think you need a nap." Nikita feinted right before darting the other way and catching Alex in a tight warm embrace. "Who needs a nap?" Alex turned into her arms laughing. "Okay..okay, I surrender." Warm blue eyes met dark predatory ones. Alex's breath caught at the sight of Nikita looking at her like prey. "Mmm...I like it when you surrender...but you still need to be tamed." Nikita licked her bottom lip as her gaze intensified. "I'm Russian. I can't be tamed." The assassin's lips captured Alex's mouth in a breathless mind shattering kiss. Nikita grabbed the back of her head and worked her tongue deep inside her mouth until she felt the younger woman relax in her arms. Alex moaned into their kiss, her body moving only to Nikita's prompts. The kiss lasted for minutes before the brunette pulled back hypnotized by cognac brown eyes. "We have one week before insertion, Alex. Let's make every moment count." _

_Nikita stripped them of their clothes between slow gentle kisses. "I'm gonna miss this when you're inside Division." She pushed the brunette down onto the bed by her shoulders. "Me, too." Alex fingers crawled slowly up Nikita's stomach. Each touch an act of silent worship. _A slow, seductive smile spread across Nikita's lips, and the pad of her forefinger dragged down from Alex's chin to her throat, to her chest and between the valley of her cleavage. _"Do you still think that I can't tame you?" _

_Nikita straddled Alex, her calloused hands roaming the course of the younger woman's smooth body. Alexandra's nipples hardened around her deft fingers. Nikita's tongue and teeth quickly replacing her digits. The brunette could feel their desire building with every moan and breathless gasp that escaped their lips. She trembled beneath Nikita's warm body; her face open and vulnerable. Nikita slid her fingers through Alex's long wavy hair as she continued moving lips and tongue over warm skin. _

_Alexandra could feel her control slipping away under the weight of the older woman above her. Nikita's firm body pressing into hers. "I like the way you feel beneath me," Nikita whispered, every word building her arousal. Nikita loved how immediate and unconscious Alexandra's reactions were to her every touch. The assassin's knee found her warm center. She pressed it into the girl feeling her wetness against her. "You're so beautiful, Alex...and you're all mine." Nikita steadily moved up and down her thigh. "Yes, yours." Alex hands slid down Nikita's back to grip at her tight round ass. She moved Nikita rhythmically against her thigh. _

_Nikita took pleasure in the use of Alex's body beneath her. The friction soon bringing her to release. She dipped her head kissing her, simultaneously replacing her knee with long slender fingers. Nikita's name was on the brunette's lips as she slowly pressed her skilled digits into her. Alex whimpered and moaned into Nikita's hair, wrapping her arm tightly around the older woman. "Let go, Alex." Nikita wrapped her fingers around Alex's wrist, pinning it above her head. She felt Alex's muscles grip her fingers as she reached the edge. __ "I love you, Nikita. Your arms are the only place that I've ever felt safe."_

___Nikita pressed their lips together in a slow lingering kiss, before she rolled over on her back, pulling Alex into her arms._

"Nikita... Nikki? Earth to Nikita." The distant voice echoed, shattering Nikita's reverie.

"What?"

"I've been calling you for ten minutes... you okay?"

"I'm fine, Nerd. What's the emergency?"

"Micheal's back with dinner."


	12. Chapter 12

Alex sat in her extravagant office. Her impassive blue eyes moving between Rachel's open file and the raven haired girl sitting across from her.

"So... How do you think this review is going to end?"

"I do not think that is up to me."

"It's not up to you... How are things going for you here?" Alexandra stood to her feet. Her steady gaze filling the recruit with anxiety.

"I'm sure my file tells you plenty," Rachel replied, twirling her finger in her hair.

"That is not what I asked, Rachel," she snapped, walking around her desk.

"I try to be my best, Ma'am," Rachel murmured.

"You are a rising star at Division. I'm pleased." The brunette leaned casually against the front of her enormous desk. "Keep up the good work." A warm smile suddenly replacing the formality of the review. "I will," Rachel nodded. "I guess that's all for now, Rachel. You are free to go." Rachel sprung to her feet. "Thank you for...well...everything, Alex." Rachel smiled as she strolled toward the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something, Rachel?" Alex slid toward her. "I didn't think so?" She brushed her fingers across Rachel's hair. Her body slowly pushing closer to the young recruit. She moved forward, wrapping her arms around her neck. Alexandra's eyes zoomed from the recruit's pale blue orbs to her luscious lips and back. She moved a hand to Rachel's hip and gently pulled their bodies together. The assassin bit her lip eagerly. "You forgot this." Her lips grazed over the younger woman's repeatedly before her tongue met her mouth. Her tongue was slow and massaging for minutes. "If we weren't inside Division right now... I'd rip your clothes off," Alex breathed, her lips becoming more possessive.

Her words hit Rachel hard. She wasn't sure if she wanted to believe her or not. What she was telling her went against everything she'd been brought up to believe in all her life. She was a church going, bible reading believer. She could see herself at first base, maybe even second, but never sliding into third with Alex or anyone else. It wasn't about sexuality, it was about marriage and love. It was about commitment and saving yourself for your one and only. She believed in it. It was corny to most people, she thought, but she wanted that one true forever kind of love. Anything less to Rachel was a sin. The deeper her feelings became for Alex, the more she wondered if Alexandra Udinov would some day be the one.

Alex trailed her slender fingers up the younger woman's taut abdomen. Rachel's breathing becoming more pronounced with every new sensation. "When you're an agent...on the outside...our fun can really begin." She whispered seductively between kisses. "Move me to the top of the list. Give me an assignment." The heiress traced light kisses over her neck; her teeth dragging and nipping. Rachel's stomach quivered as Alex moved her fingers higher. "I'm not sure you're ready." Rachel gasped as Alex's palm closed around her breast for the first time. "I'm ready. I'd do anything to be with you...please." Alex caressed her breast through the material of her gray sport's bra. Rachel moaning in her ear.

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

**The** black SUV crawled up the snowy Colorado highway. Nikita gazed up from the map spread out across her lap. The beauty of the area warming her heart. The snow-cap mountains and the big blue sky seemed to stretch on forever. _It's a winter wonderland._ _Alex would love this place._ Her heart sank as memories of Alex played inside her mind. Fond memories of Alex's warm carefree smile and innocent blue eyes. Memories of a winter snowball fight that ended with Nikita pinning the younger woman to the cold snowy ground and kissing her thoroughly. Memories that left her beautiful dark eyes wet and her heart regretful for the mistakes she made with Alex. She cursed herself and then Amanda before pulling herself out of her reverie. _Must focus on the mission_. Nikita sighed, wiping a stray tear from her eye before putting on her dark sunglasses.

The snow covered green sign with white letters read: Fraser CITY LIMITS Elev 8550 FT and just beneath the sign another reading: Leaving Planet Earth. Micheal smiled over at Nikita who read the sign out loud. "Kind of romantic," he whispered. "Kinda,"she smiled back.

Night fell on the snow covered cabin. The silhouette of a man just behind the curtains moved in and out of view. The small team of Division agents crawled through the heavy snow surrounding the small log cabin. The team leader lifted his binoculars to his face. "Ops, we have visual on the target." Alexandra stood shoulder to shoulder with Amanda in the middle of operations listening. "Confirm target." The agent tugged his phone from his pocket. A picture of Glazkov stared back at him from the screen. "Confirmed. We have eyes on Dmity Glazkov now." Amanda's eyes darkened. "Gogol is going to owe us big for this one, Alex," Amanda whispered into the brunette's ear. "Alpha Team, you have the green light. Proceed," Alex ordered. "Radio silence until it's over," Amanda added. "Copy that."

Micheal and Nikita moved in from opposite positions. They stealthily made their way through the thick snow, picking off the four man Division team one by one. The fight nearly effortless until Nikita reached the sniper just about to take the kill shot. Hearing her approach, he dropped the rifle rolling. He swept his leg toward her ankles. Nikita's back hitting the snow before she flipped up recovering. They exchanged a few fast punches and kicks; her knee coming up to meet his groin. He groaned, doubling over before she delivered the final kick to his face. Micheal cursed under his breath as he attempted to run toward her position. His boots crunching and sinking down into the thick Colorado snow. "Nicely done," he grinned. Nikita smiled at him. "Now to rub it in their faces," she chuckled. Nikita bent down swiping the comm from the agent's ear.

"Amanda, Is this the best your churning out at Division these days? I expected more of a fight." Amanda's eyes widened at the sound of Nikita's voice. "Nikita," Alex snarled. "Alex, I'm a little surprised that I didn't find you here when I arrived. Pity, I thought maybe you would enjoy revisiting our last snowball fight here in the icebox of the nation." Alex anxiously ran her fingers through her hair. "Next time...count on it." She paced back and forth in the middle of operations. A memory of her winter snowball fight with Nikita flashing through her mind. "I'd like to stay and chat, but I have a Russian scientist with valuable Intel to deliver to the United Nations. Amanda fumed at Nikita's words. "This isn't over, Nikita. Do you hear me?" Her voice loud and threatening. "Look at that. We finally agree on something, Amanda," Nikita replied, tossing the comm in the snow.


	13. Chapter 13

**Nikalex: There will be lots of Rachel/ Nikita and Rachel/Amanda interaction coming in future chapters. I would love to post the entire fic here without making changes, but one must abide by the rules. As much as I dislike it. lol ;) Keeping to the title of this fic - it's going into a darker place in the near future. **

**Chpll1525: Thank you. :)**

**Manveer: More Nikita/Alex is coming. ;) I have a couple of other fics nearly complete that are strictly Nikita/Alex. I may be posting one this weekend.**

**Everyone: Thank you for the PMs and reviews. I love them!**

* * *

Rachel leapt to the top of the stone fence and balanced as she walked along it. She skidded slightly on some lichen and fell off the wall tumbling into the arms of Alexandra. They laughed as they tumbled to the ground. Alex looked over at the rise of the hill and the people looking oddly at them as they walked toward the small fun run. "We'd better hurry if we want some lemonade before we run around the ass end of nowhere."

Rachel chuckled richly causing a tummy tumbling in her admiring companion. The taller woman stood to extend hand to help the other up. Rachel gestured up the hill. "A fun run over rocks and around trees is a good way to get hot and sweaty without the bruises." She laughed and pecked the brunette's cheek before jogging up the Australian hill.

Alex sped off after her catching up just as Rachel held out a cup of icy lemonade. She sipped at it enjoying the turns of sweet and tart as it rolled over her tongue. She looked up to see her companion staring at her lips. The lips curved as Rachel's eyes came up. Alex stepped in closer. "Ready for it?" she asked coyly.

"So ready," Rachel breathed out.

Alexandra laughed and grabbed the recruit's hand drawing her to the start.

Alex hesitated as she caught sight of their target. She looked at the inquiring gaze of Rachel and jerked her chin. The younger woman nodded. "Business at 2k. Pleasure til then." She smiled and snugged her arms around Rachel's waist a moment before walking backwards. "If you can catch me," she taunted before turning and running, slowly at first but all out as the start gun went off.

Growling Rachel sprinted off after her. The first quarter mile was a slight incline before a number of craggy switchback in amongst the trees and within hearing distance of the tumbling creek. She caught up just at a gray and ancient oak and snagging the waist of Rachel's shorts, she flung them to the other side. Breathing hard she felt their breasts rubbing slightly through their tanks and sports bra. She pressed herself firmly into Rachel and captured her lips. "Work," Rachel breathed out.

"Quarter mile away," Alex replied breathlessly as she brushed her lips over Rachel's throat. She smiled at the groan. Feeling the fingers moving over her lower back she arched to them.

"Tag him so Alpha team can bag him later. I want you without interruption. This op gets us a step closer to that goal," Alex growled before pressing Rachel back and jogging off.

Rachel took a shaky breath and hid behind the tree waiting for the main mass of runners including a glad handing governor-general to catch up.

* * *

**Rachel** sat on the small recruit bed. Her eyes closed, legs crossed, back perfectly straight. She sighed, Her attempts at meditation were a big fat failure. As hard as she tried, she couldn't slow her mind enough to benefit from the practice. Every time she sat to meditate her mind drifted to day dream of Alex.

The gray door swung open shattering her reverie.

"Super spy, I was just thinking about you," she grinned.

Alex thought about the pet nickname for a moment, before she let her mind drift to more pressing matters. "Nice work tagging the target. It moves you up, and closer to the goal. I'm pleased."

"I just wish we could have toured Sydney while we were there."

"As an agent you will see the world. Something you can look forward to, Rachel." Alex plucked the stick of purple candy from her pocket, tossing it onto the bed next to the recruit.

"What's this?"

"A sugary reward for excellence?"

Rachel frowned. "I can think of better rewards than a lollipop. Chocolate, for example?"

"Who said it was just for you? I want to watch you suck it, maybe lick it a little," Alex smirked. Rachel blushed hard and looked at the floor. She considered the indecent proposal. Although it sounded a lot more like a certainty than it did a proposition.

Alex snatched the purple candy from the bed and unwrapped it. "Open your mouth." She slid the grape sucker into the recruits willing mouth; moving it slowly, in and out, suggestively. "Practice using your mouth, because when I get you outside of Division, I can think of a few things that I'm going to use that sexy mouth for."

* * *

**The** aromatic lavender candle scented the small room. Amanda's fingers grazed over the black ceramic tea cup as she studied the young recruit. Rachel knew that Amanda was always trying to get inside of her head. Amanda spent the better part of an hour grilling her, but Rachel anticipated that before she walked in the door. She came ready, game face on, she thought.

"You have come a long way, Rachel. Seven months ago you were essentially washing out of the program. Now you are one of our best and brightest. Why the turn around?"

"I have Alex to thank for that," she smiled over at the attractive older woman.

"Yes...yes...Alex has taken quite the interest in you. How do you feel about that?"

"I'm grateful to Alex...and Division for giving me a second chance to make something of my life."

"Rachel, This session is about clearing you for your next engagement, but after reviewing Alex's notes, I don't see any reason to prolong our session. I'm confident that you are ready for the next step."

"Thank you, Amanda."

"Finish your tea."

"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

**For** the first time, Rachel saw a light at the end of the tunnel. She pushed thoughts of her life before Division out of her mind. She tried to accept her fate with the Black Ops Program; her feelings for Alex making it more than bearable. Alex stole moments here and there just to kiss her in the shadows. Rachel cherished those moments longing for the day they could be together outside of Division. Her session with Amanda left her confident that the day was quickly approaching. Rachel would be an agent of Division soon. She would finally be free to start a new life.

Rachel walked down the corridor toward Alexandra's office. She was lost in her thoughts, a warm smile crossing her face. The office door was ajar, as she stood clenching her fists, staring at the Navy seal. If looks could kill they'd both be dead on the floor. Her head spun and her heart-rate quickened, as red flashed behind her eyes. The recruit's mind was racing with reasons to explain the older woman's actions.

The door creaked as Rachel brushed it. Alex looked up meeting Rachel's icy glare with a smirk. As Sean's hand crept it's way up her inner thigh, Alexandra leaned in kissing him; eyes still firmly locked on the younger woman. Rachel opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She wanted to hit Sean and maybe even take a swing at the brunette, but she knew that would only make matters much worse than they already were. Sighing, Rachel turned on her heel, and walked back down the corridor brushing tears from her eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: MA version can be found at AO3. **

* * *

**Alexandra** stepped into the clamorous underground club. Her blue eyes blinking rapidly in the darkness of her surroundings. A mixture of sweat, smoke and perfume hung in the air permeating her senses. Alex felt eyes upon her as she surveyed the hedonistic meat market. She pushed through the swarm of tangled bodies on the dance floor slowly, her body moving to the rhythm of the deejay's dance mix. "What can I get ya?" The dark haired bartender yelled from behind the bar. "Vodka, tonic," she replied, tossing a bill on the bar top. Leaning her back against the bar, she propped her arms causally on either side. This was her go to place when the abyss howled inside, and oh god was it ever howling, she thought. She sipped her mixed drink as she hunted for the evenings conquest.

Alex raised an eyebrow at the platinum blonde sauntering in her direction. "Looking for some company?" She scanned the young woman up and down before sitting her drink on the bar top. The girl's sporty crop top revealed her tight abs. Alex smirked at the zipper that ran all the way down the front of her high wasted mini skirt. "I'm Emma...What's your name?" The brunette continued to examine the blonde. "I do not care what your name is." Alex slid her long slender fingers against the glittery black PVC. "You will do."

Alex grabbed the girl by the chain dangling around her neck. She pulled her forward, disppearing into the dimly lit hallway.

* * *

**Rachel** was in the zone. Every punch and kick delivered to the bag were for him. Sean Pierce was the only face she saw when she inflicted her blows on the lifelike mannequin. Her anger never dissipating. Twenty minutes flew by as she continued her assault on the Body Opponent Training Bag.

Maria walked into the gym. A wide grin fell across her face when she realized that Rachel was there. Walking over, she gave the smaller girl a shove from behind.

"I think we have some unfinished business before you get yourself killed on your mission."

"Leave me alone, Maria. I am not in the mood.''

"Yeah.. Alex isn't around to protect your ass," Maria giggled, smacking Rachel in the back of the head with her palm.

Rachel turned toward Maria; her hands immediately taking a fighting stance. She felt the slightly sticky feel of the mat under her feet as she stepped forward. She wet her lips as she considered her opponent. Maria wanted to hurt her, hurt her a lot. She could see the viper in Maria's eyes.

She circled slowly using the scents of sweat and leather to ground herself. The quiet of the circle of watching trainees was almost eerie as her heartbeat thundered. Maria was a powerful fighter when it came to a no holds barred brawl. The last time they had met on the mat Rachel ended up with broken ribs.

She held out her hand to have it slapped hard by the larger girl. "Good sportsmanship is for the winners then," Rachel mumbled as she began circling the other way. Red flag time, Rachel thought as she feinted a right punch to spin back into a kick that just landed on Maria's upper hip. She bounced back. "Kick in the ass to get us started," Rachel offered with a cocky grin.

Red flag went up in Maria's eyes, her stance went from casual ready to ready to deal some pain. "Tú estás loca." She snarled and launched a series of punches and kicks. It took all of Rachel's speed and skill to avoid more than minor contacts. The other recruits standing on the edges of the mat whispered about the fight adding a quiet accompaniment to the sounds of flesh hitting flesh and hard breathing. Maria had picked the worst possible time to bring the fight to Rachel. All Rachel could see was Sean in every kick and every punch she delivered to Maria.

Rachel dropped below a fast fist and shot a quick kick to the back of Maria's leg momentarily pushing her out of her zone. Rachel's hair stuck to her forehead as she landed several blows, relatively light compared to the human tank she was fighting but enough to piss Maria off further.

Maria began firing hard and fast kicks at the smaller woman who kept dancing in and out of range. She tried several times to get enough grip to get her opponent on the ground where she could pummel her to a fine paste. Rachel had changed over the months and she wasn't the same girl she fought the first time, Maria thought.

Maria's shirt was sticking to her as she tried again and again to get her hands on the more agile Rachel. The smaller woman felt a hand on her back. She went with the push and tucked into herself rolling into Maria who immediately clamped arms around her and swept her leg. They both toppled. They rolled fighting for control. Rachel spun herself to the top and pushed up enough to get distance for a near and heavy strike.

The next blow made Maria see stars and she did not feel the third. Rachel continued to punch the bigger girl even as she lost consciousness. A voice from the doorway startling her back into the present moment.

"Rachel," Alex yelled. "Stop!"

Rachel paused.

Wiping the blood from her lip; she stood to her feet. She looked down at Maria before stepping over her limp body and past the other recruits. She met Alex's gaze for seconds before she elbowed past her and disappeared down the corridor.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and PMs.**

**Nikalex: There are a lot of chapters to go, but I do believe in happy endings. ;)**

**Itsmepeterpan: A little something in this one for you. :)**

* * *

Alex stared into the crackling brick fire place, her mind lost in thoughts of Nikita. She rubbed the tips of her fingers against the side of her aching head as the pain shot through her.

_Nikita slid the wine glass into Alex's hand, her fingers caressing soft hand and slender fingers as the glass transferred. The younger woman smiled her thanks as she continued to watch the news. They sipped as the curly-haired Georgian on the screen pledged to be a hero to his people. Nikita and Alex beamed with pride. They had foiled Division's plot and saved the Georgian Prince. The Princess was captured and behind bars for the attempt, and Percy was furious. The mission was a complete success. Alex looked over at Nikita._

_"What are we drinking?"_

_"98 Burnello," Nikita responded with a smile. She pointed towards Alex's glass. "Almond milk, February 2011. It's a great year." She chuckled._

_Alex flinched at the sound of her phone. "Michael," she confirmed._

_"Go ahead," the older woman responded. "Your tracker reads like you're in your apartment."_

_Alex paced the floor as Michael fired off his questions about the op and Nikita. She tried to kept her voice calm and steady as she replied to him. Alexandra tensed as she moved back and forth across the loft. Nikita rose and stopped her, placing her hands lightly on the Russian woman's hips. Alex smiled thinly and only just bit back a groan as the older woman's lips found the side of her neck. Nikita's lips slid effortlessly over her warm inviting skin, as Alex finished the call with Micheal._

_"He was going over the debriefs?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Good, let him. We won this time. There's no getting around that." Nikita turned Alex into her arms. Her slender fingers caressing her warm cheek before she leaned into her lips. "Let's celebrate."_

Alex growled at herself and kicked over the end table. "Get back in reality Alex. That's ancient history," she scolded herself. Alex picked up a snifter from the metal tray on the side table and threw it at the fire place.

* * *

**Rachel** scrutinized herself in the black Cheval floor mirror. Her cosmetics were flawlessly applied. She looked stunning in the little red dress that Amanda chose for the engagement. It's strapless style revealed well defined arms and perfect collar bones wrapped in creamy, alluring, skin. Amanda thought the dress accentuated her curves, complimenting her feminine shape.

Rachel's fingers twisted into her long black hair. She was nervous about the engagement, but she was equally as anxious about working with Alex. It had been an excruciatingly long three weeks since she caught Alex with Sean in her office. She had done her very best to avoid the assassin during training and between classes. She stopped showing up at the gym to work out one on one in the evenings. She even avoided Alexandra at the range. After the first week, she realized that for whatever reason, Alex was not about to explain herself or apologize. Her heart was broken, and she wasn't about to give Alex the satisfaction of knowing that.

"You look lovely," Amanda smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Just think, after tonight you will be an Agent of Division. If...you please us and complete the engagement successfully."

''What exactly is the engagement?"

"Everyone is on a need to know basis, Rachel. You will be told what you need to know on scene. Be grateful. To get activated is a gift and we never question a gift."

Rachel stood contemplating Amanda's words. She smiled trying to mask her distrust of the older woman. Since day one Amanda had tried to get into her head. She had fought it every step of the way; only telling Amanda what she thought that she wanted to hear.

"That's right. Never question a gift, recruit, '' Alex stated firmly, as she walked in the door.

_Oh, great, the Ice Queen has arrived._ Rachel sighed.

"Nice choice," Alex grinned, inspecting her dress. "You look nice."

As Alex's eyes roamed over her, Rachel hoped that her expression didn't betray the hurt she felt inside. She turned on her heel to avoid direct eye contact. She would do whatever she was ordered to do to make agent, but she refused to gaze for a moment into those hypnotic blue eyes.

"It's time to go. You will be briefed on the way."

* * *

**The** black van pulled to an abrupt stop. The small group of Division agents jumped out single file at Alex's command; disappearing into the darkness of the parking lot. Rachel looked down adjusting her stiletto heel, as Alex moved in to sit beside her.

"The team is moving to position, Amanda. I'm about to brief Rachel now."

"Copy that, Alex."

"The mission is a relatively simple one by Division's standards," she began. "Give the man what he wants... while the other agents retrieve the information we came here for... Got it?"

"What does he want?"

"Right now... you."

"What information did we come here for?"

"That information is classified. You're on a-"

"need to know basis. I get it," Rachel sighed.

"It's okay to be nervous."

"I'm not nervous," Rachel mumbled, staring at her hands.

"Your targets name is Andrei Kamenev. All you need to do is entertain the man in his hotel suite. We'll take care of the rest."

"Got it."

"Rachel, this is important. He could prove to be a powerful ally of Division."

"If he's not?"

"Let me deal with that. Just focus on your mission."

* * *

**Alex** paced the hotel suite as she monitored her comm. She counted her steps back and forth across the room as she listened intently. The assassin's heart thumped in her chest as she thought about her first engagement at Division. Alex frowned as she recalled the painful details. Percy had put her right back into the sex trade. The only difference had been who was controlling and pulling her strings. The song remained the same, Alexandra thought. Mirko Dadich had beaten and attempted to rape her in his penthouse bedroom. It was a close call. One that the brunette promised herself would never be repeated.

_Don't worry Rachel, I'll get you out of here before Kamenev has the opportunity. _

Andrei Kamenev stood 6'2 and towered over her five foot five lithe frame. He poured drink after drink with the sole intention of getting the young woman intoxicated. His hands roamed over her as he engaged in small talk about his accomplishments. Rachel nodded and smiled, obliging his hands on her legs and his lips on her neck; fully aware that Amanda was testing her.

_Failure means cancellation_, Rachel thought, smiling up at him.

"You came highly recommended by the escort service. So far I like what I see."

"Thank you. I do aim to please."

Alex rolled her eyes with irritation as she listened for any sign of distress. There was none. Rachel had been determined to bring her A game to the engagement, and Alex was impressed by her calm cool exterior as she engaged the target.

"Come, sit,'' Kamenev ordered, dragging Rachel toward the bed.

He ran his hand up to her breast fondling while his lips moved across her collarbone. Rachel tensed.

"Maybe we could have another drink, '' she pleaded, edging further away.

Rachel felt desperate to delay the inevitable, disgusted by his rough hands pushing, pulling and pinching at her like she was a rubber doll.

"We've had enough," he smirked, unzipping the back of her dress. "Take your clothes off."

Alex gritted her teeth listening to the exchange. Her fists clenched so tight her nails were digging into her palms. She wanted to put a bullet in Kamenev, and extract her agent, but that would be unprofessional. She looked down at her father's watch every few minutes as she waited for a report.

_Hurry up, damn it._

''Alpha team, report.''

''The Intel has been uploaded. Ops should have it any time."

"Ops, This is Alex, report."

"Patience, Alex. We are working on it," Amanda soothed.

Silence fell over the comms. The chatter stopped abruptly in the suite down the hall. Kamenev was busy undressing the reluctant young recruit.

"Alex, it looks like Kamenev will live to see another day."

"Good, lets extract, ops we're coming in."

"Negative, Alex. The man paid for an escort. He should get what he paid for. Retrieve Rachel when he's finished with her."

"That wasn't the plan, Amanda."

"Alex, The engagement will proceed."

"Like hell it will."

Alex pulled the Glock 27 from her side as she ran down the empty hall. She slipped into the suite quietly. A quick survey pinpointed the guard to the left. Her stealth approach from behind came as a surprise, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Pressing her full weight into him; she twisted her body to the side. The struggle lasted seconds before the choke hold took affect, and he fell unconscious to the floor.

She took in a deep ragged breath and moved toward the bedroom. Opening the door, she discovered Kamenev binding the younger woman's wrists to the bed.

"Alex, stand down. Do not engage. I repeat, do not engage." All of Operations paused, as Amanda screamed loudly into the comm.

"Light's out," Alex whispered, hitting him in the side of the head. He slumped forward on Rachel's chest; never knowing what hit him.

"Nice move, Super spy. Did you wanna untie me now?"

"I don't know, bondage looks kinda sexy on you," Alex grinned, tilting her head.

The brunette leaned over her for a long moment gazing into her eyes before she untied her wrists and tossed her the comm. Rachel felt herself flush; wrapping the bed sheet around her waist.

"Rachel?"

"I hear you loud and clear, Amanda."

"Put a bullet in the back of Kamenev's head. Cleaner will be on site shortly."

"Copy th-"

"I'll do it. I have it under control," Alex interrupted.

"Negative Alex. Step away and let Rachel eliminate the target."

A feeling of panic shot through Alex as she realized she couldn't protect Rachel in the field again. She had hoped that as her handler she could choose most of her missions in the future to avoid sexual encounters, but the brunette also knew that assassination was not something she could protect her from now or later. Alexandra remembered a time when Nikita had tried to protect her. In the end, Nikita also failed. Assassination was part of the job description. There was no avoiding it, Alex reasoned.

Alex placed the weapon in the palm of Rachel's hand. Amanda was already angry with her for blowing the mission. She knew the only thing left to salvage now was Rachel's promotion to agent.

Rachel stood by the bed focused on Kamenov. She hesitated. Her eyes darting between Kamenov and Alex. For seconds she stood looking through him, as if he would disappear, and she could be on her way. The young woman felt herself choke and her eyes water. She fantasized that Alex would take hold of her hand, and that they would run away from the suite and Division.

"Do it, Rachel," Alex ordered, meeting her gaze. It startled her out of her momentary delusion.

Rachel nodded. She gripped the pillow from the bed tightly in her trembling hand before placing it over the back of his head.

_I can do this. _

Raising her weapon, Rachel took a final look at Alex and turned; firing a single round through the pillow and into his head. She stood in the aftermath silently. Her eyes clinging to the blood pooling on the mattress.

"You did well," Alex praised, taking the gun from her hand.

Rachel stared at Alex with a haunted expression on her face. A look that slowly began to shift into emptiness. Alex knew that painful look in her eyes. She momentarily thought back on her first kill. Despite her need to distance herself from Rachel; she looked into her eyes with all the love and adoration she could muster. Alex moved in placing her hand on the younger woman's shoulder, and tucking a black curl behind her ear.

"Ops, It's done," Alex confirmed.

"Well done, Rachel. A cleaner should be on site shortly," Amanda stated, a satisfactory smile on her face. "Alex, Return to Division. I want to debrief you myself. It's been a while since we sat down for one of our sessions. I can see that it's long over due."


	16. Chapter 16

Rachel strolled down the corridor and into operations for the first time. She was an agent now. She had clearance. She smiled internally at the thought. She rubbed the palm of her hand against the newly placed tracker in the back of her neck, wincing. Just a small reminder that she was still on a leash when she was finally on the outside. Today she would start her new life though. She was excited about the possibilities. Her mind flashed to Alex, and the plans they once had, before she shook it off and held her head high. Alex was away on a mission with Sean; leaving her assigned temporarily to another agent. She was relieved; thinking it was for the best that she start fresh without the brunette taking her to the new apartment.

"Today's the big day. You get to rejoin the rest of the world. Congratulations!" Mason smiled sitting down next to her.

"Indeed. Thank you, Mason."

"Let's go over your cover before we go." Rachel opened her leather cover kit looking at her new set of identification.

"Rachel Anderson. Medical secretary. Got it...What do I do once I'm on the outside?"

Rachel shifted anxiously in her chair.

"You're an agent now. What you do with your free time is your business...as long as it doesn't compromise your cover."

"I can go wherever I want?"

"Within reason, Rachel. Join a gym, grab some coffee, see a movie. You can do the normal things any citizen can do... Are you nervous?"

"A little," she replied, gazing down at her hands.

Mason flashed her a comforting smile. "It will get easier. It's like riding a bicycle ... You just need to get back out there and start living."

"I guess you're right."

"Go out and enjoy your day. Do some shopping... Ease into it."

* * *

**Alex** looked out over the Carpathian mountains. She took a deep breath filling her lungs with fresh mountain air.

Sean grinned as he came up beside her. "Amazing here isn't it?"

"Yeah...amazing." She turned and leaned back against the railing around the resort's scenic balcony. "Has he checked in yet?"

Sean nodded and passed her a hypo designed to look like a pen. She pocketed it casually as she watched guests of the resort mill around in the lounge. "I arranged you to get a massage before Trajanescu's usual spa time. Take the masseuse down and put on the uniform and the employee badge I placed in your Gym bag. It should give you enough time to inject him. The micro-fine needle should be unnoticeable if you massage firmly enough."

"Understood." She nodded and headed to the room where the uniform waited.

Sean touched her arm turning her. "Is something going on?" he asked confused by her entirely business demeanor.

Alex took a breath and smiled. "Just a lot riding on taking out Trajanescu. Now why don't you head down to the lobby and confirm the massage appointment."

He searched her eyes a moment. "Alright. You know where I am if you need me." He backed down the hall a few steps before turning toward the lobby.

The woman looked down at her feet a moment before unlocking her door and sliding in. Her eyes narrowed as a subtle fragrance drifted toward her nose. "Nikita," she whispered. "Should try a different brand of shampoo Nikita. That one just isn't you."

_I miss the smell of her hair. _

Nikita came around the corner, arms crossed wearing a wry grin and a maid's uniform. "And yet you knew it was me."

"Who else breaks into my missions every chance she gets? The shampoo was just another nail in the coffin." Alex slid the hypo into her hand.

"I know what you're doing here and I just can't let it happen Alex. Trajanescu holds the reins on an entire political party. One that has a chance of doing right."

Alex barked out a laugh. "Idealism from the super assassin. Oh that never gets old." She lunged to the left then spun out a kick barely blocked by Nikita.

Nikita's hand barely caught the hem of Alex's pants. She yanked affecting the younger woman's balance just long enough for her to spin in and smash at Alex's knee with an elbow. Alex cried out as she fell back. Her knee buckled as she tried to get back up. She threw a shoe at Nikita and sent a kick up with her other foot at the older woman's ankle. Nikita leapt onto the bed. Alex slid herself up the wall bracing herself until she could feel the fire that meant the leg was taking weight.

Nikita shook her head. "It's too late Alex. Michael has intercepted Trajanescu and his security team. Just let it all go."

Fury colored Alex's vision red as she threw herself at Nikita on the bed burying the hypo in the mattress where the other woman had stood just moments before. Nikita back handed her and as Alex tried to turn grabbed her chin and slammed her head back into the wall sending her into unconsciousness. "Sorry baby girl, this mission is more about you than Trajanescu. I'm taking you home," Nikita smiled, pain evident in her eyes. "I love you too much to let Amanda win, Alex." Nikita gathered the brunette in her arms.

"Guess again." Sean smiled from the door way. "Alpha team is already on the way... I'm willing to let you out of here alive because of Alex... Back away from her or I fill you full of holes, Traitor." Nikita moved toward Sean slowly. She was determined to kick every square inch of his ass. "Nikita, There's a Division team heading your way at a fast clip. Abort. We'll get her home next time. I promise. It's not all a loss, I have Trajanescu. He's safe," Micheal informed. "Copy that," Nikita sighed. "This is not over." She ran through the door way, disappearing into the distance.


	17. Chapter 17

**Itsmepeterpan: I'm glad you liked it. More Nikita and Alex to come. ;)**

**Nikalex: Nikita has only just begun to fight for Alex. Much more coming! :)**

* * *

Rachel stared into the darkness of her apartment bedroom. She tossed and turned several times before settling on her back. Her eyes glued to the ceiling. She glared angrily over at the alarm clock on the night stand.

_Four AM!_

Another sleepless night in her new apartment. She jumped up from the mattress, clicked on the bedside lamp, and began to pace across the hardwood floor.

_Music._

She turned the Ipod dock on and selected a track.

_I'll work out until I pass out. _

She knelt on the floor and began to stretch. Her cell ringing just as she began her calisthenics_._

"Hello?"

"Hi." The brunette's voice was low. Just above a whisper.

"Alex?"

"I just wanted to congratulate you on making agent, Rach.''

"Thank you."

"How do you like your new place?"

"It's nice."

"I picked everything out myself... Including the wardrobe."

"Oh?"

"I chose what I wanted to see on that sexy body of yours." Her tone shifting seductively.

"Do you like what I've chosen?"

"Yes, t-thank you," Rachel stuttered.

"It's four in the morning. Why are you calling?" Rachel frowned, her voice turning cold and formal.

"Is that music I hear," Alex whispered, ignoring the younger woman's question.

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"Lera Auerbach."

"Ah, Liszt, Sonata in b minor. It Reminds me of Chopin's Ocean Etude."

"Do you know her?'' _She listens to Chopin?_

"Of course I do. She is a famous Russian poet and composer. You have good taste, Rachel. I'm not surprised."

Rachel fell back against the mattress and sighed. The familiar butterflies had returned to dance inside her stomach. She stared at the ceiling and grinned. It was unbidden and disconcerting, she thought.

"Why are you up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"You'll adjust. Takes time, babe." _Babe? Since when?_

"You know what might help you sleep?"

"What?"

"Your hands in warm.. wet places."

"What?" Rachel choked and her eyes widened.

"We're both adults. Don't sound so shocked," Alex giggled. An uncomfortable silence fell between them for seconds.

"Do you ever think about me when you touch yourself?" Alex asked.

"I don't feel comfortable answering that, Alexandra." Rachel flushed. _Is she drunk?_

"Come on Rachel. Throw me a bone here. Just answer."

"I don't do 'that' when I think about you or anyone else, but yes," she hesitated. "I do think about it."

Her body was completely unexplored, even by her own hands. Rachel had always felt dirty and sinful when the thoughts of anything remotely sexual entered her mind. Too many years in private Christian school, too many sermons on the sin nature. Until she met Alex, she had only ever been kissed once, and that was when she was ten years old playing barbies with Ned, her rambunctious next door neighbor. That unwelcome peck on the lips ended with a punch to the boy's eye, and Ned running home in tears to tell his mother. She always told herself that she would wait for marriage, to give herself away to the one she planned to spend forever and always with... Part of her still felt that way. Part of her still held on to that fantasy even as an agent of Division.

"Do you think of my hands and lips all over your body?"

"Sometimes," Rachel breathed.

"I really want my hands on you right now, Rachel," Alex paused. "I could help you sleep better tonight. Just listen to my voice."

"Alex-"

"Hush and listen. Run your fingers over your breast... Tug on your nipples while I talk to you."

"Alex-"

"Imagine its me there touching you. My hands moving all over your body... my lips on your neck. You don't need to tell me what you want. I can fill in the blanks...I can see you blushing from here," Alex chuckled. "Believe it or not, it turns me on. Just answer yes or no to my questions." They both fell silent for a beat while Rachel pondered the sudden thaw of the ice queen.

"I've been picturing you lying beneath me while I make you scream in pleasure. You know this will happen soon, right?"

"I..."

"Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Y-yes." Rachel answered without hesitation. Mentally kicking herself for the admission.

"I want my fingers inside you so bad right now. I want to hear your moans become screams... Just for me... Do you want that?"

"Yes," Rachel whispered. The brunette's sultry tone made her head spin.

"I think of you tied to that bed in Kamenev's hotel suite. I wanted to fuck you right there."

"You did?"

"Yes, Rachel. You make me crazy. I want to fuck you until you beg me to stop, and then fuck you for hours more. If I was there right now would you let me?"

"Yes."

"Would you let me tie you up and do whatever I wanted?"

"Yes."

"That's good. My good girl. You're making me wet for you now. Touch yourself for me. Be my fingers."

"I shouldn't."

"Why? We are both consenting adults. It would please me if you did. Put your hand inside your panties for me...my words will guide your fingers."

Touching herself like that was a sin, a dirty, worldly sin. Her mind was still clinging to her life before Division. As if being an assassin wasn't sinful, she thought._ Should I?_ The idea of touching herself to feel sexual pleasure still made something deep in her psyche twitch with disapproval. She slipped her hand down to her side and to her waist, running her fingers down her hip, and around her thigh. Rachel slid her fingers slowly down toward her panties. Her face burning. Her heart raced and her body ached for the assassin.

"Are you doing it, beautiful?"

"Yes." As she inched below the waist band of her panties she heard a familiar voice in the background. _Sean._

"Sounds like you have company. I better let you get back to Sean.''

"Rachel—"

Rachel looked at her phone in rage and disbelief. She almost raised it back to her ear before hitting the disconnect button and tossing the phone toward the pillow. She frowned as she clutched the stuffed pig that Alex won for her at the county fair. "Sir Oinksalot, what am I going to do with these feelings?" she sighed, staring down at the pink porker.

Kneeling back on the floor she began her first series of calisthenics.

* * *

**Alex** opened the minibar. _Great, he drank the last of the vodka. Fucker! _She broke the seal on the bottle of water and went to the window. She closed her eyes and her mouth tightened as she felt Sean's hand on her shoulder. "Back off Sean."

He stepped back looking as shocked as if she had slapped him. "What's the problem here Alex?"

"The problem is you. I don't need you here anymore so I think that you should keep your hands off me and leave while you still can." She turned and gave him a challenging stare.

"You don't mean that."

She laughed. "God. Could you be more cliche and frankly more of a girl?" She put down the bottle of water. Alex made shooing motions with her hands. "Go on and find yourself a nice sheep or a Pollyanna or something cause there ain't nothing here for you. You just aren't man enough."

His face darkened.

She put her fingers over her lips. "Oh dear. Did I offend?" She rolled her eyes. "Leave before I lose my patience."

He got a thoughtful look on his face. "What are you trying to protect me from?" Sean doubled over as she kicked his stomach.

"Leave or you won't even have anything to offer a fucking sheep Sean."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I want to thank everyone for their PMs and Reviews. They mean a lot. ;)**

* * *

The first few days Rachel had trouble sleeping. It was as if she forgot how to live outside of the structure of Division. She scolded herself into action. She never lacked discipline before Division, and she wasn't about to start now. She quickly fell into a routine of her own. She joined a gym, found a church, and structured her life with a strict personal order that made her feel less anxious. She tried not to think about Alexandra. She tried harder not to think about her alone with Sean in some hotel somewhere in Romania. She was fairly certain they were not playing chess after a long hard day.

She sat on the patio deck of the coffee house. Book in one hand, spiced chai in the other. The fusion of nutmeg, cinnamon, and ginger delighted her palate.

Rachel barely heard the sound of people walking by her outdoor table. Her fingers found the tea by instinct her eyes never lifting from her copy of Jane Eyre. She had owned several copies of the book in her past life before Division. When she saw it out of the corner of her eye in a local bookstore; she recalled how much she missed the characters.

"_All my heart is yours, sir: it belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence forever."_

Rachel sighed. It was one of her favorite quotes from the book. She lost herself in the pages until her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Are you going to hang up on me again?"

"Well...its not 4 am. We'll see." They laughed simultaneously.

"I downloaded Lera Auerbach today. I forgot how much I missed listening to her stuff."

"What do you normally listen to?"

"I listen to a-" Alex was cut short by Sean's purposeful interruption that grew louder.

His jealousy and anger getting the best of him. He decided all was fair in love and war.

"Come back to bed, Alex. Keep me warm." She cut her eyes at the Navy Seal who sat back in the chair, a huge grin on his face.

"Rachel?" Alex frowned.

"What did you do that for you prick? She hung up on me again!"

"Mission accomplished," he chuckled.

* * *

**Rachel** sat in the small wooden pew staring up at the large crucifix on the wall behind the pulpit. The silence was deafening in the empty sanctuary. She sighed, her hands resting on her lap. She began to pray silently.

_I need to let go of my life before Division. Please help me._

She looked at the altar so like the one her mother genuflected in front of when she was younger. Images of her parents passed briskly through her mind, despite her best efforts to force them out. She was a killer now. Whatever her reasons god, country, or to save her own ass... could she ever see her father in heaven? She felt the sting of loss and regret.

_Rest in peace, Father. Two years ago today.. God chose to take you home. __I still miss you every day._

She wanted it all back. She wanted peeling picket fence and her mothers apple strudel. She wanted to be ten years old sitting on her father's lap. She wanted to be home baking with her mother on a Saturday afternoon. She wanted to be a good woman in her Mother's eyes as well as her own. Rachel sank forward onto the padded kneeler and asked god for what she knew she no longer deserved, forgiveness and a happy ending.

The tears streamed down her face as she thought about her old life.

_I really need your strength right now_.

The young agent wept; funeralizing her life and the people in it.

_Give me the strength to let go_.

Wiping tears from her eyes, she raised her head, taking in a deep ragged breath. She felt herself begin to let go.

"Rachel?" The familiar voice behind her startled her out of her memorial. Rachel instantly knew that Alexandra was sitting directly behind her.

"When did you get back?" Rachel stared straight ahead never turning to meet her gaze.

"Late last night," Alex whispered, leaning back in the pew.

"Am I being activated?"

"No."

"Why are you here then?"

"You don't waste any time with pleasantries these days, Rachel."

Rachel sighed. "How did things go in Romania?"

"Rogue agents... big fight. You know, the usual."

"Nikita?"

"Nikita." Alex sighed. "Who else but." Her lips pursed.

"I thought you might want to get some dinner. Celebrate your promotion."

Rachel stood to her feet and turned toward the assassin. Her head held high, as she glared down at her.

"No, thank you. Maybe you should try Sean. I'm sure he would enjoy your company."

"Rachel." Alex ran her hand through her hair, exasperated.

"Good day, Ms. Udinov."

* * *

**Rachel** smiled as she felt the burn in her muscles. It felt good getting stronger every day. Her gray sports bra and low hanging sweats revealed her six pack abs. Whatever else this place made her better physically and she was proud of it. She kept time with the rhythmic slap of the jump rope. The sweat dripping down her body; her skin glistening. Rachel figured since she had to be at Division she might as well get in a work out. Her eyes darted when she spotted Alex walking into the gym.

Rachel dropped the jump rope as she moved toward the punching bag. She moved in and out jabbing the bag; her corded muscles flexing. Alex stared at her lustfully before walking behind the bag. The brunette offering her a warm smile before placing her hands to either side of the punching bag.

"About dinner. How does Japanese sound?"

"Sean must be busy tonight," Rachel quipped, pursing her lips in a thin line.

"I made reservations for eight."

"No, thank you. I have plans."

"Cancel them."

"Would you look at the time... I better hit the shower before I'm late for my session with Amanda," Rachel glared, walking toward the showers.

Alex smirked as she watched Rachel walk away. She was astonished. What surprised Alex most was her enjoyment of it all. To be refused by this complicated young woman intrigued her. After Rachel following her around Division with puppy dog eyes for months. It was a new game that Alex wasn't used to. It turned her on - and she told herself right then and there - Rachel would be hers until she was sated. She would have her just to prove she could, and the things she wanted to do left a huge grin on her face. She would punish her for refusing her, for trying to force her to change, to commit. Who did she think she was? It had been a long time since she felt a deep achy desire for anyone. Since... _Nikita_. The game was on...and she wouldn't allow herself to break Amanda's cardinal rule. She would not allow herself to fall in love.

* * *

**Rachel** ran her soapy fingers over her body lifting her chin to allow the heated water to flow over her breasts and stomach. Out of the corner of her eye she caught someone entering the communal showering area. She closed her eyes and felt the water cascade over her scalp. Her ears picked out the sound of the water falling next to her. She backed her face out and cleared her eyes. She smothered a gasp at the sight of a very naked Alexandra Udinov showering next to her and watching her. Rachel turned to get the soap and busied herself getting a lather. She cursed the light blush that crept up as Alexandra's very attractive naked body kept creeping into the edge of her vision. Rachel hurriedly rinsed off and grabbed a towel. She looked back to have her eyes captured by the frank and sensual assessment of her own body by the other woman.

"You dropped your hair tie," Alex grinned, licking her lips. Rachel reached for the hair tie in the palm of the assassin's hand. The brunette closed her fingers around her wrist. A quick tug bringing Rachel closer. The touch of her hand mixed with the close proximity of naked flesh sent shock waves through Rachel's body. "We can skip dinner. Dessert suddenly sounds much better, don't you think?"

"You're mighty persistent Ms. Udinov." Rachel steadied her breathing as she felt her face flush. Her blood pounding through her body, warming places she didn't know existed.

"I'll see you around seven."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and PMs. Sorry about the delay. This has been a very busy week for me. I'll post when time permits. :) Enjoy!**

* * *

Rachel stood in the full length mirror. Her black strappy mini dress hugging her slender curves. Her onyx hair flowed in light waves like a small fast creek over rocks. She hated admitting it to herself, but she was growing increasingly nervous about her date with Alex. She sighed anxiously when the door bell rang.

Rachel swung open the door. "What's in the bag?" She smiled.

"Good evening to you, too. I told you I was bringing dessert. Grab me spoons and bowls," Alex smiled, walking toward the kitchen.

"I'm watching what I eat."

"Are you joking? Miss-I-ate-two-bags-of-cotton-candy at the county-fair? Like you need to do that. You have a perfect body." Rachel shrugged looking down at Alex who sat at the table making a sundae. "An Agent of Division needs to be in the best shape possible in order to be her best."

"Wow, you are properly conditioned. Amanda would get wet hearing you talk like that. Suit yourself. I'm having some... I even brought whipped cream," Alex grinned. "In a can." Her eyes suggestive, as she shook it in her hand.

"You didn't think I was actually bringing dessert, did you?"

Rachel flushed. "One never knows with you." They chuckled.

"You know Rachel, I don't normally chase girls."

"Is that what you call this, Alex?"

"I understand that you are looking for something that I can't give you."

"How would you know that?" Rachel eased down into the chair next to her.

"I just know, Rachel. I can see it in your eyes. You want...hearts and flowers. I'm not girlfriend material. I don't do commitment."

Rachel frowned. Her fingers anxiously twirled in her hair.

"It doesn't mean that we can't still be friends. I enjoy your company, Rachel."

"Me, too... Just friends then." Rachel stared at the brunette; her heart sinking. At least she finally knew where they stood with one another, she thought.

"Just friends," Alex repeated, licking the spoon.

"You really should try this ice cream."

Alexandra ran her index finger over the Reddi wip. "Try it"

Rachel opened her mouth allowing the brunette to slide her finger inside. That all too familiar feeling of butterflies hit Rachel; her stomach clenching. She felt her heart rate quickening, as Alexandra slid her digit in slowly up to the knuckle lingering there. Rachel sucked gingerly, visibly hesitant, their gaze steady. Alex was looking at her appraising. Eyes undoubtedly tearing through her outfit to her naked body beneath. She bit her bottom lip and smirked at the younger woman. Pulling her finger out; she rubbed her thumb against Rachel's bottom lip before leaning in and replacing it with her mouth. Sparks flew as their lips found rhythm. Alex slid her fingers through Rachel's hair and cradled her face. Their lips moved in sync, becoming progressively more aggressive. An achy need and desperation rising between them.

Moving in, Alex straddled her on the chair; returning to her lips once again. They lost themselves for minutes in their kiss. Rachel pulled back looking in her eyes, breathless. "It's okay. Relax," Alex soothed, weaving her fingers behind Rachel's neck.

She placed feather light kisses over her neck and back up to her mouth. "You're so beautiful," Alex breathed. She took a tight grip on the younger agents hair, tugging. "Can friends do this?" Alex ran her tongue up the side of her neck biting down. "What about this?" Alex whispered, grazing her slender fingers down to Rachel's breast. "I want you, Rachel." Her tongue slid across the younger woman's bottom lip and Rachel opened her mouth in invitation. "You've wanted this since we met." Alex smiled contemplating her next move. She gripped Rachel's hand and pulled her toward the bedroom. She walked backwards staring at the younger girl until the back of her knees felt the edge of the bed.

Alexandra placed her hands on either side of Rachel's face again, kissing her thoroughly. "I'm going to tie you to this bed, and have my way with you... unless you tell me to stop," Alex said matter-of-factly. The assassin turned her toward the bed. "Last chance to stop me." Rachel gazed at her with desire in her eyes. She took a deep breath before responding. "I don't want you to stop." Alex studied her expression. The corner of her lips curled into a grin. She had waited a long time for this moment. A ravenous look filled her stormy blue eyes, as she stepped into Rachel's personal space.

Alex's cell phone rang. "I need to take it. It could be Division." Rachel nodded as her phone also began to ring the moment Alex answered her call. It was Division. They were both needed right away.

"Saved by the ring tone," Alex teased.


	20. Chapter 20

Alex paced back and forth across Amanda's office. Her thoughts drifting to her earlier encounter with Rachel. She rolled her eyes in irritation at Amanda's timing. She had been so close to having her way with Rachel.

"Chen Zhengtang. He is a scientist working on a top secret project involving the manipulation of Gene sequencing," Amanda informed.

"Meaning?"

"Engineered viruses, Alexandra."

"Another kill mission? Can't you send someone else?"

"No, Alex. Our allies want him alive. I need the best on this. I need you... Do not disappoint me, Alexandra," Amanda glared. "Be a good girl... you can take a few days off when we have Chen...Take Rachel and a team."

"What about Sean?"

"Pierce can sit this one out. If he senses we're working with Gogol it could go south quickly. We can't afford any mistakes on this one."

Alex stared at the picture of Chen on the screen.

"Chen will be speaking in New York at a Global Science and Policy Summit."

"What's the cover story?"

"You're going in as a journalist. You will be interviewing Chen in his hotel suite at noon."

* * *

**Alex** pressed her fingers lightly against the comm in her ear.

"It's go time."

Alexandra squared her shoulders as she slipped confidently down the hotel corridor toward room 811. Her brunette ringlets flawlessly tucked in an elegant bun. When it came to undercover; she was always on top of her game. She barely knocked before a slender Asian man whipped the door open; and before she could introduce herself she was invited inside.

"Mr. Chen. I'm Michelle Maxwell from Science Today journal. I believe you are expecting me?"

Her black spectacles hung casually off the bridge of her nose as she smiled down at the handsome middle-aged man.

"Ah, Ms. Maxwell. Right on time." He ran his hand through his short black hair before offering her a seat.

"Mr. Chen. Thank you for having me on such short notice." The neatly dressed Asian man smiled down at Alexandra before lowering himself into the chair next to her.

"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Maxwell."

The assassin surveyed the room. Three guards and one very antsy looking aide were scattered throughout the luxurious suite**.**

"I'm rather pressed for time today, Ms. Maxwell. Please, let's get started. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please," Alex smiled, taking a note pad from her gray demure business suit.

"Mr. Chen, Since I already have your bio... we can jump right into it. Please tell me about your latest research on DNA sequencing of maternal plasma to treat and predict prenatal illness._**"**_

He droned on about his scientific research while Alexandra nodded feigning interest. The assassin jotted note after note on her pad while she waited for room service to arrive with their tea.

"Mr. Chen, your work is fascinating."

The rapping sent the aide hurriedly toward the door. "Room service."

Rachel entered the room with the service tray cart. The burly guard giving her and the cart the once over. She swallowed nervously before pouring the hot water over the tea bags. The guard quickly grabbing a cup from the tray. He eyed her suspiciously as he took a whiff of the tea. Rachel smiled causally up at him. He took a quick sip before returning it to the cart. "You may serve the tea now miss," he stated, nodding toward the aide.

Rachel placed the saucers and cups on a smaller tray. Taking advantage of the moment to deposit a small amount of liquid from the ring on her finger. One of the oldest spy tricks in the book, she thought. One light squeeze to the side of the ring provided just enough liquid to incapacitate her target within minutes.

Rachel carefully served the tea. She smiled at Chen before returning to the cart and making herself appear busy.

"Please continue, Ms. Maxwell, " he smiled, sipping his tea.

"I was just saying how fascinated I am with your work, Sir." Alex flashed him another smile.

"Thank you-"

Chen began to cough uncontrollably. He grabbed his throat before he fell to the floor below. "Oh my God! Mr. Chen are you alright?" Alex sprung to her feet.

"Stand back Miss," The guard ordered, bending down to assess the scientist. Alex stood back before she snapped a kick to his face and moved in to take his side arm. He quickly jumped to his feet landing a punch across her jaw; the gun flying from her hand. She ducked out of reach for the second punch and spun herself toward his back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and head. Twisting as hard as she could she heard as well as felt the snap. He fell lifeless to the floor. Alex scanned the room. Rachel was standing between the lifeless bodies of the other two men. Her weapon still firmly gripped in her hand. The last of the guards were down.

"What about the aide, Alex? What do we do with him?"

"We do to him what we've done to the others."

"Isn't he an innocent?"

"No such thing, Rachel. No witnesses remember?" Alexandra frowned up at the aide; her eyes narrowing. "I'll handled it. Get the cart." Rachel moved swiftly out of the hotel suite and within seconds returned with a large laundry cart suitable for transporting their target. "Good work, Rachel."

"Ops, target acquired."

"Exfil to the rendezvous. Our contact will be waiting for you."

"Copy that."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I love the reviews and PMs. Thank you everyone! I always welcome ideas for future chapters and new fics. I have a new idea kicking around in my head for a multi-chapter fic. Perhaps, as long as this one will be.**

** This chapter will be edited a wholeeeeee lot! A few things were added to this version that will not appear in the other, simply to tie up the loose ends with the chapter. You know why! So, just hop over to AO3 if you want to read the long kinky version. **

**For the Nalex shippers, I wrote a short piece of erotica just for you. It's over at AO3. They are by far my favorite ship.**

**Nikalex: More Nikita and Alex coming your way soon. ;)**

**Itsmepeterpan: I'm glad you're enjoying the ride. :)**

* * *

Silence fell in the safe house. They stared at the large wall mounted flat screen; frustration evident in Nikita's face. "It had to be Division," Micheal grimaced. Birkhoff nodded in agreement, as he muted the television. "Shadow-bot spat out some chatter among the Russians. It's likely that Amanda turned Chen over to Gogol."

Nikita leaned her forehead against the sliding glass door.

_What have you done, Alex._

She sighed as she turned to face Birkhoff._ "_I'm guessing Alex wasn't a hapless bystander in all of this." Birkhoff saw the pain in Nikita's eyes. He wished that he could tell her that Alex would be the last one involved in such a mission.

"Unlikely Nikki...Amanda would have wanted her best girl on this one."

Micheal was frustrated. He saw no point in dwelling on Chen. He knew that there was nothing they could do if Gogol had their hands on the Scientist. "Chen is down the rabbit hole. We won't locate him now." Nikita slammed her fist on the counter. "We are getting no where with this back and forth. I want Alex out of Division now!" Micheal and Birkhoff frowned at each other.

"Suggestions?"

Nikita glared at them both. "We need to get Alex out of Amanda's vice grip before we take Division down for good, Nerd." Nikita was at a loss. She second guessed her decision to wait on taking Alex against her will. If she had only taken her before she moved from her last apartment, she thought, but now her location was unknown.

"I'm with you on that, Nikki... but how?"

Nikita ran her fingers through her hair, exasperated. "We will figure it out. We always do," Micheal calmed, placing a hand on her shoulder.

* * *

**Alex** unlocked the door and and stepped inside.

"Don't just stand there girl... Come inside."

Rachel sauntered into Alexandra's apartment for the first time. The tastefully appointed living room with its hues of fall leaves seemed to envelope Rachel in the peace of the season invoked by the autumnal reds. The exposed brick, over-sized chairs and the invitingly situated couch brought out a desire to sit down and melt away in the younger woman. Although Alex didn't spend a lot of time at home; the place felt lived in. Its quiet elegance perfectly reflected the brunette, Rachel thought.

"Nice digs, super spy."

"It's okay for now," Alex replied, rolling her eyes at the younger girl. "It's nothing like my home in Russia."

"I would love to see that," Rachel smiled enthusiastically. "I've always wanted to go to Russia."

"Maybe you will one day. If you play your cards right...maybe you will see my bedroom tonight as well."

Rachel searched for the right response, feeling her calm cool exterior slip away. She was left speechless as she often was around Alexandra Udinov. Her normally witty come back got lost in the scent of Gucci Rush. Alexandra's trademark perfume always left her head reeling.

Alex closed the divide between them. She gently massaged Rachel's shoulder's before moving up to caress her cheek. She felt Rachel begin to tense under her steady gaze. "It's okay," Alex whispered, leaning in, she pressed a chaste kiss upon her lips.

"You taste so sweet," Alex moaned, deepening the kiss.

''I..Its the lip gloss...It's wet and wild strawberry..or was it wild and wet...how do they come up with these names...you have to wonder... I mean what are they selling us reall-."

"Rachel," she chuckled.

"Yeah?"

"Relax, its only me," she soothed, running the tips of her fingers down her neck, resting at her collarbones. Her words were soft and her tone seductive. Alex found herself amused at how easily she could make the agent crumble with a simple word or lingering touch. When it came to the mission, Rachel was no-nonsense, but up close and personal she was just a confused inexperienced young woman. Alex considered the best method of putting the younger woman at ease.

"How does wine sound?" she asked, moving toward the kitchen.

"Sounds good, thanks." Rachel's voice was suddenly and abnormally high. Her nerves were on fire, she had only hoped that she looked half as calm as her hostess. She considered how the evening would end. Rachel had no doubts about what she wanted. Alex was everything she imagined desiring, and more. A strong yet feminine presence, taller, self-confidence radiating from her blue eyes. For such a beautiful woman, she had the strength of a gladiator. No wonder she was a super spy, her beauty and charm were merely tools of the trade in this line of work. Looks can be deceiving, so damn alluring and deceiving, Rachel pondered.

Alex poured the Dalva Vintage. "I think you will like this." Her fingers brushed against Rachel's as she slipped the wine glass in her hand. Their eyes connecting. The lingering gaze elicited a gentle smile from the assassin who placed another chaste kiss upon the younger woman's lips.

"Enjoy the wine. I'll be right back."

* * *

Alex closed the bathroom door locking it behind her. She knew two things: One, she wanted Rachel, and Two, she wanted her now. She had hoped to have her writhing beneath her by now. She was amazed at her own impatience with the matter. Searching her pockets, Alex found the small brown vial that she had purchased the night prior. She plucked the hand held mirror from the drawer of her dark oak vanity before lowering herself on the stool. The brunette cut long white lines with her Division issued ID card while she thought about the young agent waiting for her in the next room. Alexandra didn't particularly like how Rachel made her feel. It was an unhinged desire that she couldn't shake from her head. One that she fully intended to quell before the end of the night.

''No attachments,'' Alex scolded, staring in the over-sized mirror above the vanity table.

* * *

Rachel stared at the small painting, twirling her hair with her finger._ It's fruit in a bowl_, she mused, hell if she saw the point of it.

"Another glass?" Alex offered, holding up the bottle. "I think one is my limit," Rachel shrugged.

"Don't be such a light weight. It will help you relax, and besides, we are celebrating tonight, agent."

"Okay, why not."

"A toast... We kicked some serious ass today. We make a good team, Rachel. Here's to us." Rachel smiled at her. "To us."

"So...how does it feel to be outside of Division? It's been a while now," Alex asked, reaching for the Ipod dock. She selected a play list before moving back toward the younger agent.

"It was an adjustment at first."

"I'm so proud of you for making agent, and for your work on that last op. I know it wasn't an easy mission, but you did what was expected of you. Always remember, Rachel... What we do saves lives." It felt less than honest even as she spoke it. She wondered if she was doing anything less than solidifying Division's conditioning in the younger woman. A tinge of guilt ran through the brunette, along with thoughts of Nikita.

"I know, Super spy...otherwise, I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger." Alex felt the emotion in her words. She slowly moved into her.

"I like this song."

"Me too," Alex smiled, swaying them gently to the music. She pressed their cheek's together, her hand's slowly crawling up the younger woman's back and into her hair, their slow dance continuing in silence.

"What was it like for you? You know, When you became an agent?"

Alex plucked Rachel's empty wine glass from her hand, sitting it on the kitchen counter. It was a simple question, but an uncomfortable one that delved into a past that she didn't want to think about.

The question itself felt dangerous. It might lead in to her time as a mole, her reason for infiltrating and even Nikita, which would in turn lead to her getting angry or swearing or both. All of which would ruin her plan to finally have the attractive young woman, all of which would be very very bad, she thought. No, she wasn't having this discussion. Gripping the wine bottle in one hand and Rachel's fingers in the other, Alex led her toward the bedroom.

"I guess I played my cards-"

Alex whipped her around by the hand kissing her roughly. She led the younger woman to the edge of the bed; ripping her jacket from her shoulders. Rachel sat back on the bed taking in the brunette who moved closer, sliding her fingers through dark tresses. Rachel's hands slid slowly up Alexandra's hips, as she leaned her cheek against her thigh.

Fisting onyx hair, Alex tugged, forcing glacial eyes into her own. Rachel gazed into the assassin, parting her lips; yielding to the soft strength of her kiss. Alex's lips were moist and hot and searching. She tasted like sweet wine. Rachel wanted to get lost in those lips.

"It's hot in here," Alex whispered, kissing her softly before pulling away.

Rachel sat anxiously twirling her hair. Alex's lips leaving her breathless and wanting.

"It is...hot."

Alex had grown to adore Rachel's fidgety habits. The way she looked at her hands when she was shy, or twirled her fingers through her long black hair when she was anxious. Outside of Division she felt comfortable enough to let her adoration for the younger agent show.

"I'm going to break you of that," Alex pointed, a determined smile on her face.

"Oh..yeah...I...its a bad habit-"

"I want you," Alex interrupted, amused at the younger woman's anxious expression. Rachel shuddered at the ferocious longing in her voice. "I have waited along time to get you alone and free of interruption." Rachel tried to speak, to say something, anything. Her voice catching in her throat. She opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out.

Alex sipped on the wine from the bottle, as she carelessly kicked off her heels, and tossed her jacket in the chair. She sat down next to Rachel. Her eyes full of dark desire.

"Here...I think you need this more than I do. Finish it," Alex snickered, tipping the bottle toward the younger agents lips. "I think you're trying to get me drunk, Ms. Udinov." Rachel grinned as she finished off the bottle. "I think it's working." She pressed her hands against the girl's face as she began to kiss her. Their tongues dancing slowly with quiet desperation for minutes.

"Let's get those off," Alex smiled, tugging at the younger agent's heels.

Rachel was hypnotized by blue eyes staring fervently into her own. Alex moved into her body, running her thumb over Rachel's bottom lip before she replaced it with her mouth. Fueled by cocaine and irritated at the pace; Alex straddled her younger lover, pushing her back further onto the bed. "I'm going to fuck you so hard."

Rachel gasped. The muscles in her belly clenching at the thought of the older woman's words in her ear. The brunette's kisses becoming more demanding, her tongue and lips coaxing. As her hand slipped beneath Rachel's blouse it began to trail its way up her quivering abdomen.

"You're shaking, babe. Tell me if you want me to stop," Alex breathed, caressing her breast with her palm.

"I don't want you t-to stop...go slow," she stuttered, her face flushing.

"Tell me what you like... toys...cuffs...I have it all...How do you want me to touch you?" She worked her fingers slowly down; unbuttoning Rachel's blouse and tossing it toward the chair.

"I've never exactly done...this." It came out as barely a whisper. It felt like a confession. The words toys and cuffs repeating in her head. It excited her in the deepest darkest places she rebuked for years.

"You've never been with a girl. I understand," she soothed, finding the clasp of her bra.

"I've never been with anyone."

Alex stilled.

"Are you telling me that you're a virgin... that you've never-"

''I've...never."

''Never?" Alex repeated, pushing herself back on her heels.

Alex rolled over and on to her side studying Rachel's expression.

"We don't have to do this," Alex insisted. "I can take you home."

"No," Rachel paused. "Alex..Before Division..sex...relationships.. were simply not a priority in my life. Dancing left little time for a personal life. I want this, Alex... I want you."

"But...Rachel-"

"You have no idea how long I've wanted you," she choked, looking down at her hands.

"First times are supposed to be special...with someone you're in love with Rachel...not a casual-"

''I do. I mean...I love you."

Alex was speechless. The L word was not something she wanted to hear. She had sworn off love when she swore off Nikita. The seriousness of the moment was threatening to be a buzz-kill. Her good time was increasingly becoming something that felt like strings.

Alexandra's thoughts began to race through her mind. She doubted that Rachel would have a better first experience than with someone who understood the importance and could make it meaningful. She thought about her first time. It had been just a few weeks before Division's attack on her family when Anton Kochenko caught her alone in her bedroom. Rough, unwanted, and painful; It was the beginning of the nightmare she spent years fighting inside her head. One that still plagued her. If she could give Rachel something good, something better; she was willing.

"It's a gift you know... you only get to give it away once," Alex explained, caressing Rachel's cheek with the back of her hand. "Are you positive that this is what you want?"

"I have no doubt that you're what I want."

"I guess you're not the only one getting a gift tonight then," Alex winked, tilting her head to the side. She rose to her knees slowly and seductively unbuttoning her shirt and tossing it to the floor with her pants. Crawling up the bed; she grabbed Rachel's skirt, unzipping the side and discarding it behind her.

"Your so beautiful, flawless. I want to taste every inch of your body."

She kissed Rachel slowly and passionately; her touch gentle and loving. She took her time, wanting to make the experience special for the younger woman. Rachel caressed Alex's face; running her hands slowly down her firm bicep. Alex could see inexperience and uncertainty in her hesitant touch and warm arctic eyes. She moved closer and straddled the younger woman. Alex kissed her hair line, and then her temple, and then her jaw and it was as if Rachel had always known her touch, always felt her kisses on her face. So familiar, so foreign; so electric, so soothing. Alex gripped her fingers, bringing their hands together over her ample cleavage.

"Touch me." Rachel captured hardening flesh in her palm; her mouth closing around the erect nipple. Alex ran her fingers into the back of Rachel's hair. "Feels good." She slowly eased the girl back against the mattress. She gazed down at her, running delicate fingers over her throat and down her chest, before lowering herself into a kiss. She felt more than lust. Alex worried that this was the beginning of an inferno that she may never extinguish. The thought frightened her as much as the implication. Her tongue brushed the edge of her mouth before heading toward the younger woman's neck."I want to make you feel good." Rachel moaned at every touch; her body moving uncontrollably beneath the assassin. Alex smiled at the affect, tracing her tongue slowly over her collarbone. She moved to fondle sensitive mounds; circling her tongue around a nipple. Alex couldn't remember the last time she bothered to slow her pace with anyone. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks.

_Nikita._

The world slowly began to disappear. Their bodies melding into one. Alex knew that what Rachel was giving her was more than casual. It was a one time gift that no one else would ever receive. She treasured it the way only someone who never had the same choice could. It was golden. Alexandra's walls seemed to fade with every passing moment. The girl beneath her tugged at her heart, and set her body ablaze. She began to let herself feel more than she even knew that she could. But... that was tomorrows problem, she thought.

For tonight ... her heart was free.


	22. Chapter 22

Rachel's eyes widened at the violent eruption of rainbow color in the night sky. The hot July evening was scorching. She lifted the front of her white tank top fanning the blazing skin beneath. Alex smiled as she sprawled on the blanket offering her an over-sized red, white and blue bomb pop. Rachel flashed her a gleeful smile of appreciation. A smile that always brightened the brunette's darkest days. "Thank you."

The dusky suburban park only illuminated by the random sparkler or rapid fireworks burst. Rachel's gaze fixed on the night-sky while she consumed the rapidly melting treat in her hand. Alex bit her lower lip as she fixated on Rachel. Her tongue licking over the Popsicle as it began to drip down her fingers. The younger woman was oblivious to her reaction. The brunette slid closer to her, eyes roaming over her svelte frame. Rachel was gorgeous. She leaned into her raven hair. "I know a better place to watch the grand finale." Alex sprang to her feet. She gripped Rachel's hand, guiding her toward the secluded area near the park. Rachel squinted her eyes in the blackness of the wooded area. She could barely see a foot in front of her. Alex grabbed her tank top and pulled her forward. She plucked the Popsicle from her hand. Rachel gasped at the sudden cold sensation slipping down her throat replaced in seconds by Alex soft warm tongue. Her tongue gliding over her throat slowly, as she eased her back into the tree. She lifted her tank and bra in one quick movement before she ran the flavored ice over her nipple. She smiled into Rachel's skin as she heard her breathing shift. Alex's tongue danced against a nipple before her mouth wrapped around it sucking.

Alexandra's dark eyes gazed at her through the shadows. She ran the Popsicle over Rachel's lips and into her mouth before replacing it with her lips. Hot lips and a cold tongue sent frissons of a whole different sort to the best parts of Alex's anatomy. She dropped the Popsicle as her arms slid around to hold Rachel close.

Alex pulled back slightly. "Just in time for the big bang," she teased. The night sky exploded with loud bursts of bright multicolored fireworks. Rachel turned resting her back against the brunette as the night-sky came to life. Alex wrapped her arm around her waist in a firm embrace, her free hand drifting down the side of her neck and over her breasts. Sultry whispers in Russian breathed in Rachel's ear, while slender fingers tugged at the button on her shorts, prowling beneath the waistband of her panties. Rachel's moans were muffled by the accelerated torrent of the grand finale.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Your reviews are love! Seriously.**

**I know you Nalex fans want more of them in this fic. It will happen. We have miles to go. We're not even at the half way point in this fic. Expect Amanda to come out and play soon. She is just itching to create some chaos. That said, I hope you all enjoy. It's about to get messy, ya'll. ;)**

* * *

Rachel came around the corner and stopped. She felt an icy wind blow around her heart as she saw Sean with his hands on either side of Alex's face as he kissed her thoroughly. Her mouth opened but no sound came out. Heat burned the icy wind away. She stalked up and pulled him away, spinning him around. She looked at Alex with fire in her eyes before stalking away.

Alex chased Rachel down the corridor; grabbing her roughly and swinging her around.

"Don't do this Rachel. Don't make a big deal over this."

"A big deal? Oh, why would I make a big deal over my girlfriend kissing the boy scout?"

"Girlfriend? Rachel... I am not ... we are not a couple. Whatever you thought-"

"Doesn't matter what I thought. I get it." The tears began to flow, despite her resolve not to cry.

"Look...we have a good time together. Why ruin it with more?" Alexandra cupped the younger woman's face, attempting to calm her.

"I love you, Alex," she sobbed, wiping at the tears sliding down her cheeks. "You're more than a good time to me."

"Love?" A look of disgust fell across Alex's face as she grew increasingly more irritated.

"I never asked for your love. It's obvious to me that you can't handle a mature relationship, Rachel. I'm going to apologize to Sean for your immature behavior... you... grow up." The brunette threw up her hands, storming away down the corridor.

* * *

**Rachel** sat alone at the corner table in the dimly lit nightclub. Her index finger tracing the rim of her cocktail glass as she stared into oblivion. The small dance club was jam-packed with a swarm of college kids and townies dancing to the Deejay's mix. Three shots of tequila and two cocktails later, she still couldn't get the image of Sean's lips and hands on the brunette out of her mind. Rachel chided herself. How could she be so stupid? Alex had looked at her disgusted when she confessed her love. The assassin's mocking tone left her feeling used and discarded.

Alex never made her any promises. She had always asserted that it was just a good time, and Rachel had accepted the fact every time Alex approached her with lust in her eyes. The truth was she could never get enough of Alexandra's hands on her body and lips on her mouth. She craved Alex deep inside, and even after harsh words, she wanted to be in her arms tucked away from Division and the entire world.

"Can I buy you a drink," she asked, pulling Rachel from her reverie.

Rachel gazed up from her glass assessing the young blonde that stood a few feet from her table. She was tall, attractive and fit, but she wasn't Alex. Her long blonde hair fell causally passed her shoulders. Her off-the-shoulder top revealing her dark tan. The v that dragged down her cleavage nearly met her belt, the only thing keeping her fashionably and strategically holed looking micro-mini around her waist. She smiled down at Rachel who sipped casually at her drink.

"Got one, thanks," Rachel replied, raising her glass.

"Not to sound cliche, but what's a beautiful girl like you doing alone in a place like this?''

"Drinking."

"Sounds tragic. I'm Kelsey." They laughed simultaneously.

"Nice pick up line," she smiled. "I'm Rachel."

"Nice to meet you, Rachel. Would you like some company?"

"I'm not really in the mood."

"Okay, a dance then," Kelsey grinned, extending her hand.

"I'm not very good company tonight, but thank you for the offer Kelsey."

"Come on, its just a little dance. I'm not proposing or ordering a u-haul." Rachel focused on the girl reluctantly.

"Okay, sure," she chuckled.

Kelsey pulled Rachel toward the dance floor. Her glassy eyes filled with alcohol and lust for the other woman. The blonde saw in Rachel the night's conquest. She wrapped her arms around her neck, dancing seductively to the music.

"Happy Pride, Rachel."

"Pride? Oh...yeah. You, too."

"I gather this is your first?"

"Yes, I guess it is."

Rachel lost herself in the music and the beautiful blonde that desired to take her home. She didn't notice the texts or her phone vibrating in her pocket. The more she drank the less Alexandra Udinov and Division entered her mind. Rachel never had hard liquor before. She had wine on a total of two occasions, and one of them had been with Alex. Her head was spinning wildly to the beat of the music pounding in her head. As the evening grew late, She regretted her decision to drink at all.

When Kelsey grabbed her by the collar and pushed her tongue deep into her mouth, she wrapped her arms around her neck and opened to her kiss. She wanted to feel desired after Alex mocked her. She needed to feel something, anything, besides heartache.

"You're so sexy." Kelsey grabbed Rachel's hand and led her off the dance floor.

"Where are we going?" Rachel slurred, trying to keep her equilibrium.

Kelsey tugged her passed the bar and through the hallway. Rachel's knees weakened the moment she felt the blonde press her into the wall. A heady mix of lust and alcohol overwhelming her. She tried to brace herself against the wall behind her. Kelsey's soft warm lips closed around hers; and she felt herself let go.

Rachel's fingers brushed over her vertiginous forehead, as she moved her hand to steady herself against the girl. "Come home with me." Kelsey whispered, catching her lips again in a lustful kiss. Her hands roamed slowly over the agent's hips, as Rachel considered her proposition. The blonde continued her pursuit until she felt a hand grab hold of her roughly and pull them apart.

"Time to go, Rachel." Alex turned Rachel toward her. The fire in her eyes unmistakable.

"Excuse me. Who the hell are you?" Kelsey asked, standing toe to toe with the brunette.

"Leave now, Blondie," Alex barked. She pulled the younger agent toward the bathroom entrance. Rachel's inability to stand up straight and walk without staggering served only to enrage Alex further. "How much did you drink, Rachel?"

Kelsey protested, yanking at the brunette's leather jacket. Swinging around, Alex punched her, the force sending her into the wall behind.

"Alex, Stop."

Alex stared at Rachel; her eyes questioning. She hooked her fingers around Rachel's wrist; pulling her through the bathroom door and locking it behind her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Rachel yelled at her. "How did you find me?"

"Tracker, idiot. How do you think?"

"You can't come here and behave like this." She straightened herself, looking ever collected.

"I can do whatever I want. We own your ass, or did you forget that? You are an agent of Division."

"Fine, Barbarian...What's the big emergency? Am I being activated?"

"I'll ask the questions... Are you drunk? Why are you here? Who was that girl tongue fucking your mouth?" The questions came angrily and with rapid fire one after another.

"Enjoying a night off. We are allowed that..now get off of me!"

Rachel jerked away from Alex's grasp. She felt embarrassed and angry at her aggression toward Kelsey. She didn't understand it. She didn't want to understand it. She just wanted to go home and leave Alex standing there in the bathroom of the club.

"Don't walk away from me," Alex snapped, slapping her across the face.

Rachel smoothed trembling fingers over her burning cheek. She couldn't believe that Alex would slap her. Her fiery eyes gaped at the brunette as she paced across the tile floor.

"I'm sorry," Alex said softly, reaching out to touch her face.

"No, you're not," Rachel raged, swinging at the brunette with her fist.

Alexandra's eyes widened as she ducked. Countering, she grabbed Rachel by the hips; picking her up and sitting her on the edge of the sink.

"Put me down."

"Settle down, Rachel."

Alex stood glaring at Rachel who met her gaze with equal amounts of fury. Neither relenting until Alex ran her fingers through her hair and sighed.

"I didn't like seeing your slutty little display with.. that girl."

"Oh, well, I'll go apologize to her while you go fucking grow up," Rachel quipped. She wanted to lash out at Alex and show her just how much she had hurt her back at Division.

Alex smirked, her eyes darkening. She closed the space between them instantly. Her lips forcing a bruising kiss. Rachel breathlessly pushed her away. Her palms firmly pressing into her shoulder's as she gazed into the brunette for seconds. "You're mine, Rachel." Alex returned to her lips, deepening the kiss until Rachel stilled; submitting her mouth to rugged desire. Alex's tongue claimed her, fighting for control of her movements. Her finger's gripped at the side of her neck; while her free hand trailed up her thigh and under her dress. There was something almost sleazy about the act. It was rough and raw; a fiery passion that would not be denied. Alex pulled back for a beat. Predatory blue eyes observing her before she slipped her fingers into moist panties. She languidly grazed over her wetness. Every touch heightening her own desire.

"I wanna hear you say it." Rachel was startled by the sudden command, the steel in her voice.

"Tell me." The Alexandra Udinov that only Amanda knew existed had surfaced, and she wanted to play with her younger lover.

Rachel searched Alexandra's eyes. She wasn't entirely sure what Alex was offering her, but she wanted it just the same. She needed Alex inside her, fingers tangled in her hair and teeth on her neck. She wanted to be consumed by the older woman until she collapsed begging no more.

"I'm yours."

* * *

**His** fingers held the blinds cracked as he peered like a featherless vulture at the tiny figures below. Sean adjusted the focus on the binoculars as the scene came to life. He had eyes on the prize. He glanced over at the brunette with a grin. Alex looked through the scope of her Barrett .50 Cal. Her finger lingering dangerously over the trigger of her sniper rifle. A slow smile crept up as she targeted Nikita with her sights. She allowed herself the momentary thought of taking the shot as flashbacks of her father's murder skittered through her mind.

"You know, you could take the shot and she would never know what hit her. We could be rid of her once and for all."

Alexandra glared up at him from the rifle. Her lips pursed in a thin line.

"Sean, you are not in charge here. This is my mission. You're just a foot soldier like the rest of my team."

"Just admit it. You're still hung up on Nikita. Does Rachel know that I'm not her only competition?"

"One more word and it will be you I put a bullet in... now focus! Sideswipe is the mission not Nikita."

"St. Lucia is a beautiful place," he murmured, staring out at the white sandy beach. "Maybe we could get a drink when this is over?"

"Just keep your eyes on Sideswipe. As soon as Team Nikita is in play... we will move in with our team."

"Why are we waiting again?"

"I want Nikita to do the heavy lifting," she smirked at him.

"What if-"

"Sean! Just follow my instructions."

* * *

Nikita took another sip from her Cosmopolitan before standing to her feet. She thoroughly surveyed the area before pressing her finger against the com in her ear.

"Micheal, no sign of Division. I think for once we are a step ahead on this Sideswipe thing. Keep your eyes and ears open just in case. We're heading toward the target now."

"Copy that. I've got you in sight. I'll move in when you give me the signal."

* * *

Nikita gave a thin smile to the Egyptian as she picked up the briefcase. "A pleasure doing business with you gentlemen."

A younger man in the same cut of suit, woefully inappropriate for paradise broke in. His eyes narrowed. "She smells like Interpol."

She shook her head with a pitying look. "Too much caffeine it seems." She turned to see the older man look to his bodyguards. They came at her.

"So much for that." She slammed the briefcase into the nearest man's chest to back him off then smashed a spiky heel into the tender side of his knee. She wrapped her free hand in his tie and yanked his head down hard using his momentum to pull him down and across her body as the others came at her. Nikita pushed him away throwing the youngest man off his stride as she grabbed a bottle and swung it against the second bodyguard's head. Kicking the first man's face she dropped to avoid the younger man's pummeling charge. She threw her briefcase laden arm up between his legs. He crashed down. The boss ran out of the meeting room.

The woman drew in a deep breath. It hitched as she heard the stealthy steps of multiple professionals coming into the room. She knew it had been too easy.

"Hello Nikita," Alex grinned. "Isn't this a pleasant surprise. It's like one big family reunion. You even brought Birkhoff."

"I should have known you were here, Alex. What do you say to calling off your dogs and the two of us go have a very long conversation. I'll even buy you one of those cute little fruity drinks with the umbrellas."

"What fun would that be? I much rather kick your ass."

"Have it your way."

Nikita smiled as Alex immediately went into aggressive mode. The younger woman didn't have patience. She blocked a pair of punches with the briefcase which unfortunately covered Alex's knee coming up and hitting the bottom of the case. The jolt was just enough to loosen Nikita's grip. Alex pulled the case and flung it at an overstuffed chair nearby.

"Nice," Nikita offered.

"Not this week." Alex shot back as she fired punch after punch at the slowly circling woman. Nikita tried to work her way back to the side of the room the case was on. The brunette was holding her with fast punches and kicks.

"Got it," called Sean as he slid into the room.

Alex hit her former mentor with a small hand held electric prod. She smiled sadistically at the jolt produced.

"Kicking ass would have been satisfying but I have places to be. Thanks for doing the heavy lifting Nikita."

"Alpha team, move in. Secure the location until we are wheels up with the case."

"Alex, we're still trying to help you. Don't do this, damn it. Nikki loves you." Alexandra looked at Birkhoff with deep regret in her eyes.

"Birkhoff, I don't need your damn help. Take Nikita and get the hell out of here while you can. Consider that the best offer I can make before Alpha team arrives. I'm sure Micheal could use your assistance about now," Alex gritted, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Alex...what did Amanda do to you? Do you even know?"

Confusion filled her stormy blue eyes. Her gaze turned from Birkhoff to Nikita and back again.

"Go! Before I change my mind."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: A little Nalex in this one. ;) (AO3 has the missing chapters.)**

**chpll1525: Amanda will be showing up in the next chapter. ;)**

**Nikalex: I'm sending this one out early just for you. ;)**

* * *

**The** hot water cascaded over her soapy brunette hair. Alex leaned her palms against the cold tile of the shower wall allowing the hot water to relax her tense muscles. The song on her Ipod ended and a new tune began to play. The song immediately tensed her already tight muscles more._ I forgot this song was still on this playlist._ Her mind began to drift into the past...

_Alex closed her eyes and hit the remote pausing the music. Sensual guitar rhythms on Valentines day. She thought of Nikita and smiled. Her eyes opened and she stood as she heard the door in the loft open and close._

_Nikita tossed her a burner phone with a grin. "Happy Valentines Day." She chuckled and went over the protocols, smiling more and more broadly at Alex working harder and harder not to say 'duh' to every word of her lecture. She was about to turn as she saw the disappointment on Alex's face. "What's wrong Alex?"_

_"Just thought it would be easier on the outside."_

_Nikita's fingers brushed over her cheek. "It's never going to be easy for us. Can't let your guard down. Live the lie," she said as she turned and moved toward the computer._

_"Until the lie becomes your life," Alex responded sadly._

_Nikita nodded. "I hacked into a traffic cam. It let's me know when the heart is on the mailbox."_

_"Heart?"_

_"Yes, that let's us know if there is a drop to pick up."_

_Alex's hand slipped over her shoulder. "That's Fletcher? He's cute."_

_The older woman smiled and tugged the hand to her lips. "Jealous?" Her tongue teased Alex's fingers. She swiveled in the chair and pulled Alex into her lap. Her arms slid around the Russian's waist. "What say we have a nice candle lit dinner after we do a pick up?"_

_Alex leaned back, her eyebrow rising. "A Valentine's Dinner isn't going to make me forget that you are tracking a cute CIA agent on our special day."_

_Nikita wove fingers in Alex's hair and pulled her in for a deep exploring kiss. "How bout dinner and a massage?" She gave a sultry grin._

_Alex shrugged. "It's a start." She leaned back in to continue the kiss._

Alex jolted back into reality as the next song began to blare._ God damn it, Nikita._ Her fist clenched before it made contact with the shower wall repeatedly. She sighed at the buzzing sound of her door bell. Flipping her dripping hair back, she headed for the door.

"Rachel."

"A-alex."_ Has she ever heard of a towel?_ She was...gorgeous...and completely naked, of course. Rachel's eyes opened wide as she stared at her sexy wet body. Water streamed down her torso and continued along perfectly muscled thighs. Her body was taut and smooth, her skin glistening under the overhead lighting. Rachel was instantly hot, like moist panties hot, and her underwear suddenly felt snug between her legs. Miss fucking confident didn't bother to cover herself before she answered the door? She was a goddess, Rachel thought, and damned if she hid it.

Rachel held up a brown paper bag. "I thought I would bring you something to eat from that Japanese place you like. I know you worked all night."

"You should have called first. I'm a little busy," she informed, her long hair dripping down her shoulders.

Rachel frowned. "Let me guess... Sean?"

"No," Alex murmured.

Rachel furiously elbowed her way passed the brunette. Opening the door to Alex's bedroom she stopped dead. A woman's back curved gently out of the bedding. From the position of the sheets, Rachel could see she was naked. From the state of her hair, Rachel could see she was more than just Alexandra's pal who drank too much and crashed. Someone got laid, her pessimistic side crowed.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Rachel's face tightened.

"I didn't ask her name."

"Fuck...fuck...fuck, Alex." The word was coming easier, now. She liked using it. It was a hard, dirty, sinful word. It made her feel less like a good little Christian girl, which she suddenly wondered if she was anymore. Her hands were fists, and she could feel her cheeks burning.

_Alexandra fucking Udinov, the ice queen, the heart breaker_.

Alex caught her glare. "Rachel, relax."

Rachel's skin prickled into goosebumps, and she felt something hard and hot forming in the pit of her stomach. She had always been a level-headed type of girl, not given to hysterics or outbursts. She always tried to do the right thing, the intelligent thing, the good thing. She gave her virginity to her first love, saving herself up until then for marriage. She was the good girl, she thought. But, in that moment, with her eyes darting between a naked stranger and her first true love, she was ready to go completely bat-shit crazy. It was a fight or flight moment, or rather, a kill or run moment. She had given up every ounce of herself and even her control, and for what? Alex had not even so much as said the L word in the heat of passion. Not once! She wanted to rip a bitches hair out and claw out an eye, and it scared her. She was close to losing it now.

Rachel took a deep breath and exhaled. "You are unbelievable, you know that? Goodbye, Alex," Rachel gritted, shoving the paper bag in her arms.

* * *

**Her** heart pounded to the beat of her feet racing over the wet concrete. Rachel ran so fast she thought she might collapse. She bolted down wet side walks and through cluttered alleyways. She didn't know where she was going. The sidewalk blurred below her as she felt the surge of adrenaline flow through her.

Alex chased her through the down pour only catching up to Rachel when she tripped barely catching herself against the corner building. She stood drenched by the downpour, shivering as Alex held her to the wall.

"Stop!"

The force of the assassin's grip kept her from breaking away and running again. Rachel stilled herself and tried to pull in a deep ragged breath. Alex pulled back. Her eyes pleading.

"Why can't you fucking love me, Alex?''

Her heart was pounding out of her chest. She kicked herself mentally for saying it, but she had to know. Alex met her gaze. She stared into her for seconds before looking away. They were silent as the rain soaked through them thoroughly.

''I'll never be like other girls you could be with Rachel,'' Alex choked, breaking the silence.

"Why don't you find yourself some...vanilla good girl who can give you the fairy tale you're so fond of?''

"I don't want that. I want you!"

"You say that now, but you will try to change me." _Just like Nikita,_ she thought.

"I wouldn't.''

"No, Rachel. The reality is you couldn't. I don't want to change. The only thing that will be different in six months is you.''

"I don't care,"

''My life experiences are nothing like the majority of women you will meet in the future. I'm not ready to get into the details of it...but because of this...I need to always be in control of my body and the things around me. I'm not the girl next door is what I'm saying," Alex insisted, pacing back and forth.

"I love you for who you are Alex...not who I want you to be."

Alex meet her gaze once more."Because I care about you...I also feel the need to warn you. I don't want to hurt you, but chances are if you continue your attempts to get closer to me I will. I'll never love you in the ways that someone else could, but make no mistake Rachel I do love...you."

Alex's confession shocked them both. Love was on her tongue and she felt threatened by her own admission. The last time she spoke those words were to Nikita in the loft. She was laying in Nikita's arms when the words poured out so easily. But she had been different back then, she thought, so damn quick to trust her mentor and lover. She regretted it every day since she learned the truth of Operation Pale Fire.

"I'm controlling, driven by a need for power, and anything that gets in my way is destroyed. You need to know that before we go any further."

Alex thought about Nikita as she spoke the truth. Her eyes pleading for Rachel to stay and to go. The brunettes need to warn as clear as the love in her eyes. Rachel didn't care about the rules or the warning. She was in love for the first time in her life and she was more than willing to play it Alexandra's way.

"I've held back a lot with you. That girl in my bed is just a faceless fuck to me, but it's a mutual understanding you see. She knows what I'm going to do because she sought me out for it. Despite everything...You are still very sweet and innocent to me, Rachel. Part of me wants to do things to you...with you...and the other wants to protect you from it."

"I don't want you to feel that way. You don't need anyone else, Alex. You are the last thing I want to be protected from...just because I'm inexperienced doesn't mean I don't want it...I want all of you."

"If we do this Rachel. If I give you what you want...It has to be on my terms. You must obey me. Otherwise I –'

"Okay," Rachel interrupted. "Your terms."

_She loves me!_ The voice inside Rachel's head repeated. The younger woman considered all the ramifications of the action she was about to take. All she wanted was some acknowledgment that the other woman loved her. That it was more than a sexual fling to fill in time between missions. Now Rachel had it. She felt the brunette's vulnerability touch the surface with her words. It wasn't an easy kind of mundane love being offered, but it was a love she could hold on to with every piece of her heart.

"Are you sure?''

Rachel wondered how someone so outwardly gentle and compassionate could also hold such dark fantasies. She wondered all the more if she could fill those needs now that she had the love and commitment she sought for so long.

"Rachel, I-"

Rachel stopped the assassin in mid sentence with a kiss. A kiss that deepened as desperate fingers gripped at wet brunette hair. The answer Alex had been searching for was in the frantic nature of their kiss. Rachel had sealed their relationship without words. Reaching out, Alex grabbed her wrists and forced them down behind her back. A sudden rough kiss that made Rachel's knees weak came without warning. Her breath hitched as the brunette peered down at her. A dark desire clouding her blue eyes.

"Remember who is in control."

Rachel nodded as Alex reclaimed her lips; never relenting on the grip she held on her wrists.

"Lets get out of the rain."


	25. Chapter 25

Rachel knocked on the door of Alex's office. She slowly poked her head around the door frame. Alex was sitting at her desk on the phone. She spoke authoritatively to someone on the other end of the line. Her words switching from Russian, to English and then back again before she ended the call. The heiress stood from her leather chair and walked over to the blinds closing them. Her long brunette curls fell perfectly down her shoulder's.

Rachel gazed at her adoringly."You wanted to see me?"

Alex wiggled her finger. "Come here, Beautiful." A faint warmness entered the younger woman's heart from her sweet words.

Alexandra's strong callous hands gripped at the sides of her neck as she leaned in capturing her mouth. Rachel felt herself melt away under Alex's warm velvety lips. The brunette's tongue slid across her lips finding entrance. Rachel felt her muscles clench on contact. As often as she tried to maintain her cool around Alex, she always melted under her touch.

"Happy birthday, Rachel," Alex smiled, tugging a small gift wrapped box from her pocket.

"Alex, I wasn't expecting you to remember."

"Of course I remembered."

"Thank you," she whispered, hugging Alex tightly.

"Don't just stand there. It's not going to open itself."

Rachel ripped through the elegant blue paper. A small velvety black box revealed. Tears pooled in her light blue eyes as she opened it. Rachel was surprised that Alex had the time to remember her birthday. The thought itself made the contents irrelevant to her.

"It's beautiful, Alex. You didn't have to do this." Rachel ran her finger over the silver charm bracelet in her hand.

"See the little dancer? That's so you will always remember your passion. The silver butterfly signifies transformation. A chance at a new life...and the heart inside a heart, I..well...I think that's self explanatory."

Alex wrapped the bracelet around Rachel's wrist as she kissed her again. "I'm taking you to dinner. I made reservations for eight."

"What should I wear?"

"I already took care of that. You will find it in the box on your bed." Alex's warm blue eyes spoke volumes, she thought, the way they seemed to look at her with all the gentleness and affection.

"You think of everything," Rachel smiled up at her.

They kissed unaware that Amanda stood in the doorway lurking. Alexandra no longer sought to hide their budding romance around Amanda. As far as she was concerned; It was none of Amanda's business. She was her equal and her private life wouldn't be infringed upon by Division.

Amanda cleared her throat and stepped forward. "Alex, Sean is waiting for you in operations to review his last mission."

"Amanda, you have unfortunate timing."

Alex returned her gaze to Rachel. "I'll see you tonight," she beamed, brushing her fingers under the younger woman's chin.

"Okay." When Rachel lost sight of the older woman, she turned, catching Amanda's steady glare.

"She is all hearts and flowers these days. It's like a whole new Alex...That girl has always reminded me of one of those Russian dolls. You open one version of her, only to find there's another hidden inside."

Rachel stiffened. "That seems to go hand and hand with a life filled with trauma."

"That almost came across as defensive, Rachel." Amanda stood with her hands on her hips; a stern look crossing her face.

"I should be clear, Rachel. We frown on relationships here at Division."

"She's your partner here at Division right, Amanda? Surely, the head of Zetrov is capable of deciding who she wants to be with." Rachel swallowed hard; her fingers twirling through her hair. She stared defiantly into Amanda's eyes.

"Do not think that you're anyone special to Alexandra. You are just a momentary distraction, and frankly...you're beneath her," Amanda smirked, turning on her heel and walking away.

* * *

**Alex** sat across from Amanda. Her blue eyes as empty as the sky their color invoked.

"Alex?" The click, click, click of snapping fingers flashed in front of her eyes. "Alexandra?"

The voice speared her like a harpoon, her words a rope dragging Alexandra back.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know."

She had only closed her eyes a moment, and when she opened them a whole epic had unfolded. The typhoon of emotions had passed away. Where? When? She couldn't say. The emptiness left in it's wake made her feel powerful. Is this feeling without feeling? Thought without thought? Where was her mind?

"You are relaxed, Alex."

"Relaxed, yes."

She traced her finger over her father's watch; tapping at the face with her nail._ Missing time. Damn watch. _

"Good... Drink your tea."

Alex mindlessly sipped at her tea; finishing it all under The Inquisitors' watchful gaze.

"Sit up straight, Alex."

She felt heavy from the shifting of her own weight; her blue eyes blinking rapidly. The feeling of being outside herself began to ease. She held her head up and squared her shoulders.

"Good girl."

* * *

**Nikita** recognized his cologne as he came into the room. His fingers slid up and over her shoulders. Trusting Michael, craving a loving touch, she melted back against him. To his surprise she was responding to him.

His lips brushed her temple. "I want you, Nikita. Do you want this?" He asked quietly. His thumb circled a knot as his lips traveled slowly down the column of her throat.

Nikita tilted her head allowing better access to her vulnerable throat. His fingers circled lower, the front of the shoulders, along her collarbone. She moaned as his teeth lightly scraped the very sensitive flesh over her pulse before soothing with a kiss.

She arched at the feel of fingers along the sides of her breasts, her nipples. Her head lay back against his shoulder as his thumbs first brushed then led the charge to tug and massage.

"Michael, I don't want to give you false hope. It wouldn't be fair to you or to Alex," she whispered.

"It's okay, Nikita. I know it doesn't change anything right now. I'm going to bring Alex home to you...to all of us. She's family. I promise you."

She stood to turn and kiss him. Her fingers finding his, and gripping tightly, before she turn again to lead him toward the bed.

* * *

**Rachel** closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. She opened it at the smell of a well cooked... twinkie? She smiled as she stood and accepted her deep fried twinkie from her date. "Oh Alex, you really know how to treat a date."

Alex chuckled. "Nothing but the best. Dinner, a show or seven and I will even walk you to your door after."

"And are you expecting a kiss good night?"

Alex wiggled her eyebrows. "At the very least."

Rachel laughed and raised her dinner on a stick. "You are going to have to do better than this heart attack waiting to happen, Slick."

The other woman leaned in. "There's funnel cake for dessert." She laughed and held out a hand. Fingers locked, they walked from one music stage to another. Rachel was surprised when Alex whisked her away for the Women's music festival. It was a rare occasion, she thought, when Alex would relax and indulge in anything remotely fun.

Dinner was swiftly eaten as they danced first to Celtic Rock, then to folk and the sounds of the 60's. Rachel laughed out of breath. "No more," she moaned leaning into Alex.

Giggling the other woman wrapped an arm around her. "You can't tell me you're already done in."

"Totally the wrong shoes for dancing more than an hour," she confessed.

Alex helped her back to one of the picnic benches and nearly upended her trying to get her shoe off. A slightly panicked Rachel pushed up but immediately went limp as skillful fingers massaged the bottom of her foot. Rachel groaned. "Look at that. Date's not even over and you already got my feet in the air."

"Haven't had the funnel cake yet," Alex quipped back. She smiled at the relaxation in every line of the other woman."We need to do this more often."

"Foot rubs, absolutely."

"Days out that don't involve Division actually."

"I'm glad you feel that way, Alex."

"Well, you make me feel that way, Rachel." Alex's fingers circled her aching forehead.

"Another one of your headaches?"

"I'm fine, Rach. No worries. Now give me that foot."

Rachel groaned at a particularly good foot manipulation. "I want more notice for dancing so I can wear the right shoes."

"Done."

"Damn Alex, you have a future in foot massage. Do that to the other foot, you definitely get something better than a good night kiss." Rachel chuckled as she continued to work.

"Magic fingers, babe." Alex winked and grabbed for the other foot.


	26. Chapter 26

**Ayushi95: Thank you for that review. When I started writing Rachel she sort of just came to life on her own. Then, Ksenia Solo just kept coming to mind as time past. :)**

**Nikalex: Nikita/Rachel coming very soon. Plus some new revelations. ;) Glad you enjoyed it.**

* * *

Michael slid back around the corner. "Dr. Chen is locked down tight. Going to be a tough extraction. If we didn't need to know where he stashed the viral profiles, I would say laying him out would be the best option all around."

"Ryan wants him alive." Nikita's face tightened. "Birkhoff? Anything we should know?"

"Hair weaves don't stop bullets but a laptop battery will."

Nikita shook her head. "What?" she asked puzzled.

"Sorry. Myth-busters marathon. Gogol is parked in the old hotel. Now here is the fun part. The ballroom is too short."

"Still not being clear Birkhoff," Michael growled. He lightly smacked his fist into the wall a few times.

"The hotel was built during the height of Levi jean smuggling. If I were Gogol I am thinking I would be heavily guarded and hidden...maybe in a chamber reached from the ballroom."

"So the guards focused around the penthouse?" Nikita looked up at the upper reaches of the building.

"It might be Chen, but if I were working on an evil Ebola rewriting viral mastermind, I wouldn't put him where airborne could be a huge issue." Birkhoff growled. "What kind of asshole overwrites episodes of Myth-busters?"

Nikita rolled her eyes. "Michael, we have one shot. It is important that we undo what Alex and Amanda did. If we don't...it will just be one more thing that Alex hates herself for once she's herself again."

"Yes," he responded quietly. "I have to agree with Birkhoff's assessment. They would keep an unhappy virus expert where they can seal him off."

"Okay. Let's check in and check out the ballroom." Nikita nodded at the upraised eyebrow. "Somebody has to find a conference space for budding businesses in the new Federation."

Two hours later found them both being sashayed around the public spaces. "Thank you for allowing me to practice my English with you." Micheal smiled at the slender Russian man. "No problem." Viktor lead them into the ballroom. "And this is our largest conference space. It is fully equipped for video conferencing and can be converted back in minimal time to become your welcome dance space. We do have a list of the finest Dee Jays available in Moscow." Nikita walked along the perimeter of the room while Michael continued firing questions about seating, conference meals and other assorted subjects. She saw the light between her fingers as she passed a panel bearing a portrait of an unknown former Russian noble. Her lips quirked.

She nodded to Michael who drew Viktor onward. Nikita quickly located wiring along the edge of the panel. "Hello," she whispered quietly. "Nerd," she whispered to her transmitter.

"Receiving." He hummed quietly. "A door alarm and door trigger in one. Fingers up the lower left of the frame."

She slid her fingers and felt the edge of the panel. "How do I disarm the alarm part?"

Birkhoff followed the circuitry on his screen. "This is stone age. Practically Eighties hardware. Go up the frame two inches and cut the little wire going up."

Nikita looked around before leaning in and cutting the wire. "What now?"

"Stone ages remember. Hit the button and go on in."

Nikita pulled the handgun from the small of her back and touched the button. The painting swung open. Pulling it shut after her, she began sliding down the sweaty walled downward slope. A pair of guards smoked and laughed at the bottom of the slope. She chewed her lip a moment. Looking above her she spotted large pipes and pulled herself up into them. Her face folded. "Sewer pipes," she whispered before sliding and pulling herself above the two guards. Looking past them she could see several doors. One in particular caught her attention. Levi smuggling operations didn't need ppe stations featuring masks, tyvek over-suits and safety goggles. She looked down and dropped between the two guards. She kicked guard one under the chin sending him to the floor. The shaggy brown headed boy pulled a massive weapon from his back. "Seriously. You can't even lift that." She spun and cracked his knee. As he started toppling forward she punched his throat.

Michael came down the ramp. "Viktor says he can give us a break on the Honeymoon Suite."

Nikita shook her head. "I don't know." She waved her gun at the two on the floor. "This place seems to have rats."

"Good point," Michael conceded. He spotted the personal protective equipment station. "Door two looks good."

"And it even comes with handy disguises. Let's get the children out of sight and see what there is to see." They drug the unconscious men out of sight.

As they followed the corridor, they saw several locked doors. Nikita began checking them all. Finally, she found an unlocked door and pulled Michael in. She looked around at the cleaning supplies. "We need a way to search without attracting attention." Michael pulled out a collapsible hamper. He jerked his chin at it. "One of these days, you will be flexible enough ride in the damned laundry hamper, Micheal." she grinned as she folded herself into it.

Michael attached the small hamper onto the cleaning cart and began pushing it. He saw a guard walking slowly down the corridor. Stopping in front of one of the locked doors the agent began patting his pocket. The guard grunted. He slid a key in and twisted before strolling along. "That may well be the dumbest guard ever," Michael muttered as the vigilant fellow moved out of earshot.

Nikita snorted. "He edged out the dream team upstairs."

Michael pushed the cart through. An older Asian gentleman was bound to a chair. A trio of men in dark fatigues were conversing in the corner. One of them looked up as Michael closed and surreptitiously locked the door behind him.

"Hey, we didn't call for a clean up," yelled the Russian soldier in his native language.

Michael shoved his hand in the hamper and Nikita used it to flow up and out of the hamper. Snagging a chemical bottle from the trolley she threw it at his face. He screamed as the blisters rose. Michael took out another with a mop twist between one knee and another ankle. The woman circled the third man. "Give up?" she asked cheekily.

He pulled a gun only to lose it to a snap kick. "At this point I think Gogol is hiring warm bodies." She blocked a pair of punches and kneed the man in the groin. She left clean up to Michael and went over to the scientist in the chair.

"I take it you weren't cooperating Dr. Chen."

"Are you here to free me?" He whispered through swollen and bloody lips.

"We're here to negate the damage you could do Doctor." She looked up and saw Michael peeping out the door. "Let's get you to people who are too busy trying to fix themselves to worry about world domination through better viral science."

He groaned as she helped him to the trolley. He grabbed hold to stabilize himself. "My computer. I must have it." He waved at the table.

Nikita signaled Michael to help the doctor and grabbed the computer. As she started for the door it burst inward. The guard from earlier shot at her. She hit the floor hard. Michael quickly subdued the man and knelt beside her. "Are you okay?"

Nikita looked down. "Birkhoff was right." She held up the computer. "The battery is bulletproof." She rolled up and they scrambled up the corridor as an alarm sounded.

* * *

**Nikita** stood in the old abandoned hanger near the airstrip. She was proud of herself and her team for finding the Chinese Scientist, and undoing Division and Gogol's plan. A warm smile crossed her face as she caught sight of Ryan Fletcher walking toward her.

Ryan wrapped his arms around the rogue agent. "Nikita, How can I ever thank you for this?"

"Since you asked... I need some Intel from inside Zetrov."

"Sounds challenging. Specifics?"

"I need the itinerary for Alexandra Udinov. She holds the bulk of the shares...she must attend some of those meetings in person. I just need one solid lead... Birkhoff could find nothing when he hacked into Zetrov. Alex is doing her best to keep herself hidden these days."

"Nikita, Do you have a plan once you find her?"

"I'm working on it, Ryan."

"Deprogramming can be tricky even with a skilled individual who specializes in this, Nikita."

"Micheal and I have given ourselves a crash course. We will figure this out. The first step is getting Alex in a safe place."

"Just brace yourself, Nikita. She may be too far gone for-"

"Ryan, Alex is a victim of this. She didn't ask for it. Alex's entire life has been one tragedy after another. Amanda brought all of this to the surface, and created the rest. I will not now... nor will I ever... give up on Alex."

"It may take some time, but I will get you the information, Nikita."


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I appreciate the people who take time to review each chapter. I'm working a lot of hours so the amount I post and when may vary for a while. I could have another chapter or two coming yet today though. As always the kinky version will be over at AO3.**

**I'm also thinking about posting a few chapters of a new fic that I have already completed, and may be updating less often on. Give me some feedback on that, if you want to see it early. **

**Ayushi95 and Nikalex: Sending this one out early for you. You two rawk! Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

Rachel nodded her thanks to the waiter who slid the chair under her. She smiled as she looked over to Alex. "Cloth napkins, no food on a stick. We appear to be moving up in the world." She leaned forward to touch the spaghetti strap that was keeping Alex's little black dress in place. "You clean up nice, Ms. Alexandra."

Alex brushed her fingers over the long thin digits of her lovely date. Capturing them she brought them to her lips. "Look good yourself Ms. Rachel." She smiled. "I think you will be better off tonight. Those long sleeves will make this chilly place more bearable."

"Shall we walk around the perimeter until the rubber chicken is served?" Rachel slid her chair back and slid her fingers around Alex's hand until she could draw the other woman up. "Maybe we'll find a painting for your bedroom, Rachel."

"So they do have velvet Elvis? I must have missed that." Alex took a pair of flutes off the tray and gave one to Rachel.

"Thank you Alex," Rachel responded with a smile. The silver threads in the blue fabric of her dress glinted slightly as they moved under the brighter lights over the paintings and sculptures displayed prior to the auction. She sipped at the light champagne.

Alex's fingers tightened on her other wrist suddenly. Rachel's eyes moved to look at her suddenly rigid date. She hissed quietly. "So much for a nice dinner." Putting the flute on a passing plate she pulled Alex toward a restroom. She casually walked to the full sized mirror, Alex joining her after a few moments. "What do you want to do?"

Alex touched up her lipstick and watched the door out of the corner of her eye. "We don't want to freak out the nice people bidding on art I wouldn't hang in my bathroom, but extra points for a scumbag arms dealer souvenir."

Rachel turned her gently and brushed the end of her thumb on Alex's lipstick. "Better." Her fingers curled over and brushed down the other woman's cheek. "It was a boring date anyway."

The contented Alex's eyes shot open. "Seriously?" she squeaked.

Rachel chuckled. "Not at all. It's been amazing like my sexy date... Let's go play with the nice borderline psycho." She touched her lips to Alex's soft cheek and drew her from the restroom.

The arms dealer chuckled at something his arm candy said as she pointed at a painting. As she leaned in to read the card detailing the painting's title, Rachel sauntered over slowly and stood beside them. "Bold brush strokes," she noted.

"Indeed. You favor bold?" he asked in an oily tone. His arm candy tugged him. "Get us drinks," he snarled at her. His cold black eyes tracked back to Rachel.

She smiled. "I do." Running her fingers over the sleeve of his jacket she turned slightly. "There is a magnificent statue in the garden."

He laughed. "I believe I am being out-bid." He nodded. "Give me a minute to dispose of my date and I will meet you in the garden."

Rachel stroked her fingers over the back of his hand as she walked away. A distinctly grumpy Alex strolled out ahead of her. Rachel smiled amused.

The arms dealer found her minutes later. He pulled a gun from his side. "Who are you working for?" he growled out at the young woman who calmly crossed her gorgeous legs.

The dealer's smile faded as a gun touched his temple. "She works for me," offered Alex. She snatched his gun, bringing it down suddenly and painfully across the side of his head. The criminal arm's dealer fell to the ground unconscious.

She looked at Rachel. "Seriously?"

"What? I was playing bait."

"A little too heavy on the slut factor."

"You think so?" Rachel chuckled. "Pity. Those were the moves I was planning to use on you tonight."

"On second thought, I think- um. It was nice. You can use them when we get home." Alex sat beside her.

"You owe me dinner with a cloth napkin. But first-" Rachel motioned at the dealer.

Alexandra sighed. "Fine. I buy dinner and dump the bad guy too."

* * *

**Alex** closed the door behind her entering the apartment foyer a few steps behind Rachel. The evening had been one of excitement they hadn't anticipated. The arms dealer was in the very capable hands of Division agents, and Rachel and Alex both felt a sense of satisfaction knowing he was off the streets. The silence in the apartment served only to build the tension rising between them. Lust filled eyes met dark predatory ones as Alex suddenly and without warning pushed into Rachel.

Lips, teeth, hands and fingers roaming over fabric and under dress and then over naked flesh. Rachel wrapped her arms and legs around her, as Alex picked her up and sat her on the bed side table. The lamp crashed to the floor along with anything else caught in the whirlwind of their passion.

"Tonight's all about sensation and surrendering to me."

Alex pulled the shiny metal cuffs from the drawer beside her before returning back to meet lipstick smeared mouth again. Her gaze was steady, and her tongue probing, as she fastened one wrist, bringing it behind her back to meet the other. Rachel wanted to touch the brunette, but she also felt herself immediately aroused by her bindings. She began to understand Alex's constant insatiable appetite. She too felt the same insatiable need for her lover. She wanted it again, and again. Alex smirked at the realization. Had she created a monster? She certainly hoped so.

* * *

**Alexandra** laid back on the bed watching the younger woman move toward the shower. Her mind drifting between Rachel and Nikita. It was a sudden reaction to the look in her lover's eyes. A look that frightened and exhilarated her.

_ Can I have this? All of it? Is it possible? _Skittered through her mind.

A love and an intimacy that was slowly finding a place in her life again, threatened the empire she was building. Alex wondered if both could coexist in her life. She hoped for the first time since Nikita ... that they could.

An all to familiar memory came flooding of Nikita. A precious memory that brought her mind back to better days between them. Her emotions darkened when Amanda's words flashed through her mind. It came and it went so fast she barely remembered thinking of Amanda at all, and she couldn't recall what she thought before it. The brunette's mind went blank and her head began to ache. Alexandra unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water on the night stand table and swallowed down the pills in her hand.


	28. Chapter 28

**itsmepeterpan: Thank you. I hope you get well soon! ;)**

**nikalex: LOL! Season 3 taught us that Amanda had some crazy skills at getting inside people's heads. She had many methods of doing it, too. She did it with Owen and Alex, but based on the hints they provided throughout...I think she did it to many, many more. In a way, she even did it to Nikita. The agent Nikita was created by Amanda. Near the end of season 3, Nikita reluctantly admits it. I hope that clears up a few things. **

* * *

Alexandra gently ran her fingers through the younger woman's hair in silence. Rachel's head rested on her chest as she leaned against the headboard of the queen sized bed.

"Were you and Nikita," she paused, looking down at her fingers that gripped tightly at the edge of Alexandra's black tank top. "Were you more than friends?"

"Yes, for a time," Alex sighed, moving away. She sat on the edge of the mattress. Her eyes blankly staring at the Pebble Taupe carpeting.

"Were you like 'this' with her?" Rachel held up her arm. Her wrists still bearing the marks from the steel cuffs. Tension was palpable in the room as Alex tensed up, and Rachel almost immediately regretted asking the question.

"No."

Rachel looked at her quizzically. "Oh." She rubbed the back of her neck, shooting her a glance of, what could only be described as discomfort. Now things were really awkward.

"Are you unhappy with our .. arrangement?"

"Not at all. You know I love the things you do to me. I'm just curious about your past."

"More rumors inside Division?"

"No, its in your eyes when you say her name."

"I see," Alex murmured.

"Do you still love her?"

"Rachel, I don't want to discuss this." She was appalled by the boldness of her questions, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute.

"Alex please... Do you still love her?" Rachel gave her a serious, searching look.

"Yes."

"The way you love me?"

"No." Alexandra replied in a tone that suggested she not press the subject further. Still it felt like the heiress was hiding too much, and the longer she sat in her presence the more it nagged at her.

"How do you love her then?"

"Rachel, you and Nikita." She took a deep breath before continuing. "It's just not the same thing. I was a different person back then."

"What happened between you two?"

"Rachel, I told you before... I don't talk about my past." Alex frowned and gave her a sidelong glance.

"Alex, please. I just want to know more about you."

"Not now."

"If not now...when?"

"When I feel like discussing it." Alex sprung to her feet, running her fingers through her tousled hair, she walked away.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Thank you all for reviewing! ;)**

* * *

Rachel crouched beside Alex. She nodded and pulled her weapon. Alex twirled her fingers at the two agents on the opposite side of the gateway. The stairs led down to the secret underground of Minsk. It led into the boiling heart of a revolutionary ant hill.

A creaking presaged the crisis. The boiler blew as the Division team crouched between the door frame and some ancient farm equipment crates. The explosion blew not just the main boiler but the sudden rupture blew feeder pipes running down into the Lenin era bunker.

Designed to prevent another over run by Nazis or their descendants, the bunker was once self sustaining but lack of interest caused it to become half of what it was. An enormous complex that now counted on external feeds of power and heat. A few whispers of screams breaching the cracked door marked the local injuries caused by the explosion. The guards hurriedly communicated with their leadership. Half went toward the door into the cavernous factory that hid the now shattered boiler while other half muscled open the door and ran to assist with injuries.

Rachel stood and quietly as a shadow ended at the tail of the guards headed toward the boiler. Alex slid a device into the closing bunker door to prevent it from locking and preventing the primitive system from noticing it didn't lock. She whispered into her communication unit," Open sesame."

Rachel shook her head. She watched as the other guards fell. Her eyes narrowed as she looked around.

"Timber up top." She jerked her chin. "Over there and grab the comms." She accepted one and tried to listen with half an ear for anyone asking about the boiler.

She twitched her eyebrows at the other woman. "Too bad they can't all be that dumb." She marked the team and nodded at Alex. Alex's eyes warmed fondly. They made a good team. She hadn't felt a connection in the field to anyone since Nikita. She pulled at the door slowly and peeped around. The steam made it hard to see clearly.

Turning the brunette crouched. "Everyone on their assigned corridor. Eliminate anyone who sees you. We are trying to be subtle so try not to be seen. Sing out if you hit the jackpot. Rendezvous as per." She stood and motioned the other two team members through. She looked at Rachel who hesitated. Her brows went up.

Rachel grinned. "Not even a kiss for luck, Super spy?" She slapped Alex's shoulder and slid into the steam obscured corridor.

Alex's outside link vibrated. "Not a good time, Amanda."

"I'm hurt Alex."

"Not a chance. After the apocalypse it'll be you and roaches. What's our situation?"

"Gogol contact will be at the rendezvous so I suggest you make your other team mates late."

"Understood." Alex cut the link and moved toward the most likely stowage site for a dirty bomb.

She pulled up short as she saw a familiar face. Nikita caught sight of her almost simultaneously. They both heaved a sigh at the complication. They were still fond of each other but there was a point they couldn't seem to come back from. Way too many people with way too many needs for a dirty bomb.

Alex held up a coin. Nikita's brow knit. She threw it.

The ding of the coin bouncing off Nikita's hiding place immediately brought the sound of running boots. Nikita shook her head before pulling herself out of her hiding place and running. Alex watched her with a small amount of regret. Lowering herself she slid into the next section. There were dozens of guards here. She climbed the rusted iron supports over the room.

Sliding over the top she made her way past the traditional cabal of poker playing guards and smokers. Alex took a deep breath and began lowering herself behind a low stack of cartons. She crouched as her feet hit the floor.

Alex edged forward and almost leaped at it when the suitcase lifted straight up. She growled under her breath at Nikita above who winked and was just grabbing the case as the guards noticed things happening behind them. Bullets ricocheted around Nikita and Alex. The bullets rapidly doubled then reduced as Michael began clearing the room. Nikita dropped down a pile of crates and headed for the door. Alex sacked her.

Nikita looked at her as she stood. She tossed her dark mane of hair back. "Doesn't have to be this way Alex."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Has to be just this way. This is our bag."

Nikita looked down. "Don't see your name on it."

Rachel extended her leg. Michael fell face first in the doorway. Rachel would have laughed if it weren't such a serious mission. Nikita turned and Alex lunged forward and hit her with a hypo. "You taught me to come prepared." A fist knocked the younger woman back just as the chemical hit her bloodstream and left her on the floor.

Rachel came in. "Enough fun already?" She looked over her shoulder. "Trouble coming. We have to go to alternate exits."

The guard turned the corner and entered the doorway firing off several shots at Alex. Rachel turned pushing her out of the line of fire just in time to catch a bullet in her left shoulder. The young agent fell to the floor grasping her shoulder. "Rachel!" Alex raised her weapon unloading into the guard who hit the concrete. "Ops, Rachel's shot. I repeat they shot Rachel." Rachel pushed herself to her feet in agony. She was running on pure adrenaline now.

"Can you make it out?"

"Yeah, I think so. Let's get the hell out of here."

Alex grabbed the case and snagged Rachel's elbow pulling her along behind. She dragged them behind a column to assess the wound. "Grab the others and go to the rendezvous."

"What about you?" Rachel frowned and tightened her grip on Alex.

"One more stop."

"OK give me the suitcase."

Alex shook her head and pressed Rachel away. "I got it. You get clear."

"But..."

"Go!"

Rachel walked backwards before turning and running down the main corridor. Alex watched her go with regret.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Since I'm highly caffeinated. I just might have a couple of more chapters in me today. Starbucks is divine. ;)**

* * *

Rachel's eyes flew open to the bright lights of medical. She cringed as pain shot through her shoulder. She tried to sit up but couldn't seem to push herself up with her elbow. The young agent didn't remember making it out of Belarus. She twirled her hair with her fingers in discomfort thinking about the events of the mission. Rachel only remembered passing out as they were carrying her away. She caught a familiar face out of the corner of her eye and smiled.

"Super spy, How long have I been out?"

"Two days...and maybe I should be the one calling you super spy. You lost a lot of blood...so rest. Don't try to get up."

Rachel reached out grabbing Alexandra's hand and gripping tight. The brunette squeezed looking into pale eyes. Any other time she would have pulled away knowing all eyes were on them, but today was different. Today Alex didn't care what anyone else thought.

"I don't know what to say to you right now. You took a bullet for me, Rach."

"You would've done the same for me. Besides, we just saved the world a little bit from the bad guys. I can live with getting shot knowing that bomb is out of the hands of madmen."

"I'm proud of you. All of Division...even Amanda is proud of you."

"Your approval is all that matters to me."

"Rachel, If I haven't said it enough...or made it clear," Alex paused, running her fingers through her hair. " I love you. You're the only one for me."

"Damn, if I'd known getting shot would 'get the girl' I'd have done it sooner."

"You have me, Rachel."

Alex slid her fingers through raven hair smiling warmly. "Rest." She leaned in placing a soft kiss on Rachel's forehead.

Her cell buzzed in her pocket. "I need to take this. I'll be right back." She walked through the door and into the hall. "How did you get this number?" Her eyes darted in irritation.

"Birkhoff ." They both said simultaneously.

"Nice trick with the hypo Alex. How is your agent?"

"Rachel is fine. What do you want?"

"I'm just curious how you can sleep at night knowing that bomb is in arms reach of Amanda."

"I'm not having this conversation Nikita."

"Now or later Alex... We will have that long over due conversation. Count on it... And that girl Rachel, she nearly died for you. Think long and hard about that, baby girl."


	31. Chapter 31

**Nikalex: First of all, you had me laughing out loud over here about your Starbucks comment. Second, This is the chapter you have been asking for... ;)**

* * *

When she stepped out of the front door, from the apartment complex, she had two things on her mind: Alexandra Udinov and dinner. Alex was knee deep in work back at Division, and dinner was just a few blocks away at her favorite Sushi place. Rachel couldn't believe that she actually wanted to race back to Division, and make up some lame excuse, in order that she might see Alex for a few minutes. She was in love and loving Alexandra Udinov was more work than any mission she had been on for Division. Pulling her phone from her pocket, Rachel began to text Alex as she walked.

_Miss you._

Rachel heard a sound and saw a movement out of the corner of her eye just as she was putting the key in the door of the SUV. A masked man in black approaching at an angle behind her, and she spun around seconds before he reached her. Rachel met the enemies gaze just milliseconds before he plunged the needle into her neck.

Micheal picked her up over his shoulder, running toward the open van, and jumping inside.

''Good work,'' Nikita smiled, stepping on the accelerator.

* * *

**Rachel** coughed as she squinted her eyes. The room was spinning. The young agent didn't know where she was, but she remembered how she got there. A man in a mask and a needle as Rachel recalled, focusing her eyes.

Nikita pulled up a chair offering a gentle smile.

"Just relax. The dizziness is a normal side effect of the drug."

"Where am I?"

"Lets start with ...Hello I'm Nikita."

_I can see why Alex was attracted. She's beautiful, _Rachel thought.

Nikita was gorgeous, fit, and sleek. She lived up to her reputation as the sexy rogue agent. She was all things erotic, cosmopolitan and lovely. Rachel instantly felt the attraction that she knew must have ruled Alexandra's heart and body. She felt a sudden tinge of jealousy, and a lack of self confidence about the matter. How could she ever compete with the likes of Nikita fucking Mears? She was sure that she would fail in a push comes to shove match for the Russian girl's heart. After all, everything she knew about life and the world, she learned from Division and Alex. She felt inadequate by comparison, and began to wonder what Alex saw in her besides her willingness to submit to her every whim. _Is that why she's with me? _Now was not the time to lose herself in these thoughts. She was in Team Nikita's lair, and that couldn't lead to anything but badness.

"I remember seeing you in Belarus, " Rachel muttered, staring at the older assassin.

"I saw you, too. Nice job by the way. Most young agents would have choked after being shot. You managed to handle yourself exceptionally well. It's just too bad your on the wrong team.''

"What the hell do you want with me?"

"Let's start with the truth."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've been gathering information about you since Belarus. At first, I was suspicious of your motivations with Alex... then it hit me ... this girl just might be in love. So I asked myself... What kind of person is this Rachel. According to Division, you're a cop killer... Perfect material for a black Ops program such as Division. So the question remains, is it love or are you sleeping with the boss for favors?"

"I'm not answering your questions. So kill me or cut me loose, bitch."

"Let's not get off on the wrong foot, Rachel."

"You stabbed me with a needle, kidnapped me, and now I'm tied to a chair. I think we're past that, don't you?"

"How much do you know about me?"

"You're a rogue agent of Division. Every recruit is taught about you for their own safety."

"Is that all?"

"It's enough. If I could break free of these ropes, I'd cancel you myself."

"Amanda would be so proud. Look..I'm not going to hurt you. I brought you here because I care. The road that Alex is going down will destroy you both."

"Leave Alex out of this. She's a good person."

"Alex is one of the best people I know, but right now...thanks to Amanda...she's following in her father's footsteps. The way I see it...you might be the only thing standing between her and real darkness. Which means that Amanda can't be very happy with you right now."

"Amanda is rarely happy with anyone."

"I see you've got Amanda pegged." Nikita chuckled, brushing Rachel's hair from her eyes.

"I heard Division is back to missions for hire. How do you feel about that?"

"They only take the missions necessary to sustain the budget. The rest is about national security."

_Straight out of Percy's playbook,_ Nikita thought.

"Is that what she tells you? Or...do you even question Alex at all?"

"Shut up!"

"You are so naive. Can you question the boss, your handler, if you're sleeping in her bed?"

"Go to hell."

"No, you're a good girl. You don't question authority at all do you Rachel? If Alex told you to kill for her you wouldn't think twice..in fact... I'm guessing you already have."

"I love Alex. She would never ask me to do anything that she wasn't willing to do herself."

_I have my answer,_ Nikita sighed. She felt a tinge of heartache at the declaration, but she also felt hopeful that she just might have an ally inside of Division if she handled this carefully. An ally that could help her destroy Division and save Alex.

Rachel lowered her head. She had violated everything that Division had taught her by engaging Nikita in conversation. She knew better than to let emotion take over. Rachel looked up at Nikita in silence. She wouldn't engage further.

"Hey, relax, this is a conversation not an interrogation. Let me tell you about the real Alex," Nikita said softly, tucking jet black hair behind Rachel's ear.

Time ticked by as Nikita elucidated her war against Division. Rachel unwillingly listened to every word Nikita uttered. Her gut sensing a sincerity in the other woman.

_Remember, Nikita is Division's most wanted._ _She's the enemy. Division saves lives._

She fought the voice in her head as she listened to Nikita begin to describe a very different Alexandra Udinov. One that was Nikita's partner in a fight to bring Division down.

_She's lying. Just stay silent. Division saves lives, _she repeated to herself as Nikita continued speaking.

In her mind, Alex was a super hero saving the world from the dangers of dirty bombs and the likes of the rogue agent that stood before her eyes. The Alex that Nikita described was new to her.

''I want to help you Rachel...and I want to save Alex from Amanda and a path that will destroy her. I don't know the specifics of what Amanda did to Alex, but believe me when I say it is by force and manipulation that Alex is still at Division," Nikita asserted, springing to her feet.

"Listen to me closely. Whatever Amanda did to Alex's mind... there would be signs. Rapid mood swings, missing time, headaches, maybe even nose bleeds. Sound familiar at all? I don't expect you to trust me yet. I want you to do the research. Hit the web or the library. Then, Look for the signs, Rachel."

Nikita paced behind the young agent finishing her speech. A syringe dangling between her fingers. The older woman bent down with her hand on Rachel's shoulder.

''You may not be ready to hear this now, but you will be in time. When that day comes...I'll be there to help you figure this out. I'm not your enemy." She pushed the needle in gently. "Just breathe, Rachel.''


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** **Here is a hint for the next chapter. Watch Season 2 Episode 3 (Knightfall) :P**

**This is the last one today! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

Rachel placed the key in the deadbolt, unlocking the door, and stepping inside. The apartment was dark and quiet. The young agent could have sworn that she turned the hallway light on before she left. She was positive at least that she had left the Television on in the living room. Rachel's Division trained senses felt uneasy, as if someone were there with her in the dark. Struggling to stand up straight, she pulled the Glock from her side, and moved toward the wall near the kitchen. Rachel's knees were unsteady as she took in a deep breath and exhaled squinting her eyes. The drug Nikita had injected into her made it difficult to focus. The light streaming from the window, cast an eerie shadow across the floor, as she fumbled further into the apartment clutching the Glock in her hand.

"Where have you been?"

"Alex?"

"I was worried, Rachel!" Alex stood to her feet, walking slowly toward the voice in the darkness.

"You scared the hell out of me, Super spy. Why are you sitting in my apartment in the dark?"

"Where were you? I've been texting you for hours."

''I didn't think I'd see you tonight, so I caught a movie and walked around after. I didn't realize my phone was dead...forgot to charge it last night.'' The lies rolling off her tongue left her uneasy. She wasn't quite sure why she was covering up her contact with Nikita. It wasn't as if Nikita gave her a choice in the matter, but her gut instinct was to conceal the event.

"I missed you tonight, Rachel."

"I missed you, too. I'm sorry for worrying you." Rachel wrapped her arms around the brunette.

''I have a surprise for you."

''A surprise?"

"I'm flying to Russia tomorrow. I want you to come with me."

"Really? I'd love to."

"It's settled then. I have a last minute meeting with Amanda in the morning before our flight. One of Zetrov's planes will be fueled and awaiting us at the airport. I'll meet you there."

"Business or pleasure?"

"I'm hoping for both," Alexandra whispered, pressing their lips together. Rachel smiled into their kiss as Alex held her close.

"I love you, Rachel."

"I love you, too."


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Thank you all for reviewing. We're not quite at the half way point in this fic. We have miles to go. I do hope you all enjoy the twists and turns a head. Those of you who write know that sometimes the characters take on a life of their own and demand the story be written the way they want it. Buckle up! Enough said. lol**

**Nikalex: Stop torturing you? LOL! What fun would that be. ;)**

**Chpll1525: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you are enjoying the journey! **

* * *

Alex sat anxiously awaiting Amanda's arrival. It wasn't like the older woman to be late for their meetings. Alexandra's mind was on Rachel and their trip to Russia. She was excited to show Rachel her homeland and the Udinov estate. She smiled at the thought of finally sharing the hidden parts of her life with someone she loved.

_Love._ The word danced in her head without disgust and regret. It felt good to think about again. Since her split with Nikita, Alex hadn't remembered waking up happy. She always felt a sense of sadness. That was until Rachel became such an important part of her day to day life. Alexandra could honestly say that she woke up smiling some days. She would sit quietly against the head board, running her fingers through raven hair, watching Rachel sleep. The brunette always thought the younger woman looked like an angel when she was sleeping. Some nights, Alex even let her fall asleep in her arms gripping at the edge of her tank top like a small child. It was an unexpected love that caught the assassin by surprise. She had fought it tooth and nail until it took such a hold on her heart she could no longer resist. Rachel brought her out of the day to day uncertainty, and gave her a new reason to exist beyond Division and Zetrov. Alex could finally see a future again. A future that wasn't covered in some apocalyptic wasteland she envisioned. A future of love and commitment that would last forever. It was mushy and with their occupations not entirely realistic, but she was determined that for as long as her heart was beating and air was in her lungs, she would give Rachel the story book romance the younger woman often fantasied about.

Amanda pushed open the door, a covered black box in her hand. Breaking Alexandra out of her reverie.

"Your late,"Alex sighed, staring toward the door.

"You'll be wheel's up in two hours. This couldn't wait."

"Fine, what is it."

"Consider it a gift," Amanda smiled, sitting the box on her desk.

"Your gifts are rarely pleasant."

"Perhaps, this one will be more to your liking, Alex."

Amanda eased down in the chair across from her. They glared for a few minutes at one another. Alex didn't want to play one of Amanda's long games. She had enough during their late night sessions.

"Open it, Alexandra."

Alex lowered her gaze from Amanda to the box. The brunette ran her hands to the sides removing the tape. She took a deep breath, gazing back at Amanda whose expression was impossible to read, before lifting the top from the box. At first glance, Alexandra saw a flash drive taped to the front of a leather photo album, and next to it a small sealed manila envelope. Alex reached for the envelope first, swiftly opening it. Her eyes narrowed as she poured the contents into her palm.

"My bracelet...I haven't seen this since-"

"Since the night of Operation Pale Fire," Amanda interrupted.

"My father gave me this bracelet for my birthday the year before. I rarely took it off...How-" Alex slid her fingers over the gold diamond encrusted bracelet.

She fought back tears as her hands shook around the small gold bracelet. She remembered the day her father gave it. It was her birthday, and though Alex received many gifts, it had been the one that meant the most to her. Flashes of her birthday echoed through her mind. The painful bitter-sweet memory spread across her face. A spark of anger flared as Alexandra gazed up at Amanda.

"What is this. What are you trying to do?"

"Proceed, Alex. We don't have all day."

Alex ripped the flash drive from the photo album. She feared what it might reveal. The last time she took a trip down memory lane at Division had been in Percy's office when she was exposed as Nikita's mole. He had opened up the files to Operation Pale Fire, exposing the brunette's past and her father's assassin. Alex wasn't sure what else Amanda could show her, but whatever it was, she dreaded it. The assassin knew Amanda was fond of her lessons, and usually, Alex went along like a good soldier without resistance to her treatments. So many nights, Alexandra didn't remember how their meetings would end. She would wake up, head aching and confused. Still, She felt Amanda was the only one who could help her through Nikita's betrayal. Alex hated to admit it, but Amanda made her stronger. Strong enough to have her revenge on her enemies, strong enough to walk away from Nikita forever.

Amanda brought another version of the brunette to the surface. Alex wasn't entirely sure how, but she no longer resisted the Alexandra Udinov that once terrified her. The one that killed Nathan and their child without a moments hesitation. It was just a dream, but Amanda taught her it was so much more. It was her true potential. A potential she taught Alex to embrace during their late night sessions over the months.

Alex felt sick, knots in her stomach, as she loaded the flash drive into her laptop. A few clicks, and a video started to play. It was Christmas, but it wasn't any Christmas Alexandra ever remembered. In fact, It wasn't even her family. The video was dark and grainy. She could make out a large auditorium packed with people. The brunette thought it looked a lot like a Christmas recital. The auditorium dimmed, and the stage lights rose, revealing a cast of young dancers. At center stage, she appeared, dancing as the music began. Alex couldn't help but smile. It was a much younger Rachel, but Alex was certain that it was her girl. She paused, looking up at Amanda.

"It's Rachel. So?"

"Keep watching, Alex."

Alexandra fast forwarded through the performance, stopping at a close up of Rachel smiling into the camera. She could hear what she thought must be Rachel's parents praising her in the dressing room. Alex tiled her head, a warm smile crossing her face. She thought how adorable Rachel looked. Alexandra didn't understand why Amanda would share something so precious with her.

Suddenly a hand entered the frame with a small bow covered box. Rachel took it, a smile beaming from her face.

The voice of a woman urged the young girl to open the box. "Look at what your father brought you, Rachel."

She opened the little box. Taking the bracelet in her hand, holding it up to the camera and then to her heart. "I love it, Papa. Thank you." The camera zoomed in on the bracelet. Alex recognized it right away.

"MY bracelet?"

Alex was confused. She couldn't begin to imagine what was going on, but she was starting to understand that Amanda didn't give her the box out of the kindness of her heart.

Rachel reached out wrapping her arms around her father. He picked her up into his arms, and twirled her around the room. When he stopped, Alex came face to face with the man staring into the camera.

"Anton Kochenko?"


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Of course Amanda was behind it. She enjoys the long game after all. ;)**

* * *

Rachel ran up the isle of the private plane. Her hands tracing over the face on the glossy magazine cover. She was full of boundless enthusiasm about their trip to Russia. It felt like a new chapter in their lives together was finally beginning.

She flipped through the Russian business magazine. It finally dawned on her as she stared into the picture of Alexandra Udinov on the cover that Alex was more than just her girlfriend. She was a wealthy tycoon with more money than she could wrap her mind around. She spotted Alex walking toward her. She grinned; pale eyes bright with excitement.

"This plane is bad ass, Super spy," she exclaimed, jumping up and down like a teenage girl at a rock concert.

"I knew you were an heir to a fortune, but I guess I didn't realize how big until right freaking now," she giggled, her voice squeaky. Rachel smiled holding up the glossy Russian magazine with Alex on the cover. "Why didn't you tell me that you were some kind of Russian Princess. It's kind of sexy," she winked, continuing.

"But no, I have to read about it in a magazine? You're so modest. By the way, My Russian sucks. I could only read every other word," Rachel chuckled.

Alex glared at her. The brunette was trying desperately to wrap her mind around what she'd learned. Her emotions scattered by Amanda's revelation. Flashbacks of Anton Kochenko plagued Alexandra's mind, mixing with the video of the recital. She gripped the arms of the leather chair tightly. The abyss begging her ever forward.

"Is something wrong? Did I lose you? Earth to Alex."

"No, I'm fine." Alex spoke just above a whisper. She was trying to ground herself outside of the flashes, but she was having a difficult time as they took hold of her. Alexandra twirled her finger's at the attendant.

"Vodka tonic, lime."

"Yes, Ma'am...and for you Miss?"

"Nothing, thank you."

"How did your meeting go with-"

"Your Russian."

"What?"

"I said your Russian, why can't you speak it."

"Half, My mother's German-American, and I've never been to Russia. I can understand it a little. Like when your whispering nasty little things in my ear at night," she murmured, winking at the older woman. "But, I'm not even close to fluent. I took Spanish in High School. What little I know I learned from my father."

"I just realized that I don't know that much about you, Rachel."

"Sure you do. You know I love ice cream, animals, and sushi. That I sleep with the stuffed pig you won for me at the fair... That I love old movies-"

"And your favorite color is purple. Yes, I know the little things," Alex sighed.

"What about your childhood?"

"My childhood?"

"Yes, tell me about it in detail."

"I was raised primarily by my mother. My father was away a lot on business. I'm an only child so my parents focused all of their energy on my education and upbringing. Six years gymnastics. Twelve in dance. Between that and church activities, I rarely had time for anything else. Is that what you want to know?"

"Happy upbringing? Loving parents?"

"Very happy, and yes... I love them very much."

"That must have been nice."

"It was normal, average, I guess," Rachel shrugged.

"Normal? I don't know what that means." Alexandra stared at her searching for answers. An anger rising inside her. The flight attendant interrupted the brunette just before she could launch into an interrogation.

"Your drink, Ms. Udinov. Will there be anything more?"

"No, Thank you," Alex muttered, removing a brown medicine bottle from her pocket. Alexandra popped a few pills into her mouth swallowing them down with her cocktail.

"Another one of your headaches?"

"Something like that." Rachel reached toward her rubbing her thumb gently against the brunette's temple. Alex flinched, grabbing her wrist in a tight grip. Rachel stared at her confused.

"I'm going to close my eyes for a few hours. Maybe you should, too."

"Okay," Rachel whispered.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and PMs. **

**Nikalex: That is the question isn't it? Did Alex know in Chapter one that Amanda planned to mind fuck her? If someone is under mind control how much of it is them and how much is the programmer? Can they ever fully recover from it? Does Alex even realize she is under mind control? She knows Amanda has 'helped' her destroy her enemies, take Zetrov and walk away from Nikita, but does she know she is mind controlled? All of this will be revealed in time. ;)**

**Chpll1525: Amanda is always a few moves ahead on the chessboard. ;) Thank you so much for the comment!**

* * *

Rachel glanced at Alex sitting across from her in the five-star limousine. She had been drinking since she boarded the plane. She went from Vodka tonic to just straight vodka from the flight to the limo ride. Rachel was beginning to worry, the tension was rising, and she didn't understand the reason for it.

Alex's fingers gripped tightly at the leather arm rest, as she stared out of the window of the black hummer limousine. She was clearly deep in thought, radiating a deadly brooding silence that made Rachel more than a little anxious. Her brunette disheveled hair was accented perfectly by Gucci sunglasses, which were completely unnecessary for the dimly lit vehicle. Rachel always knew when Alex was upset. She hid behind dark or mirrored glasses, as if she was shutting out the world around her. Rachel thought that her meeting with Amanda must have brought on this particular mood swing. Although she couldn't imagine what led to it. It certainly wasn't the first time Alex had come from a meeting with the older woman angry or disorientated. She watched Alex remove another travel sized bottle from the mini bar. "Hey, maybe you should slow down babe." she whispered, sliding her hand over Alex's forearm. "When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it." Alex snapped, jerking away.

"I'm just concerned. You don't have to bite my head off about it." Rachel shot back. The words came out of her mouth before she could even think to stop them.

"Trust me, Rachel. You would like me far less if I were sober right now."

"What is going on with you?"

"Nothing... other than the overwhelming desire to teach you the true meaning of pain." she whispered through gritted teeth, before turning to face the younger woman.

Rachel was puzzled by the statement. Although she was always up for one of Alexandra's sexual games. It came across a lot darker than she was accustom to with the assassin.

"I thought you already did?" she gazed at her warily.

"Oh no, Rachel. Not even close. You know, we could disappear forever inside the walls of the estate. We don't have to go back to Division." Alex paused, slipping her hand over the younger woman's knee. "I could lock you away inside those gates, and keep you like a pet for my amusement."

"You could... but I trust you, Alex. I will always trust you to do the right thing."

"Maybe it is the right thing?"

"Maybe... Just always do the next right thing, Alex. That is all you ever have to do. One right thing followed by another."

"What is this, Rachel? Do you think that you can teach me how to behave?"

"I think its time that someone tell you when you're wrong."

"Rachel, I'm amused that you picked today of all days to stand your ground with me. Do it more often, because I like it when you give me a reason."

"I'm worried about you. That's all."

"Does it frighten you that I could become so cruel?"

"The only thing that has me frightened is your mood swings. Sober up." _Was Nikita telling me the truth? "_What happened during your meeting with Amanda?"

"Nothing, Rachel. This is just...ME," she said leaning in. "Did you know that Russia has more human trafficking than any other European nation?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you dense? Sex slavery."

"No, I didn't know."

"Someone like you for example could be bought and sold at a very high price."

"I didn't know that kind of thing still went on in the world."

"That is because you lived a perfectly sheltered life, Rach. Must have been nice... I bet you would make the ideal slave."

"What makes you think that?"

"Awe, don't look so frightened. I'm just teasing you. Besides, you do belong to me, but I wouldn't sell you for all the money in the world." Rachel wasn't sure how to take that comment. It was clear that Alex's mood was all over the place. It was strange to see her so calm and collected after such a heated conversation.

"Look, we're here," she pointed. Alex slid her hand into Rachel's. Her voice taking on a softer tone. Rachel sighed relief at the shift in Alex before turning to peer out the window as the gates opened.

Field stone walls arose out of the mists, a turret adding to the feeling of being in the presence of a castle. Rachel gaped at the structure. "There are so many windows," she said in a hushed tone. Then she cleared her throat. "It's kind of big and ummm, french chateau meets Frankenstein's castle." She shot a glance at the very amused Alex. "But I like it. Impenetrable yet homey." She bobbed her head. "Shutting up now."

Alex chuckled richly before taking Rachel's hand and leading her through the house. Rachel's head craned back and forth trying to take it all in at once. Beautiful paintings, mostly portraits shone under their rich age patinas between gilded arches and chandeliers hung, casting golden light everywhere. "You really grew up here? Are we in a museum?"

As they strode through the dining room Alex pulled her to a stop. She pressed her lover's back against a long dark table dressed in purest linen and crystal and china and silver. A hand rested on Rachel's hip as she leaned into the other woman. "I could take you here. Make you mine on this very table." She smiled darkly as Rachel groaned and pressed back against her.

Alex's teeth trailed down her throat. "Soon," she whispered. "I intend to fuck you in every room of this... impenetrable yet homey museum." Her lips captured Rachel's.


	36. Chapter 36

Nikita smiled as she smelled scented candles. "Did I forget a spa night?" she teased as she came around the corner in the safe house. Michael smiled and poured a glass of wine. She took the glass rotating the ruby liquid slightly.

"Not spa, date." He filled his own glass and placed it on the table before stepping around to the other end of the table.

Nikita's eyes narrowed. "I don't recall a date for tonight." She slid her glass on the table and shucked her jacket before hanging it on the chair.

Michael turned and pulled out a chair at the table. The candlelight bounced off the silver covers for the plates and the utensils. "I believe you told me once that you would give me anything I wanted if I just opened my eyes. I want a date. Tonight." He slid the chair under the graceful form of the most beautiful woman he knew.

She lifted an eyebrow as he sat across from her, dropping the napkin into his lap. "Do I want to know what's under the covers?"

He half stood and removed the covers with a flourish. "Roasted tomatoes with pine nuts on a bed of Thai rice, those olives you like so much, and for dessert." He paused for dramatic effect. "Chocolate Mousse." Smirking he returned to his seat.

Nikita had to admit. It smelled delightful. "It smells wonderful Michael." She tucked the napkin in her own lap and picked up the fork. She picked at the food. "Why tonight?" she asked curious.

He lifted his shoulders. "I thought we were past due for a little us time and with Division, Gogol and Mad Scientists, and well the forty other things that constantly interrupt our path to retirement, I thought we should make some time wherever we could...plus I thought we could celebrate."

"Celebrate?"

"Ryan called while you were out. He said he has the itinerary for Alex that you asked for."

"Micheal...that's wonderful news."

"I thought so. The sooner we get her home... the sooner someone else can do the cooking around here." he smiled.

Nikita smiled back. Tasting a forkful, she hummed. "You are an excellent cook Michael. I may have to keep you."

His slow smile widened. "And you are inspiring beyond words for a simple spatula hack."

"Hey!" she chuckled.

"Nikita, man cannot live on veggie shake alone." They laughed simultaneously as Nikita leaned in sliding her hand on top of his.


	37. Chapter 37

**Ayushi95: Since you asked... sending this one out early just for you. ;)**

* * *

_She barely kept her balance as she landed on a loose pile of debris from the opening above. The silence was oppressive as were the dark dank curving walls of the corridor. She heard a scream and turned, pulling her weapon. There was nothing. She closed her eyes and listened but heard nothing but the sound of her breathing and the beat of her heart. She turned back and continued slowly down the corridor stepping carefully to avoid slipping on the growth along the narrow walkway bordering the flow channel in the floor. She heard the sound of something surfacing from the water that appeared in front of her. She squinted into the gloom trying to make a shape out. _

_From behind Nikita's voice called her name, and from the shadows, she appeared, grabbing her by the neck and shoving her into the water. The water turned thick brown, like quick sand swallowing her whole as she fought. She felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole until she landed gently upon her childhood bed. _

_"Papa, Is that you,'' she beamed, rolling off the bed._

_"It's me, Alexandra," he smiled, reaching out to her._

_The door to her room flung open revealing a tall slender figure wearing a gas mask. _

_"No, Nikita, don't! Not again," She screamed, watching Nikolai's lifeless body fall to the floor._

_She struggled with the gun, ripping at the mask, as the flames rose around them._

_"Rachel..it can't be," she whimpered, dropping the mask to the floor."_

_"It is me, Alex." she smirked, pulling the trigger. _

_Alex fell to the floor clutching her wounds, as Rachel continued her rapid fire. She crawled across the floor and under the bed to make her escape. She could hear Anton __Kochenko __calling her name in the distance. The door under the bed opened up, and she fell through to the corridor below._

_She picked herself up off the rubble of the corridor. Skidding slightly as she flinched at the sound of metal on stone, she turned. What was she doing back here? She walked toward the door at the end of the long hallway as the earth quaked and the floor threatened to give way beneath her feet. _

_"Nikita?" _

_''You don't want to go in there Alex, " Nikita warned._

_Alex defiantly brushed passed Nikita and entered the bright room from the dark corridor of Division. _

_"Zetrov."_

_The board room of Zetrov was empty except for the well dressed woman standing at the end of the table. _

_"You're me," Alex said in Russian._

_"Speak English! Why are you dressed like a Division recruit?"_

_"I-I-don't know."_

_"You're late as usual," the older Alexandra said, walking toward her._

_"Alex?" a voice called out from behind._

"_Rachel, Why are you here? This isn't a safe place."_

_"She is here because we must finish the mission."_

_"What mission?"_

_The room darkened, and the walls began to shake and crack. Alex tried to steady herself against the board room table._

_"She is a threat. She must be eliminated."_

_"No."_

_"Cancel her." She heard Amanda say from behind her. Spinning around, she found no one there._

Alex shook her head. "_No, It's been a long time since I've seen a way out of this. I love her, and she makes me happy... Come on Rachel, we're getting the hell out of here."_

"_There is no going back. You will not ruin this for me now! Enough of your suicidal distractions,"Alexandra said, moving toward Rachel._

_Alex glanced toward Rachel who stood pale and silent, her hands clinched in painful distress. Images of a ruined city, burned outside the windows. Shaking her head, Alex felt the breath of Anton Kochenko whispering in her ear. She searched the room, but he wasn't there. She looked back toward her own image standing behind Rachel with a raised weapon._

_"Papa's legacy, your heritage. That is all that matters now."_

_Raising the gun she fired a single shot toward the back of her head, dropping Rachel instantly._

"_No," Alex cried, dropping to the floor and cradling Rachel's limp body in her hands._

"_We do not bed our enemies," Alexandra said, raising the gun again and pulling the trigger._

Alex startled from her nightmare, a trickle of sweat running down her forehead. She sat upon the side of the bed trying to catch her breath and steady herself back into reality.

"Alex..are you okay," Rachel whispered, rolling over. The younger agent placed a gentle hand to the brunette's back, caressing.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep," Alex muttered, jerking away.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: Last one today. ;)**

* * *

Alexandra Udinov stood to her feet. Her slender fingers lightly tracing the oak desk as she moved slowly toward the dark haired girl. The heiress' predatory blue eyes slowly examining the other woman. Leaning in Alex whispered into her long dark wavy hair; placing her hands on either side of the older woman. The dark haired woman stood 5'6, thin, but with curves in all the right places. She was dressed in a low cut black skirt and white blouse that hung low exposing her cleavage.

Rachel couldn't hear the conversation as she entered the office door unannounced, but she could gauge the uncomfortable close distance between the two of them. Rachel glanced at the stranger, then did a double take. _Holy shit. She looks like ... Nikita. _

The younger woman knew that look in Alex's eyes well, she thought. One of raw desire threatening to consume and leave nothing in it's wake. A look that should only be for her, Rachel surmised. Instinct said run, but emotion said stay, as Alex caught her gaze.

"Rachel," Alex smiled, breaking the silence. She moved away from the woman, licking her bottom lip. "How was your nap?"

"It was fine until I heard the hammering down the hall. What's going on up there?"

"I'm re-decorating a room. They are just putting the finishing touches on it as we speak. Maybe...I'll show you later." Alex smirked. Her eyes dark.

"Have you met Anna, yet? She was just helping me pick out a new assistant for our stay here."

"Can't say I've had the pleasure," Rachel sighed, folding her arms over her chest.

An uncertain silence fell as Alex sat back in her seat staring into Rachel.

"Anna's family holds quite a few shares in one of my companies. We met through her father the last time I was home on business. Say hello, Rachel." _ Beautiful and rich. Terrific,_ Rachel thought. Trying not to roll her eyes at the striking older girl.

Rachel turned toward Anna. Her eyes glaring at the other woman. She flashed her best fake smile.

"You're right, Alexandra. She is adorable. Where did you find her again? You must bring her to our get together this evening... It's a pleasure to meet you, Rachel."

"Likewise."

"Run along and finish your nap. We'll be going out tonight. I want you well rested for the evening."

"Okay," Rachel breathed, turning on her heel.

_Maybe I'm overreacting, but there is something about that girl I just don't like. _


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: Thanks everyone for your patience. It was a very long and busy weekend. :)**

**Thank you for all of your PMs and reviews. Welcome to the new comers. Yes, Although this fic is Alexandra centric - there will be more Nalex a head. I have a new fic coming that is all Nalex. (Sept.) If there are certain things you might want to see in future fics - feel free to send me a message about it. That said, enjoy! **

* * *

Alex meandered through the Russian night-club leading Rachel by the hand. When Alexandra told her they were going out - the younger woman had no idea this was what the brunette had in mind. The dark interior pulsated with strobes as the bass thumped making Rachel dizzy. They walked through the bustling mob, only stopping when Alex reached into a cage, and slid her hand up the leg of an incredibly attractive older woman. Alex turned, smiling at Rachel who met her dark gaze with bewilderment. She tugged the younger woman into her and twirled her around to the music before continuing through the club and into the dimly lit back hallway.

"Where are we going?" Rachel asked as she attempted to take in her surroundings. Her eyes rounded as they bounced from scene to scene.

"Private room."

The hallway was filled with the sounds of cracking whips, loud cries and deep moans. It served only to frighten and excite Rachel with equal measure. Alexandra plucked a key card from her leather vest pocket that opened the door. The heiress tugged Rachel inside, quickly closing the door behind her.

Rachel stood frozen as her eyes explored the contents of the room. She recognized Anna who was sitting in the corner with an attractive blonde haired woman. Anna was dressed in scarlet red panties and a bra that only covered part of her full round breasts. Their laughter filled the large room along with an intense haze of cigarette smoke.

Alex greeted them with a smile, carefully watching Rachel, who was still taking in the scene around her. Rachel's pale blue eyes circled the room slowly. The center of the room held an occupied swing. A beautiful naked redhead hung on her stomach with her sexy round ass in the air. The floor and ceiling were equally equipped with large eyebolts that could easily secure chains. It left little to her overactive imagination. The crimson wall by the door was lined with a variety of whips, paddles, floggers and other assorted toys. Had they been alone, Rachel thought, she wouldn't mind playing with each and every item. It seemed a lot like an erotic adult candy store.

_If only they were alone_, her inner voice repeated.

Alex started stroking the small of Rachel's back and leaning in as though she'd give a kiss. She didn't though, just let her breath ghost over the smaller woman's cheek.

"You asked me what I was doing to the bed room upstairs," Alex whispered, gesturing to the center of the room. "I like my fun private..I'll show you when we get home." That sly little smile of hers holding its place.

Alexandra walked slowly across the room, her fingers touching on each item on the wall, until she came to a flogger that seemed to appeal to her. Removing it from the wall, Alex caressed it with her fingers, walking toward the redhead suspended in the middle of the room.

Alex gripped her hands into long curly red hair. She tugged her head back, forcing their eyes to meet. She glared at the young redhead with fire in her eyes before releasing her hair. Rachel watched with envy and fascination as Alex fixated on someone that wasn't her. The assassin ran the tip of the flogger over the redhead's smooth back and down to her ass.

_Is she testing me?_ Rachel thought. She tried for casual while her emotions were becoming increasingly chaotic.

Alexandra's eyes sucked her in like they always did and within their depths was something dark and foreign. Rachel felt herself flush as she habitually twirled her fingers anxiously through her hair. She watched as Alex ran her tongue over her bottom lip suggestively. Alexandra's gaze fixed on her while she played with the flogger. She started slowly and gently. Leather tickling against pale skin. The redhead elicited a sharp moan as Alex continued, a little less gentle. Stroke after stroke becoming harder until she heard a cry of pleasure escape her lips. Stepping back, Alexandra dropped the flogger on the table behind her, and walked toward Rachel with a predatory determination in her eyes.

She circled Rachel slowly, biting her lower lip. Her hand slid down the side of the younger woman's face and over her neck, until it stopped, gripping her throat gently. Then she dragged Rachel closer and wrapped her free arm low around her waist to kiss her, tongue immediately fucking the younger woman's mouth.

Aroused by the display, Anna moved in to join them. Running her fingers up Alex's firm bicep, the woman leaned in kissing Alex's mouth. The kiss continued unabated for several minutes before Alex whispered conspiratorially into her hair.

Alex tilted Rachel's head back and to the side gently, pushing raven hair to expose the flesh of her neck. She began to run her tongue up and down, as she maintained a tight grip on her throat. Rachel was finding her raw power and self confidence to be an aphrodisiac. Her seduction was hard to resist.

Anna slowly moved in front of Rachel, closing the gap between them. Her hands moved up Rachel's sides, as she leaned in kissing Alex again. The brunette loosened her grip and cupped Anna's face kissing her before moving the girl toward Rachel's lips. Rachel moaned as Anna kissed her, her body tingling with excitement. A mixture of arousal and regret making the younger woman reel at each touch.

Alex regained her grip again from behind, rubbing herself roughly against Rachel's ass. Rachel's head spun with desire for Alex, while Anna deepened her assault with her tongue, fingering the buttons of Rachel's blouse.

Pushing Anna's hands away, Rachel gasped, as Alex bit down on her neck.

"Relax", Alex soothed, biting down again.

Grabbing Rachel's wrists, Alex slowly lowered the younger girl's hands to her sides. Rachel closed her eyes and tried to relax. Her head was racing, her body was aching, but Rachel's heart just didn't feel right about another woman touching her or Alexandra. Alex was possessive and controlling of what was hers. Rachel didn't understand why she would want someone else touching her body. Now that she thought about it. Alex had been different since they landed in Russia. Her mind raced with thoughts of it all.

She tried to forget that Anna was there, focusing instead on Alex's teeth on her neck. Rachel ran her hand behind her, fingers gripping at the side of the brunette's pants.

Anna licked her lips, looking at Rachel as if she were the main course at some well planned dinner party. A slow smirk crossed her face, as she moved in once again to kiss Rachel. This time slow and gentle, the woman's tactics changing. She worked her way up Rachel's blouse slowly, button by button, pushing it back on either side. Rachel moaned again, the cool of the room hitting her exposed skin.

"Alex," Rachel pleaded.

"It's okay, just let go," Alex purred, nipping at her neck.

Anna's fingers moved up and down Rachel's taut stomach; finally pushing her hand up into the younger woman's bra. The blonde rolled Rachel's erect nipple between her two fingers, as she deepened their kiss with her tongue. Breaking the kiss with a sudden and deliberate resolve, Rachel pushed Anna from her and began moving toward the door.

"No," Rachel snapped, closing her shirt with her hands. "Take me home."


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: Thank you for the PMs and reviews! Lots of Nalex is yet to be had in the future. There will also be a lot more Amanda coming. Remember, if its to kinky for FF its over at AO3. Enjoy the long chapter. More to come soon. **

**Krisbian-58: You know Nikita is always working on a plan. ;)**

* * *

Alex didn't talk to Rachel the entire car ride home. When the driver pulled up and opened the door, the brunette hurried herself inside, up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

Rachel was stunned. She couldn't wrap her mind around the evening. She walked quickly toward the staircase attempting to catch up to the other woman. "Alex, wait." She felt selfish for wanting Alex all to herself, and guilty for ruining the evening that the heiress had planned. Rachel loved everything about her, even her extremes, but seeing her lover touch someone else was more than she could tolerate.

_Why does she need Anna?_

Although they had only brushed against the surface of anything remotely related to S&M, Rachel wasn't opposed to allowing Alex to dominate her in new and exciting ways. She had always enjoyed every thing the brunette did to her. She found in Alexandra, the perfect match, sexually and emotionally. But, something just didn't feel right with involving another in their sexual en devours, she thought. It felt too much like cheating, and Rachel wanted to be the only one in her arms.

_I am not letting this go... no...not this time._

* * *

**Rachel** slipped into the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind. Dealing with Alexandra's mood swings was becoming a full time job. She never knew which version she would get when she woke up in the morning. She hesitated to confront her, knowing that she was already angry, but she knew that the constant avoidance was unhealthy. She braced herself for impact, and stepped further into the room.

"Can we talk?"

"Not now," Alex grumbled, slipping out of her boots.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"I said not now." Alex sat, seething on the inside and still on the outside. She was shocked that Rachel had the nerve to come into the room, much less try to discuss the evenings events with her.

"Why do you always shut me out when you're angry? It would be healthier for us to talk things out not-"

"Rachel, your pushing your limits with me tonight," Alex gritted, raising her voice, and glaring into the younger woman's eyes.

"I just want to fix things between us before-"

"Shut your mouth," Alex yelled, pointing her finger toward the door. "Get out."

Alex leveled a glare at her, and it was vehement enough to send her stumbling backwards, smoothing her black silk skirt around her slim, perfect hips. Fight or flight ran its course in her mind even as she gripped at the door knob. The young woman knew that if she walked out now it could push Alex further away, but Rachel also knew if she stayed that she would have to deal with the wrath to come. She thought carefully before she released the door knob.

Clearing her throat. She turned her eyes toward Alex. "Until tonight, You haven't touched me much since we landed in Russia. You've seemed distant and cold."

Alex continued to undress, trying her best to ignore Rachel. The heiress was angry that Rachel refused her desires, but she was furious that Rachel's father was Anton Kochenko. The fact that Amanda hid it from her made the Russian woman even more upset as her thoughts began to race chaotically.

Rachel walked across the room, sitting down on the opposite side of the bed. "Alex, Have I done something wrong to displease you? Something other than tonight?"

The videos that Amanda showed Alex of happy family times were beginning to fuck with her head. Alex resented Rachel's perfect life before Division. She nearly hated her for being Kochenko's daughter. In fact... she realized that part of her did. Strong fists gripped at the edge of the mattress, as she felt herself slipping toward a blackout.

"Please just talk to me, Alex. How can I fix this if I don't know what I've done?"

Rachel never knew what it was like to be Alexandra Udinov. To watch her family ripped apart while her world literally burned all around her. She didn't know what it was like to be bought and sold like Alex, Irina and the other girls at the brothel. She didn't even realize human trafficking was a serious global issue.

_So incredibly innocent and sheltered_, Alex thought, _she didn't even realize that such horrors went on in the world today. It must be a gift to be that damn naive._

Alex thoughts shifted from Rachel to Amanda.

"_I brought Rachel here for you. She was meant to be a gift, Alex. To celebrate an Udinov finally regaining control of Zetrov... Something to amuse yourself with...I didn't know you would fall in love with the enemy.'' Amanda reached out, gripping at Alex's tense shoulder. _

Alex was devastated, caught between love and hate. She knew that she was right about the girl. Rachel had a sheltered life while she was suffering under Vlad as his sex slave. She had friends, high school parties, dates, and family holidays. Rachel had been adored by her parents, praised by her teachers, loved by her friends. The perfect all American life that she often fantasized about before she met Nikita. Alex closed her eyes, chaos playing in her head, as she became more enraged at every thought.

_"I know what Kochenko took from you, Alexandra. He took your innocence, and he held the back door wide open for Nikita and her team."_

_"You mean Division. Just say it, Amanda."_

_"I mean a Division strike team led by Nikita. I do not want you to ever forget who killed your father."_

_"How could I ever forget?"_

Alex continued to torture herself with thoughts of Rachel's life. The girl had a future before Division. The dancer wasn't a cop killer, but being Kochenko's daughter was far worse to her. The brunette would rather bed a serial killer than the daughter of one of her greatest enemies. Alex didn't want to love Rachel anymore. What she did want to do frightened her.

_"Wipe your eyes, Alexandra. Kochenko took everything from you. Now, we have taken everything from him... some things are worse than death. Let this be a lesson to you." _

_"You are always so fond of your lessons. Now, what, Amanda? You expect me to kill her?"_

_"I didn't say that."_

_"What then?"_

_"Because of that man's actions you not only lost everything, you became a drug addicted slave. Do I need to repeat myself? Some things are far worse than death, Alexandra. You of all people should know that... Kochenko taught you that." _

_Alex shook her head. A tear escaping her eye. The weight of Amanda's words ripped at the final shreds of her conscience. The older woman's finger brushed at her tears, before gripping her chin and forcing their eyes to meet._

_"That helpless look in your eyes was born in a hell Kochenko helped make for you. It is time that you embrace your destiny. No more fighting, no more looking back. You are meant for great things, my dear. Now, dry your eyes, and act like Alexandra Udinov... not some frightened little junkie whore. Your father was a great man. You are going to make us both proud." _

Tears began to pool in her eyes as she thought about her thirst for vengeance. She remembered her last night in the loft. The night she ran back to Nikita for the final time. Amanda warned her not to go back to her, but she had a good excuse. She needed her ID packet to start over. She decided that night, as she glared into Nikita's eyes, she would have her revenge on all of her enemies. One by one, Amanda helped her destroy them, and with every fallen enemy she felt herself change a little more. Just as Nikita had warned her.

Rachel looked at her. "Alex?" The far away stare in her eyes confused the younger woman. She looked up at Rachel, but it was as if she was looking straight through her. Her mind was like an out of control freight train stuck in the past. She wondered if she had finished taking her revenge after all. _Maybe Amanda was right. _Could she still punish Anton Kochenko from his grave? She considered doing just that.

Alex smirked reliving Operation Greenhouse in her mind. She imagined telling Rachel that she was the one who killed her father that day. Alex thought about how she would delight as she described sitting in the window adjusting the scope on the rifle. The assassin had defied Nikita and Amanda when she took the fatal shot, and she was damn proud of it. She would tell Rachel every detail of the day's events, even how she enjoyed watching him gasp his last breath before slipping back into the shadows.

Alex was disgusted by her own thoughts, but they were still there just the same. She loved Rachel and she hated her. She wanted to kiss the younger woman and to kill her. Alexandra's emotions overwhelmed her and she began to shake.

Rachel glared at her with frustration. "God damn it, Alex. I am talking to you. Aren't I enough for you? Or..do you need Anna too?'' Her loud tone finally managing to snap Alexandra from her inner turmoil.

"You know, Rach, sometimes you're so immature. You look at life through the lens of some romance novel where nothing bad ever happens."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means your puppy love for me is just that...puppy love. Let's face it, I only keep you around because I enjoy fucking you. It's not really love."

"That's not true. You're just saying that to hurt me because you're angry."

"No, Rachel...its just the way it is. Why does it matter anyway? You enjoy being my fuck toy...and I enjoy owning you. It's a win-win... the only problem is you haven't fully learned your place with me. If I want Anna... I will have her. If I want you in the mix I'd suggest you get on board with that, or consider this arrangement a thing of the past."

"You would break up with me because of that?"

"Break up?"

"Yes, break up. Leave me."

"You are still under the illusion that you have some kind of freedom, Rachel. That ended the night you woke up inside Division."

"Are you saying that what we have is just the act of convenience for you?"

"No, I'm saying that you are owned. Just like every other agent of Division."

"I know you don't mean that."

"You really believe this fantasy I've allowed you...don't you?"

"What fantasy would that be?"

"That I could ever love you. That you are anything more to me than property."

"Stop." Rachel put her hands to her face. Hot tears streaming down her cheeks. She told herself that Alex didn't mean the cruel things she was saying. She knew that the brunette had been under a tremendous amount of pressure since they arrived. She didn't know why exactly, but she blamed Amanda for it all.

"Why? You need to accept it."

Rachel wanted to defuse the situation and go to bed hoping that tomorrow would bring a better day. "I love you..and it has always been real for me," Rachel mumbled. She steadied herself, forcing a soft smile. "I'm going to get ready for bed. It's late. Come baby, you need to rest.''

Rachel stood from the bed and moved toward the dresser looking for something to wear. She still felt the sting of Alexandra's words, but she was determined to forget.

"You can't be serious, Rachel? You make me fucking insane. I'm afraid that I'll hurt you at times... so distance my dear ... is necessary." It was the truth as it were, but so much was left unknown and unsaid.

"I trust you." The younger woman said just above a whisper.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't."

"But I do...and that is not going to change."

"I could change your mind,'' Alex snarled.

"No, You couldn't." It was between a plea and an argument. Her tears rolling down her face again.

"Enough," Alex yelled, throwing up her hands. She headed for the bathroom door, slamming it shut behind her.

* * *

**Alex** stood with her hands on the sink. There it was...that dark fog rolling in like the tide. The blackout the brunette feared was finally taking hold of her. Alexandra was right to walk away when she did before her words took a more physical form of action. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Nikita once taught her how to pull away from the flashbacks, but in this moment her attempts to center herself were failing. She released her firm grip on the sides of the sink, and moved toward the bath, sitting down on the edge.

She began to fill the large French bathtub with warm water and bubble bath.

Her mind raced with thoughts of Anton Kochenko, and the night he came to her bedroom. In hindsight, Alex thought, he must have only been brave enough to hurt her because he knew that soon her father would be dead. She thought about his unwanted advances. How he stole her innocence in a slobbering drunken rage as he held a knife to her throat. Flashes of him twirling Rachel in his arms mixed with the memories of her abuse. She felt overwhelmed and she didn't want to deal with it. Alex considered leaving for the city, and spending time with Anna, or sending Rachel on the first flight back to Division. Neither option seemed the answer in her mind.

She reached down by the tub searching her vest pocket.

"Where did I put it, '' Alex thought out loud.

She yanked a small baggie from her pocket, removing one of the little round purple pills inside. Alex popped it into her mouth and swallowed it down. She needed a reprieve. An escape from her own thoughts and emotions.

Grabbing her phone, Alex thought of calling Amanda, but in that moment she really wished she could talk to Nikita about her troubles. She rubbed the phone under her chin, before she settled, pressing speed dial.

"Mikhail, Bring up a couple of bottles of red wine," she ordered, tossing her phone to the floor.

She sat in the soothing calm of the bubble bath, leaning her head back, her eyes closed. The perfumed oil with its delicate scent of lavender and rose lulled her. A single tear escaping her eye.

* * *

**Rachel** sat near the edge of the mattress. Her chin resting on her knees. Division had taken everything from her, labeled her a murderer, and for a crime she didn't commit. It was not something she ever fully wrapped her mind around. She had mourned her past life before Division months ago. In all of that time she never felt as alone as she did right now. For so long she thought that she at least had Alex. Someone to make a new life with - a reason to exist beyond Division. Now, she wasn't certain that she had any one or any thing.

"A hoodie? Really, Rachel? I've spent hundreds on Victoria Secret for you, and you wear a hoodie into my bed? I don't want you sleeping in that. Change into something nice." It was more an order than a simple request, as she emerged wet and glistening.

Alex voice tore her from her thoughts. Rachel rolled her eyes at her. She was exhausted from crying and arguing. The last thing on her mind was sexy lingerie.

"Oh good the wine is here," Alex smiled, wrapping the towel around her waist. "Have a glass with me."

Rachel stared at the assassin puzzled. The Alex that left the room in a rage seemed to be replaced with a happy-go-lucky sort of girl with a smile. She was use to Alexandra's extremes, but shocked nonetheless.

"Sure." She glanced at Alex nervously, stuffing her hands in her pockets before turning her pale blue eyes toward the older woman.

Alex turned on the Ipod dock situated by the door.

"I love this song."

She began to move her hips in a circular motion. Rachel watched as Alex danced across the room slowly. Picking up the black fedora hat on the edge of the dresser, she turned, shaking her hips to the music. Rachel was impressed by her erotic dance moves, but she really just wanted to avert her eyes from the sexy brunette and burn in her anger.

Flipping her hair side to side, Alexandra donned the hat, spinning around. "Have you ever had a lap dance?" She smiled dancing toward the younger woman.

Rachel shook her head. She never had a lap dance, but seeing the way the older girl moved made her want one. Alex moved in closer, placing her knees on either side of Rachel. She moved slowly and erotically toward the younger woman's ear. Rachel squirmed uncomfortably. It was becoming more difficult for her to stay angry. Alex's scent sent shock waves through her. A needy, achy discomfort was building throughout her body.

"Take off your clothes, or I will take them off for you. Which do you prefer?" Alex whispered near her ear.

Alexandra knew the power her body held over the younger woman. She could see it in her eyes, and hear it in Rachel's breathing. She moved her body into Rachel, her breasts inching closer to her mouth.

"Are you thirsty?" Alex asked, brushing her lips against the young woman's cheek.

Rachel nodded, and summoned a smile. Alex tipped her chin up and kissed her, ever so gently. The argument was over? She felt she could finally breathe a sigh of relief, forgiving the harsh word's from earlier.

Alex danced across the floor. She sang along to the music as she popped the cork from the wine bottle. "You are going to love this wine." Spinning around, Alexandra continued to sway to the music as she sipped from the bottle. She watched the younger woman remove her top, revealing a black lacy bra beneath. "That's better, Rachel." Tossing the hat toward the chair, the brunette loosened the towel, allowing it to fall to the floor. "Still so shy. It's cute." Alex slid her fingers under the strap of the intimate under garment. "I want this off of you, too."

Straddling Rachel's lap she continued her erotic movements once more. Taking a mouth full of red wine Alex leaned in placing her lips on Rachel's mouth. The wine dripped into the younger girl's mouth as the kiss deepened.

"Do you want more?" Alex purred, arching her back and pouring it over her breasts.

Rachel wasted no time pulling Alexandra in closer and capturing her breast in her mouth. She licked at the wine, flicking over the brunette's erect nipples. Alex moaned into her hair, before standing up and walking toward the bathroom. Rachel sat breathless and wanting.

In record time, Alexandra was back straddling her again. Rachel wrapped her arms around her, kissing Alexandra's neck before she turned pushing the brunette to the mattress. Alex's eyes widened in shock, as she gazed up at the younger woman. Rachel met her eyes with a fiery determination of her own. She knew Alex liked to control the pace, but she was wreak-less, desperate to touch her. Something deep inside the younger woman sought to prove she was more than just her toy. Rachel's hands moved over Alex's chest as she trailed kisses up her abdomen.

"I have a gift for you,'' Alex moaned, holding up the small purple pill between her thumb and her index finger.

"What is that?"

"Vitamin X, '' she chuckled, flipping Rachel to her back, and pinning her hands to the mattress.

"Explains your new mood, I guess. I'll pass," Rachel murmured, looking away.

Alex gently gripped the side of her face, running her lips delicately over the younger girl's neck. "Rachel, look at me." Alex brushed a lock of her long black hair out of her eye. "Stop constantly fighting me tonight." She placed the small pill on the tip of her tongue, before she leaned in slipping it inside Rachel's mouth and kissing her deeply.

"What will it do to me?'' Rachel asked between kisses.

"It will make you feel so much better."

"That doesn't sound patronizing at all, Alex. Fuck. What does that mean?"

"It means... I should have given it to you before we entered the club," Alex smirked, sensually licking her lips with her tongue.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted tonight, but when it comes to monogamy... I'm not willing to compromise with you."

Alex enjoyed the way Rachel wore her feelings on her sleeve, the way everything she was thinking was an open book to her. "You sound like we're married. It's so cute. Don't worry, Rachel. You will always be mine .. and only mine."


	41. Chapter 41

**Krisbian-58: Chapter 31 covers Nikita's first meeting with Rachel. There will be a lot more interaction from those two soon. I agree that Alex is unpredictable. Mind control and PTSD is creating chaos. Thank you for the review. :)**

* * *

A maitre d' waited behind the glass doors to the restaurant. A single iris graced each intimate table around the beautifully appointed room. Rachel's fingers slid over the perfect fabric of her chair as she sat down. She felt like a princess. Smiling she accepted the menu but didn't even open it. Rachel set to work putting a smile on Alex's face.

"Please Alex, would you chose something for me?" Rachel smiled happily as Alex signaled a waiter and unleashed staccato bursts of Russian.

They ate slowly, savoring each bite, talking about Alex's early childhood in Russia. Those memories seemed to be the only ones she could share easily with Rachel. Her face would light up when she told of her mama and papa, her childhood friends, and her great adventures into the wilderness around the estate. Rachel adored Alex, and when she was in these kind of moods, she loved every moment. It was all too rare that Alex let her guard down enough to laugh and enjoy herself. To act her age seemed a feat. Experience had aged her far beyond her years, and her haunted blue eyes spoke of those horrors, without a word uttered.

"Should we order something for Mikhail?"

"He's just security, Rachel. Don't make friends with my staff."

"Okay."

Rachel brought the cloth napkin to her lips. "I am defeated. Far too much good food has laid me out."

Alex grinned. "Maybe a walk to burn some of it off?"

Her lover considered for long moments. "It's a start."

Alex opened the door for Rachel. The city was alive with lights and calling them to explore. Rachel teased Alex into recounting a few more favorite childhood memories as they followed the sidewalk wherever it might lead. They strolled aimlessly around Moscow, Mikhail trailing close behind them. Rachel knew very little about her Russian heritage, and never met her father's side of the family. Alex pointed out the landmarks, spoke of the proud history of the Russian people, and lamented the wars that scarred the landscape of the country again and again. Their conversation was endless and flowed from topic to topic making Rachel feel at home.

Alex smiled as they walked through the park. Old men played chess and children screamed as they ran back and forth with balls and other artifacts of childhood. "Its like being in New York, minus muggers." Rachel laughed. as they walked past a fountain. Alex slipped her fingers over the other woman's. "I spent a lot of time in America. I speak perfect English. I like cheeseburgers and apple pie, but my happiest memories are my childhood in Russia."

Rachel pulled her to a stop. Alex turned and looked at her questioningly. "I just wanted to tell you that one of my happiest memories is Russian too."

"Which one?" Alex asked curious.

"The one we're making right now, Alex. I love you."

Alex's face seemed bright in the gathering dusk. "Rachel, I-"

"It's okay. I don't expect you to say it back. I've accepted things as they are." She brought Alex's fingers to her lips.

Alex gazed at her in silence. "Do you want ice cream?" she said clearing her throat. She walked toward the vendor.

"If I eat another bite I'll explode."

Alex pulled at the top with a smile. She plucked out a candied cherry and held it up. "Here. Try it," Alex said with a grin. Her pupils darkened and swelled as she felt Rachel's lips pull gently at her fingertips. Seeing those exquisite lips linger on her skin was such a turn on she wasn't sure how she was going to handle waiting until they got home to show her desire.

Rachel chewed the cherry and swallowed. She stepped closer. Her lips brushed Alex's then her tongue brushed the other woman's lip. Alex's tongue brushed hers and she pulled back with a grin. "What did you think?" she asked huskily.

"Not as sweet as you," Rachel whispered, her eyes still shut. They slid open and her lip curled. "Thank you for a perfect day."


	42. Chapter 42

**Ayushi95: I had to put that dance in somewhere after watching the stripper pole scene 'again'. :P  
**

**Krisbian-58: Thank you so much!  
**

**Nikalex: LOL! Thank you.**

* * *

Rachel descended the winding stairs of the Udinov estate. A warm smile on her face, as she thought about coaxing Alex from her work and getting lost in the woods around the property. She trotted downstairs with refreshed vigor toward Alexandra's office. The door was ajar and she could hear the sound of voices. She peeked inside. Her pale blue eyes widening in disbelief.

"Rachel."

She jumped at the sound of Alex's voice behind her. She spun around to meet her gaze.

"You scared me... What's Amanda doing here?"

Alex grinned. "Business...and you're spying?"

Rachel frowned at Alex. "Division business or your business?" Alex's grin faded at the seriousness of Rachel's tone.

"Is there a difference?"

Before she could reply, the door creaked further open and sauntering out came Amanda.

"Hello Rachel. How are you enjoying your stay at the Udinov Estate?"

"Just fine, Amanda. I have a wonderful hostess. I wasn't expecting to see you here though." Rachel glared at the older woman before turning her gaze back toward Alexandra.

"Alex, can I speak with you in private for a moment?"

"I'm a little busy, Rachel."

Rachel's face hardened. "Now would be good, Alex.''

Alex followed Rachel down the hall and out of sight of Amanda. The younger agent paced slowly; twirling her finger into her long black hair. A panicked expression on her face.

Alex glared. "What is it?"

"Is that what I think it is sitting on your desk? You can't seriously be considering giving that thing to Ari?" She asked finally, huffing to show her disapproval.

"I have a vested interest in Gogol now."

"It sounds like your playing both sides... and that's just not right." Rachel whispered, her eyes darting anxiously toward the office door.

"I'm merging Gogol with Division. I know what I'm doing."

"I took a bullet for you and Division to secure that damn bomb in Belarus. Now you want to put it in the hands of Ari and the Russians?"

"We are Russian, Rachel."

"Tell me again about serving my country and not myself? Isn't that what you taught me?"

Alex smiled trying to calm the younger woman. Her fingers brushed against her lover's cheek as if it were delicate porcelain that might break under her touch. "Don't worry, I will not be using you often for Division anymore. I much rather keep you all to myself."

"Every time you're around Amanda you change. It's like she has some kind of hold on you. I don't understand," Rachel snapped, pulling away from the brunette.

"You don't need to understand. You just need to comply," Alex ordered, raising her voice.

"This is wrong. It's not you."

"You don't know who I am." Alex's perfectly calm and cool disposition was suddenly rattled. She had no intention of telling Rachel about the transaction, but now that she knew she was surprised by the girl's reaction.

"I think I know you pretty damn well."

"You do not get a say in my business affairs, Rachel. Are we clear?" Alexandra's voice was getting louder as their argument intensified.

"Is everything okay, Alex?" Amanda inquired, interrupting their exchange.

Alex ground her teeth with such strength that her jaw began to ache. "Everything is fine," she replied, trying to lower her voice and calm herself.

"Go up stairs and wait for me. We'll talk when I'm finished here, Rachel." It was an order and not a request. Amanda smirked as if she were enjoying seeing Alex take a harsh tone with the younger woman.

Rachel looked at Alex in disbelief. Her attempt at getting Alex to listen failed miserably. She shook her head glaring toward Amanda and then back at Alex before averting her eyes and heading toward the staircase.

* * *

**Rachel** took a deep breath and steadied herself. Red flags were going off in her head. The suitcase bomb that she helped take away from both the soldiers and Team Nikita was about to fall into the hands of a very dangerous man. She felt a wave of guilt and regret run through her. What she thought was for the greater good turned out to be something else entirely. Her role in stealing the bomb made her sick to her stomach. She felt used. A slow rage was sitting in along with a shit load of other unpleasant emotions. She remembered Nikita's words to her.

_"Alex is one of the best people I know, but right now...thanks to Amanda...she's following in her father's footsteps. The way I see it...you might be the only thing standing between her and real darkness. Which means that Amanda can't be very happy with you right now."_

Rachel popped the magazine into the Glock. She didn't have time for a plan. The suitcase was about to leave with Ari and Gogol. She had to set this wrong thing right - and time was not on her side. She walked boldly into Alexandra's office. The Glock 27 raised in her hands.

"What are you doing?" Ari glare at the young agent.

Alex turned toward the door. "Put the gun down."

"I can't let you give that to him. Lives are at stake."

Ari and Amanda looked at each other. An evil grin crossing their faces nearly simultaneously. "Lives are at stake, Rachel. Your life, specifically... I think someone is itching for a cancellation."

"Shut up," Rachel snapped, pointing the weapon toward Amanda.

Amanda turned to face Rachel. A smirk on her face. "She reminds me more of Nikita every day."

Alex put up her hands in surrender. "Rachel, look at me." Alex tried to calm her, stepping slowly toward her. "It's just me, Alex. You trust me remember? With your life?" Alex tilted her head, forcing a warm smile.

Rachel tried to steady her trembling hands as they gripped at the weapon. "Just give me t-the suitcase," Rachel stuttered, turning the gun in Alexandra's direction.

"Babe, your pointing a weapon at me? Give me the damn gun, Rachel." Alex gritted her teeth trying to keep her voice from sounding enraged. "You don't want to hurt me." She moved in slowly lowering the gun before she took it. Ari sighed relief as he watched.

Alex moved half a step toward the desk before steeling herself and striking the younger woman to the floor. Rachel looked up stunned, her head spinning from the blow. "Don't give him the suitcase, Alex... Please."

Alex twirled her finger at the guard. "Take her up stairs and lock her in the room."

Rachel stared in disbelief as the guard forced her from the room and up the stairs.

"I warned you that she would be a problem. If you refuse to let me cancel her at least let me take her back to Division. I'm certain my methods can turn her into just about anything desirable."

"No, I can handle it. I just need more time."

"You don't have any more time, Alex. This cannot happen again."

"Listen to her Alexandra," Ari chimed in, his hand moving toward the suitcase.

Alex turned to face Ari. "If I want your opinion, I'll ask."

"Have it your way." He plucked the suitcase from her desk.

Amanda reached out grabbing Alex by the elbow. "Did you forget who she really is? Control her or I will."

* * *

**Her** fingers trembled as she touched the blood seeping from the corner of her mouth. Rachel's emotions were a tangle of heartache and regret as the enormity of what she had done sank in.

_I wish I had put a bullet in Ari and Amanda while I had the chance. _

Mascara and tears became a dark river down her cheeks.

_How could I be so damn blind?_

She frantically packed the suitcase, tossing in random items without giving it much thought. She didn't know how, but she needed to get out of Russia. The young agent's heart sank further at the realization of Alexandra's business dealings with the enemy. Everything Alexandra and Division had taught her was a lie. Division was not the good guys.

_Nikita was telling me the truth._

Everything was happening so fast. It seemed like one surreal event after another. She just wanted life to slow down and be normal. She guessed that ended the day Alexandra Udinov walked into her room at Division.

Alex entered the bedroom door, slamming it behind her.**_  
_**

"Going somewhere, Rachel?" she asked, eyes ablaze.

"I want out."

"Out?"

"Out of this fucking country...out of Division."

"Away from me?"

"Alex," Rachel sighed, lowering her voice. "I love you. I have loved you since my first night at Division. But... you refuse to let those walls down for more than a day. Every time I think I'm getting through-"

"You think you need to get through to me?"

"I think Amanda has you all twisted up. I think you need to get away from her."

"Where will you go? What will you do?" Alex questioned, staring at the younger girl.

"I'll figure it out."

"Rachel, you're the best part of my life. I don't want to lose you."

Alex wrapped her arms firmly around Rachel's waist pulling her against her chest.

"Come with me then," Rachel begged, turning into her arms.

"You sound like Nikita."

"Well, maybe Nikita is right."

"Don't say that."

"Listen to me Alex. I love you." Alex crossed her arms over her chest and turned away.

"Please, look at me. I need you to actually hear me when I say it. I..love..you.. I accept that for whatever reason you suddenly cannot love me back. I have enough love for the both of us. I can love you without you loving me and without putting any pressure on you. I promise you that I am committed to you. Even if its a one way commitment. See? You mean everything to me. I love everything about you. Your compassion, your work ethic, your sense of humor and god damn it even your twisted sexual games... but this? No... I can't do it. Amanda and Ari... that suitcase... its my line in the sand. She has done something to you, don't you see? You are not the person who hit me downstairs. That is some twisted version of Amanda. I know someone who can help you...help us. Can you trust me this once?"

"Help me? I don't need any fucking help...there is nothing wrong with me... but do enlighten me, Rachel. Who can help me?"

"Nik-"

"Alex," Amanda called, knocking on the door, and interrupting Rachel before she could finish.

Alex brushed a stray lock of black hair from the younger woman's eye. "Just stop packing...I'll be right back...and we will work this out, Rachel."

* * *

**Alex ** took a deep breath and squared her shoulders before exiting the bedroom door. She knew better than to show an ounce of weakness around Amanda.

"Alex, I will handle Rachel. You need to meet with Sean and the team in Belarus tonight."

"I can't leave it like this."

"I will deal with this matter. Do not make me repeat myself again. Ovechkin must be terminated."

"Promise me you won't hurt her." Alexandra's eyes pleaded with the older woman.

Amanda slid her hand up Alex's arm. "She will be in one piece when you return, Alexandra. Go do your job and I will do mine."

Alex looked toward the door with regret, before turning on her heel and walking toward the stairs. Amanda smirked as she lost sight of Alex. She tugged her phone from her jacket pocket and hit speed dial.

"Ari, find a way to delay Alex once this mission in Belarus is finished."

"Delay?"

"My new project is going to need more than three days to solidify. Keep her and the mama's boy busy until further notice."


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: We are just reaching the half way point in this fic. Lots to go yet. Nikita/Team Nikita are coming up in a big way. Nalex will be coming soon, too. Thank you for the PMs and reviews. ;) I'll be updating AO3 over this holiday as well. **

* * *

Rachel was awakened by the sound of sharply clicking heels, the kind of heeled stride that just screamed ball busting and uber-bitchedness was on its way. She shook her head trying to clear the fog and the muddle from the blow she hadn't even seen coming. She didn't know where she was, but she knew who had her strapped to a chair. _Amanda!_

The young agent could barely move her body in the five point leather restraints. Escape seemed impossible as far as she could tell. Blood and sweat matted hair stuck to her aching forehead. She tried to rotate her wrists slightly to see just how much she could do but a hiss escaped as her raw skin scraped on the bindings.

Thick plastic sheeting isolated her. She couldn't see walls beyond them and so she could be in a dental office or a warehouse for all she knew. Her location could be anywhere from Antarctica to Zimbabwe, though she leaned away from Antarctica. Snakes like Amanda required a source of heat.

The metal wires wrapped around her ankles and biceps cut into her inflicting pain as she squirmed. She knew the naked wires served but one purpose. _Torture. _Rachel's hands shook as she watched Amanda attach the small metal cables to each of the wires wrapped around her. The sadistic look in Amanda's eyes left her fearful of the impeding outcome.

The tall classically beautiful woman stood behind a chair nearby her nails lightly scraping as she watched Rachel. "Division has given you a purpose. A home. How do you repay us? By pulling a gun on the people who made you?" Amanda glared at the young agent. She was seething.

"It comes down to right and wrong, Amanda. You wouldn't know the difference." Rachel stared defiantly into Amanda. It was a foregone conclusion. There was no way Amanda was going to give her a lollipop and send her on her way. Might as well say exactly what was in her heart.

"When we're finished with your lesson... you'll be grateful that I define your morality, Rachel." Amanda walked slowly toward the CD player situated next to the primitive torture control box. "I hope you like Pink Floyd, Rachel." The music began to play as Amanda sat across from her. The older woman ran her fingers slowly over the control box attached to the wires. She smiled as she turned the dial on the small metal box; the voltmeter spiking. Rachel's body began to convulse and contort as she screamed. "You fucking bitch. I'll kill you," she spat, pulling at the restraints.

"It's going to be a pleasure breaking you," Amanda smirked.


	44. Chapter 44

Alex nodded at the bartender as she watched the faux President of Belarus try to pretend that he was not running scared to his getaway vehicle. Sean signaled readiness and taking a sip she put down the glass and strolled from the bar. She would do a slow circle around the outskirts of the party until the explosion then ghost away to join Sean for the extraction. Tucking a loose hair behind her ear she smiled as she passed another clump of party goers. Approaching the rear of the great chamber, Alex took another glass and pretended an interest in the crown moldings near the entrance.

Semtex is many many things, subtle has never been one of them. The french doors leading out toward the back drive shivered and some frames shattered as a fireball lit the night. The whole room turned toward the doors. The security officers began running toward the disturbance. Alex slipped out.

Nikita got mother and child clear of the blast zone before everything went to shit. She entrusted them to Michael as she caught sight of a familiar back. "Alex," she whispered as she leapt over a low wall to follow, only to crouch low behind bushes as she realized that she was not the only one following the young hot head. The older spy took a shaky breath. She couldn't save Alex from what was about to happen. As much as she wanted to slap some sense into the lost soul of Alexandra Udinov, she needed to save a five year old boy first. _Soon, Alex. Very soon. _

Alex heard a boot scuff behind her just as she reached the rendezvous point. She turned slowly with the innocent girl look on her face. A rifle butt struck her, driving her back and to the ground.

A soldier sneered. "My father was a thief. He taught me to never look where everyone else looks. You were the only one not looking at the explosion, you knew." He raised the rifle to his shoulder. She looked around for options. Alex almost cheered as Sean flew from the side to slam the soldier to the ground. They stood to run, Sean steadying her. Turning they found themselves looking down multiple barrels.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: As always, thank you for the PMs and reviews. Sorry about the short chapters yesterday, but its a holiday weekend of sorts here, and I had a house full of people. I figured I'd send out something even as short as it was. Here is one much longer. Enjoy. ;)**

* * *

The room echoed with the sounds of screams and gasps that followed each turn of the dial. Rachel's heart beat out of her chest as she begged for reprieve. The young agent's mind began to slip; the pain taking over. She drifted into unconsciousness for minutes before Amanda slapped her fiercely across the jaw.

She didn't know if it had been hours or days since Amanda began torturing her. The blood and burn cracked skin across her wrists told a tale of far too many hours. She only knew that she remembered promising Amanda she would never fail Division again. All of her values and stoic moralism got lost in the electrical currents that contracted her muscles and left her screaming. The tears rolled down her face. Rachel would promise anything, be anything, do anything, to end the pain. She didn't know what, if anything, would convince Amanda to stop. Her head spun with the sounds of the same song that Amanda had on repeat. She began to mumble along to the words between her own violent screams. '_Welcome my son, welcome to the machine. What did you dream? It's alright we told you what to dream.'_

* * *

**Alex's** eyes jolted open to the violent sounds of screaming in the dank cell block. She pushed herself unsteadily to her feet when she spotted Sean on the concrete floor next to her. "Sean," Alex groaned, collapsing back to her knees on the damp floor. She blinked rapidly trying to focus her sight on the Navy Seal. Her head spinning from her wound. Slowly, the fog began to lift. The stony floor abrading her fingertips gave her a sense of solid reality that she clung to fiercely.

Groaning with anguish, Sean writhed about on the floor clutching his ribs. His eyes were watery with the sheer pain and his breathing came out in sharp, shallow rasps. Sweat dripped down the side of his face and covered his forehead in a thin sheen.

''Are you alright? What the hell happened?" Alex crawled toward him placing her hand lightly on his chest.

"I'll be okay. I think my ribs are broken. We just need to find away out of here." Alex looked around at the dark filthy cell. "Where are we?" Rats scurried across the floor just outside the cell door.

"From the looks of it... some Russian prison." He groaned. "Don't worry Division will find us. We just need to sit tight until Amanda springs us," Alex whispered.

"You have a lot of faith in Amanda." He rasped past the pain. He tried to move but decided quickly to save his strength.

Alex glared at him. "Whatever, Sean." Bringing her trembling hand up to her head; Alex wiped at the dry blood covered wound above her eyebrow.

* * *

**Amanda's** finger tapped against the syringe. A wicked smirk crossing her face as she leaned into Rachel. The pinch of the needle was a welcome relief to the pain that Amanda had inflicted on her. Her eyes closed as the rush forced it's way through her. She began to nod. "Good girl."

Rachel ran her hands over her face. She felt good, really good. She couldn't remember ever feeling this free. She didn't care about the suitcase bomb, or Gogol, or even Amanda. Everything Nikita warned her about disappeared with the sudden blissful undertow.

* * *

**Her **lids moved up and down in sympathy with the bulb that alternated between incandescence and blessed darkness. Alexandra counted the days by the prison guard rotation. They had been trapped in the Russian prison for more than a week, Alex figured. _Still no sign of rescue._ She was losing hope and ready to make her own plan of escape. Sean laid back against the dank cell block wall occasionally shifting to release pressure on his still battered ribs. Alexandra's head rested on his thigh. "When we get out of here...What would you say to dinner?" Sean murmured.

"Sean, you know I'm with Rachel now." Alex turned to look at him; her eyes warm with thoughts of her lover.

"That has never stopped you before," he argued, raising his voice.

"Things change... I feel clear... for the first time in well, I don't know how long," she whispered.

"There's no chance for us, Alex? I mean... I like Rachel... Just not with you...because... I love you, Alex." Sean stared down into warm blue eyes that met his gaze. The sound of stomping boots moving at a fast pace turned their attention toward the cell door simultaneously.

"I told you Division would come for us," Alex smiled, standing to her feet. Sean rolled his eyes up at her, nodding.

* * *

**The** first several days were a roller coaster for Rachel. Each time she came down from the drug Amanda was there with a syringe. She knew better than to question Amanda after the lesson was over. After the first few times, Rachel began to enjoy the way the drug made her feel. She couldn't imagine wanting to stop. It had been nearly two weeks since she saw Alex. Two long weeks that she spent with Amanda. Two weeks that left her craving something more than Alexandra Udinov. She was still under the illusion that she wasn't addicted, but Amanda no longer had to come to her. She went to Amanda. Sleeve rolled up, stomach in knots, shaking. Her days revolved around the demon taking hold of her life.

* * *

**Alexandra** stepped into the massive front door of the Udinov Estate. The child like smile on her face was one of excitement. It had been fourteen days since she set eyes on her lover. So much was left unspoken between them. She wanted to wrap her arms around the raven haired girl and forget about the fight that nearly drove them apart. "Where is Rachel?" Alex asked, smiling up at the older man.

"She is with Ms. Collins having tea in the living room, Ma'am,"

The silver haired butler replied, pointing toward the room. "Thank you."

Alex whisked open the double doors leading to the living room. Her eyes fixing on Amanda and then Rachel. The younger girl ran toward her; jumping into her arms. She wrapped herself firmly around the brunette who spun her around in her arms. "I missed you so much."

"Excellent work in Belarus, Alex. Join us for tea?" Amanda asked.

"Thank you. Tea sounds nice."

Alex was bewildered at the calm atmosphere in the room. Rachel seemed comfortable in the presence of Amanda. Alexandra had never remembered seeing her so placid. The brunette ran her fingers slowly over Rachel's knee; her gaze intensifying. Cupping her face, Alex forced the younger woman to meet her gaze. Rachel shifted anxiously under her examination. "Rachel, would you excuse us for a moment. I'll meet you upstairs shortly," Alex murmured. Rachel turned to Amanda; her eyes seeking approval from the older woman. Alex glared at Amanda. Her mouth slightly open as she watched Rachel close the door behind her.

"She looks for your approval over mine now? What have you done, Amanda?"

"I saved your property from getting canceled, Alex. You should be grateful that I made the effort. Consider it a gift."

"What is she on and don't you dare lie to me."

"I believe the street term would be speed-ball, Alexandra. Something you would know all about."

"It stops now."

"I'll leave that up to you, Alex. It would be a shame to see you lose Rachel after all of the work I put into her."

"Keep your hands off her."

"Or what, Alexandra?" Amanda glared.

"You have had a long couple of weeks with your unfortunate incarceration. It's been more than two months since we sat down for a session. Sit back down. Let's talk for a while," she soothed.

"No."

"No?"

"Things are about to change around here. I'm done with your sessions. I don't need your input in my life anymore. I'll have Mikhail drive you to the airport tonight. We are done here."

"Done?"

"We are business partners. I don't need you for anything else."

"I see. Showing your weakness, Alex. I'm disappointed."

"Funny, it feels like a new found clarity to me."

"I have seen powerful men brought down by the whore in their beds. I never thought I would see that in you, Alexandra. I thought you had better sense."

Alex bit down on a growl. "Pack your things. I'll see you back at Division... when I'm good and ready."

* * *

**Rachel** sat on the edge of the light blue bathtub, her fingers flicking at the air bubbles inside the syringe. She placed the syringe carefully between her teeth as she tightened the belt around her arm. The sting of the needle removed the doubts that played in her head. She slid down to the floor; her fingers scratching at her face, and running through her hair as she began to nod.

"Rachel?" Alex voice called out to her.

"I'll be right out." Rachel stumbled to her feet. She quickly rolled down her sleeve and washed her face; before opening the door and walking back into the bedroom. "I'm so glad you're home, Alex. I missed you so much," she slurred, hugging the brunette. Alex gazed at her blood shot eyes. She knew the look. Tears pooled in the brunette's eyes; her stomach plummeting instantly.

"Look at me Rachel. I know what Amanda did you. I'm so sorry, baby," Alex whispered, cupping her chin. Regret washed over her as she realized the extent of Amanda's actions. "I shouldn't have left you here with her. I didn't think she would do this...but I'm here now. Things are going to be different now...You were right about Gogol. You were right about a lot of things."

Rachel jerked away from her. "I'm fine. Everything is better than before you left. Whatever I said before you left...forget about it." Rachel sat down on the edge of the bed.

Alex brushed her fingertips over Rachel's arm and shook her head. "No Rachel. It's not better, but it will be. Amanda is leaving for Division tonight. I know how to get you clean. I've been there."

"Alex, your not the boss of me. I can handle myself. I don't need you to make decisions on what I should and should not do." Rachel glared up at her. "Rachel, we need to get you off it now. The longer we wait the harder it's going to be. Do you understand me?" Alex insisted, meeting her gaze. "Why does everything have to be about what you want?"

"What?" Alex eyes were ablaze. Her brow furrowing.

"Maybe I should leave with Amanda. If you want me to leave just fucking say so."

"I don't want you to leave, damn it. I want to help you," she snapped. She forgot how much fun arguing about stopping could be with an addict.

"I don't need your help, Alex. I need your love, but I forgot the ice queen doesn't know a damn thing about love."

Alex ran her fingers through her hair, exasperated. The tears in her eyes threatening her cheeks. "Fine, if you want the drugs... have the fucking drugs. Fucking kill yourself, see if I care!" Alex stormed from the room slamming the door behind her.

* * *

**Two** days past without so much as a word uttered between them. Alex slept down the hall in another room. Rachel barely came out of hers. There was a demilitarized zone that was the hall past which there was no passage.

The anger that drove her from the room was turning back to sorrow and regret. Alex tossed and turned unable to sleep. She sighed._ I guess I'll have to make the first move to end this argument._ She knocked on the door, poking her head around the corner of the door frame. She heard the sound of the shower in the distance. Moving toward the bed, she spotted the small black box sitting on the edge of the night stand. She slowly lowered herself on the bed, opening the box. She knew what it was before she opened it. Her eyes closed with frustration before she picked up the syringe. Memories flooded her mind, as she held the temptation in her hand. She bit her lip just thinking about it. Maybe once wouldn't be such a big deal, she thought.

Rachel walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel; her long hair wet and skin glistening. The younger woman's eyes filled with surprise as she spotted the brunette sitting on the edge of the bed. Removing her towel, she silently fell into bed and covered herself up.

"I didn't come to argue," Alex whispered.

Rachel turned on her side away from the assassin; her silence frustrating Alex. She stared up at the ceiling for a beat before she slid down further into the bed turning into Rachel to hold her. Alex ran her fingers slowly over Rachel's shoulder and onto her stomach before she turned the raven haired girl to face her. Her eyes spoke volumes as she gazed into the younger woman for seconds. Alex leaned in placing a quick gentle kiss on her lips before pulling back. She gazed into her pale blue eyes for approval before forcing a ravenous kiss. Her tongue licking over Rachel's lips before entering her willing mouth.

Their breathing became more pronounced as desire took hold. Rachel's frantic fingers began to unbutton the brunette's white linen shirt, as Alex's lips made their way down her neck. Alex moved off the bed discarding her clothing. Her eyes dark and needy. She straddled Rachel, pinning her wrists with her hand. "Leave them above your head," she whispered, her voice deep and seductive. She ran her nails down the younger woman's arm and gripped her neck. The gentle kisses on her neck replaced with teeth in seconds. She spread her legs wide and entered her with two fingers roughly. Rachel groaned, her fingers gripping the pillow above her head.

Alex's wet fingers slid in and out as her lips brushed against her ear. "Don't ever threaten to leave me again, Rachel. Do you understand me?" Rachel ran her hands through Alex's hair gently as she edged closer to orgasm. "Don't you fucking touch me," Alex ordered, tightening her grip on the younger girl's neck. "Keep your hands above your head like I told you."

Rachel nodded. The more force Alex applied the closer she was to falling over the edge. She missed the feel of her hands and the sound of her voice whispering in her ear. She missed the smell of her skin and the taste of her tongue. She missed the all consuming nature that was Alexandra Udinov.


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: Full length (MA) version at AO3. **

* * *

**Alex** woke to the sound of her phone ringing. Her eyes jolted before she snatched it from the night stand.

"Hello," she groaned sleepily.

"Trying to kill women and children now, Alex?"

"Nikita?"

"Not a smart move in Belarus."

"We were after the President. We didn't kill any women and children."

"You damn near got two killed with your little car bomb."

"Nikita, what the hell do you want?"

"I want the real Alex back. No, I demand the real Alex back! The one who doesn't risk the lives of innocents."

"Nikita-"

"You are becoming Amanda and Percy all rolled into one."

The phone crashed into the wall startling Rachel. She exited the bathroom; her robe hanging open.

"What the hell, Alex? What happened," she said, towel drying her hair.

"Nothing."

Rachel walked up to her. Her hands running through brunette hair. "I'm here if you want to talk about it." Alex stared at her impassively. Rachel reached down grabbing the black box on the night stand. The assassin grabbing her wrist. "Alex, I don't want to fight about this again."

"You don't need to leave the room to do it."

"Are you sure?"

Alex nodded.

Alex ran her hand through her hair frustrated. Nikita had upset the already delicate balance she had been desperately trying to maintain. She sighed, thankful the mother and child survived the car bomb that they had set for the Faux President of Belarus. Her thoughts became chaotic as she sat back watching Rachel fumble with the syringe. "Rachel, you're shaking."

"I waited too long. I guess I didn't want you to see me like this...but now you do..maybe I'm just getting the flu," she sighed.

Alex knelt on the carpet next to her. Her fingers stroking her raven hair. "You're not getting the flu. You're dope-sick," She frowned. "I'll do it. Give it to me." Rachel raised her eyebrow. "Don't worry. I've done this lots of times. I could hit it in the dark. So relax."

Alex watched the younger woman's eyes flutter shut the moment the drug hit her system. "Rachel, promise me you will at least consider letting me help you kick this?"

"Okay," Rachel muttered.

* * *

**Rachel** sat back against the headboard of the large bed. She drifted in and out of consciousness for several minutes before she tried to sit up and hold her head up.

"Alex, why the sad face." Rachel murmured.

"It's nothing," she whispered, regret in her eyes.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me, Alex." The brunette felt sick. The guilt was more than she could bare.

"I can tell something is wrong. You're always so stressed out with Division and Zetrov. You need to relax more. Let it all go for a few days," she slurred.

"Maybe." Rachel pushed herself up. The drugs making it difficult to steady herself. She leaned back against the headboard, her head falling against the brunette. "No maybe." Rachel grabbed the black metal box from the edge of the bed and placed it on Alex's lap. "Just forget about work for one damn day."

"No Rachel..I shouldn't.''

"Please?"

Alex relented. She pulled the belt from her pants and tied herself off quickly, almost frantically, fearing she would change her mind. The ritual called to her like some forgotten prayer. Rachel's words pleading, tempting, willing her to open the box. A box that led to a temporary reprieve and possibly the prison she fought so hard to escape. Her fingers ran delicately over the metal frame before opening it. She moved at a frantic pace; mechanically, ritually, preparing her fix. Her chaotic mind doing battle every step of the way. She hesitated, needle to her skin. What was she doing? She sighed, shaking her head.

Rachel crawled behind her on her knees and brushed brunette hair to the side. She ran her lips down the side of Alexandra's neck slowly. Alex moaned. "Feels good."

Rachel kissed behind her ear, tongue licking at the lobe before she sucked. Her fingers danced beneath Alex's shirt. Her hand determined and forceful as she moved over her breast.

"It's okay, Alex. You don't always have to be the strong one. I'm your partner, remember?"

Alex lips searched for hers. They kissed for minutes before she pulled her head back searching her eyes for some sign that she was forgiven. It wasn't there. Rachel didn't blame her?

_Why don't you hate me, Rachel?_

It was Alex who blamed herself for what Amanda had done. She looked down at her arm. She wanted to let go, but she couldn't. She placed the syringe on the night stand sighing. "I can't."

Rachel straddled the older woman's waist. Her hands gripping her face as she kissed the brunette roughly. "You can't, but I can." Rachel tightened the belt and grabbed the syringe. Alex hand grabbing at her wrist. Their eyes locked for seconds. Rachel reached out rubbing her thumb over Alex's cheek and gently over her bottom lip. There was something different about Alex, she thought. Something vulnerable; something new to her. Alex released her grip and relaxed her arm. Her eyes filled with tears. She bit her bottom lip at the sting of the needle. It was bliss, perfect release from the guilt and the pain. She leaned her head back; the rush flowing through her body until she fell against the younger woman.

Rachel sat back holding her. They gazed at one another in silence. They kissed, exchanging soft touches. Rachel saw the complete vulnerability in the older girl for the first time. She wanted to be her quiet strength as the assassin had been for her countless times.

Alex stared at her; a warm smile on her lips. She knew that she was safe in Rachel's arms as she had been Nikita's so long ago.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"Just sorry." Alex shrugged apologetically.

"It's okay, everything is okay."

"You make me want to be the person that you see...when you look at me...the one that I lost along the way. I'm afraid that I'll disappoint you."

"You're not lost babe...and you are that girl. You're my sweet sexy super spy...you're a hero, and God knows this world needs heroes," she paused, a warm smile on her face. Rachel reached out wiping Alex's tears with her fingers.

"Don't let Amanda or anyone else tell you that you're not that person. I've seen it countless times."

Alex forced a smile as she brushed the tears from her eyes. She felt a glimmer of hope that had evaded her since the night Nikita shot her behind the club. A hope that she still could be that girl who fought to take down Division. She felt a clarity that began to awaken something inside her. The old Alex stirred beneath her skin. The one that infiltrated Division. The one that didn't see love as a weakness. The person she was before Amanda's late night sessions.

"Alex," she paused, looking in her eyes. "I want to talk about Nikita and your past..please."

Alex turned on her back and stared at the ceiling.

"Rachel, I can't."

"Why?"

"It still hurts too much."

"It's the only way, Alex. The only way you can begin to heal from it."

"I have a lot going on right now. As soon as I give that damn speech in Moscow this weekend...we will sit down and have a long talk. I will tell you everything."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she smiled, turning back towards the younger woman. Alex ran her fingers over Rachel's face gently.

"I never let you touch me in the ways I know you've wanted. You can you know...touch me. I won't pull away," Alex promised, a vulnerable look in her eyes.

Rachel knew what Alexandra was saying. She was letting her guard down for the first time in their relationship. Maybe it was the drugs but Rachel didn't care. It was something she had hoped for since they met.

They took their time undressing one another as their tongues explored each others bodies. The slow pace set the tone of their encounter. Rachel was determined to make love to her. They were the only ones in the world. Nothing existed outside that room.

"You're so beautiful," Rachel whispered to her in Russian.

Alex chuckled. "You're Russian is getting better."

"I've had a good teacher."

Rachel ran her knee between Alexandra's thighs, and used her hands to test the brunette's boundaries. She hesitated before she rolled Alex on her back and straddled her. She gazed into her for minutes, running her fingers through her hair and over her body. A tinge of fear mixed with her own desire.

Alex laid there looking into her eyes, head tilted slightly to the side. Her face full of overwhelming emotion. She knew this meant something to Alex that few could understand. Alexandra never let anyone on top of her willingly. No one other than Nikita. Nikita was the only one she ever willingly allowed to touch her this way. With Nikita, She let go of every ounce of her control. Nikita understood it all perfectly.

Rachel understood despite the lack of communication. She had long ago figured out that Alex hid her past for a reason. She could see it in her lover's eyes. She didn't need to say a word. Their eyes spoke volumes into each other as her fingers moved down her body and spread her legs. Her lithe frame pushing their bodies together, lips less than an inch apart. She could feel her quiver beneath her as she ran her tongue over nipple and abs. Her body becoming a wonderland that Rachel was all to thrilled to lose herself inside.

* * *

**Alex** stirred from sleep, her arm stretching out toward the other side of the bed. "Rachel?" Her eyes jolted open. "Rachel?" She stumbled groggily toward the bathroom in search of the girl. Her hands swiping through her tousled hair. She pushed open the door, searching for the young woman.

Rachel was on the floor by the bathtub. Blood dripped down her arm, pooling in the palm of her hand. A knot formed in Alex's throat as she tried to swallow in a panic. She pulled the needle from the girl's arm, her hand smacking her cold pale cheek. "Rachel, wake up. Come on." Alex shook her violently. Hysteria began shooting through her. She could barely feel a pulse in the young woman's neck. She searched the medicine cabinet for saline solution. Nothing. She ran for her phone in desperation. Her heart pounding out of her chest. "Mikhail, bring the car around. Hospital. Emergency. Now." She barely got the words out before running back toward the bathroom. Her heart was sinking with every passing moment. She cradled Rachel in her arms. Her body limp and cold. "I'm not going to lose you now. Do you hear me?" she cried.

"Don't leave me."


	47. Chapter 47

The rhythmic sound of the monitors filled the tiny private room, giving evidence that the young fragile patient in the bed was still alive, her heart beating, her lungs taking in air. That in and of itself was a huge miracle, given the amount of the heroin cocaine mixture that flooded her blood stream and left her fighting for her life. Rachel first saw a great light when she came around. It shone so brightly that she couldn't open her eyes wide enough to see through it. As her arctic eyes adjusted, she saw shadows in human form moving toward her. Above her head she could see what she couldn't make out earlier. Bright lights from the ceiling, and a person staring her in the face. She narrowed her eyes at the heart monitor beeping. Her eyes falling to the IV stand holding bags of vital fluids that made its way through the tube and into her vein. _Hospital? I hate hospitals._ The white walls and sterile smell made her instantly sick to her stomach. Her fingers brushed her forehead as it spun wildly. A sudden anxiety as her eyes began to focus on the brunette by her side.

"Where am I?" Rachel asked drowsily.

"Hospital," Alex sighed, gripping her hand.

"I don't remember...what happened?"

"You overdosed, Rachel. I damn near lost you before I got you here...They had to restart your heart three times." Tears fell down her face like a dam had burst. Every emotion she held in reached the surface as she gazed into pale blue eyes. The look on Alex's face frightened Rachel. She looked so fragile, so lost, childlike, Rachel thought.

"Hey...I'm okay, Super spy. You can't get rid of me that easy."

"If I'd lost you... I-"

"Look at me. Alex. I'm fine...really. Everything is okay now," she soothed, wrapping her arms around the older woman.

"How long have I been out?"

"Two days," Alex sniffed.

"You look like you haven't slept at all."

"I haven't...but that's okay. I had a lot of time to think...to get my head straight."

"You need to rest, babe. I'll be fine."

"Rachel," she paused. "I'm leaving Division...and Zetrov."

"What?"

"I never wanted to follow in my father's footsteps. I'm thinking of selling my shares...and Division...needs to fall. Amanda and Ari are very bad people, Rachel. You were right all along. I just ...couldn't hear at the time. I couldn't hear anyone... but I can see everything clearly now. I want out...for good."

"Alex, I understand that I scared you...but don't you think this is a little irrational?"

"Rachel, you don't understand. I never wanted these things. I don't know what happened to me... but you... you helped me see what is really important again. You snapped me out of the fog I was in...somehow."

"What is really important to you?"

"You...us...our future. I have more money than we can spend in a lifetime. We can disappear together. Be free of all of this." She hesitated a moment. "I just need to know that you want this...want me."

"Alex-"

"Wait...let me get this out, Rachel... I want to spend the rest of my life with you...and I can give you the promise...the commitment you have wanted."

"Is this some sort of proposal, Ms. Udinov?"

"Yes...you could say that... but there is one condition before we start looking at wedding rings."

"Condition?"

"You have to let me get you clean. I have that speech in two days...after that we can get on a plane and disappear for good. I'll buy a little cabin somewhere near a lake. I can ween you off this junk slowly. I'm not asking you to go cold turkey."

"What if I can't stop?"

"You can...and you will. I did. Nikita," she paused. "Nikita saved my life, Rachel. She got me off the junk I was hooked on...she gave me a new life. Now, I want to give you one. Trust me?"

Rachel looked into the face of her lover. "Of course, I trust you."

* * *

**Alexandra **Udinov stepped away from the podium to thunderous applause. Her speech before the large crowd of spectators, media people and Russian aristocrats was a complete success. She smiled feeling a sense of accomplishment for the first time since she infiltrated Division. She had achieved many things since she rose to the top of Division. She even destroyed all of her enemies and took back her father's empire, but none of it felt pure and clean.

Unlike all of those things, this made her feel like her old self. It felt good...righteous. The only thing she thought was missing in that moment was Nikita. The more the old Alex stirred, the more she wanted to find her former love and mentor. Rachel had suggested it during one of their late night conversations. Alex thought it was ridiculous at the time, but now, she thought just maybe it was time she dealt with the unresolved issues in her past. Her smile broadened as she caught sight of Rachel waiting stage side.

"You're speech was amazing, Alex," Rachel complimented.

"Thanks."

"Three standing ovations. I'm so proud of the work you're doing."

"Rachel, you are the one who gave me the courage and the idea to open the Udinov Foundation. None of this would be happening without you. It feels good to finally have the opportunity to expose global sex trafficking. Tonight, you and I are going to celebrate...and tomorrow we catch our plane...and start a new life together," Alex smiled raising the other woman's hand to her lips.

Rachel returned Alexandra's smile. Her mind wondering over their struggles, as well as, their successes. She could not see her life without Alexandra Udinov in it. In her old life, Rachel would have never thought about dating a woman as striking and sophisticated as Alexandra - not in her lifetime. She figured she would finish Julliard and live her life as a dancer, traveling to exotic locations to perform, and maybe one day, she would meet the right person. That forever love, she thought. But that one true love was never pictured as an aristocrat. She pictured herself marrying a poet, a writer, or maybe even a doctor, but not a Russian heiress. She wasn't a girl who wanted to play kinky games with a moody, worldly tycoon. But that was then, before her life was turned upside down, and eventually taken away all together. Replaced by a carefully crafted cover that Division had created for her. She hated Division, but without it, there would be no Alex. No love of her life. It was a romance born of several tragedies, and one very naive heart. It was dark and at times surreal, but she loved Alex just the same as if their lives were that vanilla mundane existence she once foresaw in her daydreams. It was love, with or without the whips and chains. Though, she had certainly learned to appreciate the darker side of Alex's sexual appetites, making them her own.

"Ms. Udinov, There are some very important donors of the foundation that would like to meet you." came the gravelly voice behind her.

"Of course," Alex smiled at him. "Rachel, wait for me in the car. I will only be a few minutes."

Rachel smiled as she entered the back of the limousine. She was proud of the personal strides Alexandra was making with the newly formed Udinov foundation. When she proposed the idea many weeks ago, she didn't think Alex would so much as entertain her idea. As time past Alexandra began to put the idea into a concrete plan utilizing her vast amount of resources and staff. It didn't take long before the foundation had a working staff and a mission.

In the short time that Alexandra had worked on the project Rachel could see her mood lighten. It was as if the work itself was helping to heal small parts of her girl. The longer she was away from Amanda and her head games - the better she was overall. Rachel smiled at the thought of disappearing with Alexandra. She wanted that fairy tale ending she had long hoped for - and it felt so close now.

Switching her focus, she worried that she wouldn't get clean when they left. What Alex didn't realize is that she didn't want to get clean. She liked being high. Opening her handbag, she grabbed the hidden bottle of morphine. Looking around anxiously, she popped several in her mouth, swallowing. _Sorry, Alex, but you don't need to know everything._ The door opened and closed quickly. She looked up, her smile fading. "Nikita?"

The older woman frowned. "This is for your own good." Nikita plunged the needle into her neck.

"What? No," she breathed, the sedative taking immediate affect. The car started and sped away. Micheal lowered the glass partition separating them.

"Here we go again," Nikita sighed, staring at him.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: Thank you all for the PMs and reviews. I appreciate each and every one. As promised Team Nikita, and Nalex will follow that soon. Many chapters after that as well. ;)**

* * *

"Calm down, Alex. We will find her. Gogol is going through all of the video footage now." Amanda was watching Alex fretting with a small frown.

Alex slammed her hands on a table top. "What kind of god damn operation is Ari running here, Amanda? They said we were protected, or I would have never left her side."

Alex plunked down in the chair. A tear running down her face as she gripped at the small box in her pocket. She pulled it out, opening it, and began to let the tears flow freely.

Amanda studied her emotionalism. "Alex, what is that?"

"Engagement ring," she mumbled.

The older woman nodded. "I see...I had no idea that matters had taken such a serious turn, Alexandra."

"Well, they have...and I want her back here now!"

"Let's take a look. Ari is sending a video clip now."

Alex stared helplessly at the video playing out before her.

She growled. "Nikita!" She began to pace.

"Why would she take Rachel? What was she thinking? I'm going to kill her for this!"

"I would say that move is long over due, Alex, but first." Amanda grabbed the brunette by the arm and turned her. "There is the matter of your addiction."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you've been using again Alexandra. Do not try to lie to me... I am always watching you."

"I only used a few times. I'm fine." Amanda raised an eyebrow at the younger woman.

"Amanda, After what you did to Rachel the last thing I plan on doing is getting myself addicted to drugs again."

"I'll be the judge of that... I'll dispatch agents to look for Nikita's lair. We both know that it will take time to find Nikita. In the meantime, you and I have work to do."

"What kind of work?"

Amanda smiled at her. "The kind that makes you strong enough to keep Nikita from stealing your things."

"Nikita probably thought she was helping Rachel, and I told you that I didn't need your help...and I don't want it." Alex's voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry. Did you think I was giving you a choice, Alex? When we started this I didn't give you a choice, and I am not about to start now."

"Amanda, don't do this." she pleaded.

"Alexandra, the fact that you would marry the daughter of Anton Kochenko disgusts and disturbs me. That little whore has made you weak. She is destroying everything we worked so hard to build... But do you know what disturbs me even more than your whore? That you would justify Nikita's actions in my presence."

"Amanda-"

"It's time for extreme measures with you, my dear. I'm going to remove those pesky weaknesses of yours for good this time. You will thank me for this some day." She signaled over her shoulder. "Take her down to the lab."

* * *

**The** hours ticked by like days. Her body felt like an inferno. Rachel's tank top was soaked through and clung to her thin frame. Her raven hair was matted against her forehead; her nose running, and her stomach in knots. She couldn't get a moments reprieve from the shakes. Rachel felt that she would die before the pain left her body. She was in full blown withdrawal now and desperate to kill the pain. She screamed and kicked at the door of the makeshift wooden sauna that Birkhoff had constructed in Nikita's absence. "Let me out!" Rachel screamed repeatedly at the top of her lungs.

"Just relax, Rachel." Nikita's voice came thinly through the door.

"Let me out of here right now. I can't fucking breathe!"

"Don't worry. This isn't my first rodeo. Slow deep breaths, okay? Just try to relax. You're in a safe place."

"Please Nikita. Please let me out of here."

"Look, I know it hurts. This sauna is going to help you get clean fast. Birkhoff did a good job, don't you think?"

"I can get clean on my own. I didn't ask for your fucking help!"

"Rachel, at the rate you were using... you wouldn't be alive in a month. You barely survived that overdose."

"Let me out! Alex will find me and when she does you will pay for-"

"It was Alex that did this to you. Your anger should be directed at her or Amanda."

"No, Alex takes good care of us. She wanted me to stop using, but I can't."

"Rachel, Alex is right about that, but Alex is still not Alex anymore. I tried to tell you that. You should have realized that the moment she allowed Amanda to get you hooked on smack."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I mean.. though there are pieces of her...she is fragmented... Amanda did something to her head. She can't fully break free of that without help."

"No, she was away from Amanda. Her head was clearing and she was so different. Let me out!"

"Alex needs our help, Rachel. There is no way she can break free of that alone. I know you love her, and I know you want her to be free of Amanda's control. The only way you can help Alex is to help yourself right now. Trust me, you'll see things clear in a week's time."

"I can do this, Nikita. I just need to come down slowly."

"Rachel, that is the same line every junkie uses. It's going to get worse before it gets better...so try to relax. I'll be back later to check on you...and Rachel? Alex would want this."

"No! Let me out!" She screamed as she heard the footsteps away.

* * *

**Nikita** paced the living room back and forth. "Am I really doing this again after Alex, Micheal?"

He laid his hands on her shoulders. "It's what you do, Nikita. You save lives. You said it yourself...this is our best shot at saving Alex, and taking down Division. We couldn't get to Alex with that level of security, and there was no way that girl could survive another overdose like that. We had to move on this while the window was open." He cupped her face and smiled. "I feel good about this, Nikita."

She nodded. Sometimes she just needed her justification parroted back to her. "Right. Back to work then... I have a recruit to train."


	49. Chapter 49

**chpll1525: That cranium needle is a little frightening. :)**

* * *

**One week before reinsertion:**

* * *

Nikita ran down the beach with Rachel trailing a few feet behind her. She stopped suddenly catching the younger woman's leg in a sweep. Rachel fell forward into the sand. "Get up." Nikita began to throw quick hard punches and kicks toward Rachel. Rachel absorbed the impact of the kicks and blocked what she could as the older woman continued to throw punch after punch at her new recruit. "Good. Race you to the house," she smiled warmly.

Rachel ran in through the sliding glass door behind Nikita. She leaned forward against the wall trying to catch her breath.

"Let's go again," Nikita ordered, clapping her hands together.

"I need to catch my breath first."

"No Rachel. You don't get time outs during real combat situations." Nikita moved forward firing off a few punches. "Now hit me, and don't stop until I tell you to." Rachel lunged at her punching.

"That was good, but not good enough. Do it again."

Nikita moved forward sweeping her leg. Rachel fell to her back but quickly recovered with a shotgun kip. Back on her feet she lunged forward toward Nikita landing a kick to the palm of her hand.

"Rachel, you must be faster, stronger and more focused than you ever were. Now do it again!" Rachel snapped a kick and fired off punches rapidly.

"Harder! Push yourself!"

Rachel feinted a punch turning into a reverse round house kick that landed on Nikita's side.

"Good, Lets go over the plan again."

"Once I'm inside Division, I plant the charges in the server room on the ninth sub level." Rachel stated quickly, blocking Nikita's punch.

"Go on?"

"Attempt to find any information that will help de-program Alex."

"How?"

"Copy Amanda's hard drive."

"You have three weeks inside Division before we exfil. If you can't get your hands on it... don't risk getting caught. We'll wing it. We just need to get Alex out in one piece and those charges in place for phase two."

"I understand."

"Good. Now let's run the drills again."

* * *

**Nikita** twisted the top from the bottled water in her hand. "How is she doing?" Micheal asked, studying the raven haired girl from a distance.

"Excellent. Even with Division training, I never expected her to get to this point so fast."

"She's committed and she has a good trainer," he smiled, wrapping his arm around her waist.

Nikita watched Rachel as she ran the drills on her own. She felt hope for the first time in months. She wanted Alex back and she was ready to bring the fight to Amanda.

"Rachel has a lot of heart. She was the_ in_ we needed all along."

* * *

**Rachel** ran her nail up and down the side of her Styrofoam coffee cup. She unconsciously etched a letter A, as she listened to the gray-haired lady across from her speak about her ten-year sobriety. It gave her hope to hear the older woman's success story. The room erupted with claps and simultaneous chants of "Keep coming back!" and "It works if you work it!" Rachel smiled as she stood to her feet. She wondered if she needed an NA sponsor. She figured Nikita was that and much more. She looked down at the 60 day clean and serene coin in her hand. She was proud of it. She figured she earned it fair and square with a little help from Team Nikita.

Moving toward the double doors, she caught sight of Division agents. _Show time_, she thought, as she pushed open the door and headed down the dark side street. She was surrounded. She flipped the coin into the air, catching it. Rachel watched the agents slowly move toward her from all sides. _All of this for little ol' me? _She pocketed her coin and quickened her pace toward the end of the street. That's when she caught sight of her standing in the shadows. She felt her heart rate quicken, and her knees threaten to buckle. Alexandra Udinov still had the power to instantly captivate her mind and body. She fought the strong urge to run and jump into the brunette's arms. It had been a long couple of months without the older woman. It felt like years, she thought. Two months that she spent training with Nikita for this very moment. It had been a brutal crash course, but unlike her time training Alex, Nikita did not have the luxury of giving it a full year before reinsertion. Nikita knew the longer they waited, the more damage Amanda had time to do to her girl.

Rachel squared her shoulders and regained her focus. She did her best to still her nerves as she stepped onward. Alexandra slipped out of the bushes and into full view at the end of the street. The overhead street light illuminating her slender form.

"Hello, baby. Sixty days, eh?" Alex twirled her finger, signaling the Division agents to stand still. Rachel watched them cautiously in her peripheral vision.

"It's been sixty-five days actually," she smiled proudly.

"Where is Nikita?" Alexandra's tone seemed overly professional and not at all personal, yet her eyes were dark and fiery.

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know... I hope that I never see the bitch again."

Rachel and Alex were locked in a steady gaze.

"How did you escape?" Alex crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes blinking rapidly.

"The slow way. I had to earn their trust."

"You didn't think to call me when you escaped, Rachel?"

"I'm trying to start over. Focus on recovery, Alex."

"Focus on a life without me?" Alex's face smoothed but not before Rachel saw the hurt in her.

"It's not like that at all. I did it for us... I just needed some time."

"You can have all the time you want, agent. Let's go." Alex's face hardened.

"Go...where?"

"Back to Division for debrief. You still belong to Division, Rachel."


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: Hello wonderful people! Thank you for the PMs and reviews. Updates at AO3 will occur over the weekend. Enjoy!**

* * *

Rachel took in the breathtaking view of the skyline from the penthouse apartment terrace. She was amazed by the overall size and luxury of Alex's new place. How much square footage does one Russian heiress need, she wondered. It seemed a bit excessive, definitely built to the needs of the elite and powerful. It was not like Alex to care about living in the lap of luxury. She wondered what else had changed in the sixty five days she spent away.

She gave herself a tour of the place; a kitchen, dining room, an office, several bedrooms complete with fireplaces and private baths, an entertainment room, a living room, even a Jacuzzi of all things. She had to admit that she was dying to spend some time soaking in that, but Nikita warned her to stay focused on the mission at hand. And last but not least, there was a mysterious locked room at the end of the hall that could only be accessed by key-card. She had a good idea of what that room held based on the cryptic texts she had received from the brunette during the day. She couldn't understand why it was locked or who she might have used it with in her absence. She couldn't allow herself to go there in her mind. It hurt far too much. She was on a rescue mission after all. She could not afford to take anything Alex said to heart. It would be a difficult task to keep her own emotions in check, she thought.

Alex hands slid around her waist. She jumped, pulling the ear buds from her Ipod. "I didn't hear you come in...you scared me. How was your-" Alex cut her off in mid-sentence. Her body pressing her against the terrace railing; her lips and tongue moving frantically over her mouth. Grabbing her hand, Alex led her toward the bedroom. "I'm going to fuck you in every room of this place." Alex shoved her onto the bed and pressed her body into the younger woman. Her tongue working down her neck. "I missed you, Rachel."

"I missed you, too. I know we debriefed back at Division, but don't you wanna talk first?"

The cell phone ringing in her pocket was visibly frustrating the brunette. She growled as she sat up and hit the receive button. Rachel listened to the call unfolding. Alex paced back and forth, her fingers running through her hair. "I do not care Amanda... Cancel him then... recruits are a dime a dozen anyway... no...yes... fine...goodnight." She tossed the phone on the dresser; her fingers pulling a small glass vial from her pocket.

"Problems at Division?"

"Remember Darren?"

Rachel thought a moment, her brow knitting. "Darren...with the red hair?"

"That's the one."

"What about him?"

"He got caught with Trisha from operations."

"Oh?"

"Amanda is about to cancel him."

Rachel stood up. "Alex... I was a recruit when we hooked up. What's the big? Is it really necessary to off the guy?" She couldn't imagine Alex taking this line.

"Amanda thinks so."

"You didn't exactly discourage her on the phone."

She shrugged. Alex sat on the bed and pulled Rachel down beside her. "I can't seem to care. It's trivial."

"It's someone's life, Alex."

"We're in the business of taking lives...besides I don't want to talk about work. I just came from it... I much rather focus on you."

Alex sat on the bed beside her unscrewing the cap on the vial. She leaned in kissing her. "Here, its the only way you can keep up with me tonight." She held the micro-spoon to her nose.

Rachel tilted her head away. "No... I don't need that to keep up."

"You're really taking this sobriety thing seriously. Don't be a buzz-kill, Rachel."

"I thought you wanted me clean? I don't want it, Alex. I can't control myself," Rachel warned, standing to her feet.

"Suit yourself, buzz-kill." Alex snorted a few bumps of the white powder before screwing the top on and placing it back into her pocket.

Rachel chewed her lip. "So... when I was away getting clean...I thought a lot about your proposal. It got me through the rough patches...just thinking about being your wife. Do you still wanna run away with me?"

"Rachel, you know I want to be with you. You belong to me... I was stupid and irrational in Russia... but maybe we can take a trip somewhere. A short vacation?"

"What changed your mind?"

"You were gone for two months, Rachel. I had plenty of time to correct my weaknesses." _You mean Amanda corrected your weaknesses. _She thought bitterly, but didn't dare speak it.

"Am I your weakness? Is that what you're telling me, Alex?"

"Not anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"This conversation is over now, Rachel."

"I don't think you get to decide that, Alex."

"Rachel, look around you. I keep you in luxury. You will barely work for Division now. Most would be grateful for all of this, she smirked," gesturing with her hands." So...just smile and enjoy."

"Are you calling me a whore?"

"Don't look so upset."

"If that is all I am to you...why the hell should I stay?"

"I have a tracker in the back of your neck. Do you really think you will get far?"

"Am I your prisoner now?"

"I know you're in love with me. So love me... worship me...obey me. Just, never ever try to control me. I will do what I want..with whomever I want...whenever I want."

"I thought you loved me?"

Alex smiled slowly. "Oh, I do. I love my Prada, too. I love all of my property. If I didn't...I wouldn't keep it. I would discard it like trash."

"So, that is all I am to you now? Someone to play with when you're bored?" Rachel bit her tongue literally. Tears pooling in her eyes. Her hands balled into tight fists as she studied the brunette.

Alex stretched and leaned back on her elbows and watched the other woman. "Something like that, Rachel. If you want to test me tonight... go right ahead. I will gladly teach you your place. You just returned...I figured some training would be in order."

Rachel wanted to snap, but she remembered what Nikita told her. _Whatever Amanda did...remember Alex is not herself. You must keep your cover. Do not let your emotions blow this! We'll only get one shot. You've glimpsed the real Alex...be strong and hold on to the that. We will get her out and undo the damage._

"You're right. I'm sorry, Alex. I'm grateful for all that you do for me. Forgive me?"

"You know better than to ask me to forgive you when you're standing over me. Beg me properly."

Rachel knelt on the carpeted floor and tilted her head up slightly. Her eyes darting between the floor and Alex. "I'm sorry."

"I can't hear you."

"I said... please forgive me."

"Why should I forgive you?"

"I shouldn't have...I mean...let me make it up to you."

"How?"

"Let me please you. You can do whatever you want."

Alex's brow rose. "Are you giving me permission?"

"I didn't mean it that way."

"How did you mean it?"

"I mean...I'm just gonna shut up now. I can't seem to say anything right. I'm sorry." Rachel shook her head.

"I'm going to use you...and when I'm finished...I want you to get your ass out of my room. Do you understand me?"

"Y-yes." This was going to kill her, playing the game to get Alex back.

"The room down the hall is yours. I bought you some new things. Clothes and such... We will not be sharing a bedroom anymore."

"May I ask why?"

"I dislike questions from you, but this once...I will answer. You are not my partner...not my girlfriend. I hate weakness, and I loath you for making me that way in Russia," Alex glared at her. "Our time in Russia was a complete fucking disaster. There will be no repeats. Your purpose has always been to please me, Rachel. Nothing more or less. If I want to call you a whore, I will. Get used to it, Ms. Kochenko. I don't need to keep you in my bed for what we do. Do you understand me?"

"I understand." _I understand that Amanda mind fucked you. _Her mind was swimming with even more questions, but she knew better than to irritate Alex with them.

"I'm very angry at you, Rachel. For so many...many...things. You almost destroyed me in Russia...but you will make it up to me...won't you?"

"Yes." She resigned herself to nodding and smiling, giving her opinion when asked, and keeping quiet otherwise.

"You deserve to be punished, don't you?"

"Yes."

"and.. you will be...until I'm sated."

* * *

**Rachel** slid down the wall. The overlay program was running, that meant time was running out. The program would do the same as the old photo over the camera thing in the ancient spy movies, but would affect the myriad of monitoring devices in the server room. It wouldn't buy a lot of time, but hopefully enough. Rachel pulled the three charges out of the hip pouch. One for Alex, that went into the cooling system for the cores. The one for her, that went into the second row, halfway up. The third? That was a bitch for The Bitch and it went near floor level all the way back. The assassin leaned back into the rows. She heard voices nearing._ People._ If they came in before the routine ran, it would raise big red flags. She sighed in relief as they moved away.

_The charges are set...now, one last stop. _

She slid through the hall to Amanda's office. Rachel jacked in to try to siphon off the information that lay richly and black in the fields of Amanda's personal computer. Her eye caught Amanda's vintage black leather briefcase sitting in the corner. Her gloved fingers slid over each item until she came to a large thick journal. She scanned the pages quickly before sliding it into her jacket. A noise from the hall startled her. Rachel froze then dropped under the desk. She looked up. _Damn memory stick_. Amanda's voice in the hall was as loud as a shot to the woman under her desk.

"Fine," she heard. "I will get the maps and then we will meet back here in two minutes. One second late and I will make reproduction impossible for you."

Rachel frowned. Not enough time to draw the information, but enough to get away. She slid out and snagged the stick, preparing to run.


	51. Chapter 51

******chpll1525: Rachel will find out about her father sooner rather than later. It is coming. ;)**

* * *

The door slammed behind her. In all of their time together, Rachel figured she had never witnessed Alexandra's rage for such a prolonged duration. It was a nightly routine now, kicking her out after sex, slamming the door, and not so much as a goodnight.

"Bitch," she gritted as she walked into her new bedroom, throwing herself down on the plush queen-sized bed. She gazed around the room before she sprung to her feet looking for something to sleep in. Alex did always have good taste, she thought, as she changed into her white lace-trim slip and crawled into bed. She sighed as she laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling and letting her mind deconstruct the day's events.

Rachel felt strangely at peace in her new room, despite knowing where she stood with Alexandra. The soft blue walls seemed to calm her even with a burning sexual frustration that often left her tossing and turning. The room was now her safe haven for the duration of the operation for Team Nikita. The only place she could hide from everything when she needed a reprieve. Part of her was glad that she had her own space away from the fiery rage that seemed without end.

She fell asleep frustrated, awakened only by the feeling of fingers sliding over her leg and up her naked inner thigh. The darkness of the room made it impossible to see anything but a silhouette moving itself over her body. She turned to look at the clock and back at the figure that now straddled her._ Four in the morning? _The intoxicating scent that was all things Alexandra Udinov perfumed the the air of her bedroom. Rachel moved her fingers over bicep and up to her neck, exploring, relishing in her warm soft skin. She started to freeze when Alex snatched a wrist from her neck. Rachel offered up no resistance as the assassin above her placed one wrist over the other before gripping both with a single strong hand. Alex ran her fingers delicately under satin lace and up her abdomen to her chest, pinching, cupping, rubbing over breasts, before sliding back down between her thighs and up into her wetness. She gasped at the feeling of one teasing finger skidding across her entrance. Their one-way sexual encounters had left her achingly frustrated. She wanted her, rough or gentle, she didn't care. She only knew that she needed her now. Alex's finger slid inside her with a single fierce thrust.

She kissed her slowly, passionately, before moving her lips toward her ear. "Tell me something Rachel. How did you really escape Nikita?" Alex whispered, breaking the silence and the mood of their encounter.

"Alex, I told you in the debrief." she moaned.

"You expect me to believe you didn't know where you were being held for two months and that you managed to get away from Nikita, Micheal and Birkhoff?" She felt Alex's finger suddenly and roughly pull out of her. Those same fingers found their way up to slightly close around her throat.

"Yes," she mumbled breathlessly. "It's the truth." Rachel felt Alexandra's grip on her throat tighten. "If I find out that you're lying to me...well...you don't want to know what I'm really capable of Rachel," she spoke through clenched teeth.

Rachel swallowed hard, and steadied her breathing. "I swear to you," she whispered calmly.

"Amanda thinks there is a mole instead Division. She thinks its you."

"What? That's crazy. Why would she think that?" Rachel was relieved that the room was so dark that Alex could not see her face. She feared the brunette would see through her lies.

"She said something was stolen from her office."

"Did they check the security cams?"

"Yes... nothing revealed."

"Maybe she is just paranoid."

"It's possible... So, I'll ask you one more time... between us. If you are compromised... tell me and I'll help you. I know how...convincing Nikita can be...but if you lie to me-"

"Alex, I am not compromised. I honestly don't give a damn about Division or what it does. All I care about is you." Alex loosened her grip moving her fingers to stroke through her black hair, sliding gently back over her cheek and down her chest.

"Okay, I guess I should believe you."

"Are you ever going to forgive me? It's not like I asked Nikita to kidnap me in Moscow." Alex's lips delicately pressed into hers.

"You're so wet for me. Do you want me?" she asked ignoring the question.

"Always." Nails scratched up and down her inner thigh. Rachel moaned at the welcome invasion of a single finger.

"You have been exactly what I've wanted lately. It pleases me to use you like a toy."

She added another finger pushing in deeper, faster.

"That's all you are to me. Just my toy," her tone seductive yet menacing.

"I haven't let you come since you've returned. Don't you wish I would?" she whispered, withdrawing her fingers and slipping away into the darkness from which she came.

* * *

**She **entered Penn Station from Eighth Avenue. The train station was bustling with mobs of commuters. Scanning left to right, Rachel strolled toward the restrooms. She was certain that she wasn't followed, but she had to be careful and follow protocol just the same. She cupped her hands under the water in the restroom sink, letting the water cascade over her hands. She looked at her watch, checked her make up in the large wall mirror, and headed for the lockers on the opposite end of the train station. She surveyed the station through dark sunglasses one last time before she pulled the locker key from her jacket pocket.

This was it. The final step in their plan.

She tugged open the gray metal door. Plucking the burn phone from the back of the locker, she hit the only number on speed dial. "Nikita, The explosives are set. I couldn't get my hands on Amanda's hard drive, but I think I got something better. Hand written journal. There is information on all of her projects. She's a meticulous note taker. It will be in the locker for pick up. Exfil is a go for Friday night as planned." She sent the message to voice mail. Come what may, Rachel thought, she was ready to finish the mission and get Alex out of Division.

* * *

**Rachel** stepped into the dimly lit hot tub room. She smiled as she took in her surroundings. The Jacuzzi was lined with lit candles all around; a trail of rose petals led the way toward a single long stem rose sitting on the side of the tub. A bottle of champagne and glasses sat on a table near by. She was surprised and impressed by the romantic ambiance.

Rachel's brow knit. "What's all of this?" she wondered aloud.

Alex leaned into her back, wrapping her arms around her waist. She trailed feather-light kisses down the side of her neck, as she removed the satin robe from the younger woman. Alex circled the girl. She studied her perfect nude form, before she removed her own robe. She pressed her body into Rachel; kissing her deeply. Alex led them to the hot tub; her dark gaze steady. The hot water soothed Rachel. She felt the day's tension begin to slowly fade away as she sank into the water.

Uncertain of Alex's plans for her, she let go of any expectations for the evening. Sexual frustration was now the new norm. She was beginning to get used to the routine of being used and sent away. No matter how hard she tried to stay angry, one look into the Russian girl's eyes and it all melted away. The brunette's eyes shone into hers, reflecting the candle light. She leaned close to the younger woman, her strong arms enveloping her completely. It was the most intimate and safe feeling she had since she returned to the older woman. Alex pulled back, letting her fingers roam over abs and breasts; her nails dragging over Rachel's throat before she gripped it with her hand. Every touch felt like an electrical current running through the raven haired girl.

Alex held out the single red rose in her hand. "For you." Rachel smiled, taking the rose in her hand. She winced as a thorn pricked her index finger. "You're bleeding." Alex kissed over her finger gently before running her tongue up and down and latching on sucking. Rachel heard herself exhale sharply producing a sly little smile from the brunette. Alex grabbed the back of her head roughly, pushing her tongue deeply in her mouth. Rachel could taste the metallic tang of her own blood on Alexandra's tongue. It excited her deep within. She slid her fingers over Alex's breast and wove her other hand into the brunette's hair.

Alex tilted her head to the side. "You liked that a little too much. I'll remember that." She plucked a large black velvet box from the table next to the champagne bucket. "This is for you."

"You shouldn't have, Alex."

"You haven't seen it yet," she smiled at the younger woman.

A sudden hesitation, then she opened it; removing the necklace.

"I know that I've been hard on you lately, Rachel. I wanted you to know that just because things have been tense between us...doesn't mean that I am not committed to your care and protection. I have always wanted to make it official. Even if we had gotten married, I still would have wanted to collar you in some fashion... Understand?"

Rachel nodded. "I do understand, yes."

"Good, but not good enough. As much as I love force when it comes to you... I need to know that you accept this willingly. That you give yourself completely to me without reservation. It's ownership of your heart, your mind, and your body. If you have the slightest of doubts, it is perfectly acceptable to tell me that you decline. I'll not become upset if you refuse, and frankly not much will change between us."

The sweet, soft, almost erotic tone in Alexandra's voice melted her down to nothing. It took the sting out of the realization somehow, and in that moment she resigned herself to taking the little Alex was willing to give her, without complaint.

Rachel leaned in to Alex's frame. "Alex, you know I wanted to be your wife. I can't tell you that it didn't hurt me to hear you change your mind, but regardless, I want to be with you. I've always felt that I belonged to you anyway. I would have never made it out of Division alive if it weren't for you. It touches me deeply that you would want to make it official in any way. I accept."

Alex fastened the necklace around her neck. Cupping her chin, she leaned in kissing her. The thin Platinum chain and emblem weighed heavy around Rachel's neck. "It's the Udinov family crest."

"It feels heavy for something so small," she swallowed hard with mixed emotions.

Alex leaned back turning Rachel slightly left and right. "Platinum is dense metal. You said you hated gold... and white gold just wouldn't do for my girl. I wanted the best."

"Thank you. Help me with the engraving on the back. My Russian still needs work."

"It reads _Property of_... I never want you to take it off. It's a symbol of your place with me. I will always protect and care for you."

Alex sealed her ownership with a searing kiss that left Rachel breathless.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: This would have been posted hours ago, but I had no power. Bad storms here. I agree with the reviews. Alex is sexy even when she is a bitch. Perhaps even more so. I watched 'Self Destruct' before work. lol Gotta say, I love that episode. **

**Thank you for the reviews and PMs. They are awesome - and you are all awesome! ;)**

**I'm sure the AO3 version will have a few extra scenes added. **

* * *

Rachel smiled at Alex. "Balcony eh? They won't unlock elevators til half past so what say we stroll up the stairs?"

Alex grinned "Five floors in these shoes?" she shrugged. "Why not?" They took their time and found themselves faced by an old man bearing playbills. They smiled at him before Alex pulled them back down to the landing. Rachel looked at her curiously.

Alex looked back as she rounded the stairs. She saw no one else in the stairway. She grabbed Rachel by the hand and pulled her into an embrace. Her lips passionately moving over Rachel's as her hands moved to her ass gripping. "Mmm...I love your dress...but I can't wait to get you out of it." She pulled back and with a smile drew her companion back up to the man with the playbills.

Alex led the way down the steep stairs to the front of the balcony. A long drop just a foot in front of the low railing led the quickest way to the floor. A low melodic hum sound heralded the orchestra. As they warmed up the enormous chandelier began to dim.

Rachel gazed at Alex. She looked so beautiful in the little mini cocktail dress she wore. The color matched her eyes, and the spaghetti straps revealed those perfect collarbones and shoulders. Oh, how she wanted to run her lips over those right now. Her thoughts became more lustful as she gazed. The length of the dress just above the knee showed off her long legs. It took all of her self control to keep her hands from trailing up those legs in the darkness of the balcony. Rachel fought back tears as she did her best to memorize every fine detail of the evening, and especially every detail of the Russian heiress sitting to her right. She ran her fingers into the ends of Alex's curly hair. Alex returned her gaze. The smile on her face warm and inviting. She gazed into Rachel's eyes before leaning toward her ear. "You look beautiful tonight. I can't wait to get you home." Rachel smiled at her, inhaling her perfume. The evening had been perfect. A small part of her felt guilt for what was coming next, but she reminded herself that this was not about their relationship. This was about the love of her life. Nikita was right. Alex needed help and she had to put personal feelings a side.

* * *

**The** black Ferrari Enzo sped down the dark side street. Alexandra's need for speed often unnerved Rachel whose focus shifted from fear to lust in seconds. Rachel unbuckled her seat belt and turned facing Alex. She ran her hands up the brunette's smooth leg and under her dress as she kissed her gently curving throat. Alex's breath caught at the powerful sensations. She tried to focus on the road in front of her as she drove, but Rachel's persistence was getting the better of her.

"Alex, pull over." Rachel whispered in a sultry tone, nipping her earlobe.

"We'll be home soon."

"Please."

Alex licked her lip as she turned the wheel to the right and slammed on the brakes. She unbuckled her belt with lightening speed and moved into Rachel. Her hands roughly pulling at her hair as she devoured her mouth. "Alex." Rachel whispered between kisses. "I love you... I would do anything for you."

Alex pulled back to meet her eyes. "I know, baby." Rachel ran her fingers over Alex's breasts and up to her neck. She trailed kisses the length of her neck before she slipped the syringe into her hand and pushed it into the side of Alex's neck. Alexandra's eyes widened before she fell forward against Rachel. Rachel leaned her back into the driver's seat biting her lip and trying not to sob. She ran her hands over the brunette's face as tears pooled in her pale blue eyes. "It's going to be okay now."

Nikita opened the passenger door while Micheal took the driver's side.

"Good job. Let's get her home."

* * *

**The** room was spinning when Alex came to. She didn't recognize the room as it came into focus. She sat up quickly, her head spinning. She groaned, her head immediately dropping into her hand. The chains rattled as she looked angrily at the leather restraints around her wrists. She pulled furiously at her bindings as she surveyed the room. Spotting the camera on the ceiling she began to scream. "Where am I?" These words rang harshly against the walls over and over until her throat grew hoarse.

Nikita swung open the bedroom door. "Alex, you're awake. Good."

"You! Let me out of this."

Nikita made calming moves with her hands as she stayed well away from the range of the chains. "Just relax."

Rachel entered the room behind Nikita. Alex caught sight of her turning her anger from Nikita to Rachel instantly. "How could you...you little traitor. I'll never forgive you for this Rachel."

"I did it for you."

"For me? We're done. Over! Do you hear me? I hate you. Get out...get out..get out of here. I never want to see you again."

* * *

**Nikita** and Micheal began their attempts to deprogram Alex from the moment she woke up in a rage. They took turns wearing the Russian girl down for days, before they placed printed copies of Amanda's notes from their sessions on the bed.

She used every swear word in every language she knew as thank you for their efforts. A week passed before Alex's rage turned to sorrow. She had many reasons to be angry at Nikita, and Nikita knew it. But this wasn't about that now. This was about Amanda's wicked games. This was about the mind control that had driven Alex into the Abyss she fought for years. This was about restoring the balance Nikita taught her when they first met. A balance that Alex needed to come back from the darkness and see clearly.

Alex spread the pages of Amanda's journal out across the bed. She rocked back and forth crying as she read and reread the pages over and over.

_The subject is aware of the sessions, but unable to link them to a change in behavior. She holds no memory of what occurs during._

_Alexandra has been my most successful case to date. Utilizing the post traumatic stress disorder already in place. The subject can be forced into a dissociative state within seconds of trigger words._

_Stimulating areas of the brain during programming has been successful. Pharmaceuticals unnecessary to achieve desired results._

Alex tried to remember their sessions, but her mind went blank at every attempt. Her frustration grew until she began to crumble the pages and throw them at the wall.

"WHY can't I remember... WHY!" She screamed. Her hand met the lamp on the nightstand before she through it violently into the wall. She kicked and punched at the wall. Every object in sight a target of her uncontrolled rage. She slid down the wall, sobbing. Nikita ran through the door. Alex rocked back and forth in the corner of the room. "Why...Why...Why can't I remember." She cried. She crouched on her knees in the corner of the room.

"It's okay, Alex. You don't have to remember what she did. We will get through this...together." Nikita crouched down in front of the brunette. "Let me help you, Alex."

Alexandra sobbed into Nikita, wrapping her arms around her neck. Nikita pulled Alex to her knees, and held her in her arms. A desperation coursed through the younger woman. Her lips found Nikita's mouth, her hands her hair. "Alex, This will confuse things more."

"Please, I need you. Just make it all go away." Nikita closed her eyes. Her lips lightly pressing against the younger woman, before she grabbed her face and kissed her deeply.

Rachel stood in the shadow of the door way. She wanted to be angry, but she couldn't. She found the scene before her heartbreaking. She closed her eyes trying to put back the piece of her that shattered. She'd sacrificed so much of herself to please Alex -gave her everything she wanted - but none of that was enough. Here was Alex wrapped in Nikita's arms.

Months back when she met Nikita for the first time, she had the sinking feeling that if it ever came down to this she would lose horribly. At the time, she was determined to make it a bloody fight for the Russian heiress' heart though. But now... something had changed in her. Something had broken. She looked at the way they gazed into one another; and she knew she had to bow out with some grace.

Alex deserved Nikita's strong healing arms, and Nikita deserved a second chance to mend both of their hearts from past mistakes. As long as she was around, she knew that could never happen. Even if Alex forgave her, which she doubted, it would be wrong of her to deny them a chance to work things out. Nikita had spent years fighting for Alex. Rachel respected and admired Nikita. She hand become sponsor, mentor, family in the span of a short time. She knew just how much she loved Alexandra.

What was left for her at the end of this? Saving Alex, making her whole again, meant the end of their relationship. It was doubtful that Alex could ever forgive her. She surmised that she had lost her Alex the moment she placed that needle into her neck. And there was another rub. Did her Alex really exist? The Alex that loved her was surely not the same wrapped up in Nikita's arms, kissing her. No, her Alex was born inside the walls of Division in Percy's office and Amanda's chair. Her Alex was just a small part of the larger whole.

All of it came down to one thing. A lady always knows when to leave. Rachel was in the way, and Alex hated her for the betrayal. She stepped backwards quietly into the shadow of the hallway. She took a final look toward Alex, as if to memorize her face, and she turned on her heel and walked away.


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews/PMs on the last chapter. It was an emotional chapter to write from all POV. Without giving anything away - I'll just say that you can still expect a lot of twists, turns, and surprises yet.**

* * *

Rachel sat inside the penthouse apartment for the last time. She ran her fingers over the brass nail-heads on the arm of the office chair as if to memorize. She sealed her handwritten letter to Alex and placed it against the brass lamp on her office desk. The necklace Alex had given her clung heavy to her chest as a reminder of what she had lost. She traced over the Udinov crest with her finger. The tears finally falling freely. She took a deep breath and tucked the platinum necklace into her shirt.

She grabbed the bags she had packed and switched off the lights as she walked toward the front door. She heard Portland was a nice city. Maybe Seattle she thought. She figured she would drive until she found some city to get lost in.

She tossed her keys to Alex's apartment on the coffee table and headed for the elevator. She swore to herself that she wouldn't cry any more. The ding of the elevator door caught her attention as she strolled toward it. As the elevator opened, her eyes widened at the sight of four Division agents filing out, weapons drawn. She dropped the bags in her hands to the floor. "What's this about guys?" Her hands slowly raising above her head in surrender.

* * *

**Amanda** drew in a deep breath and slid her hand over to caress then lift her coffee cup. She smiled at the woman across the table from her. "A bit of coffee cake, a cup of coffee, some civilized conversation. I do enjoy your company." She leaned forward a bit and studied Rachel's face. "I suppose civilized conversation would be easier without the gag." She sat back and sipped her coffee before standing.

She stood and stepped behind Rachel. Her fingers curled slightly, nails sliding down to the cheek and then along the gag band. Rachel felt cold steel brush her cheek almost immediately afterward. "I won't tell you where it is."

Amanda chuckled. "You are so...plucky." She ran fingers over Rachel's shoulder as she stepped back around and seated herself again. "I do enjoy the give and take of a well paced "tell me, I won't tell you" conversation, but it is hardly necessary here." She delicately lifted a bit of coffee cake and nibbled at it before sitting back, mug back in hand.

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Why isn't it necessary?"

Amanda chuckled. "Why, you seem almost...disappointed." She took a sip. "That conversation is hardly necessary because I cheated. I do enjoy pain, particularly yours, but modern pharmaceuticals have made me more efficient. We will enjoy some time together, I will watch you continue to attempt to loosen your restraints and hope that Nikita has found those pesky little breadcrumbs you left, and then, well, you will tell me whatever I want to hear."

"Why are we sitting here? Why not just let me bake and wait for the timer?" Rachel tried to think of ways to to delay the inevitable but came up blank.

"Why? I am rather enjoying watching hope die in your eyes Rachel. Coffee cake?"

"I think you know where you can shove your cake."

"You really are a fool...you fell in love with the villain thinking she was the hero," Amanda chuckled.

Rachel sneered at the obvious mind game gambit. "Is that right... or maybe I fell in love with the hero you keep trying to bury..and the only villain here...is you.

"It's de ja vu all over again," she smiled, slapping Rachel across the face. She stepped away to smooth a wrinkle in her jacket sleeve before turning back to the young woman.

"I seem to recall a younger Alexandra Udinov in that chair. Percy walked her through Operation Pale Fire. Do you know what Alex learned that day?"

"I'm sure you are about to enlighten me, Amanda."

"She learned that it was Nikita who led the operation that killed her father, Nikolai Udinov. A truth that Nikita had kept hidden from her."

''This has what to do with me?''

''Oh, it has everything to do with you." An amused smile spread across Amanda's lips. "Operation Greenhouse. The target was your father, Anton Kochenko. A division agent with a sniper rifle terminated your father during a speech he was giving for Zetrov. Sound familiar...or didn't daddy tell you he worked for Sergei Semak?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you think that you're here by accident? You are here as a pawn in my game. You were nothing more than a lesson I needed to teach Alexandra. You served your purpose well, better than I had ever anticipated. You fell in love with the woman who killed your father."

''No, you're lying!''

"History has a way of repeating itself, Rachel. Although, I wasn't expecting Alexandra to develop deep feelings for you, but that was all the better. When she found out who you were it triggered everything I had been creating in her for years. She finally became the vision I held for her... You became the reflection of everything that drove her."

Rachel tried desperately to free herself. "This is a lie. More of your games."

"You see, Rachel, you helped me in ways Nikita never could. You helped me turn Alex into the true head of Zetrov. She lost her weaknesses the moment she realized who you were. All of that anger and rage just naturally flowed to the surface. Grant it, I added a few triggers to encourage her actions. What I didn't anticipate was your betrayal of Division. You turned out to be a good agent, pity you decided to join rogue agents and play hero."

"I don't believe you." Rachel cried out in pain.

"I should have known Nikita would take an interest in you, and turn you. No matter now."

"Nikita is going to take Division down...and you will be on the receiving end of a cancellation, Amanda."

Amanda chuckled richly "That's what I like about you, Rachel. You know that I am going to kill you here today...but you show very little fear in the face of death. It almost makes me regret that I have to give up such a valuable asset... Almost."

Amanda picked up the remote from the table, clicking on the wide screen. Rachel stared in disbelief as she listened to the audio for Operation Green House. She listened as Amanda instructed Alex to abort her mission; that she didn't have a green light. Alex defied the order and took the shot that killed her father. Tears ran down her face as she watched Alex appear on the screen. Amanda debriefing Alex on her mission. The look on Alexandra's face said it all, she thought. She enjoyed killing her father.

Rachel had no idea her father worked for Zetrov. She never knew her father's business dealings. The name Udinov never once crossed his lips when he visited her in the states.

She only knew a father that adored her and showered her with praise on the rare occasions he visited. His business back in Russia had been a complete mystery. Rachel's mother had claimed he was a pharmaceutical rep. for some major conglomerate.

"Just kill me and get it over with...I've seen enough."

"What if I told you that you could have a second chance, Rachel."

"A second chance to do what?"

"To be useful."

"I'm not interested in revenge. I never want to see any of them again...especially Alexandra Udinov. They can all go straight to hell." she gritted through tears.

"I'm not asking you to go after Alexandra...Did you know that Ari was a close personal friend of your fathers?"

* * *

**Ni****kita** wrapped her arms around Alex gently. "Thank you...for helping me get through this."

Alex smiled at Nikita. "Alex, None of this was your fault. I have a lot to make up for with you. I'm grateful that you're willing to forgive the past."

"Nikita, It took me a long time to realize that you did your best by me the night of Operation Pale Fire... I know it was self defense."

"I'm just sorry that I didn't show you the trust that you deserved, Alex. I'll make it up to you."

"My head is still torn by Amanda's mind fucks. I..don't know who I am anymore...I don't even know what she did to me."

"Thanks to Rachel, we have enough information to start. It is just going to take you some time. You will heal from this, Alex." Nikita curved her hand over Alex's shoulder.

"Rachel...shit. I said some unforgivable things to her last week. I really need to talk to her."

"Alex...Rachel isn't here."

"What? Where is she?"

"She left a couple of days after you two had the falling out. We don't know where she went. Micheal tried to track her down, and Birkhoff is scanning the web with Shadow-bot for any trace. Nothing yet."

"Nikita, she could be in danger. Fuck, I didn't mean any of the things I said to her. I was...just confused and angry."

"I know, Alex. We will find her."

* * *

**Nikita** stepped off the elevator with her weapon raised. Alex trailed right behind her.

"Alex, we have to hurry. Amanda could have Division agents watching your apartment."

"I know... but its the only place left to look for Rachel. We have to see if she's here."

Alex walked through the hallway of the penthouse apartment, her gun by her side. Nikita helped her search every room of the place carefully.

"Nikita, she was here. She took her things." Alex yelled from the bedroom.

"Alex, she left a note for you." Alex frowned at the envelope before taking it. She sat on the edge of the bed staring at Rachel's neat handwriting on the front of the envelope before she took a deep breath and ripped it open.

_ Alex__,_

_From the moment we met, I've been captivated. In some ways, I was born the first time our eyes met. Your love has been my strength. I count it all good, even the rough spots. You saved my life at Division. I owe you so much. Thank you._

_ I know that you will never forgive my betrayal. I'm truly sorry for that, but I'm not sorry for getting you the help that you needed. You deserve it, and Nikita deserves a second chance, too. She loves you. Please try to work it out. You're the strongest person I know, Alex. I believe in you. You will come back from what Amanda has done, stronger, better, than you ever were. The world needs heroes, Alex. Heroes like you. You have always been mine. Thank Nikita for me, and tell your friends goodbye for me._

_Always,_

_Rachel _

The ink began to run down the page of the stationary as tears fell heavy against the letter. Alex clutched it in her hand as she doubled over. "I'm going to kill Amanda." She gritted.

Nikita slid her fingers through Alex hair. "Alex, we will get Amanda and take Division down. I have a plan, but you can't go off half cocked," she wiped a stray tear from the brunette's cheek.

"You're right. I'm going to wash my face, and grab a few things before we head out. I'll be quick."

"I'll pack a few of your things in here."

"Thanks."

Alex walked down the hallway of her apartment. She had a plan. It wasn't Nikita's plan, but it was a plan. A half-cocked kill'em all, let God sort'em out plan. She was going to kill Amanda, and find Rachel, by any means necessary.

"Alex?" Nikita repeated for the third time as she darted in and out of every room screaming the younger assassin's name. Fear shot through Nikita. Her finger pressed against the comm in her ear. "Micheal, I lost Alex. I think she went after Amanda. We have to stop her before she gets herself killed."


	54. Chapter 54

Alex stepped out of the shadows; her gloved hand gripping her weapon tightly. The sound of silence broken by the click of the Glock's hammer. An unnecessary gesture with her weapon of choice, but one meant to strike fear in her target.

"Alexandra, I was wondering when you would show up. Where is Nikita?" Amanda placed her tea cup down. "We're past talking, Amanda. I know what you did to me."

"What I did to you? I made you better. I made you worthy of Zetrov, not some whiny little girl begging Nikita for attention." Amanda stood to her feet. "You turned me into a monster." Alex's weapon followed Amanda as she paced. "I turned you into what your father wanted. It was already inside you, weaved into the very fabric of your DNA. I didn't create that monster, I unleashed it. Everything you are now was buried just under the surface begging to come out, Alex. I freed you of moral constructs." Alex nodded. "Maybe you're right, but let that be our little secret. I have a family who would never understand," she smirked. "Your little dysfunctional family with Team Nikita? If they knew what I know they would never take you back. I have always accepted you for who you are... It is not too late, Alexandra." Amanda extended her hand.

"Lying bitch, you just brought out an unforgivable monster. You're right though, they would never forgive me if they knew that part of that monster was inside me long before you met me. You see, Amanda...I love them enough to wear that mask, to be that girl Nikita once knew." Amanda laughed. "Alex, you will get very tired of playing the good little girl for them. One day you will wake up and realize how unsatisfying your life has become. You will wish I were inside your head again. Someone to unlock the cage door and beckon you forward." She locked her eyes on the younger woman. "Enough talk...take a good look at my face, Amanda. It is the last thing you will ever see." Amanda smiled at Alex. "Such a pity. All your time and all your effort and what have you got for it? You are wasting the last precious seconds that might be used to save dear Rachel's life."

The smile slipped from Alexandra's face. Her fingers tightened on the heavy stock of her weapon. "What are you yapping about?"

The elegant older woman lowered herself gracefully into a nearby chair. "It's a pity cell phone's won't work here without the proper hardware. I jammed the area. You could warn Rachel not to get into that car."

Alex ran out of the room. Amanda loved a good mind fuck so it could all be a bluff but she loved blowing people up lots too. Amanda lifted her phone. "You have her?" She nodded. "Wait until lover girl clears the warehouse then blow the car. I want her to think she could have saved her little girlfriend." She slipped her phone in her pocket and wandered toward the car waiting for her outside.

* * *

**Rachel's** eyes were wide as she saw the enemy agent pull out a detonation device. She fought the gag and her bindings. She screamed into the gag as she saw Alex. The brunette's eyes were wild and she ran toward the car as Rachel's captor pressed the detonator. "How sad," her captor noted as Alexandra tumbled away in the blast. He turned the key and drove away.

Alex screamed. Burns and blood from pieces of the car covered her exposed skin but she didn't feel it as she tried to get close to the flaming wreck of the car. "Rachel!" Her throat was raw from screaming the name over and over. She tried to see into the flames. An arm wrapped around her chest. She slammed her fist into it and kicked back trying to get to the car.

Michael took a firm grip on the brunette and slung her into his SUV even as the firetrucks came screaming up the road. He accelerated out sliding onto a battered side road to get away.

* * *

**Alex** opened her eyes to look up at the blank ceiling. The last thing she remembered before sinking into unconsciousness was the backseat of the SUV. The pain of moving brought her back into reality. "Rachel." she forced past dry lips and raw throat.

Birkhoff helped her sit up. "Slowly, you've been out a while."

Alex sobbed.

Nikita came running to her side. Her face folded. "I'm here, Alex. I'm right here."

Alex yanked the front of her shirt pulling her close enough to bury her face in Nikita's shoulder. Nikita wrapped her arms firmly around Alex; her grip tight. "We are going to make them pay, Alex. I promise you."

Michael sighed from the corner. "She's right, Alex. Amanda will pay for all of this." He took a place beside Alex and rubbed her back.


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: Thank you for the PMs and reviews. ;)**

* * *

The blue-collar tavern was brimming with locals enjoying an evening of pool, darts and excessive drinking. The smell of stale beer accompanied the sounds of Patsy Cline's 'crazy' blaring through the jukebox against the wall.

Alex peeled at the Guinness beer label humming along to the lyrics of the song. She slowly wove a rats nest of labels of the several, soon many bottles of beers. "Get you another, Alex?" came the overly friendly voice of the female bartender. "Yeah Iris, just keep'em coming," she smiled, but didn't look up to meet the bartender's gaze.

A brusque man slid onto the bar stool beside her. "Hey there, angel. Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" The next sound out of him was the explosion of noise as he and his stool smashed to the hardwood floor beneath.

"How much did that hurt bitch?" she snarled. Alex poured herself another shot of Stolichnaya from the half empty bottle of vodka sitting in front of her and drank it down. Beer and vodka, a combination made in hell. She would be sorry by morning.

The scruffy man leapt up and signaled a crew of beefy flannel-clad gentlemen crowding one of the nearby booths. He crowded her as the others moved in closer. "I don't take that shit from anyone, not even a girl."

She looked at him blankly, before turning on her stool. Her boot came up with a hard snap kick between his legs. He doubled over groaning. She fired an elbow backwards connecting firmly with another guy's solar plexus. Her foot came up and she pushed herself up on the instigator's descending form as she cleared space with the stool she had been sitting on.

The bartender groaned as beefcake flew. He punched in an increasingly familiar number. "I am getting a little tired of her busting up my joint." He nodded. "Right." He hung up and turned off the open sign.

The men fell one by one like toy soldiers. The last of the crew grabbed frantically for a pool cue off the near by wall. Alex plucked the bottle of vodka off the bar top and poured herself another shot.

"I'll let you hit me once before I take that away from you and lay you out flat. Deal?" She swallowed down the shot before turning to face the tall burly man. "I said...deal?" she smirked, walking toward the confused angry male. He looked her up and down. "You're just a little girl," he laughed. She crossed her arms and waited. He finally fired off a quick punch that landed on her mouth. Alex felt her lip split and bleed. She slowly brushed brunette hair from her blue eyes. "Are you on d-drugs?" he stuttered. "I wish...got any?" Alexandra licked the blood from her lip. "mmm good." His eyes widened as he glared at her. She fired off a punch and a round house kick. The pool stick flew from his hand into the air, she caught it, bringing it down on the top of his head before she finished him off with a front snap kick to the face.

"Pool anyone?" she smiled, as the last remaining tavern patrons began to clear out.

* * *

She was peeling more beer label as she heard the bar stool being set up beside her again. Alex sighed. "Hi dad," she quipped.

Michael gave a half smile. "As daughters go you are kick ass but you are wiping out your college fund." He slid his fingers over her bloody knuckles, assessing her wounds.

"Guess I will just have to get a job at McDonald's then." She shrugged and took another drink of beer.

He shook his head. "Can't keep this up forever, Alex. It's been two months. Something's gotta give."

She sighed. "Why do you just keep on trying to save me?"

Michael slid a large gentle hand on her shoulder. "You're worth saving. You always have been. Let's just get going. You can make me a manly sized sandwich for the rescue."

She scoffed. "I'll buy you a KitKat."

He dropped off the stool and held out a hand. "Done."


	56. Chapter 56

Alex took another bite of the casserole. "Birkhoff, this is amazing."

He grinned. "It's the potato chips crumbled on top. Gives it a lil extra... ooomph." He circled his fork a couple of times before sliding it into his mouth with enthusiastic nom sounds.

Nikita put down her fork and dabbed at her lips with a napkin. "Alex, you're abusing again."

Alex frowned. "I am enjoying a nice meal with you guys. Doesn't mean I'm high."

The other woman shook her head and Birkhoff's eyes bounced from one to another. "What you are is drunk. I can smell the travel sized listerine spilling in your pocket. You simply appear to be too drunk to notice you smell all over minty fresh."

Michael put his hand on Nikita's arm. "Maybe this isn't the best time for this."

Alex threw her arms wide. "Why not? A family dinner is a wonderful time for talking about my drinking orrrrr Nikita's control issues or Birkhoff's not changing his socks."

"Hey!" exclaimed the embarassed Birkhoff.

"Alex, you need to stop." Nikita carefully enunciated.

"Gee Wally," Alex addressed Birkhoff. "Looks like Beaver's in trouble again." She pushed her plate away. "You are not my mother or my father. Hell. You killed my father. Is that a dead man's shoes deal then?" She snorted. "Just get off my back."

Nikita's hand covered hers as she reached for her glass. Alex pulled away flinging the glass against the wall. Both women stood and faced each other. Alex snarled and began to turn away. Nikita's fingers grabbed at her shoulder. The younger woman turned back and slapped her before walking away.

Birkhoff shoveled his food in. "I'll change my socks after dinner," he said quietly.

* * *

**Nikita** sat on the edge of the bed brushing tears from her eyes. Anger and hurt lined her beautiful features. She sat contemplating her next move. Alex knocked gently on the door before walking in and closing it behind.

"I'm sorry, Nikita," she whispered, kneeling in between the legs of the older woman. "I didn't mean to-" Alex's fingers smoothed over Nikita's jaw where she slapped her earlier.

"I know, Alex."

"I'll try harder... I'll be better."

Nikita nodded. "You have to stop drinking. Do you understand-"

Alex leaned up catching Nikita's lips before she could say another word.

She trailed her thumb over Nikita's cheekbones. "I will make it up to you," she whispered and leaned in to gently brush her lips over Nikita's again.

The softness beneath her mouth sucked Nikita in. The need to drink deeper, drove her past the point of no return. Nikita slid her fingers into brunette hair, pressing their lips together in a bruising kiss. She bit down on Alexandra's bottom lip, before soothing it with her tongue. A small whimper left Alex's lips and she caught it inside her mouth when the brunette opened for her and allowed her tongue inside. Their tongues sparred, licked and withdrew. Another hand came up to grasp the back of the younger woman's head and pull her closer. The touch of Alexandra's palm on her chest sent her heart into overdrive and her sex pulsing. Nikita's hands moved around to tug roughly at Alex's shirt collar before she viciously pulled sending buttons flying in every direction. Their eyes met with wanton lust and unresolved emotion. Alex relaxed her body allowing Nikita to take the control she knew the older woman desired. Nikita pulled and she ripped at Alex's clothes, until they were all discarded and strewn all over the floor, and the girl was standing naked before her.

"Take my clothes off."

Want and need spiraled from Nikita's soul to zing through her body on a rush. Alex worked her way down unbuttoning Nikita's shirt and pulling it off between kisses.

She broke the kiss and murmured against her lips, "The next time you hit me... I am going to put you on your ass, baby girl. Are we clear?"

"Crystal." Alex smirked, nodding her head, and removing Nikita's remaining clothing.


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N: I'm glad everyone is enjoying the Nalex. I love Birkhoff's humor, too. lol Get ready for more twists and turns a head. We will be jumping a year into their future in a few more chapters. Chapter 49 has been fixed. Thank you Nikalex. ;)**

* * *

Alex stumbled into the bedroom door, her attempts at tiptoeing landed her against the night stand, nearly knocking over the contents.

"Alex?" Nikita clicked on the bed side lamp. "It's 3 am. Where the hell have you been?"

"Sorry for waking you," she said, peeling out of her clothes.

"You've been drinking again."

Alex shrugged. "Not much."

"God damn it, Alex. How did you get home?"

"Like I left. In a car."

"You think this is funny?"

"Nikita, relax. I'm home and no one got hurt." Alex slid into bed next to Nikita. "I bet I know how to turn your frown upside down." she grinned.

Nikita smiled at her naughty tone. "No more drinking and driving."

Alex leaned in kissing her. "Yes, Ma'am." She tugged Nikita's black nightie off, before she leaned back in kissing her passionately. "I want you so bad, Nikita."

Their lips lingered together for a long moment before Nikita grabbed Alex by the hips and pushed her down on the mattress. Straddling her, Nikita kissed down the side of her neck, moving her fingers down her body. Alex moaned, her hands running through the top of her brunette hair as Nikita worked her body into a frenzy. Alex hands cupped Nikita's face, bringing her lips back into her own. She kissed her roughly before flipping the older woman to her back, shocking Nikita.

Alex spread her legs, bringing her tongue down to take one very long teasing lick at her center before she slid up her body and kissed her. She was all over her, kissing breasts, fingering nipples, touching her warm inviting center. All Nikita could do was arch her back and remember to breathe. Alex devoured her inch by inch. Alex's kisses slowly turned to nibbles at her bottom lip, her hands still roaming over her body roughly, frantically, before she snatched her wrists and pushed them slowly above her. Stunned, Nikita gazed into her dark fiery eyes. "Whoa, Alex. Slow down. What's wrong with you tonight?"

"There is nothing wrong. Relax. Let me fuck you." Nikita's eyes shut at the feel of Alex's deft fingers against her clit. Alex played teasingly with the other woman while her fingers slid up to her throat.

"Alex, you're drunk." Nikita peeled Alex's fingers from her throat before she grabbed her hair and brought their lips together again. "Alex, I want you... just you." Nikita flipped the younger woman on her back again, pinning her hands above her head.

"Nikita, please. Let me-" Alex struggled to regain the upper position.

"No, I want my Alex, not whatever that is you brought into bed tonight."

"God damn it, not everything is about Amanda and the past."

"Alex, settle down you'll wake the entire house... You promised me you would try harder." Nikita's tongue ran across her mouth until she opened and allowed entry. Their tongues danced for several minutes before pulling away breathless.

"Where's my Alex tonight? Come back to me."

Nikita kissed Alex slowly before pulling back and looking into her eyes. Alex sighed, a warm slow smile crossing her face. She relaxed her arms and exhaled.

"There's my girl."

Alex prepared herself the best she could. Another night, not able to fill the void, to scratch her itch. She didn't know how long she could go on faking this, even for Nikita.

* * *

**The** music cut through the uncomfortable silence in the small bedroom. She sat back staring at the flame of the candle. Meditation never came easy to her, but she needed to stop turning to the bottle when she felt a rage coming on. Nikita and Micheal were all over her about her occasional use of alcohol. It never made matters better. In fact, it only served to create more problems than it resolved.

Her wounds had all but healed, leaving little trace that she had ever gotten caught to close to the fiery explosion. There was nothing left to prove it ever happened. Not a single scar. None that anyone could see anyway. She did what Alexandra Udinov did best. She finished building the cement walls around her heart, plotted her revenge on Amanda and Ari, and learned to live the lie she carefully crafted from the fragments of her life. Most days she could be the old Alex that everyone adored. She wore that mask well again.

Try as she might, she could never stop blaming herself for what happened to Rachel. She settled on that being the case until the end of time. She deserved it after all, didn't she? Her mind was still twisted up in Amanda's programming, but she worked hard to be the Alex everyone remembered. She desperately wanted to be that girl. Sometimes, she even thought she was that Alex. She wasn't entirely sure it was all an act. A fake it until you make it sort of thing, but she didn't trust herself enough to make that determination.

But... there were those times, those rare moments, when Alexandra would snap. When she lost her temper in ways that scared the hell out of everyone around her. She had thrown a glass at dinner, been in a number of bar brawls that Micheal had cleaned her up from, hit Nikita several times in a rage, and been carried to bed in a drunken haze that she barely recalled at all. Still, Nikita and the others stood by her through it all. She often wished they wouldn't. She wanted them to hate her enough to throw her away. She deserved it after all, didn't she? Nikita knew that the old Alex would never fully return. She accepted it as much as it pained her inside, but she was determined to get as much of her back as possible. She would never give up, but too many things had happened. She knew that none of them could ever be what they were before Division and Amanda.

Nikita wanted all of Alex back. It drove her nonstop. She wanted the girl that so easily fell into her arms without hesitation. Amanda had done her best to eradicate that Alex since she stepped foot inside the walls of Division. Still, she wouldn't give up. Nikita would fight to make the old Alex the dominate part of the girl she loved again.

Nikita was happy with her progress most of the time. Even Ryan told her that he was amazed she responded to treatment at all. Most, he said, never came back from this kind of damage. Alex, for all her stubbornness and passion, had fought her way back like a champion. The sensitive compassionate soul Nikita fell in love with made an appearance more and more as time went by. During those times Nikita melted. She had missed her Alex, missed her little ways, her thoughtfulness and kind words. Her ability to always know when something was wrong. She caught glimpses of the girl she met. For Nikita, that was victory.

Michael and Alex grew closer as Nikita and Alex's relationship began to see signs of trouble. It was strange really to Nikita. She loved Alex so much, but it was becoming difficult to hold them together as a couple. Her Alex was just not entirely there anymore. She didn't love Alex any less, in fact, she was pretty damn sure she loved her more, but it affected their intimacy. Alex tried to be what Nikita wanted. She wore that mask to bed every night, but Nikita caught on after a while. She saw it in her eyes and her inability to let her in all the way. Even with their relationship rocky, Alex and Nikita's friendship grew to unbreakable. They were tighter than they ever were. Because no matter what Amanda or any of their enemies tossed at them, Team Nikita had grown into a family. That alone made them unbeatable. Micheal always said love never died. It just changed forms. That was something Alex held on to when she thought about Rachel... and something that began to apply with her and Nikita.


	58. Chapter 58

Her eyes were closed. She smelled the almost burnt aroma of autumn leaves before she opened her eyes and stared through the skeletal arms of the mighty oaks. Bright pinpoints of light in crisp dark air. Orion's Belt could be seen to the north. It had taken its place for the night along with a thousand other celestial constellations known and unknown to her. She traced the constellation of Ursa Minor with her finger.

The low, waning gibbous moon did not contract from the stark beauty of the wheeling constellations. In the city, Alex had never once seen the milky way. Here that gentle carpet of stars took her breath away. It seemed to bring her back to a peaceful place and time. She felt at ease, however extremely emotional. There seemed to be a balance inside her that she could barely recognize. Something old and something new stirred beneath her trembling chest. She was fearful of feeling happy, afraid that the moment she did, it would be ripped away from her again, but in that moment she could no longer deny it. She felt safe, happy and at peace in the middle of nowhere with Nikita. She was determined to embrace it for as long as it would last.

Nikita sat the small green lantern down on the old tree stump. She took a deep breath of fresh night air before sliding onto the blanket next to Alex. They laid side by side gazing up at the starry sky in silence.

"Nikita?"

"Hm?"

"Do you remember the last time you brought me here?"

"How could I forget?" Nikita turned on her side, moving closer, she trailed her fingers over Alex's forearm and down to her wrist.

"This is just like that night. The stars were so bright in the night sky. It was magical." Alex smiled, tears shining in her bright blue eyes.

"We made love until the sun came up. I remember. Why do you think I brought you here?" Nikita gently slid her fingers into Alex's hair.

"I never stopped loving you... I'm sorry for every-"

"Alex, none of it was your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for what Amanda did... and I never stopped loving you either. I never will."

She worked her fingers over the buttons of Alexandra's light blue flannel, pushing it back over her shoulders, before she leaned in kissing her naked shoulder. Her fingers slid the shirt further open so she could follow Alex's beautiful collarbone with her lips.

Alex's eyes slid shut as she fell into the touch of the older woman. "Nikita," she breathed out before Nikita's lips captured her own and ended the ability to speak.

* * *

**Nikita** opened the door. "Sean, I was beginning to wonder where you were."

He grinned and handed her a bottle of wine. "Got lost trying to find a vintage. I'm more of a draft and ale guy."

Michael leaned on a nearby wall. "In that case, let's see if we can't find you something to drink." He led Sean into the kitchen.

Nikita stuck her head around a door frame. "Alex, Sean's joining us for dinner. Why don't you join us?"

Alex groaned. "Fine. Be out in a minute."

They sat around the table. Alex watched Michael pull out Nikita's chair with a smile. She chewed her lip as a brief flair of jealousy reared its head and was just as quickly tamped down. This was her family.

Sean cleared his throat. "You look great tonight Alex."

She looked at him like a bug under a scope. "I look like I got about three minutes warning about company for dinner. If you think that's great, you may need to get a few things examined."

He chuckled and good naturedly attacked his salad.

Alex's eyes narrowed as Nikita signalled her toward Sean. She gave a hugely fake smile to indicate she heard the message. She was so tempted to take this out on her lover tonight. "Sean, what brings you into our neck of the woods?"

Clearing his throat and dabbing his lip with his napkin he smiled. "Nikita invited me and when she told me you'd be here, well how could I turn it down?"

"Say no? No chance? No how?" Alex smiled brightly until she caught sight of the disapproving look on Nikita's face. "Always nice to have another person to dinner though...even though it means less garlic bread." She made a face at Nikita as Sean chuckled and put his napkin back in his lap.

Michael put his hand on Nikita's shoulder and gave her a little squeeze. She looked at him and smiled. Alex looked back down at her plate. Something just didn't feel right. "So Sean... what do you do for fun?" Might as well kill this interminable evening by making him do all the talking while she did all the daydreaming.

* * *

**Nikita** ran ahead of Alex, turning around and circling her as they ran down the beach. "Come on, Alex. You can do better than that." Nikita chuckled as Alex chased her down the white sandy beach. Alex sprinted ahead taking the lead as they headed into the home stretch.

"You're stronger than ever."

"Yeah, amazing how much better I feel without the booze and occasional drug usage...or Amanda in my head...my mind feels a lot clearer now," she panted, bending over to catch her breath.

"It's the veggie shakes," Nikita smiled. "I'm glad to see you doing better. I know it's been a rough time. You had me worried for a while."

"Couldn't have done it without you." Alex panted out.

"That's what family is for, Alex."

Nikita leaned into Alex wrapping her arms around her waist. "Race you home."


	59. Chapter 59

**A/N: Thank you for the PMs and the reviews! **

******100% Nalex fiction is coming by the end of the month! ;) **

**Apologies for the long A/N but I need to clear up some things for the chapters a head. My AU timeline is way different from season two and three of the show. In AU land we are in season five by now. lol Anyway, you will recognize a few things from season three in future chapters. If you have not watched season three, a few things may leave you scratching your head. Just PM me if you have any questions. Also, mentions of events in season three may not appear in the same order in which it appeared in the show, and you can expect them to be very AU. One final note... Mid way through this extra long chapter, we will be skipping a head more than a few months. This is for the benefit of moving the story along. Much more coming! Enjoy the long chapter!**

**chpll1525: It's more PTSD and anger management issues - not to mention Amanda's damage. Just that alone is enough to make someone lose their mind. lol It does have her moods all over the place. She is not exactly sure who she is anymore, but she knows that she wants to please Nikita. Yes, That episode you mentioned gave me the idea for this fic originally. That and the scene in which she kills Vlad. Not so much the killing itself, but her words and facial expressions. It freaked Nikita out.**

**nikalex: You always guess correctly - when a storm is coming. ;)**

* * *

Alex came in the door and slid her pack onto a chair beside the door. She stretched until she cracked and wandered through the kitchen. All she wanted was to collapse. Maybe kiss Nikita if she was on the way to the bed but then definitely collapse. Yawning, she made her way to the back bedroom without incident or company. She frowned as she got to the door. There was a moan.

Opening the door, she saw Michael and Nikita locking lips and caught up in a steamy embrace. Alex blinked. Once. Twice. "Nice underwear Michael," she growled before swiveling on her heel and leaving, sleep forgotten.

Nikita caught up to her in the hall. "Alex, let me explain."

"Explain? I already suspected as much. You know, I guess I expected more from you, Lil Ms. moral authority." Nikita reached out grabbing her shoulder. Alex slapped her hand away. "Do not touch me."

"Alex, please... I love you." Nikita began to cry.

"Love me?"

"I...love you... both." she sobbed out.

Alex gritted, "Now, I see why you invited Sean to dinner... Go back to your boyfriend, Nikita."

"Alex, it wasn't like that. I was trying to keep you from-"

"From what? Just say it."

"From falling back on old habits."

Alex laughed uncontrollably. "You don't get a say in my life anymore."

"Since when?"

"Since I caught you being a complete whore."

"Alex, enough." yelled Michael from the bedroom door way.

"Stay out of this Michael." Alex yelled, punching the wall with her fist. "Both of you... go straight to hell." she bit back tears as she walked away.

* * *

**Michael** caught up with her just outside her favorite place to be surly and drunk. He grabbed her arm. She turned and punched him in the nose. His hands covered his nose as she went inside. She held her finger up to the bartender as she sat down on the red vinyl covered bar stool. She tipped her vodka bottle over her shot glass. Growling, she cut out the middleman and chugged straight from the bottle. Michael took the bottle and put it on the bar. He grabbed a napkin and shoved a piece in his nostril.

"Just let me talk to you Alex."

"Michael..." she said warningly.

"Hear me out."

She nodded. "Whatever."

"She never wanted to hurt you. It just happened. She was lonely when she lost you.. It happened over a long period of time. She loves you.. It isn't that she loves me more. It was never a competition... I care for her. I care for you." He shook his head. "I can't seem to find the right words." He took a breath. "I love her. But you are... very special to me. I love you very much, Alex.. I won't pursue things with Nikita, not if it will hurt you...and not if we lose you as a result."

She looked over at the man beside her and looked at her shot glass."Love you too, Michael. Love.. her, too." She sighed. "I just want you and Nikita to be happy, and if she's happy with you and not me, that is what I want." She downed the shot and frowned at it. Turning on her stool she pulled the napkin from his nose. "Fair warning Michael. Make her happy or I will pull your intestines out of a random orifice. Understand?" She dashed a tear from her eyes.

Michael smiled and wrapped his arms around Alex. "I promise. I'm so sorry Alex." They clung together.

"Still family?" he asked quietly.

"Forever."

* * *

**Alex** and Sean moved quietly down the tunnel. They put away their guns as they were reminded how well nuclear facilities and guns mixed. Alex looked around a corner. "Nice of Roan to go to work for Amanda."

Sean shrugged. "Percy died. It was probably that or lose his dental."

"I got him," called out Birkhoff quickly sending them to Roan's location near the cooling tower. "Blow the cooling tower, blow any chance of fixing this situation," he advised.

"Wonderful," Alex said under her breath. She saw Roan and snuck in closer before attacking. He turned and grabbed her arm. The cracking sound drew a scream that brought Sean the remaining distance in. As Alex tried to get back to her feet, Roan sliced air around himself, eventually drawing blood on Sean.

Alex flung them both at the electrical panels. She was thrown back and off the panels by the electricity arching her. She collapsed into Sean's arms even as Roan cooked.

Sean watched the killer fry. He asked, "So you want to go out with me?" only realizing Alex had lost consciousness when he looked down for an answer.

* * *

**Alex** squinted her eyes as she came around. Sean stood by her side, his fingers caressing her cheek.

"Where am I?" she looked around. "Closest hospital that won't ask questions." he smiled.

"Division." she groaned.

Sean nodded at her. "Speaking of questions... there's a yes or no one. You passed out...there was a lot going on... but um... maybe I-"

"Alex." Nikita interrupted.

"Hey, are you okay? What happened?"

Nikita sat down beside her. "A lot," she whispered, running her fingers through Alex's hair. "Do you remember what I said... when I decided that I was going to let you infiltrate Division?"

Alex's swallowed, her eyes narrowing. "Here we go?"

"Here we go...again."

* * *

**Months later...**

* * *

"No, thank you," Alex said, placing her hand over the champagne glass. Nikita demanded her sobriety, and she was doing her best to comply. She picked up her glass of water. "I'd like to make a toast, long overdue, for which, I apologize."

"Well, we've all been a little busy-"

"Still, Rogue agents shouldn't keep us from properly celebrating your engagement, " she whispered.

Nikita chuckled and squeezed her fiance's hand. "The night's young, don't jinx it," Michael joked as he lifted his own glass.

"To Michael and Nikita, meant to be. It's been a long road, and hard fought, but it's gotta get easier from here, right?" Alex chuckled. "Nikita, where do I start? I hope you know I'd do anything for you," Alex said sincerely.

"You mean more than taking a bullet?" Sean quipped.

Nikita snorted. "Only fair, I've taken a shot for Alex before."

"Actually, she shot you." informed Michael.

"In the Kevlar." Nikita amended with a smile.

"To save her life, "Alex added with a dark look at the jokesters.

"Nothing says I love you like a a bullet to a non essential area." Michael opined. "A true Hallmark moment."

"Well then honey why haven't you shot me yet," Sean asked, looking over at Alex.

"Keep talking," Alex warned as she glowered.

"A new toast." The older woman raised her glass. "To us, If we can survive each other, we can survive anything." Nikita announced happily.

"Cheers," Alex responded with a grin. Sean looked at Nikita and then back to Alex. He felt threatened by their friendship and their past relationship.

"Birkhoff wants us in now," said Nikita even as she got up to leave.

"He is just upset because we are off shift and he's not," Michael cleared up with a grin. They loved their Birkhoff but every one of them was aware that he was a big baby deep down inside.

Alex snorted her agreement and moved to leave. "Don't worry we got it... What was that?" Alex asked glaring at Sean.

"We don't need to get into this now."

"Get into what?" Alex tilted her head, her eyes blinking slowly.

"Something you're not ready to hear."

"What," Alex sighed, trying to control her temper.

"You need to leave Division. I know you think you owe Nikita something-"

"You're right, I don't wanna hear it."

* * *

**Sean** glared at Alex as he pulled on his jacket. She sat on the corner of the mattress staring into oblivion. He turned toward the dresser to slip on his watch. He looked left to right at the objects on their dresser top. The pink pig sat next to a sheet of photos taken at the county fair. He frowned at the pictures of Alex and Rachel that stared him in the face daily.

"You know Alex...maybe its time for you to put these things away." Sean gestured to the shrine like top of the dresser. He picked up a picture frame.

Alex turned and stood. "Leave it, Sean."

"If it isn't Nikita its Rachel. It's been a year, Alex. It's time to move on... Get over it." he raised his voice.

"I am not the one with the problem, Sean. If I want her picture on my dresser...its not your fucking place to tell me to remove it." Alex snarled as she snatched the picture from his hand.

"And Nikita? She damn near got you killed...and for what? To rescue a terrorist?"

"Nikita couldn't have known that Mia turned."

"Nikita always has an excuse... and so do you," he yelled, storming out of the apartment door.

* * *

**Alexandra** Udinov sat on the concrete steps of the mausoleum. She stared down at the single rose dangling from her hand, the leaf of which was already bruised from the twirling and clutching. The brunette had no grave on which to place her flower. She had spotted the little cemetery from the highway when she was driving into work one day. She thought it seemed like a nice place to mourn in peace without anyone around.

"It's hard to believe that it's been a year, Rachel," Alex began, choking. "Micheal and Nikita, well, he finally proposed. He makes her happier than I ever could. After... I lost you... Nikita and I tried to make it work... but we just couldn't put all the pieces back together. We tried," Alex breathed, nodding her head. "She's still my best friend. Nikita is amazing...she's the strongest person I know. I don't believe in a lot, but I believe in Nikita. I trust her with my life. Thanks to you we have our friendship back stronger than ever before," she said forcing a smile through the tears rolling down her face.

"I'm so sorry baby," she whispered. "I wish I could take back the harsh words...it shouldn't have ended that way. I should have been there to protect you, Rachel." Her hand pressed her eyes as she sobbed for several minutes. "Please forgive me. I was an unforgivable monster back then." Her hands wrapped around the knees she pressed to her chest trying to keep the pieces of her heart together, rose almost forgotten as a thorn bit her finger. The bead of blood fell from her hand to drop to the concrete before she gathered herself again, dashing tears from her eyes with a sleeve.

She took a deep breath. Rachel's ghost didn't need to see her so weak. "So for some good news... we managed to overthrow Division. The charges you planted were essential to Nikita's plan. I felt like you were with us when we finally took Division that day. Amanda is on the run now with Ari. We're still chasing the bitch, but we'll find her. When I do I'll send the dragon lady your regards personally. I promise I'll make her pay for what she put us through, Rachel. We're running Division now. I know, weird eh? Nikita and I are determined to shut Division down the right way. It's just gonna take some time." She shook her head. "I wish Sean could understand," Alex paused, taking in a deep ragged breath.

"Yeah, I guess I skipped that part, Rach. Sean and I are together now. He's a good man, Rachel. My heart tells me that you would approve. I think it's getting kind of serious now, too. Maybe, we have a future together...if I don't kill him first," she chuckled. "What I have with Sean...its nothing like what we had. You were my soul mate. I could never love another the way I love you... Some days, I feel like I'm just going through the motions...so everyone thinks I'm fine. You're the only one who ever really knew all of me...and accepted me for it. I still think about you every day. Your love and your compassion saved me... I never knew what real innocence was until I touched you." She choked slightly, the tears beginning again. "God, I miss you so much." Alex closed her eyes. The tears streaming down her face.

Micheal had suggested she find a special place and try to give herself the memorial she never let herself have after the explosion, a chance at some closure, a long over due goodbye. Alex unzipped her black leather jacket and pulled out the pink pig that she won for Rachel at the county fair in New Jersey. She sat him next to the rose on the concrete stairs. "Sir OinksAlot misses you, too." She tugged the picture they had taken at the county fair from her top pocket and rubbed her thumb across Rachel's face. She thought about the night they took it. It was their first date. She remembered how Rachel pleaded to get her into the photo booth, her eyes shining bright. Both high on the sugar rush from the cotton candy they devoured. Alex laughed at the thought before she burst into tears again. "I'm not good at goodbyes babe...so, I'll see you on the other side." She pressed the photo and the pig to her heart before sliding them into the jacket again. Leaving them would be just one goodbye too many.


	60. Chapter 60

**A/N: It would be helpful to watch season three episode two if you want to understand the first part of this chapter. I'm sorry to say that I cannot fit Owen into this fic. Maybe a future fic. You will understand why I cannot add him to the mix in the chapters a head. **

* * *

Alex laid her head back against the wall. Here she was... Liza Abbot. This was the natural evolution. She turned her head til the little girl bound in the chair appeared in the corner of her vision. Nikita stood across from her. Alex looked at her. "You shoot my father and you shape teenager me into an assassin. The man who did this, just got a jump on things."

Nikita's hand stroked her shoulder. "From an assassin making viewpoint, she is perfect. No bad habits to erase. The peak of her flexibility. She deserved better. She's just a little girl. She doesn't deserve this darkness, to have this life forced on her."

Alex snorted. "No one deserves this life." She shrugged. "Except maybe Amanda and Percy." She turned and looked through the window. The cuffs keeping the girl's hands down were tight in the aftermath of a very powerful escape attempt.

Nikita joined her at the window. "Maybe we should do something about it."

Alex looked at her. "Nikita, we have to get her home."

Nikita smiled. Alex was finally stabilizing. She rarely saw the Alex that Amanda created anymore. "We will."

"What about Ryan? He's being a complete ass about this."

"Alex, don't worry... I promise, we will get her home."

* * *

**Alex** brought the coffees back to the table with a smile. She sat across from Nikita and took off the glasses that made up part of her disguise, laying them on the table. "Thank you."

Nikita smiled. "Everyone deserves to see at least one happy ending."

"It's a good feeling. Seeing Liza with her parents, it was...amazing. Makes me want to be a good guy more often."

Nikita covered her hand with her own. "You are a good guy. Occasionally you do some things that aren't roses and kittens, but you are good people at the center of it all Alex."

"If you say so, Sensei."

"Hey, I'm serious...you are the good guy. I will always be here to remind you of it, Alex."

"Keep this up, and I am going to steal you away from Michael." Alex winked.

Nikita chuckled. "Like I said, you are the good guy...and ever the temptress."

Alex smiled. Her phone rang. She looked at the screen and cussed. "So much for the warm fuzzy feeling." She put the phone to her ear. "Hello Ryan. What do you want now?"

* * *

**Sean** walked down the corridor. He was fuming after hearing that Alex had went on yet another mission with Nikita. He was even more furious when Birkhoff informed him that she had been injured again. Spotting the brunette, he quickened his pace towards her.

"Hi." she smiled up at him.

"Hey." he frowned.

"What? What now, Sean?"

"You wouldn't want to hear it, but we do need to talk." his voice raised.

Alex's eyes darted. "Not here." she tugged him into medical storage and closed the door.

Sean gently smoothed his fingers over Alex's forehead. "What the hell happened to your head?"

"Sean, its nothing. I'm fine."

"I asked you a question."

"I just came from a mission. It's a minor injury. I didn't even need stitches." she smiled warmly.

"You could have been killed...AGAIN."

"Sean, I'm fine. I am not a child. Stop treating me like one."

Sean's face twisted. "This place could have been shut down. I could have told my mother to shut it down. Now she is gone and this place is still standing and you are standing in it."

Alex took a half step forward. "We need to shut Division down the right way."

"Right way," he scoffed. "The only right way would have been with a bomb."

"Sean.." Alex started.

He shook his head. "I'm not doing this Alex. I thought I cared about you enough, but you... this place... its all bullshit." his hands found her shoulders before he shook her. "I am not staying here to watch you die. If loving you is not enough to make you walk away from this...from Nikita...then I can't stay." his hands moved from her shoulders to cup her face and kiss her. Her eyes widened. "Call me when you see it my way, Alex."

"Sean..." she said as he pushed past her.

_Not again_, she thought. The relationships were piling up on the Alexandra Udinov Highway and she was beginning to think she couldn't keep anyone for very long. She swiped her fingers through her hair exasperated. She paced back and forth staring at the pharmaceutical cabinet. "Fuck it." she looked over her shoulder before opening the cabinet door and grabbing the bottle on the left. Popping a few in her mouth, and a few for later in her jacket pocket, she returned the bottle back to its proper place and walked toward Operations.

* * *

**Ryan** paced around the briefing room, his fingers running anxiously through his hair.

"One of the dirty thirty is running Gogol now?" Birkhoff asked, locking eyes with Ryan.

"Ari put him in charge, because he can't exactly run Gogol now can he?" Micheal interjected.

"Right, not with being on the run with Amanda," Birkhoff added, tapping his fingers against the conference table.

"Exactly," Micheal agreed.

"What else do we know?" Nikita asked narrowing her eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest studying the rogue agent's picture on the screen.

"We have viable Intel that Vladimir Domashev, known to Division as Kevin, has gotten his hands on a suitcase nuke. Our contact snapped this photograph of Ari handing over the case less than twenty-four hours ago." Ryan frowned as he indicated the picture.

"That looks a helluva lot like the suitcase bomb I gave to Ari." Alex's stomach plummeted. Nikita looked into her eyes. She could see the regret. She reached out placing her hands on the younger woman's shoulders. "That wasn't your fault. It's going to be okay," Nikita smiled, turning back toward Ryan. "It looks like we're going to Russia."

"I do not need to tell you all how important this mission is... If the President ever got wind of a rogue Division agent with a suitcase nuke-" Ryan's gaze grew serious.

"We're on it," Nikita interrupted.


	61. Chapter 61

**Krisbian-58: I added a little something in here for you. Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

Alex swirled the tea in her glass, staring at it. Birkhoff sat across from her. "Is there a reason you are sitting in the kitchen trying to bring laser eyes to bear on your beverage?" he asked.

She looked up. "Sean decided that if I can't go along with him on wanting to just obliterate Division, then he isn't interested in me basically." Alex put down the glass and sat back in her chair.

He shrugged. "Kind of a dick." Birkhoff poured himself some tea. "Lando Calrissian."

Alex's brow went up."Lando who?"

"Star Wars. You know that old saying about if you love someone and let them go crap? Lando came back for Han. It also works in romantic comedies. Pretty much never works otherwise. Bromances, comic romances... that's it." He shrugged. "You people are about as funny as a C-4 suppository so screw him. He hasn't even as much class as Lando and Lando was the one that sold Han off for body parts in the first place."

Alex stared at Birkhoff for long moments. "I still can't decide if you are wise or in need of electroshock."

"There is a whole lot of people in that boat with you." He winked and got up. "I'm just gonna go put his sorry ass on the IRS audit list. See you when you get back from Russia. I got the movies you bring the ice cream."

"Star Wars."

"Quick you are young Jedi." He smiled and left the kitchen.

* * *

**Alex** entered the decrepit abandoned warehouse with her weapon raised. The distinctive odor of rust and mold filled the room as the brunette stepped ever so cautiously. The Intel had the dusty warehouse as the latest base of operations for Vladimir Domashev. The elongated shadows from the long-forgotten crates made her uneasy. This quiet was a hell of a lot more wearing on one's nerves than a good old fashioned gun fight.

She crept up the dimly lit stairs toward the second floor while Michael and Nikita worked their way toward the basement. The rats skittering across the trash littered concrete made her jump. Her blue eyes were flickering back and forth looking for trouble. The assassin gripped the glock in her hand tighter as she entered the cluttered office to her left.

Alex's eyes widened when she spotted the silver suitcase sitting in the middle of the old wooden desk. _This is too easy, _she thought. Her fingers pressed against the comm in her ear before she began to whisper. "Nikita? You're not going to believe what I have my eyes on right now," she smiled, picking up the case.

The assassin spun around at the sound of boots behind her. "Do not move!" The burly Russian told her. She was just about to swing the case at him when she heard more boots approaching the door. Two more men dressed in black filed in with weapons raised. "Put the gun on the floor." The taller man barked in Russian. She assessed her situation carefully. _No way out. _She hoped that Nikita and Michael would not be far behind.

Setting down the suitcase slowly, Alex tossed the weapon to the concrete floor and raised her hands in surrender. "I'm sure we can work something out fellas," Alex smiled.

"Kill her and get rid of the body." Panic shot through Alex as she prepared to go out the hard way.

"That would not be engaging in proper protocol, Ivan. Leave her with me. I will interrogate her before I put a bullet in her head. Check the other floors. I doubt she came alone." Alex heard a female voice from the hallway order. Two of the men filed out toward the other floors. Alexandra's eyes narrowed as the dark haired woman entered the room.

"Rachel," Alex gasped. The brunette paled, raising a hand to cover her forehead as she took in the scene in front of her. "How?" Rachel walked slowly toward her, her expression dark. "Division, I should've known... Do I need to torture you? Just spill it. Division is after the case, right?"

Alex stared at her, mouth agape. She was stunned.

"Not going to talk? Have it your way," Rachel informed. She reached down pulling the black Kizlyar blade from her boot.

Alex opened her mouth again, but nothing came out. It refused to add up. Rachel alive. Rachel a bad guy?

"You don't understand English, Russian girl?" Rachel moved toward her placing the knife to her throat. She began to yell at Alex in fluent Russian. Her eyes cold and unforgiving. Ivan stood near the door way smirking at the exchange. Rachel began to step backwards away from the brunette while she continued her verbal assault in Russian. Turning, she jumped, the knife extended in her hand. When she stopped full circle Ivan fell to the floor behind her gripping his throat. She looked down at him, tilting her head to the side. She watched the blood pool on the floor near her boot before looking back up at Alexandra. "I figure I've got less than five minutes to try getting you out of here. Let's move."

Alex nodded as Rachel tossed her the Glock. She grabbed the case and followed Rachel out of the office and quickly down the stairs toward the first floor of the warehouse. Rachel made the sign of a gun pointed down with her fingers. Alex nodded. They moved in on the men stealthily from behind, simultaneously jumping the Gogol agents. Alex grabbed the Russian by the neck, bearing her weight on his throat as he thrashed and spun her around. She winced as his elbow caught her ribs. She pushed all of her force against his neck and twisted. She heard the snap of his neck before he went limp. She turned to see Rachel twisting the knife at the base of the other agent's skull; her movements quick and mechanical. The Russian fell lifeless to the floor below. Alex took in a deep ragged breath leaning her hands against her knees. A trickle of blood running down her lip. She closed her eyes as she attempted to catch her breath.

The sound of multiple shots ricocheted off the warehouse wall as she spun to see another Russian agent fall to the concrete behind her. _He got the drop on me_, Alex thought. Rachel stood over him as he gasped his last breath with the weapon still raised in her hand. Her pale blue eyes callous as she gazed at the brunette in front of her. "You got what you came for...run. You should have enough time before the others arrive."

Alex looked at the younger woman up and down. Rachel's long black hair was tied back in a pony tail. Her black military issued BDUs tucked perfectly into her boots. The matching tank top revealing perfectly corded muscle that flexed around the weapon in her hand."You're Gogol," Alex murmured, her voice cracking.

"That's right... and I just killed three of my comrades for you. Run before more arrive," Rachel prompted, her icy gaze never wavering.

"Drop your weapon! You're coming with us," Nikita commanded, stepping up behind the younger woman. Her unwavering aim caused Rachel's chin to raise slightly in defiance before she put down her weapon.

"Alex, are you okay?" Micheal asked, walking over.

Alex's eyes never left Rachel. She felt cold like shock even as she said, "I'm fine. Did you get Domashev?"

Michael placed her arm around his shoulder carefully before moving toward the door. "We got him. Good work finding the case."


	62. Chapter 62

Nikita sat across from Rachel in the interrogation room. Thirty minutes turned into an hour and Rachel still refused to look up and talk to her.

"You know, we can stay here all night if you want. I've got no place to be...or you can stop treating us like the enemy and talk to me." Nikita paced across the floor. "I know that you spent a long time as Gogol. That mind set, that programming gets into your head, and you start to believe you're on the right side." Nikita gazed at her. "Thank you for saving Alex back there. I don't want to even think about what could have happened without your help." Rachel continued looking at the table. The older woman sighed quietly. "We thought you were dead, Rachel. Just try to tell me what happened the day of the explosion."

Nikita strained her ears as quiet words came from Rachel, still eyeing the table. "I don't understand why you forced me back here, Nikita."

"Gogol and the man they had you working for, they are not good people, Rachel. Did you really expect me to leave you behind?" Nikita frowned.

"Am I a prisoner now?"

"For now... but we can work on changing that."

"How?"

"Let's start from the beginning...Tell me what happened the day of the explosion."

Rachel sat quietly for a long moment. "Amanda. She faked my death in one of her twisted revenge plots against Alex. She figured I was more valuable working for Ari than dead."

"Why didn't you try to run from Gogol? Get in touch with us? We would have helped you."

"I think we all needed a clean break at the time Nikita. Besides, I can't complain... Gogol taught me skills and gave me a life... much like Division... this work kind of makes you useless for anything else."

Nikita nodded. "I can understand that. You're a good agent."

"was... a good agent. Prisoner now."

"You are a good agent, and one I want on my team here at Division... besides you were kind of my recruit as I recall."

Rachel shook her head slowly. "I don't know."

Nikita sat back down across from the younger woman. "Like you said, it kind of ruins you for anything else."

Rachel smiled, nodding her head.

Alex entered the interrogation room with coffee in her hand. She sat a mug in front of Nikita and slid one in front of Rachel. She eased herself down in the chair next to Nikita, her confused blue eyes darting between the raven haired girl and the floor. Her emotions were torn, as she focused in on the younger woman. She took a deep breath and smiled warmly.

"I'm so glad... that you're alive. I don't know what to say."

"I was just about to tell Rachel that her inside knowledge of Gogol could be a valuable resource to us," Nikita offered as Rachel still avoided looking up.

Alex nodded. "Nikita's right. Please, Rachel...Anything that could help us find Ari and Amanda right now would be perfect."

"I don't know where they are," she sighed. "But... I can share everything I know about Gogol."

"Good. Welcome home, Rachel...and welcome to the team. Now, if you will excuse me... I have to brief Ryan."

They sat in uncomfortable silence. The brunette fidgeted with her coffee cup. Rachel studied her behavior thinking how odd it was to see Alexandra Udinov fidget.

"So super spy, let me out of these cuffs?"

"Sure." Alex fumbled with the key, dropping it to the floor. Rachel raised an eyebrow smirking at the brunette.

"So, you and Nikita?"

"It didn't work out. She's engaged to Michael."

"Oh...wow... I'm sorry to hear that." Not really, but Rachel figured it was what she was supposed to say here.

"She's still my best friend."

"Good, I knew you could work it out."

Sean knocked on the interrogation room door, before strolling inside.

"Rachel, good to see you...alive."

Rachel chuckled. "Nice to see you, too."

"Alex, can I have a word?"

"Sure... I'll be right back."

Alex glared at Sean. She crossed her arms over her chest. She was ready to verbally hit back this time.

"So, when did you get back?"

"Just now...look Alex...I'm sorry." Sean stepped in close and stroked her arm.

She jerked away."Save it. If I'm not worth staying for...just go."

"I'm back aren't I?"

Alex snorted."For how long?"

"Until we get this place shut down."

Alex smiled up at him.

"Are you sure?"

"You're my girl... and wherever you are... is where I need to be."

He leaned in kissing her.

Rachel rolled her eyes at the pair. Batting for both teams just wasn't her bag.


	63. Chapter 63

**A/N: I know some of you want strictly/exclusively Nalex with this fic. I actually cut teeth on this fic months ago. It was the first thing I had ****ever written. I knew how it would end way back then. There is a reason that I never put Nalex in the summary. It was always supposed to be about Alex (AU) and her crazy dysfunctional life and loves. Everything else was more or less secondary. The muse can be a bitch ya'll. That said, My next couple of fics are Nalex. They are my favorite ship. Without giving away the summary of the next fic - PM me if there are certain things you want to see in their relationship. I will work in things in this fiction if I can as well. **

**Trivia: Anyone know what two movies Lauren German (Leslie Shay) was in with Shane West? She is the number one reason to watch Chicago Fire. lol ;)**

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Rachel frowned as she looked at the gps. "We're here."

Nikita looked around. "Why is this place so important to Amanda," she mused.

"Maybe it's not the place. Maybe we got wrong intel." Alex removed her hand from the butt of her gun.

"Why would a food merchant lie? And even if he did lie? The GPS Amanda gave him to tell him where to dump his load would not lie."

Alex touched her transmitter. "Tell me there is something special about the place we're standing Birkhoff."

"It's an enormous salt flat. There is nothing to see for miles, except tracks from speed testing and... uh, Rachel? You still have that weird Geiger counter app?"

She frowned as she pulled out her new phone. "I loaded a copy, why?"

"Hook up the external for that and do a sweep."

She turned a slow circle and heard the clicks accelerate. "Radioactive?"

"Salt caverns were used to dump oil field waste and in some cases you can find other bad waste products...not from oil fields." Birkhoff tapped away.

"A load of wheat and nuclear waste? What the hell is that?"

Birkhoff piped up. "Glow in the dark bread. A bit subtle on Amanda's part. Who would know if it was the radiation or the gluten that killed you?"

Nikita blinked. "What would happen if an aid program from say the US, killed a hell of a lot of refugees."

"Most countries would applaud their initiative, but there would be a few that would take it personally."

Birkhoff hummed for a few moments. "Get back here. There are only a handful of places that will grind that much wheat in quick order and I am tracking the load. I am trying to narrow down where you need to go next."

* * *

**The** shower turned on with a flick of Rachel's wrist and the water came out in a heavy spray. When she stepped under the stream, the hot water soothed the tight muscles across the young woman's shoulders.

_Heaven._

Rachel lathered soap into her hair and her body enjoying the feel of the cascading water. Water dripped down her face and off her chin when she stuck her head under the heavy rivulets. Black hair clung to her head and neck while she braced her hand on the tile.

That was one odd-ball mission, but a successful first mission back. It was a step toward unraveling Amanda's plans. Any step forward is a good step, she thought. It left her feeling good about her return to Division. How long she would remain, she wasn't sure, but for now she was back and it didn't entirely suck. The big question marks surrounding her heart remained, as she thought about the Russian woman she had never planned to see again. So much was left unsaid. A year can change a lot of things... and then remarkably, some things remain the same.

She shut the water off and stepped out of the shower before she grabbed the large towel hanging next to the sink and wrapped it around her waist.

The knock came and repeated and she cussed under her breath.

Not caring about her state of undress, she whipped open the door and came face to face with Alex who looked anxious as hell, as she slowly allowed her eyes to wander over Rachel's wet body. She caught the hint of a tattoo that she couldn't make out, and the platinum necklace she had given her well over a year ago dangled from her glistening neck. She was surprised to see that. It raised questions in her already confused mind. She diverted her eyes and spun away.

"Sorry."

"It's nothing you haven't already seen...Did you need something, Alex?"

"Nikita and Ryan authorized your new apartment. I can take you."

"That's okay. I can manage, but thank you."

Alex bounced from one foot to the other anxiously. "Really, I don't mind."

"Are you sure? I mean... won't your boyfriend be jealous if you're spending time with the ex?" Rachel didn't want to speak in The Tone but the megabitch tone was just slithering on into her words.

"It's just business."

"In that case, I can manage on my own, but thank you for the offer."

* * *

**Nikita** allowed the small blonde woman to precede her into the office. "That was good work Caitlin. Your analysis helped us work out Amanda's motives for poisoning wheat. It's a win when you can work out that one's motives for anything." She chuckled as she pulled up her laptop.

"Once Mr. Birkhoff was able to pinpoint where, it was simply a matter of going down the list of projected suspects for tainted wheat. Amanda apparently felt that she could make a bigger splash than in the case of the Romanian government selling Chernobyl wheat to the Middle East."

"All to move a few chess pieces around. Ah, Rachel, Alex, Michael. Right on time. Some of you know Caitlin from the Percy days. She's spent a lot of time under cover in recent years... Let's get right to it...We have a situation brewing. Amanda was planning a long game with the contaminated wheat as a starter to move some people around. Given that she lost her wheat and her opening gambit, she is likely to embrace subtle and simply blow people up. You four should take the list of possible victims and split it up."

Caitlin took the list and peered at it, her green eyes darkening. "Are we grabbing the players or simply hoping to catch Amanda in the act?"

Alex shook her head. "You don't want to catch her in the act... she has a nasty habit of making you the prisoner."

"Speak for yourself," replied Caitlin. Alex narrowed her eyes.

Rachel perused the list. "I guess we will all need to split up to get this list taken care of quickly."

Nikita nodded. "Let's pair up. Caitlin and Rachel will take care of the first couple and Alex? You and Michael can play with the others."

Michael nodded. "Sounds good to me."

Alex swallowed the disappointment that Nikita paired Rachel with the Leslie Shay clone over her. Damn, too much late night Television with Sean snoring next to her, she was thinking Chicago Fire. "Let's go," she announced gruffly and left the office.


	64. Chapter 64

Rachel and Alex sauntered through the dimly lit parking lot of the city club.

"What is this place?"

"It's an underground night-club, Alex."

"I know that," she chuckled lightly. Alex stood at the door to the club. She was frozen in place. "Alex?" Rachel held the door open for her. "After you."

Alex exhaled sharply when they entered the club. That 'oh fuck' look crossing her beautiful face. This is not what she had in mind, she thought. She was already popping pills on bad days; this was the last place she wanted to be. Far too many temptations for an ex-junkie. The strobe lights mixed with the beat. The club atmosphere began to make her feel an overwhelming anxiety. They strolled through the packed night club, passed the naked cage dancers; slipping into the back hallway.

Alex darted her eyes at the many sounds filtering through the hallway. She could hear deep moans and loud screams accompanied by the familiar cracking of whips. Alex stopped mid way through the hall, hesitating to take another step forward. "Alex? You wanted private...you can't get much more private than this." Rachel grabbed her hand; tugging her toward an open door. She didn't understand Alexandra's odd behavior since she returned. It was a part of the older woman that she wasn't familiar with at all. It started to noticeably frustrate her.

Since her return, Rachel studied the older girl from afar with bewilderment. She felt she had entered the Twilight Zone. Alex was with Sean. The Russian woman acted like someone she had never met. An almost instant feeling of role reversal between them began her first day back. Then, there was Nikita with Michael. That she could almost believe, but Nikita inside Division? The same Division she wanted to destroy? Team Nikita was running Division now. Rachel couldn't wrap her mind around the changes. What kind of alternative universe had she stumbled back in to, she wondered. Closing the door, Rachel turned to face the brunette that resembled a deer caught in headlights.

"What is this, Rachel?"

"I thought you would feel more relaxed here." Alex's eyes darted around the room. She was anything but relaxed. If the club was a temptation. The back rooms were the worst of it. She knew where Rachel was going with all of this now. "In your own element, Alex." Rachel closed the gap between them, the pads of her fingers sliding up and down the other woman's arm. She moved her lips slowly toward the Russian woman.

"S-stop." Alex stuttered, her face turning crimson.

"What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be alone with me?" Rachel was confused. This was not what she was expecting when Alex caught her alone in the corridor at Division and asked her to meet privately.

"Not for this...You have misunderstood my attentions...I can't do this." The noticeable panic in her voice amused the younger woman.

"Why?"

"I'm with Sean." she murmured.

"I'm only back at Division for you. Do you want me to go back to Russia? Just say the word and I'm out of your life forever."

"No, you are not leaving." Alex raised her voice and narrowed her eyes.

"Then stop playing games." Rachel pressed their lips together in a sudden, bruising kiss. Alex's eyes widened before they closed and she gave in to the lips moving over her own. For seconds she indulged before she wrapped her fingers around her wrists, gripping tightly, breaking the kiss.

"You're hurting me...I like it. Do you want to try something out in this room?"

"Rachel, I only agreed to come with you tonight so we could talk privately...very privately. I don't want anyone at Division knowing we met." Alex backed away from the younger woman.

"Talk about what?"

"The way I was... the way I treated you in the past. All of it. It was wrong...and I need to apologize for it."

Rachel tried to stifle a laugh, but burst out laughing anyway. "What are you talking about?"

Alex frowned. "You know what I'm talking about."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Alex if you are about to tell me that our relationship was solely due to Amanda...save it. Your friends might buy that crap, but I never will."

Alex ran her fingers through her hair glancing at the raven haired girl. "I'm going to tell you something that no one else but Amanda knows." she choked out.

"You see, I would like to blame Amanda for the terrible things I did to you, but I can't completely, Rachel. That darkness was in me long before I met her. I just kept it hidden and caged... Amanda just brought it all to the surface, made it uncontrollable."

Rachel looked at her with compassion in her eyes. "Yes, Amanda is an evil cunt. I think everyone knows that... What she did to you was not your fault, Alex."

"Rachel, There is a real evil inside me at times...an evil I let you see far too often. I can control it most of the time now. Meditation helps. Nikita helps. Being free of Amanda's mind control helps, but I still need to keep myself from places like this."

"Alex...this place has zero to do with it. Back then...you were not yourself. Amanda mind fucked you... and okay I can believe you have a darkness inside. We all do-"

"I created yours, Rachel." Alex admitted, interrupting.

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe you did...maybe not...I don't know and I don't care. Unlike you, I'm comfortable with my sexuality..and that includes this place we are standing in right now." Her eyes were ablaze. "I forgive you for the cheating in the past...for the cruel words that hurt worse than any fist... but everything else you gave me ... was a gift. I wanted it and I wanted you."

"Rachel...you haven't had any other experiences that I know of... You should try it before you knock it."

Rachel scowled, "Shove your vanilla lifestyle, Alexandra. If you want to pretend that our sex life was something you despise now...go ahead."

"That is not what I'm saying at all."

"Then just admit it. You miss it as much as I do."

"I'm with Sean."

"That's not an answer." Rachel began to pace. "Does he know you're a lesbian?"

"Don't." Alex said quietly.

"Does he love your dark side? Well, does he? Or...do you pretend to be that girl I see at Division every day now?" Rachel sighed. The more they talked the angrier she was becoming. Part of her wanted to take one of the crops off the wall and beat the other girl with it. If she wanted to play the role of submissive, Rachel figured she would oblige.

Alex offered a soft smile. "That is me, Rachel. You just never knew that side of me."

"That is part of you. I love that side, too. I saw it in Russia the night we made love. So... Okay, I understand that, but Alex, you let certain individuals, that shall go nameless, run all over you at Division. I have seen it daily since my return. This self hatred is not balance...and its not you... You don't have to hide anything with me like you do with him. You're all of this...and so much more. With me, you don't have to pretend... You need balance, not the removal of half of who you are."

"That is easy for you to say. The people in my life hold expectations. I have let them all down enough." Alex began to break. She fought back the tears that pooled in her eyes.

Clearing her throat, she began again, "You know, Since we hooked up...I have been asking myself over and over...why doesn't Rachel hate me. I've done some unforgivable things... I needed to be alone with you tonight, because I wanted to apologize...and I need you to forgive me."

In that moment, Rachel realized that maybe she needed to hear this after all. The built up emotion and rage had sustained her for a year in Russia. She was finally ready to let go of the negative feelings she had for Alex. "I don't need to hate you...or forgive you. Most of it was Amanda. The rest...well... no one is perfect... especially not me. If you are hanging on to some old guilt...don't. I don't blame you for the past." Rachel moved close, gripping at the older woman's shoulder. "Let it all go," she whispered.

Alex felt a sense of relief that had escaped her for more than a year. She could finally put the past behind her realizing that Rachel didn't hate her. There was only one matter left that she hadn't brought up. _Anton._ This would be the assassin's opportunity to tell Rachel that she was the one who killed her father. For once, she realized why Nikita was not forthcoming about her role in Operation Pale Fire. With everything else finally being said, she could forgive herself, but that was one secret she would never reveal to Rachel. She would just have to live with it, because she wasn't sorry for what she did to Anton. If she had it to do over again, Alex figured that she would probably do it all the same._ Yes_, she thought to herself,_ I would pull that trigger again._ It was one secret better left hidden in the past, she thought. Now Alexandra was finally ready to close this chapter of her life and move forward.

She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Thank you, Rachel," she whispered softly. "I'm sorry if you thought tonight was about something else." Alex gazed at the younger woman, before turning on her heel, tears falling down her face, and walking away.

"Goodnight, Rachel."


	65. Chapter 65

**A/N: Sending this one out early for Ayushi. Thanks all for the PMs and the reviews. ;)**

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Alex barked out a laugh as Nikita dabbed at her face with a towel, a young recruit with a formerly outsized ego trying to drag himself off the mat. "Who are you kidding, Nikita? You didn't break a sweat." She smirked as she watched the young man limp away into the locker room. "You may have broken his ass though."

Rachel came over from the punching bag. "Something up?" she asked as she picked up her own towel.

Nikita lightly punched Alex's shoulder. "Alex was just volunteering to be my next sparring partner."

Alex smiled and took up a cartoonish fighting stance. "Lemmee at her," she joshed as her feet bounced back and forth. There was a brief patter of the pill bottle falling out of the brunette's pocket. Nikita bent to pick it up.

Nikita's jaw tightened as she looked at the medicine bottle in her hand. "What the hell is this, Alex? You're using again?"

"Just once." It was a lie that came out with ease.

She shook her head. "With everything going on right now this is the last thing I need. I'm so disappointed."

"Alex, it's okay. You don't have to cover for me." Rachel interjected.

"Rachel?"

Rachel sighed and dropped her hands as if in defeat. "Alex took them off me this morning. I swiped them from medical."

"How long have you been using?"

"A few days."

Nikita turned to Alex with a frown. "Alex, how could you cover for this?"

"Part of recovery is relapse, Nikita. I was going to take her to an NA meeting." She turned to look at Rachel. "Thank you," Alex mouthed.

"You're off active duty effective immediately." Nikita clenched her fist and shoved the towel into her gym bag.

Rachel's face grew distressed. "What? I only took them a few times. How long?"

"Until, I deem you fit. I'm very disappointed in you Rachel. I moved you to T1 thinking you could handle the stress. Your wreak less and irresponsible. You put everyone's life in danger in the field."

"I'm sorry."

Nikita turned on her heel, slamming the door behind her.

"Why did you cover for me?" Alex asked as Rachel continued staring at the door.

"The last thing Division needs is you two at each other. This place needs strong leadership with Amanda attacking every chance she gets. Lay off the pills, Alex. I'm going to an NA meeting tonight if you want to join me."

"I will. I promise." In that moment, she felt like she would do anything for Rachel. Her heart would allow no less.

* * *

**Alex** smiled as she ran the silk ribbon through her fingers. The cool smoothness slipped between her thumb and index finger like a stream of water. She heard Sean walking up the corridor. He popped his head around the door frame.

"You decent?"

"Almost never," Alex replied as she tied the silk ribbons of her Venetian harlequin mask. She turned slowly enjoying the sensual delight of the silk drapes that formed her dress.

Sean whistled. "I still don't get the invite thing. Who would send us invitations to a masquerade?"

The young assassin pulled the creamy scroll of the invitation out of her small bag. She plucked at the the almost ethereal fabric of the bow before replacing it in her purse. "I suppose we will find out."

The man beside her adjusted his bow in the mirror. "You armed?"

Alex's brow lifted as she walked confidently to the door.

"Of course," he muttered. "of course she's armed." He grinned. "Going to enjoy frisking her tonight." He drew on his own mask. The black and gold Farfallina Stoffa suited the tux magnificently. "I look so good." He frowned. "Alex..." He ran-walked to catch up with her at the check in.

Nikita smiled as she sipped her champagne. From her vantage point on the floor she could see everyone coming in. The leonine grace in the harlequin mask could only be Alex. "Alex's hair is lovely like that."

Michael turned to see the woman Nikita had honed in on. His metallic Phantom mask glinted briefly in the strobbing lights of the dance floor. "I prefer your hair." He fingered a loose lock of dark hair.

Nikita barely heard as she watched Sean walk up to slide Alex's arm through his own in a centuries old gesture of ownership. Her eyes narrowed briefly before she tore them away. Alex, as Michael continually reminded her, was a big girl. She was more than capable of dealing with Sean's overbearing nature, she thought. Nikita really hoped so at least. She smiled at Michael and put her glass on a platter. "Dance?"

"Of course," he asserted as he swept her into the elegance of an old fashioned waltz.

"Birkhoff?" Rachel inquired quietly.

He lifted his glass at her. "Hello. Like my party?"

"Your party?"

"Yup. All my favorite troublemakers and assassins and just a sprinkling of schlubs to keep it interesting." He snagged a pair of glasses and handed her one. "To...masks." He finished with a smile.

They touched glasses. "You are definitely one odd cat," his companion replied.

"Speaking of odd cats, there is one you definitely need to dance with," he said lifting his glass toward Alex.

"I don't know," Rachel muttered into her glass.

"You can shoot people but can't cock block Mr. Mighty Oak?" Birkhoff snorted. "I seriously overestimated you."

Rachel passed him her glass and made her way to the entrance to snag Alex's hand. "Borrowing her," she shot off to the annoyed Sean before dragging Alex onto the dance floor.

"Cave man much?" Alex shot off at her.

"You taught me well," she smirked at the brunette. "I can waltz so that pole vaults me up the evolutionary scale. Now are you going to dance or am I going to have to act a fool and draw much unwanted attention to us?"

"Think the two hot women in masks is doing plenty of that." Alex moved her hands toward Rachel only to have them rerouted.

"I lead if you think you can handle it," Rachel taunted. "You look beautiful, but you always do, Ms. Udinov."

Alex smiled. "Not so bad yourself." She couldn't tamp down the feeling of joy at Rachel's touch if she wanted to.

Sean glared at the pair as they danced. Alex would have a lot of explaining to do when the party was over.

Sonya watched the exchange surreptitiously and smiled. She wanted to know if there was a pool on these two. If not there totally should be though she was torn whether they would end up fighting or fucking. "I'm Team Rachel. I know true love when I see it." Birkhoff nodded his agreement as he led her toward the dance floor.

Caitlin stepped into the room. Her blonde hair shone like the sun as it tumbled down her back. As one dance ended, she watched as a larger man broke up a pair of lovely women to spin one into the center of the dance floor. She shook her head. "Sean and Alex apparently." Even a newbie like her could spot that. Michael would not be so possessive and handsy if Nikita chose to dance with another.

She stepped up to the other woman, just leaving the floor. "A dance for me Rachel? Or is your card already full?"

Rachel slid her arms around the blonde. "I always have a dance for you Caitlin." She grinned from behind the mask.

Alex's eyes never left the sight of her former lover in the arms of another. She bit back on the growl and the caveman like desire to drag Rachel away.


	66. Chapter 66

**A/N: Thank you for the PMs and reviews. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! ;)**

* * *

The jean-clad young man at the podium cleared his throat. "It's been a long road from that puddle of puke and blood where I hit rock bottom a year ago. I feel better, stronger. I still... I still spend a lot of time craving, but my sponsor has been a real johnny on the spot for me. I thank god for helping me get clear and clean every day." He cleared his throat again. He held the back of his hand up for everyone to see. A very tiny serenity prayer was tattooed on the back. "It probably helps that I put an auto wake up reminder in ink on my snorting hand."

A chuckle greeted his words. He smiled and nodded his head. "Thank you all."

Rachel and Alex joined in the applause. As the meeting broke up they followed the herd that moved toward the cookies and coffee rather than the nicotine herd. Alex smiled as she watched an NA coin twirl across Rachel's knuckles as she waited for her turn at the coffee. Alex cut her off to draw two Styrofoam cups, passing one to Rachel.

Grunting her thanks, Rachel sipped as she slid back down into a folding chair. She was trying to avoid looking at Alexandra, but she shot her glances from time to time. Alex was still mind-blowingly beautiful.

Alex stared up at the podium as she sat beside Rachel. "Thank you again...for covering for me with Nikita."

Rachel shrugged. The only time Alex was friendly with her now was in secret. She went out of her way at Division to ignore the younger agent unless they were busy with work.

"I missed you," Alex whispered into her coffee.

Taking a deep breath Rachel stood up. "I have to get going." She looked toward the door. "Have a good night Alex."

* * *

**Rachel** threw up her hands as Alex stalked away from her. They had been discussing operations but Alex's tangible aggression was making it clear that there was another discussion that needed to happen. She pushed the other woman into an office and closed the door behind them. "Time to talk."

"About what?" Alex growled.

"About why you are really angry," Rachel shot back."The truth is I remind you of the things that you keep well hidden from the people you love. I'm a reminder every day that you are more than what you show them. You hate it."

"Please just leave me alone." Alex went to the desk and started looking for something, anything.

"Do you think that lying about it changes the nature of any single thing?"

"Get out, Rachel." Alex shot back in an edged voice.

"If you're so damn happy why is he trying to make you leave Division...and why were you using drugs again? He doesn't understand that you are strong enough to make your own choices...and the drugs keep you from verbalizing how you really feel. Keep you somewhere near apathetic."

Alex stormed out of the office, Rachel trailing close behind. "Alex..wait," Rachel pleaded, grabbing the brunette's arm.

"Rachel, don't," Alex gritted, jerking away. "You have to stop. I can't be here for you like that anymore. I'm with Sean now."

_I__'m so sick of hearing 'I'm with Sean now.' _

Rachel shook her head to deny Alex's claim as the distance tactic it was."If you say I'm with Sean one more time I think I'll pull my hair out! Do you mean to tell me that you feel nothing for me anymore? Is this really it?"

"I am not your girl anymore. Back off," Alex shouted. Everyone with in earshot stopped to stare. The words felt like a slap to Rachel. The heartbreak was evident in her eyes. She dropped her hands to her sides, defeated.

Nikita popped her head around the door frame, before bolting out of her office toward them.

"Rachel, My office now." Her expression and tone unpleasant.

Rachel met Nikita's stern gaze as she entered the office. The older woman slammed the office door before walking around her desk; hands firmly planted against the brown oak.

"Rachel, you can't continue your attempts to come between them,'' Nikita paused, lowering her voice.

"I'm not I-" _Okay maybe I am. _

"It took Alex a very long time to mourn you. Sean was there for her during the ups and downs of it all. He's not the bad guy."

"I know." The guy may have a sequoia up his ass but he's not a bad guy.

"It took her months to recover from what Amanda did, Rachel. She's finally getting there. She's the old Alex again. If you love her... let her go."

Rachel gazed impassively. She knew that this was bull shit. Alex may have been better, but she was clearly still wearing masks.

"You are an addict, Rachel. One that I just caught using again. She is also an addict. You two are just not good for each other. That alone should tell you that it would never work out. She is trying hard to stay clean. Your slips are not good for her... Sean and I don't necessarily get along, Rachel, but I think he is good for her. He keeps her stable."

Rachel sighed, "You're right Nikita. I've been unfair to Sean. I'll apologize and-"

"distance yourself from Alex. I'll see that you are assigned separately every chance I get. Understood?" Nikita interrupted.

"Yes, Ma'am. Count on it... Anything else?" Rachel asked formally.

Nikita took a deep breath. "No, look Rachel I-"

"If there's nothing else. I have an appointment to get to."

Nikita nodded.

* * *

**Sean** sat in operations with Sonya. His finger pointed at a map on the computer screen. Rachel paused, taking a deep breath and exhaling before she walked toward him. She rather drive a nail through her own skull than do this.

"Lieutenant Commander Pierce, may I have a word with you in private?"

Sean looked up at her and nodded, following her through operations and into the empty corridor.

Rachel's hands clasped behind her back as she looked at the gentleman across from her. "Sir, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for any behavior that may have been questionable... since my arrival back at Division."

"Sean."

"Sir?"

He nodded. "Call me Sean. I understand how you feel. I felt the same way when you were with her."

"Sir- Sean, it won't happen again. I will keep it strictly professional at all times."

"Thank you, Rachel." He could afford to be magnanimous after all. He had Alex.

"Take care of her." Rachel said quietly.

"I will."


	67. Chapter 67

Nikita looked up as Alex swept into the room. She accepted the mug of hot herbal tea. "Anything?" Alex asked quietly. "No movement on the truck. Rachel and Caitlin are still in position."

Rachel piped up over the speaker. "Why would Spartacus move on the truck? He is already clear."

"Spartacus is clear but he needs leverage to pull his girlfriend out of the cross-hairs." Nikita sat back to sip on the mug. She shook her head. "I hate being in the bullpen when there's work to be done."

"Price of wearing the white hat and busting your ass for an ideal. People start thinking you should be the one leading. Besides, we had to be here with the boys away." Alex leaned forward. "Rachel .. are you..."

"See it. Moving out." Rachel lowered herself slowly from the rusted remains of the construction scaffolding. Her feet found the top of a dumpster and she got down on her stomach. Her eyes watered at the smell of rotting garbage beneath her. She nodded at Caitlin who slid along the top of the truck to over look the guards. Caitlin pulled her gun.

A man walked around the corner shadowed in the night. His coat flapped as his hands moved swiftly to his belt. A pair of pops announced the death of the two guards. He edged forward snapping on a light as he got to the back of the truck. His eyes narrowed as a tin can skittered nearby.

A shout sounded adjacent as two more guards came running to the truck. The dark man rolled a canister at them and turned covering his ears. The two women immediately covered eyes and ears as the flash-bang went off. Another pair of bullets were hurled at truck guards before Spartacus trained his gun on the lock and fired. He stepped back as the doors swung open and aimed his weapon upwards. He climbed up to poke his weapon over the top. Caitlin clung to the side of the truck as she slid down toward the ground.

Spartacus drew himself into the truck and grabbed at a heavy shielded case. He almost made the opening before Rachel stepped into view. "Put it down Spartacus." He swung his gun up only to be laid out by a fast acting tranquilizer. Rachel touched her interface. "Rabbit bagged," she announced before looking up. She chewed her lip. "Securing the package. Caitlin come help me shift this monster."

Nikita sighed. "Horrible how much I miss the heavy lifting."

* * *

**Rachel** sat on the wooden bench between the lockers. Her hair was still wet from the shower. The mission to bring down one of the dirty thirty had been a success. She was pleased to be back on active duty, and proud of the mission's success. She was ready for the reward of a couple of days of rest and relaxation.

"Nice work out there today." Caitlin smiled, sitting down next to the other woman.

Rachel smiled at the cheerful blonde. "Thanks. Couldn't have done it without you."

Caitlin looked curiously at the necklace. "That's pretty. What's the symbol?" Caitlin asked, running her fingers over the platinum necklace dangling from the dark haired girl's neck.

"A symbol of ancient history." she replied, tucking it into her shirt.

Caitlin raised an eyebrow. "Okay. That seems a bit of a no touch subject." She chuckled. "You're funny you know that?"

"Thanks, I think." Rachel smiled.

"I'm about to grab a drink with Julie from Ops. Join us?"

"May be another time," Rachel replied. Rachel ran her fingers through her wet hair. "You know what, on second thought, a drink sounds great." She stood and pulled on a jacket. Better than great, she thought, perfect.


	68. Chapter 68

**Rachel** entered the small Irish pub, her hands stuffed in her russet leather jacket. The smell of stale beer, cigarettes and wet dog permeated the establishment. The agent surveyed the pub automatically. The glossy oak top bar matched the walls and the hardwood floors. An enormous Green, white and orange flag hung dutifully above the large mirror. The display of Celtics and shamrocks flowed in firework burst displays of smoke clouded pictures on the walls. The ruddy faced bartender smiled up at her from the corner of the bar as she walked passed. The pub had a mix of old and young alike. The usual array for a neighborhood pub, Rachel assumed. She bent down to run her fingers over the ornament-like black mutt near the pool table. She gazed at his tag before greeting him by name. "Well hello there, Jack." She smiled at the affectionate dog; thinking he was the size of a small horse, before walking toward the blond waving at her from the back corner. The old nineties jukebox was blaring The Dropkick Murphy's 'Sunshine Highway' as she slid onto the stool in the corner table across from Caitlin and smiled.

"You came," Caitlin beamed.

Rachel couldn't help but grin. Caitlin's smile was infectious. "Where's Julie?"

"Something came up. She'll join us next time."

"Okay." Rachel nodded nervously.

"They have really good food here. Are you hungry?"

"Maybe later." Rachel inhaled her scent as the blonde leaned in closer. The aroma of jasmine and violet inundating her senses. _What a wickedly alluring combination._ Rachel thought.

They sat in uneasy silence until Caitlin scooted off the stool and headed toward the bar. Rachel's eyes followed her black skinny shredded jeans as she slid across the floor and back.

"Do you like tequila?" Caitlin's green eyes sparkled and her smile went all the way to her eyes.

"Sure."

Caitlin fired off a complicated series of hand gestures to the bartender who nodded and grinned.

The bartender scurried over with a bottle of Jose Cuervo Black, two tall shot glasses and a bowl of limes.

"Thanks, Brian." The blond slipped out of her black leather jacket; removing her silver framed aviator sunglasses from the top pocket, and sitting them on the table in front of her. Her sleeveless tank top revealed well defined muscle and a mysterious looking tattoo of a black bird on her bicep.

Rachel gazed at the beautiful Blond. Her pouty lips were the color of pink carnations, and when she smiled or laughed, it lit up the entire room. _How can I not be affected by her smile? _Rachel mused. Her long blond locks fell casually down her back. It was the first time Rachel had seen her hair outside of a pony tail besides the masquerade.

"Cheers!" They clinked shot glasses.

Caitlin engaged her in intelligent, witty conversation, spanning everything from motorcycles, travel, firearms and politics. She wasn't all that interested in literature and art, and she wasn't Alex, she thought. She had to stop doing that. She had to force herself to stop comparing every one that held an interest in her to Alexandra fucking Udinov. The ice queen, super spy, damned alluring sexual predator that she was...still held a firm grip on her heart, her everything. Her mind was wandering into the realm of the forbidden when she suddenly realized how unfair it was to the beautiful green eyed girl sitting across from her. She took a deep breath, and centered herself.

Despite some of their differences, the attraction between them was undeniable. She was gorgeous, Rachel thought. After the brunette's very loud and angry declaration in front of others; she knew that it was time to let it go... and move on. Alex belonged to Sean, and Alexandra made that clear at the top of her lungs.

"So rumor has it you and the Princess had a thing." Caitlin chuckled while grabbing the salt shaker.

"The Princess?" Rachel chuckled, shaking her head.

"Alexandra Udinov." Caitlin grinned. "Really haven't heard her called that before? I heard that nickname after day one."

Rachel's stomach plummeted the moment she heard the name. Her smile fading. "Once upon a time," Rachel murmured.

"So what was that like?" Caitlin gazed at Rachel speculatively.

"I rather not talk about Alex, if that's okay?" Rachel's voice trailed off as she looked away.

"Sorry, I'm just curious about your status." She grinned wickedly.

"My status?" Rachel raised an eyebrow and smirked at the blond.

"Yeah, seems Alex ran back to boys town when you two split." The blond eyed her dubiously.

"If you're asking me if I'm planning to do the same... The answer is a big hell no, " Rachel proclaimed tossing back another shot of tequila.

"As for Alex...She plays for both teams, I guess. She's an equal opportunist, you might say."

"Or she's just afraid to admit she's a dyke," Caitlin chuckled. Rachel nearly spit out her drink in laughter. Caitlin was speaking some real truth there, and she knew Alexandra would never admit it.

"Sorry, I'm just keeping it real, Rachel."

"No, I agree." She shook her head and downed another shot. There was no way she was driving home after all of those shots.

"Seeing someone?"

"No." They tossed back another shot in silence. Rachel noticed the music change.

"I love this song!" She began to sing along to Sinéad O'Connor's 'Nothing compares to you.' The tequila warming her body and making her head spin. They sang together between laughs. _Why does every sad love song make me think of Alexandra Udinov? _Rachel thought, sighing internally.

"So what's it like being in Nikita's inner circle?" Caitlin asked.

"Me? I'm hardly privy to their inner circle." Rachel rolled her eyes.

"You get more time inside their secretive meetings than anyone else." Caitlin raised an eye brow.

"Is that what you think? That they are hiding something from everyone?"

"Well, its like the new Division is just the old Division with a twist. They smile more but they keep secrets just like Percy and Amanda." The blond muttered quickly.

Rachel shook her head. "I really believe Nikita and Alex want to clean Division up. Micheal and Ryan as well. " Rachel said quietly.

"It's weird that you defend Nikita. Everyone heard her yelling at you in her office."

Rachel peeked up at her through her lashes. "That's complicated, and Nikita is actually pretty damn awesome." Rachel muttered cryptically, her mouth settling into a hard line.

"It's always complicated isn't it?" Caitlin gazed at Rachel puzzled.

"Sorry if I made you feel like this was an interrogation, Rachel. It's just that Alex must be insane...to give you up."

"That was complicated, too," Rachel chuckled.

Caitlin grinned, pouring them both another round.

"Thanks for the compliment, Caitlin." Rachel smiled at the blond warmly. Caitlin's arm brushing against the tip of her fingers.

"You're welcome. I guess it's obvious I'm hitting on you," Caitlin smiled," biting her bottom lip.

"Really? I hadn't noticed." Rachel flushed looking down at her fingers.

"Notice...this," Caitlin whispered in her ear; placing a finger under Rachel's chin, and tilting her head back. The blond leaned in slowly, her gaze feral. She placed a slow gentle kiss on her lips before pulling away. "I hope that was okay?" Her expression soft, tender.

"It was nice," Rachel breathed. Caitlin's mouth twitching into a smile.

"Nice is a good beginning," mused the blonde before leaning in for another.

* * *

**Rachel** leaned against the cold gym wall with a grin on her face. She stared into the sparkling green eyes of the blond leaning into her. Caitlin was inches from her lips. Her palm on the wall next to Rachel's shoulder. "Let me make you dinner tonight."

"You cook?"

"Do I cook? I'm a fabulous cook," Caitlin smiled."

"I look forward to it then."

Alex stood in the door way glaring at them both. Her eyes narrowing and her hands in fists. She couldn't hear the conversation. She didn't need to hear. Her eyes told her everything, she thought.

Caitlin tucked stray hair behind Rachel's ear as she smiled. Her hand lingering on Rachel's shoulder. The blond's fingers moved up to Rachel's chin before she leaned into her lips. The kiss soft and gentle. "See you at eight," Caitlin informed. Her hand brushing over Rachel's hip before she walked away.

_Oh, hell no._ Alex sighed walking over to the younger agent. She wondered if Ryan had any missions to Siberia they could send Caitlin on. "Hey, great work in New York with Spartacus. Nikita and I were impressed," Alex smiled, her tone warm. "Thanks.. Had a good support team on the mission." Rachel fumbled with her gym bag. Her eyes darting between Alex and the bag anxiously. "Division is lucky to have you back, Rachel." Alex rubbed her palm up and down the side of Rachel's bicep.

"I'm happy to do what I can to help." Rachel felt uneasy with Alexandra's hand on her arm. She had done her best to comply with Nikita's orders, and keep her distance from the brunette.

"I was thinking you might want to grab some dinner at that Japanese place we used to frequent."

"I can't tonight, but thanks for the offer." When it rains it pours, Rachel thought.

"Oh... why?"

Rachel took a breath and looked Alex in the eye. "Caitlin and I have plans."

"I see. Maybe you could cancel?"

She shook her head and shouldered her bag. "I don't think so, Alex."

"I'm sure she would understand." Alex felt her self confidence slip. It was the first time she ever felt this since they met.

"Probably not a good idea."

"Maybe another time then." Alex wondered when she missed the memo about Rachel shutting off her desire for her.

"Maybe. See ya, Alex."


	69. Chapter 69

**A/N: If you haven't seen it. ****You tube has some of the key scenes. AU version a head. **

/watch?v=FFiKLmSgQ98

/watch?v=TC5TI6TxXNw

/watch?v=bD6DZHusXm8

**Season 3 is due out October on DVD. ;)**

* * *

Caitlin opened the door to a handful of flowers. Her lips slowly slid into a delighted smile. Accepting the brightly colored flowers, she stepped back. "Thank you. Come in Rachel." She slid her hand down Rachel's forearm as she passed Caitlin into the front hall.

Rachel smiled as Caitlin raised her hand indicating a doorway along the hall. "Would you like to join me in the kitchen? Got a comfy stool for you and everything."

"I would like that very much," Rachel responded as she entered the kitchen. "Here?" She indicated a stool.

"Yes. Would you like something to drink?" Caitlin stopped and enjoyed the sight of Rachel crossing her gorgeous legs as she settled on the stool. Smiling and shaking her head, she pulled down a vase.

"Water would be great," Rachel responded grinning. Caitlin's obvious appreciation of her legs was very good for her ego.

Handing her guest a glass, Caitlin indicated a cutting board nearby. "I hope breasts are alright."

Rachel laughed. "I am a breast girl."

"I like that." Caitlin laughed and began cooking the breasts and vegetables.

Rachel's phone vibrated. "I should take this. Excuse me."

"Everything alright?" Caitlin asked, as Rachel reentered the room several minutes later.

Rachel frowned. "Nikita and Alex went after Amanda... I guess Ari's son is in some kind of danger."

"You look worried."

"Just a bad feeling...it's nothing."

"Hey, don't worry okay? The princess can take care of herself. She's a good agent."

Rachel shrugged. "I know... it's just Amanda...I hate that bitch."

Caitlin chuckled. "Who doesn't? Now relax."

They joked and talked about everything under the sun as the food cooked. Caitlin smiled and and pulled down a pair of plates. She filled them and brought them to the table and pulled up a chair.

Rachel placed her glass down on the table and smiled at Caitlin. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," Caitlin responded as she sat down. She raised her glass. "To our evening together."

* * *

**Alex** leaned her head against the concrete wall.

"Good idea."

Alex smiled as she heard the proud timbre in Nikita's voice. "I learned from the best." She checked her weapon and ducked slightly as metal pinged above her head. She checked for bullets. "Damn."

She held on to hope because if there is one thing she knew, Nikita never gave up while one of her own was hanging out in the breeze. The sirens tore through the building. The other guys started melting away. They had been trained just as long and hard as she had not to be caught. Alex peeked only to feel a bullet sizzle millimeters from her head. Damn. One of them was going to be the brave type and keep this going til the last minute.

Boots thumped on concrete. She smiled as the Swiss police shouted for guns to be thrown out. A sigh whispered out as she looked around. No place handy to duck into that wouldn't open a can of worms. She tossed out her gun and stepped out hands on her head.

The bad guys escaped. The good guys escaped. Just her and the cops now. She smiled and politely asked the police officer how he was doing as she waited for Nikita and Birkhoff to do their thing.

Alex looked smug as the police car pulled over at the sound of the siren behind them. _Now gee, whoever could that be? _She wiggled her wrists in the cuffs. She would be free soon enough. Nikita had come for her. Her shoulders jumped as the first bullet was fired. A second to be sure. She looked into the darkness to find Amanda looking back with a vague look of triumph. Fear jolted through Alex. Amanda slid into the seat in front of her.

"It seems that this trip wasn't a total loss after all. Let's see how well Nikita taught you," she purred as the engine started.

* * *

**Sean** pounded into the situation room. All around him computers were trying to track Amanda and Alex. Nikita was leaning in and talking quietly with Birkhoff.

"What was that exit strategy again?" Sean barked.

Nikita shook her head as she bounced from station to station looking at monitors willing Alex to appear. "No exit strategy. The cops were improvised."

Sean shook his head. "Was that her call, or yours?"

"Hers. Why does it matter?" The woman looked at him sharply. Alex was the important thing and Sean was busy assigning blame.

"I'm just trying to find out how the hell Amanda pulled Alex out of the back of a police car...when just an hour earlier you were sitting three feet away from her." Sean accused as she continued to dip hummingbird like at each computer.

"Because you think the answers are so easy."

"No, I think Alex is in danger again."

Michael strode into the center of the room. "It doesn't matter what the exit strategy was...we are going to find her...we are."

He was joined by Ryan in his ever impeccable suit and palpable aura of calm. "Micheal is right, Amanda is not going to kill her. If she wanted that she would have done it on the spot."

"Amanda has Alex because Nikita wasn't looking out for her." Sean growled.

Rachel smacked the back of his shoulder to get his attention. "Lay off, Sean. Alex is quite capable in the field. We'll find her."

* * *

**Alex** wrapped her hands tightly around the brown leather strap. The brunette bucked the best she could to dislodge the strap tightening on her throat but to no avail. She sucked desperately at the air trying to force a trickle down past the vice held by Amanda's well manicured fingers. Alex heard a rush of blood beating in her ears and a cold steel feeling in her temples as her brain began to skirt the edge of consciousness. A loud gasp escaping her lips as Amanda tossed the leather strap toward the floor.

"Now about Ari, tell me how did Division capture him?" Amanda asked as she ran her nails down Alex's arm.

Alex snorted. "Capture? He came in on his own. That's how desperate he was to get away from you."

"Don't gloat Alex. It wasn't your victory. It was Nikita's, as they all are...you're just a background player. I made you into your true potential, gave you power and control. Your enemies would still be alive if it weren't for me. I made you more than some side kick, but the first chance you get, what do you do? You crawl back beside Nikita's ankle like a good dog. You're nothing more than her bitch."

"Go to hell, Amanda."

Amanda sat and sipped from a bottle of water as she continued in her conversational tone. "So tell me. How are things with you and Rachel?"

"We're not together thanks to you."

"Me? Oh no, dear. You and Nikita did that all on your own... another example of how weak and pathetic you've become...good little lap dog aren't you Alex... we'll see what we can do about that."


	70. Chapter 70

**Sean** focused on the rough road of the South Ossetian terrain. His relationship with Alex had a big question mark in his mind. Amanda taking Alex was suddenly bringing a lot of his feelings of jealousy back to the surface. Alex did what Nikita told her; no matter how loudly Sean protested, and now her ex was sitting beside him on the rescue mission to bring his girl home. The entire matter didn't sit well with him as he considered his options.

"You know, maybe you should go back there and help Nikita with the revival process. It can get tricky." Sean suggested tightly.

Rachel looked at him appraisingly. "I'm pretty sure she's okay. She seems better at this kind of stuff than anyone."

"So what's the deal. Why did you come? Is this some sort of lame attempt to latch back on to someone you know you can't have?"

"I was asked to come on this op. Like it or not, I care what happens to Alex as much as you do. You seem to have your signals majorly crossed on motives, Sean." Rachel sniped back at the snarky sounding Sean.

"You sure about that, Rachel?"

"I'm seeing someone else in case you didn't get the memo, so yeah, I am sure. If you're not, maybe the problem is between you and Alex... You know maybe I will give Nikita a hand back there. Pull over."

* * *

**Nikita** looked left to right, surveying the South Ossetian troops in the town square. They were outnumbered and out gunned, she thought. When she spotted Alexandra and Amanda she was relieved. Amanda held a firm grip on the young agent as she pulled her along. Alex legs clearly unsteady as she inched closer to Nikita.

"Are you okay, Alex?" Nikita queried, her voice sharp in her concern.

"Yeah, its been a regular holiday." came the pained reply.

Amanda smiled in welcome. "It's good to see you, Ari."

"I can't say the same, Amanda," Ari frowned.

"No point in drawing this out. They say with any good trade both parties leave a little disappointed." Amanda drawled before shoving Alex toward Nikita; her goon grabbing Ari and walking in the opposite direction.

"I'm not disappointed...at all.." Nikita responded.

"Really, Nikita? Then maybe I didn't ask for enough...or maybe you have underestimated how much you have given up. I certainly haven't." Amanda and Alex locked eyes before the older woman turned on her heel and walked away.

"Rachel, there on the move. Find their transport," Nikita ordered.

"There in a black van headed west by south west. Amanda has an armed escort."

As Sean rounded the corner near the truck he caught sight of Alex.

"Are you okay? What did she do?" asked Sean concerned.

"I'm fine..I'm fine...she didn't do anything. She never had the chance."

"We're going to recover Ari," Nikita informed the team.

"What? No...no...there is a woman who was helping me...and she's hurt..shes being held prisoner by the military. I said that we would save her." Alex grew agitated. She could not abandon her, absolutely not.

"Okay, We'll go get her after." Nikita said, almost absently, clearly putting it into the future.

Alex flinched at this being back burnered. "No, she's dying. She doesn't have time."

"Alex, Amanda is going to use Ari to open the black box. We have to get to her before that happens." the older woman reasoned.

The younger woman backed away shaking her head. "Okay, then you go, I'm going back for Larissa."

Nikita's face saddened as she denied Alex. The woman who saved the young assassin deserved the help but the stakes were a hell of a lot higher than a single dying woman.

"Alex, we need you. We can't do this unless we go in full force."

"There's another option. Use the trigger." Sean cut in.

Alex's eyes tracked to him. "What trigger?"

"Ari has a kill chip. Nikita could end the threat of the black box right now," Sean informed, glaring across at Nikita.

"No." Nikita emphatically responded.

"Why not?"

"Because we don't sacrifice people, we save them," Nikita yelled.

"That's what I'm trying to do." Alex responded, her eyes flashed at the betrayal. A woman was dying because she helped the young assassin and Nikita was turning her back to get what she wanted. Nikita was no better than Amanda. They played their chess games, sacrificed pawns when it was convenient. To hell with everyone who wasn't part of the plan, Alex thought.

"Ari is the priority," Nikita asserted.

"Why, because you say it is?" Alex turned on her heel and stalked away.

"Alex, please, We need you." Nikita called after her but she wasn't listening anymore. She felt numb by the time Sean jogged up. She barely acknowledged him. She rounded the corner and put Nikita out of sight and out of mind.

"Alex!" Nikita called again.

Rachel put her hand on the older woman's shoulder. "Let them go, Nikita. Let's go get Ari, come on!"

* * *

**Alex** opened her eyes to the bright lights of medical. Her eyes hurting as she tried to focus in on Birkhoff.

"Scans all clear. No hidden bombs or gas pouches...I guess Amanda knew better than to turn you into a party pinata," he joked. She gave him her best fake smile before nodding.

"Are you okay? You zonked out during the exam." Birkhoff asked concerned.

"It's been a long...last few days." she replied.

"How ya doing?" Sean asked, closing the door behind him.

"Necks a little stiff. I think I slept on it wrong. You were probably talking to her weren't ya," Birkhoff grinned, moving across the room.

"I'm fine."

"She pass?"

"With flying colors...she's the same ole Alex."

Alexandra's eyes darkened at Birkhoff's comment. A feeling of betrayal and rage washed over her.

"You sure you're okay? You had me worried there." Sean touched her shoulder. He plopped down in the chair in front of Alex studying her expression.

"Yeah. If anything I feel better than ever." Her eyes hardened as she stared right through him.

"Look there's something that Rachel said about us." Sean began slowly.

"There's nothing that Rachel could have said about us that I don't already know...and what I know is you had my back," she smiled warmly before wrapping her arms around him and kissing him. "Nikita didn't...and Rachel followed her when I needed them both on board to save Larissa."

"Nikita had a mission...and in Rachel's defense, she was following orders." he responded.

"Nikita always has a mission...her mission." Alex ground out.

"Come here," he wrapped his arms around her.


	71. Chapter 71

**A/N: Thank you for the PMs and reviews. Nikita and Alex have been at each other since pre-season one. lol Conflict makes a good tale. It always makes for a lot of passion. Most of their arguments on the show could have been resolved between the sheets, IMHO. lol No, my version of season three will not be entirely like the show version. ;)**

**chpll1525: The subtext between Sean and Nikita always struck me as jealousy over Alex.  
**

* * *

Alex entered the Gym at Division. She was immediately struck by the scene unfolding before her. Nikita was training Rachel in the art of Kendo. Alex stood in the shadow of the gym corner watching; her lips pursed in a thin line. Nikita twirled the Shinai through her fingers effortlessly as she studied her student.

"Kendo is as much about mental discipline as it is actual combat. It changed my life, and if you apply what I teach you, it can change yours... Make it easier to avoid the temptations of drugs...give your mind focus and clarity... It worked for me."

"Thank you for taking the time." Rachel ran her fingers across the bamboo sword before taking a renewed fighting position.

"Thank me by applying the discipline...maybe someday you will pass this on to another, Rachel." The sound of bamboo hitting bamboo filled the gym once more.

"Same time tomorrow?"

"Absolutely." Rachel smiled appreciatively.

"Good...nice work today." Nikita praised.

Nikita and Alex's eyes met in a hostile glare as Nikita brushed by her exiting the gym. The tension between them unmistakable. Rachel cringed at the sight before sitting down on the mat.

"Kendo, huh? She taught me once, too. Only it usually ended in bed." Alexandra's lips quirked up in a half smile.

"More information than I wanted to know," Rachel chuckled, as she began removing the padded outer gear.

"I heard that you were going on one of Nikita's little side missions. Do you think that's wise?" Alex eased herself down on the mat next to the younger woman, gazing in her eyes.

Rachel looked at her levelly for a long moment. "I'm here to help," she replied before turning back to removing padding.

"This isn't about shutting down Division, Rachel. It's about her own personal empire. She's just like Percy, you know?" Alex warned.

"I never knew Percy, but from what I've heard he was an evil master mind. Nikita is far from it. What are you trying to say?"

"She's using you." Alex replied dryly.

"She doesn't use people...and you know that."

Alexandra's eyes clouded with irritation. "You worship the ground she walks on...you do whatever she tells you...even when its the wrong thing."

"Is this about South Ossetia?" Rachel asked, staring down at her fingers.

"That...and the way Nikita and Ryan are running Division. They need to be stopped... there leadership is compromising-"

Alex's jaw clenched and her eyes burned.

"Instead of thinking the worst, sit down and talk it out with Nikita. Your friendship is to valuable to lose over a simple misunderstanding." Rachel insisted.

"Misunderstanding? Larissa is dead...Rachel, don't go on this mission." Alex raised an eyebrow at her.

"Alex, its why I am here at Division. To make a difference. I believe in what Nikita is doing."

"You told me that you were only here for me. Remember that? You said that you would go back to Russia if I didn't want you here." Alex slid her fingers through the side of Rachel's hair. Her hand moving to her shoulder and down her arm.

Rachel pulled gently away. "A lot has changed since then. You made it clear that you wanted Sean... We have both moved in different directions. I'm here to help, and I trust Nikita's leadership."

"You once trusted my leadership...within these very walls. I trained you...I made you better...in fact, I saved your life. Right here, this is where our journey together began." Her thumb stroked over Rachel's knuckles, back and forth slowly.

Rachel's heart skipped a beat as her breathing accelerated. _How does she do this to me? She's only touching a very small part of my body, and the hormones are flying wildly_, Rachel thought. "Alex, I do trust you...but our relationship has changed a lot since then. We're not the same people we were back when I was a recruit here. Talk to Nikita...work it out. She's doing the right thing." Rachel's words were warm and gentle. Pulling her hand away slowly, she stood to her feet, and walked away.


	72. Chapter 72

**A/N: This was fun to write. Dedicating this one to you, Ayushi. ****Enjoy!**

* * *

The December winds cut through Rachel like a bitter arctic blast stinging her face as she stepped out of the black Jeep Wrangler. She took in the farmhouse with a gentle smile. She half suspected to see the picture perfect country dwelling in a Norman Rockwell painting. It had been in the Pierce family for generations. It was only recently handed down to Sean when his grandmother passed away. Rachel had been surprised when Alexandra moved into the country house with him a few weeks back. Maybe they must have found some domestic bliss together after all. As long as she had known Team Nikita; she still felt like she didn't belong around them outside of the office. Rachel had been shocked and uneasy about the invitation to join them for Christmas Eve. Despite the bright smile of Caitlin; Rachel felt the anxiety building in her chest. She chuckled at Caitlin in her traditional red Santa hat as she scooped a snow ball from the drive way and chucked it at her. Caitlin's beautiful green eyes shining under a moonlit sky. Rachel's heartbeat raced as she gazed at the blond. Caitlin was beginning to wrap firmly around her heart. The Christmas lights reflected off the snow drifts as Rachel caught sight of Alexandra standing in the large picture window. Time slowed and Rachel forgot there was anyone else on earth. Her breath hitched at the sight of the heiress. Alex smiled up at Sean as he walked up beside her. Clearly lost in a happy private moment that Rachel regretted witnessing.

Nikita greeted them with a snowball to the back.

"Always being stealthy," Rachel chuckled as she tried to clear the snow at the back of her neck.

"Just keeping you on your toes," Nikita smiled. They ran up the walk way shivering. Sean opened the door before they made the last steps.

"Rachel, I'm glad you both could make it, " he smiled, reaching out to hug her. She thought he looked more relaxed and animated than his usual. She wrapped her arms around him when he hugged her. Rachel couldn't deny that she liked the Navy Seal, and with everything they had both been through with Alex; she felt good knowing someone was looking after the brunette.

The festive home was beautifully adorned with holiday decor. The long hardwood table was decorated with a beautiful red table cloth and perfectly situated white pillar candles that flickered lightly adding to the ambiance. The traditional holiday foods as well as vegan dishes and desserts lined the long wooden table. The fire place crackled and warmed them as they talked.

Alexandra's heart-felt smile reached her eyes. "Thank you for coming."

Rachel stared at her, nodding. "You have a lovely home." Her old familiar friends, the butterflies dancing in her stomach. "I'm really happy for you," Rachel smiled. The painful sincerity was evident in her voice. Caitlin trailed in just behind Nikita.

Alex forced a welcoming smile at her before turning away. "Come in. Make yourself at home."

Rachel looked around at the happy couples. It was far from business as usual with Team Nikita. Sonya's head rested comfortably against Birkhoff as he teased Micheal about his hair. Nikita and Alex rolling their eyes at them both before bursting into laughter. Sean argued about the New York Giants verses the Green Bay Packers with Caitlin. It was almost eerily normal in Rachel's mind. She was determined not to make eye contact with Alex as she moved into the living room toward the Christmas tree. Rachel caught a familiar scent waffling through the air. The smell of Alexandra's perfume still made her weak in the knees.

She leaned in the doorway. Closing her eyes she soaked up the smell of burning pine in the fireplace. The occasional pop and crackle eased her spirit as no hot bath or massage ever did. The fireplace put out enough heat to make the space a warm inviting place. "You're under mistletoe," Rachel heard behind her.

A low rich chuckle broke from her. "Then you better see if you can get me to pay the forfeit then eh Santa Claus?" Caitlin leaned into her. Her lips slow and seductive.

The Christmas tree stood tall, brightly illuminated by the big traditional lights in colors of red, blue, orange, green, yellow, and purple and its exquisite ornaments sparkling from the incandescent glow of the lights. Rachel smiled. Christmas used to be her favorite time of the year. She recalled Alexandra once telling her the same. Childhood memories and missed loved ones crept up, stabbing briefly at her heart. Rachel gazed out at the snow falling against the frosty windows before removing a small silver and gold wrapped box from her jacket pocket and tucking it under the large green tree. Caitlin leaned in placing her chin on Rachel's shoulder as she stared out at the bright moon light reflecting off the blankets of snow. She wrapped her arms around her from behind tightly. "Beautiful, isn't it?" Rachel nodded her head before turning to meet Caitlin's warm smile. "I'm happy to be here with you."

That's when Alex saw them, Caitlin's arm wrapped around Rachel's waist and a smirk of pure sass thrown back over her shoulder, daring Alexandra to challenge her conquest of the raven haired beauty. Caitlin had dealt for weeks with the brunette's snarky commentary and constant shuffling around of assignments at Division. She knew that Alex wanted her as far away from Rachel and Division as possible. The blond had played nice up until now, but she was finally ready to stake her claim and see if Alex backed off. The brunette glared at her from the other room. Her hands gripping tightly into fists at her sides.

Alex waved them all toward the dining room. "Micheal wants to make a toast. " Alex poured the champagne while Micheal waxed semi-poetic. Nikita stifling a laugh as she raised her glass. Alexandra slid into the corner next to Rachel. "Do you want a tour of the farm?" she whispered, leaning in uncomfortably close to Rachel's ear.

The dark haired woman looked back at her. "Actually, I think Caitlin wants to get going soon. We have plans in the city later."

"Oh, we'll make it a quick tour then. There is something I want you to see." Alex grabbed her jacket as they headed for the door. "Back in a moment honey," Alex smiled. Caitlin glared at them as they ran through the snow toward the old red barn.

The rustic barn had seen better days, but Rachel was surprised at the interior. It's recent renovation gave a modern appeal that the outside was desperately lacking. The barn was bare and the stalls were empty. It looked as if it was used primarily for tool and lawn mower storage. Alex wiggled her finger toward the stall at the end of the old barn. The brunette knelt down in the back of the stall staring at a heap of dark wool blankets sitting on a pile of hay. Rachel was baffled until she heard the tiny cries from the blankets. She knelt down next to Alex, a huge smile on her face. "Okay, I'm in love. Have you named them?" Rachel placed her finger against the tiny kittens one by one.

"No, I'm not sure if we'll keep them. Sean's allergic or I'd have them inside." Rachel awed at the tiny mews as they wiggled around beside their mother. Alex turned and sat down on the hay beside her. She cradled the small white kitten before returning it to its mother's warm belly. "I knew you would like them, Rachel." Rachel twirled her fingers through her long black hair anxiously.

"Stop that," Alex chuckled, gesturing toward her hair.

"Some habits die hard," Rachel grinned at her.

"You're telling me. You look... amazing tonight," Alex whispered. She removed her black leather glove and cupped the younger woman's cheek. Rachel felt her heart thumping out of her chest as the brunette ran her hand through her hair and down her neck slowly. "Merry Christmas, Rachel," she breathed. Warm breath caressed her lips as Alex leaned ever more closely, Alexandra's nose brushing against hers. A tingle ran through Rachel's body as Alex's moist mouth closed slowly around hers, forcing her to inhale through her nose. The brunette's lips conquering, overpowering as the kiss deepened. Alexandra moaned into their kiss. Her tongue insistent, her teeth possessive. Rachel felt the world slip further and further away as she gave herself over to desire. Her eyes jolting open at the sound of Caitlin calling her name from the barn door.

Rachel broke the kiss, gasping. "We're down here," she yelled. Alex smirked. She leaned in kissing Rachel roughly despite approaching footsteps. Rachel jumped to her feet. Flushing. "It's getting late and the snow is coming down harder. We should get going, Rachel." Rachel grabbed a random kitten and held it up. "Look, Alex wanted to show me her kittens. Wanna hold one?" Her voice was noticeably high. Alex chuckled as she met Caitlin's glare.

"Maybe another time. Let's get going." Caitlin's lips pursed in a thin line.

"Going so soon? I was hoping you two could stay for presents." Rachel handed the kitten to Alex. The heiress finger's purposefully gripping at her hand.

"I left yours under the t-tree," Rachel stuttered.

"Walk back with me. I'll get yours before you go. Besides, you really should say goodnight to the others," Alex insisted, her voice soft and warm.

* * *

**Her** eyes ached from the effort of trying to see between the swirling driving flakes. Her knuckles were white with the grip that she had on the steering wheel. If there was anything more physically demanding than driving in a blizzard on a holiday Caitlin didn't want to know about it. The windshield whippers did little to improve visibility as she crawled along the deserted highway. "So what did she get you?"

Rachel sat back in the passenger seat with her feet on the dash. "Huh? Oh, I don't know," she whispered, her head reeling from the lips of Alexandra Udinov.

"Open it," Caitlin wheedled.

Rachel gazed up quickly and then back down to her fingers. She had let Alex kiss her. She felt conflicted by the desire and regretful when she looked at the blond. "Maybe later." Rachel stared out of the passenger window.

"Rachel, we are caught in a blizzard. We aren't getting anywhere fast."

Rachel looked down at the silver and blue gift wrapped box. Her fingers tore through the edge of the finely wrapped gift revealing a white box beneath. She lifted it quickly. The CD on top Auerbach: Preludes and Dreams, and a leather clothed covered first edition of Leaves of Grass.

A small note card written in Alexandra's neat cursive handwriting read: _"Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you/ That you may be my poem/ I whisper with my lips close to your ear/ I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you."_

Merry Christmas,

A

_Walt Whitman_, Rachel thought. A soft smile forming on her lips.

"Well," Caitlin pried, darting her eyes between the roadway and Rachel. "It's a first edition Leaves of Grass. It must have cost a small fortune." Rachel stuffed the card in her top jacket pocket. The butterflies in her stomach irritating her. "A little much for a friend, don't you think," Caitlin grouched, her knuckles whitening as she gripped the wheel.

"She has always had a generous nature," Rachel murmured.

"You can't actually be considering keeping that book." Caitlin's lips pursed.

"No, of course not. I'll return it to her." Rachel flushed.

"Good." Caitlin smiled, reaching out to intertwine their fingers.


	73. Chapter 73

**A/N: Thank you all for the PMs and the reviews. ;) **

* * *

Alexandra eased down into her over-sized black leather chair. She missed her old office at Division. The office Amanda had given to her as a reward when she became her partner and equal at Division. This was not even half the size of the office that was now occupied by Ryan Fletcher. She didn't like Ryan much these days. The guy just got under her skin somehow. He was always ordering her around, and taking Nikita's side about everything. She felt that Division needed better, stronger leadership. Someone like herself, she mused.

The small package on the edge of her desk caught her eye; pulling her quickly from her reverie. The package was wrapped in simple postal wrapping paper. Her full name written in small cursive handwriting on the front. The brunette recognized the handwriting right away. She tore through the paper quickly; her brow furrowed at the the book inside. Returning her gift? How could she? Alexandra pulled the perfectly folded purple stationary from the envelope on top.

_Alex,_

_I've always loved your generous nature, but I cannot accept this book. It's just too expensive and inappropriate. I kept the CD. I love it! Thank you for your thoughtfulness. _

_Rachel_

_"Ah, when to the heart of man_

_Was it ever less than a treason_

_To go with the drift of things,_

_To yield with a grace to reason,_

_And bow and accept the end_

_Of a love or a season?" - Robert Frost_

Alex smirked, her eyes dark and fiery. It seemed a lot like a new challenge, she thought.

* * *

**Caitlin's** dance slowed. Rachel's body was close to hers as the music died. Her deft fingers trailed along the dark haired woman's leg as they stopped together. Their breath, their heartbeats, everything came together in a low orchestral piece of desire. Caitlin's lips trailed Rachel's throat to her ear. "I want you," The blonde whispered seductively, fingers working up her inner thigh urgently.

"What about dinner?" Rachel murmured her head falling back as heat brushed over the pulse in her throat.

"After." Caitlin whispered to Rachel's throat feeling the pulse flutter. "What's wrong?" She pulled back to look at Rachel's face.

Rachel smiled. "Nothing."

"Don't you want me?"

Rachel's jaw dropped at this. "Yes...of course I do...I'm just."

"You're just what, Rachel?" her eyes narrowed.

"I'm not ready for this step...yet," Rachel informed looking away from the blonde.

"It's Alex isn't it?" Caitlin's face tightened with anger.

Rachel's head shook. "What? No...I just want to take it slow. Please be patient with me, Caitlin." Was it Alex? Rachel didn't know entirely, but she wanted to be sure this new romance was love before she took the leap.

The blonde's face smoothed and she nodded. "What are you in the mood for tonight? How does Italian sound?"

* * *

**Alex** glared from across operations at Caitlin. The blonde's hand skidded up Rachel's thigh. _How dare she touch Rachel?_ Caitlin's skillful fingers moved into her soft raven hair and twirled gently at the side. _What's next? Is she going to fuck her against the desk in front of everyone? _Alex fumed as she took in the exchange between them. She had just about enough of this. When Caitlin gave the girl a peck on the lips and headed toward the corridor; Alex followed, catching up to her.

"Caitlin, I heard you had plans for a weekend trip?" Caitlin stopped in her tracks, and turned to face the other woman. "You'll have to postpone it. I put you on the Seattle op."

Caitlin frowned darkly. "Can't someone else do it?"

"Sorry, we need you on this one. I'm sure Rachel will understand."

"Ahhhh. So that's what this is about."

"I don't know what you mean." Alex fanned through the file in her hand.

Caitlin laughed. "Do you really think that sending me on all of these ops will keep us apart? Your plan will fail."

"Caitlin, you sound quite paranoid. Is something wrong? Is Rachel giving you a reason to feel this way? Let me guess, not putting out?"

Her eyes narrowed and her hands balled up into fists. "Don't talk about her like she's a piece of meat."

"Did she tell you that she likes it rough?" shot Alex, determined to push the blonde's buttons.

"You're way out of line, Princess."

Alex grinned. "Wow, she isn't putting out at all is she? Do you think a weekend getaway will change that, Blondie?"

"Get out of my way, before I make you." Caitlin stepped closer, growling.

"Aw. Now don't be jealous."

"Jealous? I'm the one she's with." Caitlin smirked.

"Yes Jealous, that I've been there first, and when I say first I mean first... first and only."

"You're a real piece of work, Udinov. What's wrong? Second thoughts about Boys-town? Boy scout not scratching that itch for you?"

"Don't push me, Caitlin. I'll take away your toy."

Caitlin shook her head at the Russian. "She's not in love with you anymore."

"Really?"

Caitlin was confident about the matter.

"Really."

"You seem certain about that."

Caitlin poked Alex's shoulder. "Look, stay away from her."

"Or?"

"You don't wanna find out."

Alex sneered. "Some advice? Duct tape. Endless possibilities."

Caitlin bit back the urge to take a swing at the brunette.

"Care to make a wager, princess?"

"A wager?" Alex raised an eyebrow at the other woman.

"Yes, a bet...We can find out once and for all who she wants... then you can back the fuck off permanently."

Alex smirked at the confident woman staring back at her. The thought of a wager was amusing to her. Why not?

"You have my attention... go on?"


	74. Chapter 74

**Nikalex: As far as dysfunctional relationships go. Rachel and Alex are by far the most fun to write. lol**

**Ayushi95: Thank you! AO3 version of this will be up today. :)**

* * *

The large sport's bar was all neon lights and pool tables. The smell of tastie bar food mixed with beer filtered through the air. A dozen televisions played various sports and a half dozen jerseys reflected interests. The group from Division played pool at two tables far to the back near an emergency exit. Glasses on the table nearby ticked off the time they had spent together thus far.

Caitlin took her hand in Rachel's, ran her tongue over her skin, and shook salt onto the web between her thumb and forefinger. They tossed back several shots despite Nikita's stern glare at her. There would be a lecture back at Division tomorrow. Addicts and alcohol was a big no-no. Alex was feigning the ever perfect and dutiful girlfriend. She traced the rim of her water glass, envy and jealousy clouding her mind. She felt like the child everyone watched around the liquor cabinet. She wanted a damn drink, and that wasn't all she wanted as she ran her eyes over Rachel slowly, predatorily.

Rachel was so anxious that Nikita's 'just say no' stare wasn't even enough to stop her from slamming shot after shot of tequila, Caitlin encouraging her the whole while. She wasn't sure if Caitlin was trying to get her intoxicated hoping she would fall easily into her arms, naked and ready, or if she just enjoyed seeing her lose control under her watchful gaze. Either way, she didn't care. What came later, came later, even if it was her in Caitlin's bed. She didn't want to be on this triple-date-couple thing. She couldn't imagine why Caitlin and Alex came up with the damned idea, but the more she drank the better she felt about the entire evening. If she had known that the entire night centered around a wager, a bet that made her more or less an object and a conquest, she would have stormed out after slapping them both.

Rachel played a shitty game of pool, but it was fun to see the balls bounce around in the daze of intoxication. She lost every game to Caitlin who swore she would collect her winnings when they were back at her apartment, the sentiment nearly sending Alex into a rage. She bit her tongue and leaned uncomfortably close to Sean. Not her usual motion, he thought, but he accepted it with a smile.

Rachel found herself going from uptight to touchy feely with Caitlin as the evening progressed. All of her reservations about waiting until she knew it was love evaporated with the tequila. Caitlin grinned widely at Alex as her long thin fingers roamed possessively over Rachel's body. She had won the bet, she figured, and the Russian girl knew it. But Caitlin didn't know her competitor very well, Alex thought. She still had an ace to play as she pulled her phone from her jacket pocket and stepped away from the game briefly.

_Now. Thank you. I owe you, Sonia_. She sent the text, slipping the phone back into her pocket.

In just a few minutes every one's phone began to ring, well almost everyone's. Alex sat back and watched Caitlin, Sean, Nikita and Michael answer their phones. It was Division, and all of them were being called into work. That is, everyone but Rachel and herself. She stifled her smile and feigned seriousness. "What's going on?"

Nikita frowned at her phone before tucking it back into her pocket. "Ryan needs us in now."

"I guess he knew better than to call me," she sneered. Nikita shot her a glare.

"I need to get Rachel home. I'll meet you there." Caitlin said, even as she grabbed their jackets from one of the high stools nearby.

"Hey, I can drive myself," she slurred.

"No you can't. Something we are going to discuss tomorrow," Nikita grouched. "It sounds serious, Caitlin. Alex can get her home. We need to move."

Caitlin cut her eyes at Alex who put on her best concerned face. "Yeah, absolutely. I can get her home. You guys go."

Caitlin pulled her eyes away from Alex to meet Rachel's steady gaze. "Be sure to eat something before bed."

"Yes, mom," she laughed, wrapping her arms around the blonde. Caitlin caught her lips in a deep lingering kiss as her eyes glared into Alex. Rachel watched them file out of the back door of the bar single file before she returned to the pool table and picked up her shot glass. Alex stood to her feet sauntering over to the raven haired girl.

"Don't be stingy, Rachel," she whispered, taking the shot glass from her hand. Alex swallowed down the shot as she moved closer. "Do you want to play me in a game of pool?"

"I-I don't know."

"Come now, we can make a wager. Isn't that what you and blondie were doing? Making little bets on sinking the balls? What would you like to wager, Rachel?" She smiled seductively. " I can think of a few things."

"I think I need some coffee." Rachel tripped over her own feet, Alex catching her and pulling her closer.

"Are you okay?"

Rachel's head was spinning wildly. "I shouldn't have had those shots."

"Sure you should have, Rach. We work hard, we play harder." her voice was low and seductive. "We always liked to play hard...didn't we?"

Alex hooked her fingers into the other woman's jeans, and pulled her into her body. She captured her lips with a such force Rachel felt she would fall over. She stumbled back into the pool table, her palms resting on either side of the edge as Alexandra devoured her lips. Alex broke away leaving Rachel breathless.

"Now, I need to get you home. I promised your... girlfriend." her voice rising around the word. Rachel thought it almost seemed dirty coming out of Alex's mouth. The brunette picked up the fifth of tequila and shook it. "Shame not to finish this off. Just enough for two more, don't you think?" Alex poured the shots, emptying the bottle. Grabbing the salt shaker from the table, she tugged Rachel's hand toward her mouth and licked before sprinkling the salt on her digit.

Alex lifted her hand to her mouth, and licked the salt off her thumb, a slow erotic swipe of her tongue. Rachel blushed scarlet and a flicker of fire lit her belly. The older woman grabbed her glass, downing the shot quickly.

"I don't want anymore." Rachel shook her head.

Alex smirked. She raised the shot glass to Rachel's lips, tipping it into her mouth as she grinned. Rachel swallowed down the shot as she looked into Alex's eyes. The russian woman leaned into her lips, running her tongue over her mouth. "Mmm...good girl."

Alex grabbed their jackets off the bar stools, and waited for Rachel to stand up straight. Rachel stared contemplating the matter before she attempted to walk. Slipping, Alex caught her from behind, her hand snaking around her waist. "I've got you, babe." Alex held on to her from behind as they staggered toward the car.

Rachel turned, placing her back against the passenger door of the SUV. She was desperately trying to regain her equilibrium. Alex didn't hesitate a beat before she pressed their bodies together, and kissed her again. Her tongue roughly sought entrance, and within seconds, Rachel opened to it. She gripped the sides of Alexandra's open leather jacket to steady herself as the kiss continued. Breaking away after minutes, Rachel slapped the brunette.

"Delayed reaction, Rachel?" Alex laughed, opening the passenger door for her.

* * *

Alex sped through the empty streets. Rachel leaned her head back against the leather seat, gazing at Alex. She was dizzy and wet with desire. Alex caught Rachel's steady gaze, running her hand over the younger woman's thigh. "I miss your tight little mini skirts at a time like this."

Rachel slid her fingers over the button of her jeans, unbuttoning and tugging down the zipper of her pants. Alex stared at her in disbelief as Rachel's hand found hers and slid it into the front of her jeans. Alexandra's head reeled with desire the moment her fingers felt how wet she was.

The brunette turned the wheel and parked the car on a side street. She tore the seat belt from herself and Rachel, and lowered the passenger seat. Alexandra tugged roughly at her jeans and panties until they pooled in the floor around her ankles. Her fingers slid over her clit as Rachel moaned. She gasped the moment Alex roughly slammed them into her wet core. Alex kissing over her neck and her lips as she fucked her hard. She opened her legs wider as she slipped another finger in filling her. The rapid motion of her fingers fucking her sent Rachel over the edge quickly and into oblivion. Her head spun with alcohol and desire for the brunette. Coming down from the bliss of her orgasm, she felt the sudden oh-fuck moment. What had she just done? She pulled her pants up and turned away.

"Take me home...now."

* * *

**Caitlin** entered Alexandra's office after a brief knock. She glared at the Russian woman from the other side of her desk.

"Okay, so, do I need to pay up or what? Be honest."

Alex looked at her. She wanted to tell her everything she had done to Rachel. Her teeth on her neck, her tongue working in her mouth, her fingers pounding into her... and that had just been the warm up. She smirked at the thought of telling her that Rachel practically begged her in the SUV, that she had to swerve to the side of the road and take her hard before she could even get her home. She wanted to... but she couldn't do it. She couldn't hurt Rachel even though she very much wanted them apart. She would find another way, she thought. She would have her girl back, but this would not be the way. The younger woman would never forgive her - and that would defeat her ultimate goal of regaining all that she lost.

"Afraid not, blondie. Your drunken little girlfriend wouldn't stop talking about you. I was thankful when I dropped her off and didn't have to hear her mouth another minute."


	75. Chapter 75

**A/N: We are edging toward the end of this fic. I enjoyed writing it - and I also enjoyed reading and communicating with all of you. I'm not sure exactly how many chapters are coming yet. Maybe five or six. Thank you in advance for reading and reviewing. ;) **

* * *

Rachel leaned her aching head back against the seat in the booth. Dark sunglasses covered her pale blue eyes. Any amount of light made the hangover much worse. Alex finally arrived half an hour late, sliding into the booth across from her. Picking up the plastic covered menu she grimaced and dropped it again.

Alex smiled. "Clandestine meetings in the middle of the afternoon. I like it, Rach. We could have met at the apartment though."

"No, we couldn't." Rachel responded firmly, rubbing her temple.

"Why?"

"Alex, last night was a huge drunken mistake."

Alex's arms crossed and she leaned back in her half of the booth. "Speak for yourself. I'm ready for round two whenever you come down from this self-righteous bull shit again."

"I don't want to be ... whatever we are now. It's not enough, and it's not fair to Caitlin and Sean."

"You think too much, Rachel. That is your damn problem."

"Nikita would kill me if she knew about last night." she muttered.

Alex's eyes narrowed. "Nikita? What the hell does she have to do with this?"

"She thinks we are bad for each other... we haven't exactly given her reasons to approve."

"She's not my fucking parent. You care too much about what others think."

"Yeah, well, you used to... that is until South Ossetia." Rachel wiped condensation from her water glass absently trying to keep from meeting Alex's eyes.

"Would you drop it already. The only thing that happened in South Ossetia was a reminder that life is too short to leave to chance. I'm simply taking the bull by the horns again, Rachel. You used to love that about me."

"You love Sean."

Alex shook her head sadly. "Not the way I love you, Rachel."

"You can't have us both...fuck what am I saying... Alex, go home to your man. What happened last night was a mistake. I will not be responsible for breaking up your relationship, and having your friends hate me for it." Rachel stood up and left. Alex closed her eyes and tried to control her temper.

* * *

**Caitlin** twisted the top off the bottle of Corona; the blond kicking the refrigerator door shut.

"Hey," Rachel said, walking in the door. "What's wrong?"

"Our trip is off again."

"Why?"

"The princess put me on yet another op. I'll be away for a while." Caitlin growled before pulling off the cap and taking a deep drink.

"What? Why?"

"Two guesses."

"Come on Caitlin..don't be paranoid." Rachel denied what she knew was true.

"Paranoid? She's still in love with you Rachel. Wake up!"

"That's nonsense...besides I'm with you."

Caitlin looked at her appraisingly. "Are you?"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"It means, I have to wonder since you're not sleeping in my bed."

Rachel frowned. The guilt eating at her. "Is that what this is about?"

"I love you, Rachel... but if you don't feel the same...now is the time to tell me."

Rachel took the bottle of beer from her hand. She took a sip and then a chug before sitting it on the kitchen counter. She wrapped her fingers around Caitlin's hands and led her toward the bedroom.

"Rachel..I don't want you to do this just to please me." Caitlin said quietly, as Rachel pushed her gently onto the mattress.

Her fingers slid delicately through her blonde locks before she sat on her knees in front of her. "I want you, Caitlin. I'm sorry that I made you doubt that. Things are going to change now... I promise." She ran her hands up and down Caitlin's jean clad thighs before she kissed her.

"Are you sure?"

Rachel unbuttoned Caitlin's shirt slowly as she ran her lips and tongue over her neck. "I'm positive," she whispered.

"Rachel, I don't want you around Alex anymore... unless its work related. It's not that I don't trust you... I just don't trust her."

Rachel pulled back meeting her steady gaze. She knew that Alex wasn't the only one to blame. She was as guilty as the older woman. Rachel nodded before leaning in to kiss her again.


	76. Chapter 76

**A/N: I am working a ton of hours this week. So, if there are more mistakes in the next couple of chapters, my apologizes. **

**Season 3 version at you tube.**

watch?v=RofBd93Eg3w

**For those who have not seen it.**

**Krisbian-58: Alex does love Sean. She loves them both. Not a fun place to be for her or anyone else. lol I think Rachel has her moments of being as screwed up as Alex. **

**I could write an entire fic on Alex in therapy, but I much rather write the dysfunctional drama. lol At least with this fic... but as I have maintained from the start I do believe in happy endings. ;) **

* * *

Ryan gestured to the screen, his face tight. "Pierre Batouala...The new president of Chad... thanks to the CIA. Last night his status went from blue to red. It will be our first official target for the Government." He turned and looked at the others in the room.

Michael nodded and picked up the thread. "John Little was his CIA handler. He was found dead in an alley in Paris yesterday. Just before his death, Little stole a list containing the names of every covert American operative working overseas in the oil industry."

"If Batouala proves CIA involvement he can kick the American oil companies out of his country and make a sweetheart deal with the Russians. " Ryan shifted and walked to the side.

"He is attending a reception in Paris tomorrow night. There he will hand over the file to a Russian intelligence officer," Michael noted pulling up more information on the screen.

Ryan turned off the main monitor. "We need to take Batouala out at the party and retrieve the list before he meets with the Russians. "

Alex's anger was palpable. "You are talking about another assassination. Something we keep saying Division doesn't do anymore."

Nikita tried a soothing tone on the angry younger woman. "The list changes things." Alex stared in disbelief. She couldn't believe that Nikita was this blind. Wait, yes she could. "Batouala has seen it. American agents all over the world will be exposed if we don't find him and make that list disappear." Nikita tried to reason.

"So go do your magic trick for the President. You don't need me." Alex stood up and stormed out. How Nikita could continue to justify shit was beyond her and she wasn't going to stick around making nice and pretending they weren't just as bad as Amanda and Percy.

Ryan's brows rose and he put the remote on the table. "What now? Our resident Russian oil heiress was supposed to be the way in."

Nikita shook her head at the childish behavior of Alex. "Division managed before there was ever an Alexandra Udinov ... get me a way into the party. I will deal with Batouala myself." She grabbed a folder and left the conference room in a barely contained fury.

Birkhoff trotted to catch up after Nikita briefed him. "Nikita what are you doing?"

"Come on nerd, you've read the file Batouala is not some innocent he runs a corrupt government, he tortures and murders anyone who gets in his way."

"Sounds like half of the people on the President's speed dial," Birkhoff quipped.

"You know what, forget I asked. Michael can run the op without you."

I guess that's a bit of an overstatement, but I'm sure he is going to try his very best." Birkhoff left angry. Nikita stared after him. She was shocked that Birkhoff jumped off with Alex. What the hell was going on?

Alex walked up listening to the exchange "Paris missions still on?"

"If we don't go through with this a lot of innocent people could die," Nikita responded tightly.

"People inside of the CIA or the people inside of here?"

"Both." Nikita walked away, not happy to hear the distinctive walk of Alex behind her.

Alex continued conversationally. "So, you're trying to win over Danforth and the President...as long as they see Division as an asset...they won't try and wipe us out."

Nikita snarled and turned on her heel to face the Russian heiress. "If it's the life of one really bad guy verses three hundred lives...guess who loses?"

The younger woman shook her head and tried to help her see reason. "We're supposed to be cleaning this place up, Nikita... not making it dirty again."

"It's not like it was before. No one is holding a gun to anyone's head anymore. I have the gun now and I choose when and if I want to use it. It's under control." Nikita was furious. She had taken all of it into her hands and onto her own shoulders. No one but her would get dirty.

"There was a reason Percy and Amanda kept a firm boot on the necks of Oversight, Nikita. As long as the Government is calling the shots...we will never be in control." Alex turned and left knowing that Nikita was wearing her blinders again.

* * *

**Nikita** sat across from the target. She smiled and shared small talk waiting for him to drink the drug that would kill him. She needed to end the threat of the list as well as the threat of a very bad man. She vaguely listened to the quiet chatter of her back up. Smiling again she pulled out her notepad.

Zoe walked in as if she owned the place and smiled as she took possession of the list that Nikita was after. She was rogue, could she have sold herself to the Russians? Nikita was rising, beginning to move toward her when Zoe pulled a white gun from under a napkin at a nearby table. Nikita's eyes tracked the bullet from the gun to see a blossom of blood explode out of her target. Zoe blew in, took the list, and shot their intended target. Nikita took off after her as Sean came in the other way to try to cut her off. They failed to corner her and Nikita felt the world crumbling.

A rogue agent had information that could completely shift the balance of power. A rogue Division agent. An agent that could be tracked back to Division. Authorized or not, this hit would be disavowed with all possible force. Division could find itself liquidated if they didn't get information back before it was sold. Amanda had won this round.

* * *

**Rachel** laid back against the cold tile of the bathtub in her apartment. The warm water soothed her body. The calming sounds of Moonlight Sonata drifted through the speakers of her Ipod dock. The smell of coconut body wash and rich violet bath oil lulled her further down into the tub. She slid her fingers through her long onyx hair as she exhaled slowly. The sudden sounds of her door bell caused an instant growl. "What? Someone better be dead." she yelled even knowing that she couldn't be heard.

Rachel grabbed her bathrobe and headed to the door.

Alex stood in the doorway with a smile. Her eyes slowly followed the line of Rachel's body. "Good evening, Rachel."

Rachel shook her head. She needed another bath to wash that feeling away. "Alex. This must be an emergency because I have the night off." The cool air hitting her legs as she stood there was not making this a more pleasant visit.

Alex's brow rose. "It's rude to leave me standing outside of the door like this." The Russian woman smiled engagingly and leaned on the door frame.

Rachel stepped back. "Come in." Alex brushed past Rachel inhaling the scent of her skin. "So.. what's up? Lead on Amanda? Apocalypse? What?"

"Wine." Alex lifted a bottle and waved it slightly.

The black haired girl's brow knit. "What?"

"I brought wine. I thought with everyone on the Paris mission we could relax and watch a movie or something."

"Is this some kind of joke, Alex?"

"No, Rachel."

"I told you that we're not friends." she ground out.

"Is this because I failed to pay for your services?" Alex asked brightly.

Rachel opened the door again and snarled. "Get out."

"I can afford you. Do you take Mastercard?"

"Bitch."

"You have a filthy mouth, Rachel." Alex tossed the wine at the younger woman. "Keep the wine. It's worth more than you." Rachel slapped Alex across the face. Her hand moving for a second blow when Alex grabbed her wrists and forced her back into the wall. "Don't... Strike me again and I will hurt you."

"Get out. I have a girlfriend. I'm very happy with Caitlin."

"Happy? I bet if she can make you come its my face you see each and every time."

"I would have you know she's quite talented in that department, Alexandra."

Alex smirked. "I was just about done with you anyway, Rachel." Alex walked toward the door. Her hand gripping the knob as Rachel's hand covered hers. They stood in uncertain silence until Alex turned to look at her.

Rachel leaned up kissing Alex on the corner of her mouth. "I'm so afraid of you."

Alex's brow rose. "Afraid?"

"I'm afraid of how you make me feel."

"How do I make you feel?" Rachel stared down at her hands for seconds. "Well?" Alex pressed.

"Out of control. Chaotic. I want you and I know that I shouldn't. You have to leave right now, Alex. I can't do this..but it's not because I don't want you. Please understand that."

Alex moved toward Rachel who took a few steps back away from the brunette. "Okay Rachel." Alex strolled back toward the door.

"Alex." The brunette turned to meet her gaze. Rachel stared into her for seconds before she ran toward her, jumping in her arms. Her legs wrapped firmly around her waist. Alex gripped her ass and pushed her into the wall violently. There lips crashing together. Rachel wrapped her arms around her, their lips continuing in desperation, as Alex carried her toward the bedroom.


	77. Chapter 77

**A/N: References to Season 3X11 Black Badge ahead. If you haven't seen the episode it will be hard to understand why Sean is now a member of Division. Spoiler...In short, Amanda framed him and Nikita and Alex brought him in the old fashion way. By faking his death. Watch the episode for the full story. It was really good. Also mentions of 3X15 ahead. This is the closest this fic will get to the season 3 version of what happened. **

* * *

Alex stood in the hotel lobby, her fingers moving unceasingly over the face of her phone. Rachel was thirty minutes late. Her patience was dwindling. She frowned as she pulled up her email.

_Alex, What happened between us meant everything to me, but somehow I doubt you plan to leave Sean. We need to forget about what we did. We have people that deserve more than this affair. We... I keep fucking up. I'll always love you. I'm sorry. - Rachel_

"God damn it", Alex whispered to herself. Shoving her phone into her pocket she pushed out the hotel lobby door.

* * *

**Nikita** scoffed at the notion of going undercover at a nightclub. "I guess we're going clubbing...except for you...dead men can't make page six." She smiled gently at the not so dead man.

Smiling the smile of the not really brokenhearted Sean leaned forward in his chair. "I hate being the dead guy."

"Hey, a couple of more months and the world won't know you existed." Rachel responded jokingly.

"We may not have a few more months." Alex broke into their conversation striding up the steps to join the planning session going on.

Nikita looked into Alex's face with concern. "Where have you been?" She frowned at the dark clouds rolling across the expressions of both Birkhoff and Alex.

"Witnessing our impending doom," predicted Birkhoff capturing the room's attention.

"We were following Danforth," confirmed Alex as they drew nearer Nikita.

Ryan stood, moving into Alex's personal space. "Are you insane? What would have happened if he had seen you?" he asked.

"We followed him right to his secret training facility...where they have been planning an attack on Division." Birkhoff responded, his voice growing louder in his attempt to get the suit to take him seriously.

Holding his hands up trying to calm the now angry Ryan, the glowering Alex and the borderline hysterical computer genius, Michael asked, "Alright, what do you mean attack?"

"They built a kill house. A replica of this facility in the middle of the woods." Sudden silence greeted Alex's revelation. The assassins in the room quickly assessed what that meant for all of them. Which would it be, fight, flight or head buried in the sand?

Nikita responded first. "Okay...well...we know the president has a contingency plan...but it doesn't mean she is going to execute it."

Birkhoff's fluttering hands betrayed his anxiety. "No..no...We saw them. They were packing up...taking their show on the road"

"They must have a staging area close to Division. They are getting ready to move against us." The young woman tried to express how close the thread was to breaking on the damoclean sword. Alex was growing frustrated. A call with Danforth later left an oily feeling and made the sense of impending doom in the room even worse.

Nikita finally broke the silence. "Why would the president order this? She is the one who authorized this kill?"

Ryan considered a moment. "I'm not sure she did. The President didn't hand me those files. Danforth did...and given the conversation we just had...I doubt the president has any idea. This was all him." He frowned. He should have never trusted the man any further than he could throw him.

"He set us up." Michael obviously vying for the duh award frowned darkly.

"Now he's gonna let us die." Birkhoff's flight instinct was terribly strong by now. He had no desire to be eliminated.

An option began to play out in Alex's head. "What if we kill Danforth? He is the only one that the president briefed about Division. if he's gone...it buys us some time. We can shore up our defenses. Tell people to run...something."

Nikita shook her head disappointed. "Alex, we can't."

"The life of one really bad guy verses three hundred people's lives...remember?" she snapped back.

"It's not the same thing."The older woman grew frustrated.

"Why not?"

"You're talking about declaring war against the United States Government." Sean tried to reason with the angry young Russian woman.

Rachel stepped up. They were shutting Alex down when she was trying to offer a solution. "I don't know if you have been paying attention...but the Government has already declared war...on all of us."

Now Nikita was trying to head things off at the pass. "No they haven't. No shots have been fired...there's still time."

"To do what? Plead for mercy?" Alex snarled. The brunette was starting to miss Amanda. Hell, even Percy in light of the naivety in the room.

Michael ever the peacemaker and calm voice of reason, stepped in. "To do what Division does...control the narrative. Stay invisible. If we get Zoe and build a cover story we can tie up all of those loose ends."

Nikita followed him up, bolstering his point. "The President doesn't know what we were doing in Paris. She thinks we've gone rogue. If we can prove to her that we haven't...then maybe she will stand down."

Ryan shook his head as other options played out and failed in his head. "I think this is our only chance at surviving this."

The young woman turned on him with fire in her eyes."You thought we were working for the President. Maybe it's time you let someone else do the thinking."_ If I were running Division again none of this would be happening._ She thought.

"Hey..hey...he made a mistake." Nikita frowned at Alex's unfair assessment of a valuable team member.

Alex scoffed at Nikta's unbounded and unfounded optimism. "Not his first... That was lying to every single person at Division about the danger that they were in...including us...we didn't deserve that...and neither did they."

* * *

"So, you are going to walk into ops and then what?" Michael asked as he followed the angrily stalking form of Nikita down the grey walled corridor of Division.

Nikita's heels struck a staccato rhythm. "Stop her...with force if necessary...or even unnecessary." Enough, she had had enough.

Michael grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop. He tried to calm her down."Hey..hey..that's going to make things worse...Nikita, it's done...they know, but if you and Alex start battling it out it's going to make everyone panic. You need to remain calm."

"Remain calm? She has them planning the assassination of one of the president's top advisers. They are going to kill him..and then they are going to run..that's of course if Alex little rebellion doesn't cause a full on mutiny first." Nikita was furious and Michael's little calm down song and dance wasn't going to do it this time.

The dark haired man tried to make her see reason. Alex is young and a little impetuous, but she had never been stupid. "I think there's more to this than some rebellion."

Nikita shook her head."I don't. Ever since South Ossetia, she has been impossible to talk to...she blames me for the death of that girl because saving Alex wasn't enough. I had to let Ari die too."

"She's upset."

"She's punishing me." Nikita snarled back.

He was going to press the button. "Willing to destroy Division just to spite you...after everything you've done for her...she should be grateful...I'm sure Amanda would agree with that sentiment." Michael had to get her to see what she was doing, just how much she was emulating the one person she couldn't afford to emulate before it was too late.

"That is not fair," Nikita was shocked by the comparison.

Time to bring the logic home to a now listening Nikita. "But it is true. That is why Amanda sent Zoe to Paris. This is exactly what she has wanted all along...to turn us against each other... and I know that it sounded crazy in the beginning but, just stand here right now and tell me that it's not working?


	78. Chapter 78

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and PMs. Yes, the Nalex fic is coming as soon as this one is complete. **

**Ayushi95: I'm going to do a sequel to this one in the future. ;)**

**Nikalex: Coming soon. :)**

* * *

Ryan led the two women into the conference area. "We will continue to monitor the Seal training facility, but it looks like that is one crisis averted. It was a good idea, Nikita." He turned and faced them.

"Wasn't exactly my ideal." Nikita responded with an almost shamed look.

"Percy...you know he told me why he created the black boxes. It was quite a story. He was the hero, of course. His actions the inevitable result of other people's shortsightedness." He gave a half grin remembering the conversation. Percy, master of all he surveyed...in his own mind.

"Sounds like Percy." The older woman agreed quietly.

Ryan continued his story. "And I mocked him. Because he was so concerned about defending Division from outside forces that he completely missed the real threat. The one from within. Now, hearing you guys argue last night, It reminded me of that conversation. Division can survive a lot...but not a war between the two of you." He looked at them both for a long moment before walking out. He had to leave them to try to salvage their working relationship if nothing else.

They stood quietly for a moment. The young Russian took a breath."Ryan's wrong. This was never just about you and me."

"Then what was it about? You've been fighting me so hard. Tell me, did you get what you wanted?" Nikita by this point was just completely mystified and frustrated by Alex's actions.

"I wanted you to listen. To open your eyes at the mistakes we've been making. If you can't see it my way we are going to have a problem, Nikita. This place needs new leadership." Alex was tired of the same ole song and dance. The Nikita that she had loved and admired would never have left the innocent behind to die no matter the cost to herself. It was time for real change.

Nikita shook her head as she looked disbelievingly at the young woman."And who opened your eyes to this new found truth? Was that something Amanda did for you?"

Alex scoffed. Nikita sounded like a jealous ex at this point. It was ridiculous."Because why else would I disagree with you? It can't possibly be that I have a valid point of view. Amanda must have done something." She walked back and forth impatiently.

"Someone did something. Because you don't sound like Alex anymore."

Enough bullshit, thought Alex."I sound like you...like you sounded before running this place started to change you."

Nikita was getting angry now. She was nothing like Percy or Amanda. She was the same woman. "One mistake leads to another...like dominoes... Micheal lost his hand, Alex. I had to go to Kosovo to fix it...and then we ended up working with Danforth to fix that."

"You tried to shoulder the burden, so the rest of us wouldn't have to." The young woman conceded quietly. That really was a Nikita thing.

"I tried..and the funny thing is that I have always wanted everyone at Division to know the truth about this place...and then we take over and start lying to them again." Nikita felt a million years old sometimes knowing all the things she had done. Lying was just one more sin that she could never make up.

"We don't have to lie to them anymore. The government can't back us up into that corner again. Amanda was right, Nikita. We have to take control of this before the government thinks they can cancel us all." Alex asserted.

"We dealt with Zoe and Danforth, Alex. We handled it as a team." Nikita tried to reason.

"We may not be so lucky next time, Nikita." Alex turned and walked away.

* * *

**Rachel** leaned her head back between the pipes sheltering her. Michael and Nikita were working their way down into the labyrinth that was the underbelly of the University area. Most of the world was unaware these tunnels existed. It was a pity that Amanda's people were not as unaware. They used the tunnels to get their hands on some fusion research and hardware from the school above.

The ebony haired woman looked up as if willing Nikita and Michael to move their asses faster. The equipment was being shunted to a little used loading dock for pick up, delivery and eventual inconvenient explosion. _Now or never. _She had to act without back up.

Making the over sized muscle heads drop items marked with radiation symbol ... bad. Accidentally shooting same items... also bad. Thinking a moment, she whistled. "Here Killer, here Death-dealer. Don't eat anyone boys!" She backed away from the corner as she saw the guys put down the load. She drew back to the next intersection and pulled shadows around her like a cloak. "Get back here you vicious brutes."

The two men hesitated as they rounded the corner. Quiet voices debated whether this was something to worry about. She gave a loud sharp whistle to let them know she was nearby. As soon as they were front and center in the hall, she dropped lead center mass into the two of them.

"Now where did the bitch go?" she mused. She froze as she heard a weapon being brought off safety behind her. "Of course," she whispered. She dropped her gun and put her hands out to the sides.

Maria moved cautiously past her kicking the gun away and checking her people. "Bad idea," she snarled at Rachel.

Rachel shrugged. "Can I help they were apparently trained by a moron? Speaking of, I knew you were dumb, but working for Amanda? Really?"

"I've always been on Amanda's side. It's you and your little girlfriend who switched teams...but I'm sure glad you did... I've been waiting for this day for a very long time."

Maria's gun moved upward toward her face. Rachel dropped like a rock and drove her heel into the other woman's knee. It wasn't hard enough to drop her, but it sent her off balanced into a pipe. Rachel scrambled up and fought Maria for her weapon. Gunshots echoed deafeningly. Rachel gasped and was flung back a half step by the bullet's impact in her shoulder.

She flung her body weight into Maria and managed to turn the gun as a another bullet left the chamber. Rachel hit the floor bonelessly as she watched Maria's hand flutter over the geyser of blood leaving her throat. The black haired spy kicked Maria's gun away and pulled herself to the wall to wait for the bosses.

Shock gave way to light-headedness. She began to drift slowly into unconsciousness. "Take your time guys," she informed Nikita and Michael over the comm. "Party's over."

* * *

**Nikita** sighed. "Alex calm down."

"I won't calm down. Rachel got shot because Ryan is ineffective as hell."

"Alex." Nikita snapped off.

"I'm serious. How many people have to get hurt before someone actually makes this place work right? I would be a better coordinator that he is." Alex paced quickly from one wall to the other and back. "She was shot because he couldn't back her up the way he should...and where were you and Michael? This was more than a three man op. There should be redundancies in every plan to make damned sure that our people are not fucked in the field. Ryan is too busy worrying about political blowout when he might not have to worry about it at all cause he is gonna get us all killed first."

"Enough Alex."

"So you are just going to sit there and do nothing? Come on Nikita, you are as responsible for this as he is." She stomped out of the room leaving Nikita, arms crossed glowering at the closing door.


	79. Chapter 79

**Rachel** groaned as she got up from the couch. Always as she got comfy, she thought. She almost groaned again as she spotted Alex at the door.

"How's the shoulder?" Alex asked stepping past the other woman and making her way into the living room with a pair of bags.

"It hurts like hell."

Alex opened up the bags on the coffee table and looked at the woman standing behind her couch in sweats. "What did Medical give you for pain?"

"Ex-addict, remember? They told me to take Tylenol."

"That isn't going to kill the pain. I bet Nikita was behind that."

Rachel nodded ruefully. "Alex, its fine. She's just looking out for me."

"Yeah, right. It's her fault in the first place. I told you to stay clear of her side missions."

"Alex, thank you for bringing food and stuff, but you don't need to take care of me. I'm fine."

"Look, Caitlin is on mission. Someone needs to take care of you."

"Alex-" Rachel's tone warned.

"She should have stayed with you, but no matter. I'm here now."

"I'm not helpless."

"Rachel, can you just let someone take care of you for a change without the bitching."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm sorry. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, are you hungry?"

"Not really."

Alex looked up from the containers she was unloading sharply. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I can't remember."

"You need to eat. Otherwise, Sir Oinksalot and I will kick your ass."

"Okay."

Alex smiled. "I like that. Agreeable Rachel." She pulled out a stack of videos and started up the DVD player. "Movie time." She parked on the couch. "Lie down already Rachel."

As Rachel made herself comfy she felt a small box put in her hand. She brought it up to look at it as Alex's fingers stroked through her hair. "What's that?"

"Something for the pain."

"I have Tylenol."

"You've been shot for Christ's sake. Save it for your next NA meeting, and take the damn pills." Rachel popped the pills, swallowing them down with her water.

"Thank you. You know, you're a terrible patient."

"I know, sorry, Nurse Ratchet."

"Would Nurse Ratchet give you ice cream?"

"You brought ice cream?" Rachel smiled happily.

"Of course, did you think I was going to sit around here and listen to you bitch without dessert?"

Rachel chuckled. "What do you want on it?" Alex asked as she leaned forward to pull out a couple pints and a Rediwhip can.

"Whatever you're having."

"You're so easy to please sometimes. I'll be right back."

Rachel shuffled through Alex's movies.

"The notebook, Kill Bill, and Fast Five. So what's it gonna be for the next movie. Chick flick romance, chick flick kick ass, or dudes in fast cars," Rachel asked from the living room. "Chick flick kick ass." They said simultaneously. "Kill Bill it is then."

They curled into their respective pillows on either end of the long stuffy couch. Sir Oinksalot in the middle of them both, as if the pig maintained their safe distance. Rachel ran her hand up to her shoulder wincing in pain.

"You're still in pain."

"I'll be okay."

"You never were a very good liar." Alex pulled the bottle from her hoodie pocket.

"No, two was enough." Rachel put her hand up in a stopping motion.

"It was a low dose."

"It hasn't been that long."

"Take these or I'm calling medical for something a helluva lot stronger, and Nikita will just have to bitch and moan later."

"Okay, but ease up on her. You talk about her like she's Amanda sometimes."

"No, Amanda was useful."

"What?"

Alex shook her head. "Never mind."

Rachel shifted to get a better view of Alex's face. "Alex, whatever is going on with you, I'm your friend. Friends talk. You can tell me anything."

"Nikita runs Division like its her personal Empire now, Rachel. She is dangerous. She damn near got you killed. She did get Larissa killed, and for what, Ari?"

"I was there remember? She had to make a call, and unfortunately things didn't go as well as she wanted."

Alex shook her head angrily. "Why are you always defending her?"

_"_I'm not. I'm-"

"You are, and its because you see her as the one who saved you, got you clean. All she did was ruin us, Rachel. We were so good back then."

"Alex, why is it you blame Nikita for everything? If it weren't for her, you would still be working with Amanda."

"And..that was so bad?"

"What?"

"Nothing, just forget about it." Alex smiled innocently. "I'm not here to bitch about Nikita. I'm here to take care of you," Alex soothed, putting her pillow in her lap. "You're not comfortable sitting up like that. Come lay your head on my pillow. Rachel nodded, laying her head down in Alexandra's lap, stretching her feet out. "Better?"

"Much, thanks. I owe you big time for taking care of me."

"That's what friends are for." The hydrocodone lulled Rachel. She hadn't slept a wink since she took the wound. She began to drift in and out of unconsciousness. "Do you realize this is the second time I've been shot in the same shoulder?" she slurred, drifting back to sleep. Alex gazed down at her lovingly. Her fingers running down the side of her face and into her hair.

Rachel jumped from the pillow. Her eyes darting wildly around the room. Her hand gripped at the pain in her shoulder.

"Bad dream?"

"Yeah." Rachel replied sheepishly.

"I'm here. You're safe, Rachel. Let's get you into bed."

Alex slid Rachel's arm over her shoulder. She stumbled her way leaning on the brunette. The dark haired girl fell into bed wincing once more. Alex opened the pill bottle. "Open your mouth. You are not going to rest through the night without these." Rachel swallowed the pills and laid back against the pillows.

"You don't need to stay. I'm keeping you from Sean."

"Sean's out of town visiting his sisters."

"Why didn't you go with him?"

"We needed some time apart."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not you. It's fucking Nikita. She's trying to turn him against me. We are still fighting about him going on the Paris mission."

"Alex, Nikita needed him on that op." Alex crawled into bed next to Rachel. Propping herself up on one elbow, she gazed at Rachel.

"What's up with the Division issued sweats?" Alex smiled down at her.

"Got them in Medical, and they are comfy as hell. So don't knock the sweats, Super spy." Alex caught the edge of the tattoo on her hip. She had forgotten all about seeing it when Rachel first returned to Division. She slid further down into the bed. Her eyes moving between the tattoo and the raven haired girl. She ran one finger down the waist band of her sweats and pulled them gently. "Can I see it finally?" Rachel gasped at her touch.

"Sure"

The pad of her finger traced slowly over black inked wings. Alexandra wanted to ask where she got it. She wanted to know why it was there on her hip; Carefully hidden from the world beneath Division issued gray sweats. Rachel stared up at her. Her eyes turning dark. Alex met her gaze, tilting her head to the side before she continued her exploration.

The majestic wings of the monarch butterfly haunted her. The calligraphy 'A' at the bottom right corner of the butterflies wing; so small you would never see it unless you were close enough to touch her skin. Alex blinked back tears as she continued to trace her finger across every inch of the tattoo, repeatedly.

"I know it sounds dumb, but...It kept me alive," Rachel murmured, breaking the silence. "When I ended up in Russia. When I lost... you. It reminded me that you were somewhere out there. That what we had was more than a dream. It was like, I was still holding on to you in some small way. It grounded me."

"If I had known you were alive, " Alex choked, her voice soft and warm. "I would've-"

"Don't. You couldn't have known," Rachel interrupted.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It was not your fault. It's Amanda's evil. We will find her, and make her pay for everything she did to us."

Alex leaned down pressing a light kiss over the tattoo. "Butterflies are proof that we can have a second life."

"That's beautiful and profound."

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure."

"When you were in Russia...was there ever anyone else?"

"No, Caitlin has been the only other." Rachel replied quietly.

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why weren't you with anyone else?"

"If someone is very lucky … they get one epic love in a life time. Getting over it...is easier said."

Alex wiped a tear from her eye. She covered Rachel with the blanket and flicked off the lamp on the night stand. "If you have another nightmare wake me up. I'm here for you."

Rachel smiled. "Okay."


	80. Chapter 80

**Six weeks later...**

* * *

Alex stumbled into her apartment with a cardboard box in her hand. "Very stealthy there, Super spy." Rachel laughed trailing behind the brunette.

"It's been a long time since you called me that," Alex smiled, staring at the younger woman.

"Thank you for helping me pack this place in the middle of the night. I know it's not how you'd rather spend your weekend, Rachel."

"I don't mind at all. Besides, Nikita is right. We can't take any chances with Amanda knowing this location now. Besides, it's unnecessary for you to keep this apartment when you're living with Sean."

"Yeah, I guess."

"I'm going to run down and grab the rest of the boxes." Alex nodded and turned toward the kitchen for a drink. Leaning into the refrigerator she heard the front door creak open. "I have water, soda and wine. What can I get you?" She turned just milliseconds before the weapon hit her forehead.

She skirted the edges of consciousness, blood trickling down the side of her face. She grimanced at the pain while trying to free herself from the duct tape to no avail. Rachel strolled into the front door with cardboard boxes under both arms. The distinct sound of a gun's hammer made her freeze instantly in place.

"Take the gun out and drop it to the floor."

Rachel could hear her own breathing as she pulled her Glock with two fingers and tossed it across the floor, her hands raising in surrender. "Take it easy." She felt cold metal brush the back of her neck.

"Rachel Thorne?"

Her stomach plummeted when she heard his heavy Russian accent. "Gogol?" She looked up at him confused.

"I am Markov... Markov Kochenko... I am your brother." He circled her slowly.

"I don't have a brother," she responded, her eyes meeting his.

"Half brother. My father was Anton," he growled out.

Rachel stared at him for seconds. _Could it be my father had another family back in Russia? _Rachel walked toward the trail of blood on the linoleum floor of the kitchen. She spotted the brunette duct taped to a chair in the living room. Their eyes met with horror and confusion.

"Markov, if you're my brother why would you hold a gun to me and my friend here?" Alex looked up at him, mouth agape.

She could see Anton in his scruffy slender face. "Your friend? This woman you call friend is Alexandra Udinov."

Rachel's eyes darted between them. "I know who she is...so what?" Rachel glared at him.

"She killed our papa, Rachel... I've come to avenge our family."

Rachel eased down on the sofa. Her eyes glued to the living room carpet. "Markov, lower the gun. This must be a mistake. Our father's killer was never identified."

He sat down next to her waving the gun toward the brunette. "I have the proof. I was approached by American agent. She had video. She helped me get here, " he said, his English broken.

_Amanda!_

Rachel looked at Alexandra before placing her face in her hands. "Is it true? " Rachel asked, looking up to meet her steady gaze.

"Rachel, I can explain." Tears pooled in their eyes as they stared into each other for seconds.

"Is it true?" Rachel yelled, standing to her feet and walking toward her.

"Yes," Alex spoke quietly. "It's true."

Rachel's hand came down across the brunette's face in a loud smack as she stood over the assassin. Alex looked at her in disgust and defiance. How could she explain her motivations? She briefly flashed back to the day she shot Nikita in the warehouse. She regreted never telling Rachel, but even facing death she did not regret what she had done to Anton Kochenko. Rachel turned to face her brother. She walked slowly over to him and cupped his face with her hand. "You look just like our father." A tear ran down the side of her face as she tried to slow her breathing. "You did well, Markov. Papa would be so proud of you." His cold eyes began to soften under her touch. He nodded at her words. "Let me please," she choked out, gesturing toward his weapon. "I want to be the one to end this bitch," she gritted, spinning around on her heel. Alex exhaled a deep breath. The brunette's tears betraying her for hardening features.

"Rachel." Alex murmured.

"Shut up," Rachel snapped, holding out her right hand toward Markov. "Give me your weapon. Let me avenge our family." She spoke in English and repeated in Russian. Markov's eyes darted between Alexandra and Rachel before he relented, placing the weapon in her hand. "Thank you, Markov." Rachel gave him a weak smile before turning to look at Alexandra, disgust in her pale blue eyes. She circled slowly behind the brunette. The weapon gripped tightly in Rachel's hand. She reached out grabbing Alexandra's hair roughly. Their eyes met briefly before Rachel lowered the gun toward the back of her head.

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered, raising the weapon and firing off several rounds. The muffled gun shots from the silencer tore through his chest and torso creating a red mist. He gripped his chest collapsing onto the hardwood floor below. Markov's pale blue eyes questioned Rachel as he struggled to catch his breath.

Blood sputtered from his mouth as she rushed to his side. "I'm so sorry," Rachel cried. "Don't try to move." She cradled him in her arms. The young man blinked rapidly before closing his eyes and exhaling a final breath.

Rachel's tears fell silently over him for seconds. She rubbed her cheeks with the back of her hands and took in a deep ragged breath before standing to her feet. She pulled the Ka-bar from her boot and ripped through the brunette's bindings quickly.

"Rachel." Alex stared at her. Her emotions chaotic.

"Alex, don't. We need to get this place packed up and call Division for a cleaner." Rachel grabbed a cardboard box from the kitchen floor and moved toward the bedroom. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm just gonna toss it all in so we can get this done quickly."

Alex stood in the doorway of her room gazing at Rachel as she tossed in random objects from the brunette's dresser. "Are you going to just stand there, Alex?" Rachel asked.

"You just killed your brother, "Alex breathed.

"He wouldn't have stopped hunting you. What choice did I have?" A silence fell between them as Rachel continued to frantically pack the cardboard box at her feet.

"Rachel, I killed your father." Rachel froze for seconds.

"I know. I've known for more than a year." Alexandra's eyes widened.

"How?" Rachel looked down at her hands. "Amanda showed me your debrief. I know all about Operation Greenhouse. Now can we finish packing and get the hell out of here?" Alex moved behind her slowly. Her hands on Rachel's shoulders. They stared at each other through the mirror before Alex turned Rachel to face her. Alex ran her fingers up Rachel's neck and into her hair.

"You killed him for me." Rachel tried to turn, but Alex kept her grip tight.

"You don't belong to Kochenko." Rachel stared at her puzzled.

"You still belong to me." Alex kissed her roughly before Rachel pulled back.

"Alex-"

"When I found out who your father was...I had already fallen in love with you. I wanted to punish you for being his daughter...to kill you... then I thought... if I owned every fiber of your being that it would be so much better than a bullet to the back of the head. Anton Kochenko's daughter owned by a Udinov. Justice for my family...and now I look at you Rachel and I know that you're still mine. Tell me that I'm wrong."

"Now is not the time for this, Alex."

"Look at you... You're still wearing that necklace I gave you. Why? You know what it means. Just tell me the damn truth. You're still mine? You have always been mine." Alex's voice began to raise as the tears pooled in her eyes.

Rachel looked away. She dreaded the day this would come possibly more than Alex. She wanted to run before she made another mistake. Alex cupped her face with her hands forcing their eyes to meet. "You're with Sean." came the only answer Rachel felt she could give.

"And you're with Caitlin, Rachel. I don't care about that... just answer me." Rachel moved away crossing her arms across her chest. She stared at Alex before nodding.

Alexandra's eyes darkened. She moved into Rachel pulling her jacket from her shoulders. Her tongue running over her lips before entering her mouth. She ripped at her shirt, the buttons flying in every direction.

"We can't."

"Yes, we can."

"Tell me Rachel. I wanna hear you say it. Tell me that you rather belong to me than be his daughter."

"I think I proved that in the other room."

"Say it," Alex growled.

"I rather belong to you."

Alex smiled. "You do, Rachel. I don't have all the answers, but you are mine. I'm never letting you go again."


	81. Chapter 81

Sean smiled as he pulled the bag free of the phone kiosk. He pressed his transmitter. "Bag recovered. Headed back." He tucked the slim bag in his jacket and hopped an escalator down. He was proud of another successful solo mission for Division.

That was the last he knew til bright light knifed his skull. He peeled open his eyes and tried to rub his them but his hands jerked short. He rolled his head to look down at his hands bound with duct tape.

"I myself find that while duct tape is certainly useful, when we peel your body out of that chair, it will prove far more effort than it was worth." Sean's eyes shot up at the sound of Amanda's purring tones.

She tapped the camera beside her. She leaned down her face near Sean's as she waved at the lens. "Hello out there in TV Land." She chuckled and ran her fingers through his blood mattered hair before using her hold to jerk his head back.

"By now, Birkhoff will have traced back the little trail of electronic breadcrumbs to find my little ... studio." She smiled engagingly. "Hello Nikita and company. Welcome to the game."

She flipped out a thin blade and traced the edge of Sean's jaw. He hissed. "I have arranged six veerrry nasty deaths for our competitor and one quick one. Seven deaths to match the six ways into the little fortress we have here and one special death if you surprise me." She patted Sean's head. "Stay tuned." She shut off the camera. "Exciting."

Sean shook his head. "This is insane."

"This is live tv suitable for the spy version of youtube. This, this is the anthem of our age and darned suspenseful to boot." She stepped to the front to pick up a box with several triggers in rows of two. "Will it be electricity?" she flipped a top switch causing him to arch for a few moments before he relaxed. "Will it be acid?" She flipped another top switch causing his shoulder to jerk in pain. She chuckled. "I love that I thought to build in demos." She put down the box. "Now tell me, Sean. How does it feel knowing that the people who care about you are the ones that are going to kill you?"

A muffled thwoop sound came from above. "Right on time." She adjusted the camera. "Smile Sean. This will be the money shot."

A slow drip started from an IV bag behind the Navy Seal. He fought the tape as the cold filled his vein. The cold became a flame. He screamed out. It burned through his veins. His body arched as the fire filled all of him. He collapsed as Alex came through the door with a gun drawn.

"Six. An excellent choice. Must see tv," offered Amanda as she pointed her weapon back at the desperate looking woman. "Alexandra, I am pleased you could join us, but time has run out." She triggered the third button on the box. Sean's body began to convulse violently. Alex screamed, dropping her weapon. She took him in her arms, checking for a pulse. Her face grim. Alexandra fell to her knees as she found herself coated in his blood. She barely registered Amanda strolling out.

"Sean!"

"Was okay," he whispered.

"Don't try to talk, there's medical people coming."

He managed to half shake his head. "You loved us both. 'sok. She's good for you," he whispered. He coughed at the blood starting to fill his lungs. "Be happy. Let her..in. You don't always...have to be...the strong one." He closed his eyes and shuddered.

"Sean! Baby, no. Please." she screamed. "I love you. Don't go." She felt the last of the armor plating laid around her heart and soul in Ossetia shatter like glass, along with Amanda's programming, and felt her heart follow suit.

* * *

**Alex** barely noticed the umbrella over her at Sean's funeral. Michael stood beside her as her protector and strength through the graveside service. Her eyes only left the casket to watch the flag folded and passed to his family. She was a nonentity to them. Just as well. If she had been just a little faster, maybe he would be alive.

She watched his sisters mourn his death a second time. It almost seemed cruel, but she didn't regret begging Nikita and Ryan for this funeral. He deserved the best she could give him now.

Rachel stepped close at the end of the funeral and squeezed Alex's arm. She saw the Russian woman's face paler and stiller than she'd ever seen it before. "Alex," she whispered knowing that no words she said would ever be the right ones.

Alexandra blinked. "Go away," she enunciated very clearly.

"Alex?"

Alexandra's too still face twisted in anger. "Fuck off or I will shoot you myself."

Nikita, standing beside Michael, drew Rachel aside. "She's hurting, back off and give her some time."

Rachel nodded her heart breaking. She blinked back rain and the first tears. She wanted to leave a message for Alex, when she was ready again, but as earlier, no words would ever be right. She left knowing that that the future between them was uncertain. She felt guilt as if she had taken Sean's life herself. Maybe she deserved to be alone forever, she thought.

Nikita moved around to slide an arm around Alex's waist. She accepted it with a tired and absent nod. Michael's phone rang. Nikita looked sharply up as he answered and moved away. She nodded as he gave his excuses and left for Division. He knew that Nikita needed to be there for Alex right now. He wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

**Caitlin** watched as Rachel came back red eyed from the funeral. She took her hand. "I tried to switch duties to be there," she offered weakly again.

Rachel shook her head. "It's fine."

The blonde guided her to an over sized chair and sat on the arm. "Rachel, its time to leave."

"Leave?" she looked up confused.

"Leave Division. It's time to take our lives and run. Maybe we can open a book store or wine shop or work for someone else, doing something else."

"I can't leave."

"Can't leave Division or can't leave Alex?" Caitlin asked gently. She shook her head. "Don't answer that," she whispered.

Rachel looked at her sadly. She knew that the chances of ever being with Alexandra were slim to none, but she couldn't leave. No matter the outcome, Rachel would be a friend, a verbal punching bag to a grief stricken Alex, or just a co-worker that she glanced at now and again in the corridors of Division. "Where does this leave us?"

Caitlin took a shaky breath. "Leaves you here. Leaves me...elsewhere." She stroked Rachel's cheek before kissing her tenderly. "I thought this might happen. I've gotten a drop box so you can find me, if you change your mind, or if you just want a friend... I love you, Rachel. I could make you happy. More happy than she could ever... but right now you need to figure that out for yourself. Just know... that for as long as I can... I'll be waiting and hoping you change your mind." She looked down. As much as the blonde wanted to let the tears flow, she couldn't. "I'm leaving early in the morning...Can I hold you tonight?"

Rachel's tears flowed freely and she opened her arms. She held her tight as she slid into the other woman's lap.

* * *

**Nikita** shut off the engine as they arrived at Alex's place. She looked over at the younger woman and brushed her knuckles down Alex's cheek. Alexandra looked toward her and then leaned into her.

"Let's get you inside."

They curled up on one end of the couch. Alex's forehead rested in the curve of Nikita's neck as the older woman's fingers curled around hers.

"What am I supposed to do?" Alex asked quietly.

Nikita knew Alex and knew she needed a focus. She guided her chin up and kissed her gently. "I want you with me, Alex. Come help me clean up Division, really be a part of it. It will do you good to have something to think about. Besides, now that we have decided to keep it going we're going to need you to take a greater role."

Alex nodded against the fingers at her chin. "I can do that... I wasn't thinking for so long. You know what its like? What Amanda did?"

Nikita shook her head.

"You ever watch Television half asleep without the sound on? That's what it was like for me, Nikita. I could see it all...every damn bit of it... but couldn't do anything or care less about it...the rest... it seemed so real. Larissa...it was all just so real..it fueled a life time of rage...that still lives underneath the surface." She shook her head. "I hurt everyone and I couldn't... I hurt Sean and Rachel." She took a shaky breath.

Nikita kissed her gently. "It's over, the mind fuck is done Alex. I'm not sure how... but I think Sean's death broke most of Amanda's programming...It's over, baby girl."

Alex sobbed. "And so is Sean's life."

Nikita held her as she cried. Her fingers stroked through the younger woman's hair. She gently wiped away tears as the woman calmed. "Better for those tears?"

"'Cept now I am puffy and my head aches," muttered Alex.

Nikita smiled. "I'll run the bath. Lavender? Jasmine?"

Several minutes later Alexandra lay in Nikita's arms in a hot tub. The older woman's fingers moved in slow soothing circles on her skin. "What will you do about Rachel?" Nikita asked quietly.

Alex shifted uncomfortably. "What about her?"

Nikita looked away. "I was wrong about Rachel... I was wrong about your relationship. She is good for you Alex. You need to let her in..completely... I don't want you alone. Besides, anyone that can deal with that Russian temper of yours deserves my support." She chuckled lightly.

"She can't forgive me. I have been so.." Alex shook her head sadly.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Alex?" Nikita asked softly. "You never give up. Not when something is this important."

Alex chuckled. "Yes my Nikita, I hear and obey. I will talk to her tomorrow."

"Tonight," Nikita hugged her tight. "Tonight I will hold you while you sleep... and tomorrow we will start to repair the damage between you and Rachel."

"Nikita... I can't let go of Sean until that bitch is dead."

"I promise you Alex... I won't rest until Amanda is dead." Nikita gripped her tighter.

* * *

**Two months later...**

* * *

Alex stepped onto the back deck of the boat. "Hello Amanda." She tossed a small box onto the table in front of the woman. "I am really tired of the games and seeing people hurt for no other reason than you are a sadistic bitch." She considered a moment. "I suppose there are times that I can claim that title, but you really are in a class of your own."

Amanda looked amused as she looked at the box and opened it. "Lovely." She drew out a bullet. "And this is?"

"The companion piece to the one in my gun. I thought you would enjoy the opportunity to tell me that I made a bad choice for cancelling a vampire uber-bitch such as yourself before I kill you." Alex pulled out her weapon and let it hang by her side. She liked the brief thrill of power she felt.

Amanda examined the bullet. "Oh no. Federal Hydro shocks are quite effective even for vampiric uber-bitches." She looked up at Alex. "The issue is with the murdering quasi bitch. You just don't have it in you to kill a mentor even if you find her evil. You do find me evil, don't you?"

Alexandra's lips tightened as she raised her weapon and stepped forward. Amanda kicked a chair knocking the gun out of Alex's hand. The bullet splintered a rail as it struck the deck. Alex threw herself into Amanda. They fell into the table throwing the weapon Amanda hoped to reach spinning off and into the water. Alex's elbow connected firmly with Amanda's face. The brunette took the loose bullet and put it in her weapon. "Guess I get to use both." Alexandra was raising the gun as the older woman slammed into her again. They both fell against a door into the interior of the yacht. Alex pushed her back. Amanda kicked at Alex, connecting firmly. As Alex slammed back again, Amanda tried to reach yet another weapon.

The sound of the sudden shot was resounding. Blood blossomed across the back of the delicately shaded dress. Amanda fell forward slumping against and then sliding over the rail. Alexandra hobbled over at the sound of the splash. She watched as the dark waters swallowed the older woman.

"That was for Sean." she frowned.


	82. Chapter 82

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and PMs. This is the final chapter. Thank you for reading.**

**Keep an eye out for my new Nalex fic this weekend. ;) **

* * *

**Weeks later...**

* * *

Rachel sat back on the couch and drew her fingers slowly over the curve of her water glass. Alex looked distracted through their dinner together. She often had looked that way in the months since Sean's funeral. Rachel hoped that with Alexandra killing Amanda, and the last of her programming shattered, maybe there could be more. She had thought that Alexandra was doing better, having asked her to dinner, but maybe not. Maybe this was Alex's way of telling her goodbye again. Rachel sighed quietly and placed her water glass on the end table.

Alexandra sat beside Rachel and turned a small silk bag over in her fingers. The black haired woman watched the motion of the shiny white silk.

"What's that?"

Alex licked her lips before hesitantly explaining. "I bought this ring for you when we were together in Russia. It's an engagement ring."

Rachel nodded and smiled as she continued to look down. Her eyes flicked up to Alex. "And now?"

Alex sat up straighter and looked at Rachel with a brow raised. "Its...still an engagement ring."

"I see."

Alex chuckled. "You're going to make me get on one knee to do this aren't you?"

Rachel laughed. "How often do I get to see you kneel for my pleasure?"

Alex stood up and moved in front of Rachel. She had never felt more anxious in her life.

The black haired woman leaned forward. She looked up. "This was not what I expected when you asked me to dinner." Rachel fought back the tears that pooled.

Alex kneeled. "Would you do me the honor of marrying me Rachel?"

Rachel smiled happily. "I will honor you." She squealed as Alex landed on her.

Alex slid the band on Rachel's finger. "Bout time. Now let's get naked to celebrate."

"Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

**A** sweet soft breeze lightly lifted and played with Alexandra's hair as she stood beside the wedding officiator. She smiled at Michael who bounced lightly in the sand. The sound of the waves was the only music needed as Rachel and Nikita joined them under the flower decked arch in front of their friends and colleagues from Division.

Alex lost herself in Rachel's pale blue eyes as the older man before them spoke of what marriage meant. She knew what it meant. It meant forever with a woman who made her truly happy and fulfilled. Her fingers tightened on the other woman's. In that moment, she felt certain that Sean was there beside her. Just like the night she proposed to Rachel. She could almost feel his smile and the warmth of his hand on hers. He was her hidden strength.

Michael smiled as he slid a ring on the finger of the woman he had loved for so long. It had been a terrible struggle, but worth every damned thing. He grinned as the white haired man urged the two couples to kiss. Michael leaned in toward Nikita. She pressed into him, her fingertips on his chest as her lips brushed his.

Alex and Rachel smiled at the picture and kissed. The setting sun, the sand between their toes, flowers arranged here and there. It was a perfect wedding. Alex pulled back to brush her knuckles along Rachel's cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Rachel whispered as she leaned in for another kiss.

Birkhoff gazed at Sonia. He wondered if they would be next. He smiled at her before he stood and whistled. His clapping was soon joined by others. Division's finest dashed away happy tears as congratulations and hugs flew. The band began to play and soon the reception was in full swing, dancing and eating and laughing and loving began as the sun slowly set over the Fiji beach.

The woman on the deck of the boat off the coast put down her pair of binoculars. "I do love a wedding," she noted as she stabbed a piece of fruit out of her glass and delicately nibbled it.

An older gentleman with thinning hair and a tight smile slid another fruit laden glass beside her as he lounged nearby. "I didn't know that about you."

She looked over and smiled. "If its a miserable marriage, you can use the guilt each partner feels at their share of the misery and if its happy... well that is a whole other sort of misery."

He nodded. "Wedded bliss as a gateway to mind control and destruction. Makes sense." He raised his glass. "To the happy couples and every minute of entertainment they will provide."

Amanda raised her glass. "And to us Percy. Never let it be said that we don't bring a little something all our own to any great occasion."

He smiled and gestured to a man on the upper deck. "Sail out Raoul."


End file.
